Rendering Flames

January 31st

I had woken up in a sheet of cold sweat and nicked fingernail markings on my arms. The headache from the vanishing nightmare kept me up and the wondering of the similar markings that I had engraved in my paling, sweating skin meant that it was back. The memories, the hallucinations, the self-deception. It had been months, months.

It was a blink after the sun had hit the horizon, the air was frozen a more appropriate for the time of the year it was. I currently sat on the front porch, a cup of coffee in my hands as I let the clean air recharge my mind from the self-possession. The headache was persistent though, it was similar to the one that I had after I had passed out under the lake. Without air, the water threatening to drown the cells of my lungs. I had been left breathless and was still resurfacing.

I was broken out of my trance when I heard approaching footsteps. I slowly set my mug down, thinking that I should grab the rifle right inside the door but that was before the stranger presented themselves.

“You,” I grimaced, “what the hell are you doing here?”

“Me?” His crooked smile made a frown lay deep into the lines of my face, “surprised you remembered me, sweetheart.”

“Can’t forget death when you look it in the face, what was it, Richie?” I came and stood on the top step.

“As much as I would love to see how life with this asshole has been treating you, I need to see Orson. It’s urgent.” Richie’s demeanor of nonchalantness boiled out and he turned more into the person that I remembered.

“I’m sure he’ll love to wake up to see you.” I smirked tightly, “wait here.”

I took my time as I walked to Orson’s closed door, knocking on it lightly. I heard him grunt, the bed squeaking under his weight as then I hear his large frame. The door rattled slightly as it flung open, his eyes half closed as I came face to face with his bare chest. Orson was tall and he was naturally built. Beth was naturally strong, their genes were the kind that would skate around natural selection any day.

“What it is?” His voice was hoarse, his hands rubbing around his face to wake himself up.

“You have a visitor,” I brushed past him, going for his dresser to dig out a shirt for him.

“Great, because I have so many friends to choose from.” He plopped down on the edge of his bed.

I tossed a sweater at him, “its Richie, he’s in our front yard. Says it’s urgent, whatever that means.”

He sprung up, hastily putting the sweater on as he search for his boots. “Did you try something on you?”

“No, it’s pretty clear my distaste for him. Still loves the pet names though.” I stepped out of his way as he searched around.

“That’s because he’s a pervert of sorts, doesn’t like to think women as people really. Just a cluster of sweetheart’s and babes.” Orson scoffed, “just stay inside.”

“No problem with that.” I responded under my breath as he hustled outside, the door slamming behind him in his hurry.

I went and sat on the couch, my head falling against the back of it. I could easily doze off now, I have had enough of an event for this hour of the morning. Whatever it was that Richie was here about, it definitely didn’t concern me. So with that final thought, my feet picked me up and carried me back to my bed.

I kicked my shoes off, tossing my heavy sweater off to the side as I watched Millie’s sleeping form go undisturbed on the other side of the room. I curled in under my covers, breathing deeply as I stared ahead at the night stand in front of me. I saw the hidden black fabric poking out from under it. I absentmindedly reach for it, pulling out the bandana I had found and for some reason still felt the need to have it hidden from Millie.

I had examined it dozens of times. And with each time I saw nothing different from the time before but I still couldn’t explain why it had this small hold over me. There was nothing special about it besides of the mystery of where it came from and who it belonged too. I brought it up folded to my face, seeing that it was a little big but its purpose was clearly for obscuring the features of anyone’s face. I breathed in deeply again as I pulled it away but the smell of it joggled my head a bit. It was like inhaling the scent of a memory, something buried deep in the back of your head. Something about the musky scent it had, it was just barely familiar. It only furthered what I couldn’t put my finger on.

I put it away for now, I didn’t want to start obsessing over it. But as I closed my eyes to go back to sleep, my head took me to a place I hadn’t been for now a handful a years. The cave, where my memories seemingly had begun.

I awoke hours later, the sun was much higher and Millie was missing from her bed. I could hear loud chattering from beyond the shut door, surely it had woken me up. I flung the covers off of me, grabbing the sweater I had been wearing early and shrugging it back on. I dragged myself out the door and down the hall to see Orson, Beth, Millie, and very strangely, Richie standing around in front of the fireplace. The talking seized, all eyes on me. I looked down at myself, nothing was wrong with me that I saw but they very quickly resumed their conversation.

“I will not allow it.” Beth’s voice was quiet but it sounded loud in its tones.

I decided then I shouldn’t talk. Beth rarely say’s anything because she doesn’t like not knowing what she sounds like but with enough urgency or incentive, she’s not afraid to put her words out there. And probably for the fact that Richie would have no idea what she would be saying without not knowing sign language.

“I hate to say again that it’s not your decision, Beth.” Orson told her, also signing in case she couldn’t pick up on reading his words.

“There really shouldn’t be any decision to make, Orson. I need you with me for this. They way out in left field with their actions and what they do. Some guy’s a few towns over made sure to relay that.” Richie paced from one end of the room to the other.

I went and took a seat next to Millie, who was oddly quiet. “What’s going on?”

“Richie is trying to have Orson leave with him. He rounding up some people to span out because he’s feeling threatened by some other radical group that is causing problems all over the place. Apparently this isn’t the first time some radical group has come through but these people are more violent than other’s. He won’t say it but I think he’s scared.”

I looked over again to Richie, who know was showing the fear in his eyes. I wouldn’t have thought I’d ever see him afraid of something but then again I don’t really know him.

“If this was a few years ago, you know you wouldn’t have to ask, Rich. Now though? I don’t do bounties anymore, I don’t do any freelance work for any underground groups anymore. I’ve settled into a lifestyle now, I can’t disrupt that because your ego’s threatened.”

“It’s not my ego, Orson,” Richie’s voice rose an octave, “it’s my livelihood. It’s my safety, it’s your friend’s safety. It’s the pyramid of status quo, it’s shifting. I can feel it through my work. My guys won’t go near where they hear that group has been. They tear through towns to resolve whatever vendetta they’re about. I’m losing money and I’m working blind here. I have no idea what is going on out there anymore.”

“None of this is threatening me though. This isn’t some small favor you’re asking of me, you know? You’re asking me to leave my family so you can sleep better at night. I’m not doing it.” Orson leaned against the mantel, looking as exhausted as I saw him when I woke him.

“Oh, but it is threatening to you, my friend. Those market trades you go to in town for? Everyone has their opinions and their beliefs, they won’t come near here when things aren’t neutral anymore. Those radicals don’t aim for bounty people like us, they aim for any injustices they see. They feed off it. In some little town that we worked through some year’s back they burned down their city hall because their city hall was basically a safe house for Kruger’s watchful men. Lewiston, a much bigger town even further away. I caught wind that they kidnapped and tortured town executives for information regarding the state of loyalty to again, Kruger. They killed two guys because they broke and said that they support Kruger and his views. What happens when they hit here? They’re like ants, Orson. There is never just one of them, there are dozens and dozens of them.”

“So what are you asking me to do, yeah? Investigate? Ruffle some feathers before they do? There’s no guarantee that they’ll actual run through here and do something.”

“They’ve been here for a while. I’ve been seeing guys I’ve never seen before around, hearing things that aren’t normal for these parts. I’m not the only one noticing because now there is a big sum of money for anyone who puts a stop to them, anyone who makes them stumble enough to dismantle them, even just for a little bit.”

Orson looked over to Beth and turned his back, “I’m not killing anybody, Rich. Is that what the bounty is?”

“No, just to get some of them. Preferably the guys who run this thing. All we have to do is bring some of them into town, hand them over to the police or whomever is the law enforcements these days and go. Our hands are clean on this, I swear.”

Richie looked pleadingly to Orson, who looked closer to caving in than he did when I first walked into this. “I don’t know. I can’t go in alone on this and I don’t trust the guys that you’re working with today either.”

“I get that,” Richie assured, “you’re old news now. You don’t know anybody much anymore. What if one of the girls go with you?”

Before Millie or I could respond Orson did for us. “Out of the question, no.”

“Come on, they look capable. They can be deceptive I bet, all women are.” Richie’s comment made me roll my eyes when Orson’s comment about him early flashed in my head.

“I know you don’t know about what Dahlia and I were about before you knew us, Orson. But we could handle it. It wouldn’t be hard for us to catch on to how this all works, we—,” she looked to me for permission.

I knew she wanted to say we were part of a big group, to just let a little something out. Although I felt as if it wouldn’t come as a surprise to Orson. But I shrugged, letting her take the reins on it.

“We were in a big group. We weren’t radical by any definition but we know how loyalty and secrecy is with groups like the ones we were in, or at least we could guess. Either one of us would be fine with you, Orson. Don’t worry about our safety, we’ve been through worse before most likely.”

Orson looked between us. His face was stern and hard looking as he thought. “I’m not deciding which one of you comes with me. I don’t want responsibility for the blame of the possibility that one of you might not make it back in one piece.”

Millie and I looked at each other. We didn’t really have to say anything, we knew what we were thinking. “You’re better at this stuff than I am,” Millie threw out.

“Yeah, but you’re a better shot when it comes down to having to actually do some form a shooting. I’m terrible at combative stuff.”

“You’re braver though. I’m not a survivor like you are. Besides, if anything you’re way worse at sign language. Beth needs someone she can rely on and probably talk too.”

“I could learn more though if you went?” I questioned but I could see Millie had already made her decision, if either of us were to go, it was going to be me.

I leaned back into the couch, would I really want to get myself into this? It’d be easier if someone had my knack for surviving things and Millie’s knack for fighting things. I knew that she’d be more out of here element than I would.

“I’ll go with you, Orson.” He didn’t look happy so I turned my eyes on Richie. “How long will we be gone?”

“No telling. Whenever it is all over. Could be a few weeks, months?” Richie sighed heavily though, running a hand through his hair. “I can guarantee that this will be no vacation, people are going to be depending on you, sweetheart.”

“I’m aware of that so before any of this begins let’s get one thing straight. You’re asking me to come along so I’m part of this now, so unless you’re going to be calling any of your other guy’s sweetheart, you call me by name or you’ll have to be depending on other people. Got it?”

He nodded slowly, eyeing me up and down. “Sure thing.”

“Good, when do we leave?”

“First thing tomorrow. Pack light.” Richie patted Orson’s shoulder, “I’ll be here tomorrow early. Keep an eye out and we’ll keep our heads down.”