I'm Begging you To stay
Fate has chosen the past.
"Ry-you're-I really." I couldn't form sentences. I knew if I did, I'd just hurt him.
"I get it." He said disappointed. He began to walk past me, "Just tell me, was it Brendon's sex or charm that made you fall in love with him?"
I was taken back, my best friend had really just called me shallow in the fanciest way possible, "Neither." I said timidly.
"When I said you were his flavor of the week. I take it back," he lifted his head as did I, "If you're lucky he'll keep you around for longer." With that he began to march out of the brush and leave me insulted and hurt.
I waited a while before I left the wood like surroundings. I didn't want to bump into Ryan anytime soon. I knew I'd really fall apart if I did.
I found my way into the hotel and into the elevator. My footsteps felt as if they left a big gapping hole in the ground. I was sinking.
I reached my room and heard voices on the inside.
Note to self: Never stay to listen.
"Ryan, look I'm sorry. I didn't know." Brendon's voice was muffled by the door and I strained to hear him.
"Are you seriously that stupid Brendon? You knew I liked her you just didn't want to accept it. Afraid of competition like always. Even so you don't deserve her!"
"Bullshit! She's not a prize Ryan!"
"Come on dude, you'll treat her like the rest of them. Date her, charm her then fuck her and once you've got your fill it's over."
"She's different man."
That sent butterflies in my stomach to flutter faster then imaginable.
"I can't be here to watch history repeat itself." I had to push my ear against the door as much as possible to hear Ryan's hushed voice.
"What are you saying?"
"I'm-I'm saying, find yourself a new guitarist."
I stepped back as I heard Ryan coming towards the door, "Wait!" Brendon called after, "I'll send her home, just don't do this. Think about the band, think about Jon and Spencer....think about me."
"You just don't get it." I could imagine Ryan's face full of hatred.
I ran behind the wall at the end of the corridor and waited for Ryan to disappear into the elevator. My body all of a sudden ached as did my heart.
I began to make my way over to the room, trying to hide the hurt on my face and the glare of tears in my eyes.
I saw Brendon sitting on the bed, his hand under his chin gazing out into space. I knew what was coming next. "Callie could you sit with me."
I didn't know what came over me but I couldn't stop the words exploding from my mouth. Word Vomit. "Let me guess you're gonna send me home? Even if I meant anything to you, you'd still just ship me back. Tell me when I turned into a fucking UPS box to you Brendon? When?"
"It's not that," he tried to say timidly.
"Bullshit! Come on Brendon. Was Ryan right? Did you enjoy the sex and now you're done with me?"
"It' either you or the band Callie? What do you want from me?"
"I'm sorry that this so tough on you Brendon I really fucking am." I spat at him.
I grabbed my bag that was hardly opened seeing as I got here today, "Wait!" Brendon grabbed my wrist as I tried to storm out.
"I'm-I'm sorry."
"Write a fucking song about it." I spat back.
I stormed out of the room and into the elevator. The walls slowly closing in. I was going to leave. Go back home. How I wished I didn't have to. I could barely call living with my mom home. But I had no other choice. I confided in Ryan about everything. I gave myself to Brendon. And to the whole rest of the band I let my guard down and found myself, I found my place. It wasn't fair how I was getting forced out of my euphoria.
I trudged my suitcase out of the elevator and stared down at my feet, hoping no one would ask me about my tear stained face.
"OUCH!"
Of course, I bumped into someone because of my clumsiness and eyesight or lack there of. I was on my back with my suitcase by my side. "I'm really sorry." I apologized as I stood my self back up.
I brushed myself off and listen to the sweet England accent that use to send me wild, "It's alright." He handed me my suit case, "Callie? What are you doing here? Have-have you been crying?"
I whipped my face, "No, no. I'm fine, really." I said. "What are you doing here?"
"Indiana was suffocating me...everything...reminded me of you."
"Do you think people deserve more then a second chance, Caleb?"
"Some people do."
My eyes searched the floor again, "How about a girl who let go a really good guy that deserved a second chance but didn't give him one?"
"I'd say she deserves another chance." He flashed his crooked smile at me and left me in a daze. He embraced me closely and nuzzled into my neck, "I'm sorry Callie for anything and everything I've said. I'm sorry for leaving but I came back. For you."
He was genuine, well mannered, attractive, charming, I didn't understand how I could compare Brendon to Caleb and actually think Brendon was victorious. Brendon held me beautifully but not better, just different.
I didn't want different. I didn't want better. I wanted...Caleb.
"I get it." He said disappointed. He began to walk past me, "Just tell me, was it Brendon's sex or charm that made you fall in love with him?"
I was taken back, my best friend had really just called me shallow in the fanciest way possible, "Neither." I said timidly.
"When I said you were his flavor of the week. I take it back," he lifted his head as did I, "If you're lucky he'll keep you around for longer." With that he began to march out of the brush and leave me insulted and hurt.
I waited a while before I left the wood like surroundings. I didn't want to bump into Ryan anytime soon. I knew I'd really fall apart if I did.
I found my way into the hotel and into the elevator. My footsteps felt as if they left a big gapping hole in the ground. I was sinking.
I reached my room and heard voices on the inside.
Note to self: Never stay to listen.
"Ryan, look I'm sorry. I didn't know." Brendon's voice was muffled by the door and I strained to hear him.
"Are you seriously that stupid Brendon? You knew I liked her you just didn't want to accept it. Afraid of competition like always. Even so you don't deserve her!"
"Bullshit! She's not a prize Ryan!"
"Come on dude, you'll treat her like the rest of them. Date her, charm her then fuck her and once you've got your fill it's over."
"She's different man."
That sent butterflies in my stomach to flutter faster then imaginable.
"I can't be here to watch history repeat itself." I had to push my ear against the door as much as possible to hear Ryan's hushed voice.
"What are you saying?"
"I'm-I'm saying, find yourself a new guitarist."
I stepped back as I heard Ryan coming towards the door, "Wait!" Brendon called after, "I'll send her home, just don't do this. Think about the band, think about Jon and Spencer....think about me."
"You just don't get it." I could imagine Ryan's face full of hatred.
I ran behind the wall at the end of the corridor and waited for Ryan to disappear into the elevator. My body all of a sudden ached as did my heart.
I began to make my way over to the room, trying to hide the hurt on my face and the glare of tears in my eyes.
I saw Brendon sitting on the bed, his hand under his chin gazing out into space. I knew what was coming next. "Callie could you sit with me."
I didn't know what came over me but I couldn't stop the words exploding from my mouth. Word Vomit. "Let me guess you're gonna send me home? Even if I meant anything to you, you'd still just ship me back. Tell me when I turned into a fucking UPS box to you Brendon? When?"
"It's not that," he tried to say timidly.
"Bullshit! Come on Brendon. Was Ryan right? Did you enjoy the sex and now you're done with me?"
"It' either you or the band Callie? What do you want from me?"
"I'm sorry that this so tough on you Brendon I really fucking am." I spat at him.
I grabbed my bag that was hardly opened seeing as I got here today, "Wait!" Brendon grabbed my wrist as I tried to storm out.
"I'm-I'm sorry."
"Write a fucking song about it." I spat back.
I stormed out of the room and into the elevator. The walls slowly closing in. I was going to leave. Go back home. How I wished I didn't have to. I could barely call living with my mom home. But I had no other choice. I confided in Ryan about everything. I gave myself to Brendon. And to the whole rest of the band I let my guard down and found myself, I found my place. It wasn't fair how I was getting forced out of my euphoria.
I trudged my suitcase out of the elevator and stared down at my feet, hoping no one would ask me about my tear stained face.
"OUCH!"
Of course, I bumped into someone because of my clumsiness and eyesight or lack there of. I was on my back with my suitcase by my side. "I'm really sorry." I apologized as I stood my self back up.
I brushed myself off and listen to the sweet England accent that use to send me wild, "It's alright." He handed me my suit case, "Callie? What are you doing here? Have-have you been crying?"
I whipped my face, "No, no. I'm fine, really." I said. "What are you doing here?"
"Indiana was suffocating me...everything...reminded me of you."
"Do you think people deserve more then a second chance, Caleb?"
"Some people do."
My eyes searched the floor again, "How about a girl who let go a really good guy that deserved a second chance but didn't give him one?"
"I'd say she deserves another chance." He flashed his crooked smile at me and left me in a daze. He embraced me closely and nuzzled into my neck, "I'm sorry Callie for anything and everything I've said. I'm sorry for leaving but I came back. For you."
He was genuine, well mannered, attractive, charming, I didn't understand how I could compare Brendon to Caleb and actually think Brendon was victorious. Brendon held me beautifully but not better, just different.
I didn't want different. I didn't want better. I wanted...Caleb.
♠ ♠ ♠
Epilogue:"Dawling you're really going to have to stay still love."
"Caleb it's raining!"
"It's England what'd you expect?" I stuck my tongue out at him and waited for the flash. "See how beautiful you are...When you stay still!"
"I guess so." I said. "Caleb look!" I pointed to the clouds. "Sun for like the first time ever!"
"Then let's capture it." I grabbed his hand and he grabbed mine and smiled. He set up the tripod to shoot the camera in 10 seconds.
"Say cheese babeh" I joked that sent Caleb into a fit of laughter.
"I love you like an American loves Mcdonalds."
"Caleb I'm American and you know I hate Mcdonalds."
We started to walk back to the car. I was in England with Caleb studying graphic design. I realized that spending time with Caleb didn't help me find myself like the boys on the bus did but remind me of what I could be. So naturally I finally picked a collage and a career. It just so happened it was in England. :]
"Could you turn the radio on love?" I asked in a British accent.
"It's funny how you can turn off the accent where I have to live with it." He said as he turned on the radio.
Let's get these teen hearts beating faster faster so testosterone boys and harlequin girls...
I twisted the volume down as much as I could, "Callie when are you going to get over it?"
"Never." I mumbled.
That was Panic at the disco's lying is the most fun, you can call in and tell me if you liked it if you like. Here's their new single, a bit of a long title like usual, Sorry wasn't enough so I wrote a fucking song.
The song began and I listened to Brendon's voice circulate the car.
They'd wrote a song. A song about...me.
Note to self: Find your past. The end.