Rendering Flames

"Tell me I'm wrong," I repeated to Orson after we had gotten back from town, who was pensively looking out the window as it rained.

"You're not, I know you aren't." He released a heavy sigh before giving me a clear answer, "we'll go the day after tomorrow, okay?"

I nodded, feeling less anxious. "Don't get me wrong, it is nice here. But Millie and Beth, I feel like we've deserted them."

"Beth is use to me being gone for a few months but I understand Millie, you two are all you have." I looked down at my hands, thinking of what I was going to do is Jaden didn't come with us.

"Yeah, she's probably worried sick." I rose up from the couch we were sitting on, stretching my limbs out before me.

"So is Beth," Orson responded quietly, picking at the fabric at the couch.

I was going to sit around and talk to him some more but he seemed to be lost in thought. I made my way back to my room, pulling my pack from the closet and slowly started to sort out the few articles of clothing I had with me. I folded what was in front of me, stuffing in into the bag before I remembered the clothes I had drying on the clothes line out under the deck. Hopefully they didn't get soaked from the rain or muddied somehow.

I went out the back door and weaved through the tarps and sheets that were hung up. Drops of rain leaked through the wood boards above my head as I pulled my clothes from a line. I was feeling excited at the idea of returning and finally seeing Millie and Beth again but nervous about the long trip ahead of us, although it wouldn't take nearly as long as it did the first time around.

"Doing laundry?" My heart skip a beat, startled by Jaden and Luke's sudden presence behind me.

I turned to both of them, "it isn't going to do it itself, right?"

"Surprised they're dry. It's been going all day." He told me as he snatched a towel rubbed it over his face and hair to dry himself off, then handing it to Jaden.

"It's relaxing though." I moved on to the next line.

"Not when you're trying to do land work." Jaden grumbled as he repeated Luke's actions.

"Hmm." I hummed a response, leading them back inside the house.

I tossed the clothes on my bed to fold, thinking Jaden and Luke had went their own way, I was wrong though when Jaden came and took a seat on the edge of my bed. He eyed my bag and I prayed he didn't ask any questions about it. I didn't want to tell him just yet.

I knew he would though, Jaden is nosy. "What's with the bag? You going somewhere?"

"You could say that," I coyly answered, avoiding anything definitive.

"So, yes?" Jaden's forehead scrunched up, "where you going then?"

"Not until the day after tomorrow." I cleared my throat tensely.

"Why are you avoiding my question?" He asked, getting up from my bed.

"It's not a big deal, I'm just packing. It's good." I lied, smiling tightly.

"Does this have to do with what you saw in the town?" He started to pace around me, as if knowing that would make me even more bothered and nervous.

"I apologized. I didn't think it affected you that much, we're not in any danger here."

"It's not that," I stopped folding, giving him a passive look.

"Then?" He waited, his arms folded.

I took a seat on my bed, twiddling my thumbs as I tried to step around the conversation more. "I'm just gathering my things together. I heard something about camping."

"Camping?" Jaden questioned, unconvinced by my answer.

"Is that so surprising?" I looked up at him, my face set confidently.

"I guess not. You're just being weird about it." He accused, letting his arms drop to his side.

"You're the one grilling me about it, made me nervous." I shrugged, leaning over to zip up the bag.

"If you say so," he said pointedly, leaving me on my own.

I couldn't help but feel in my gut that he wouldn't come with Orson and I. It was like he was avoiding seeing Millie again and I didn't have the slightest clue why still. I had guilty dreams last night, something always lurking in the back of them, reminding how I left and haven't returned. In the dream I abandoned them and when I did come back, I wasn't recognized. I was like a ghost to them and it only took me a good look to realize that I had been treating Millie and Beth like that, like this was my new home. That Orson's cabin was just an entity.

I shook the dream from my head and set my bag by the door. I looked outside and saw it had stopped raining. It was quickly becoming a favorite thing to go outside after a rain, the smell and the sounds made me feel at peace. So I grabbed a jacket and exchanged my shoes for boots to avoid getting stuck in the mud somewhere.

Orson was no longer on the couch when I passed through but I found him on the porch talking with Peter. My presence didn't go unnoticed as the door shut behind me. "Come back and visit, yeah?"

I swallowed harshly, hoping that Orson wasn't going around and blabbing to everyone about our departure. "Of course, Peter."

I gave a bright smile as I breezed down the steps. The smile fell from my face as I now made it a point to try and hide from Jaden, I didn't want to be around him if and when he found out. It was wrong to think that but he would also realized that I had lied to him, which would make him just more angry with me. In a perfect world, Jaden would realize that Orson and I would be leaving eventually and that coming with us would be the best for him. I know he won’t though.

I came upon the stream, seeing it had rising slightly over its bank from all the rainfall. The lift around me was waking up as I took a seat on top of a large rock, taking in my surroundings. My thoughts quickly turned back to the repercussions of Jaden finding out that Orson and I were leaving. Would I be mad if he said to hell with me and stayed around here? No, but I would be upset. Scarely as I have ever admitted aloud or even to myself, Jaden could be a hard person to love but it seemed like I only loved him more for it. It was a reminder of the capacity of how I could love him instead of all the reasons how I couldn’t. I was stuck visioning the Jaden that came back for me at the hanger, not the one in front of me that seemed more shut off than ever before. But I wouldn’t tell him my feelings, no matter what he decided. There was a time for all things but I couldn’t really find the right kind for this.

“Lying, really?” My tilted down towards the ground, being found easily by him just as I was thinking of him.

“I didn’t have to if you weren’t interrogating me like you had been. But I already told you this.” I told him smartly.

“That’s a little dramatic,” he shot. “You weren’t giving me any clear answers.”

“Only because I knew you wouldn’t take the news well, Jaden.” I retorted agitatedly.

“What news then?” Jaden cornered and my face paled in slow realization. “I asked Deven about the camping because he loves that shit and he had no idea what I was talking about. So then I asked Luke and Alex, then Peter-nobody knew anything about camping.”

“Must’ve been a misunderstanding then,” I tensely brought my knees up to my chest.

“What aren’t you telling me, Dahlia.” He wasn’t going to peter out about this.

So I took a small breath, “Orson and I are leaving.”

“Leaving.” He said flatly. “Leaving here?”

“Well, yeah.” I shifted uncomfortably, squeezing myself on top of the rock.

“Why?” He asked dumbly.

“Because Beth and Millie are still back at Orson’s cabin. Who know’s what they’ve been doing or how they’ve been doing. We’ve been gone for months now, we have to go back.”

“Bring them here. This is a permanent place. Peter has been here practically all his life,” he stopped, a pinch of desperation on his face. “Don’t go, Dahlia.”

My face warmed up as I looked down to my feet, not knowing what to say. How would that even happen, bringing them here? It would take a few weeks to go straight to the cabin and then days, if everything would go right, get Beth and Millie packed. And then dragging all their stuff back here and only if Peter would permit it. Does he even have room for four new people?

“Jaden, that’s more of a complicated request than a simple one.” I stood up, feeling to fidgety to be sitting.

“Complicated as in you don’t want to change what you’ve had going on for the past two years? Or that you don’t want to stay because that isn’t that complicated.” I stopped pacing, looking down at his waiting expression of stubbornness and seriousness.

“Well...yeah.” I raked my hands over my face in frustration “Or no? I don’t know, Jaden! I mean you realize that it’s not just my life but Orson’s too. I mean even if I did have Millie come here somehow, whisking her away from the same life we build together would be unfair. It would be so simple if I could just stay but I just don’t know if it’s feasible. And you realize you’re all talk about me changing things around for you but there’s nothing about you changing for me. Just come with us, Jaden.”

“I can’t leave, Dahlia. It would be the same situation with Alex as it would be with you and Millie.” His knee bounced and his hands were clasped tightly. His hopped to his feet, pacing around me and sighing several times. My eyes followed his path circling me and then I looked when he shook his hands out. They were shaking and I felt horrible for stressing him out.

“Jaden,” I grabbed his hands to stop him from pacing, “what do you want from me?”

He looked at me like the answer had to be simple. “What am I suppose to do without you? I just got you back and now I have to just let you go again?”

My face fell and I squeezed his hands and I answered him, “maybe you do. Maybe things have just changed to much? I don’t know what to say, Jaden.”

He pulled his hands from my grip and I coiled together like an animal who was about to be put down. “Well I’m glad you have things so figured out, Dahlia.”

“Don’t make me the bad guy, Jaden,” I groaned, chewing on my cheek.

“Well you are!” He lashed out. “You’re just leaving like that! No warning or anything, just the day after tomorrow and then what? We never see each other again?”

The thought brought a sharp sting of tears to my eyes. I didn’t want to leave him again but he wasn’t giving me much of a choice. “Jaden, I have a family and so do you. I’m sure if you just talked to Alex-,”

“Just forget it,” he scoffed, backing a little ways away from me. “Forget everything.”

“Jaden!” He walked from me, ignoring my calls for him to come back, leaving me with a sickening knot in my stomach.