Spare Me the Details

Michael curled up in his bunk with a soft sigh. He couldn't believe what he had just been told by his best friend back in Australia. His boyfriend of four years had been caught kissing a girl; had been found out that he was screwing her too. He had been at a party and had been taking shots. It hadn't taken long for the woman to seduce the (supposedly) gay man into her bed. It had taken a half hour for Michael's heart to be broken. Half an hour for every single bit of trust he had in the world to be broken.

Michael screamed into his pillow, his breathing harsh and ragged as he kicked the wall. How could Alan do this to him? How could Alan just throw him to the side like he was nothing. He knew he hadn't been here for a while but he had promised not to do anything to hurt Alan and Alan had sworn to him; but then Eric had called and had told him everything. Every little detail. About how her screams could be heard down the street. Why had Eric told him that? He hadn't wanted to know that part.

Michael curled up with a groan, his face still buried in between his pillows. He could hear Cal and Ash talking but he ignored it. He ignored Luke's worried call of his name. Why would they care about his issues? It would be better for them all if they left Michael alone to sulk. Sulk and loathe. Loathe and stop thinking like that Michael. His own strict voice cut into his mind, telling him not to go back down to that route. So he did. He got up out of bed and wandered down into the living room of the bunk.

The guys were all sitting there, having a Marvel marathon in preparation for the release of Guardians of the Galaxy the next day. They were currently on Thor: The Dark World. It didn't seem right to sit here and pretend nothing was wrong but it was the only thing he could do. It was this or do something he would come to regret. God, how could he have trusted Alan not to hurt him like this? How could he believe all of Alan's lies? Even after everyone had warned him? God, he felt like an idiot.

The movie had ended but Michael was still staring at the screen. The guys were walking around the kitchen, working on getting more food. He wasn't even hungry. He hadn't touched the crisps, the popcorn, the ice cream. It all just seemed so unappetizing. Besides, he needed to watch his weight, just like Alan had told him a few months ago. He had been eating junk a lot since tour started. It just happened. Even though he had been watching what he was eating, he had been putting on weight. He failed at even keeping weight off. He was pathetic.

...

It had been a few nights since Eric had called him. Michael hadn't left his bunk except for the show last night. That was when his phone started vibrating again. An old song that he and Eric had written together and done a demo of began to play out of the tiny speakers. He groaned and answered it. The hour conversation that followed was one of the worst conversations that Michael had ever had. Eric was clearly drunk. He didn't really want to hear about this girl's feet all up in the air whilst his boyfriend had screwed her. He didn't want to know about how long it took. He didn't want to know about the sounds they were making. And he definitely didn't want to know about how much the bed was shaking and squeaking.

Michael let out a yell and threw his phone against the wall, not caring that it smashed. He heard running footsteps and tried his best to hold back the tears. To his dismay, he found they were streaming down his face as Cal pulled the curtain back to his bunk. Arms wrapped around him and Michael let it all out. He let the screams of pain echo around the bunk room.

...

Months had past since the news had been passed onto Mikey. The band had finally finished their tour and were back in Australia. Michael had gotten home about half an hour ago and was getting a beer out of his fridge, sipping it slowly before downing the whole thing. He'd broken up with Alan on tour; the whole house seemed empty without his things lying around. Everything seemed so fucking off. The ticking of the clock was grating on his nerves, making him flinch every so often. A knock on the door made him jump.

Alan stood up from the bed and Michael immediately felt guilty. He'd told himself not to fall for the stupid lies that Alan would tell him when he came to seem him. He knew Alan would come. Alan always came when he messed up. Mainly to mess things up more. Mikey watched Alan get dressed and swallowed a little. Without thinking, his hand reached out and gripped hard onto the back of his shirt. He didn't want Alan to leave. Alan was the only man he had ever really loved. Even with all this pain, he loved him.

His ex-lover just turned around, staring at Michael with dead eyes. There was no emotion in them at all. No hatred, no love, nothing. The hand dropped, curling in the sheets. After everything that had hapened between them, this was how they would end? Just one last mindless fuck and not even a goodbye? Then again, Alan would come back time and time again for mindless fucks. It was what he did. And Michael would let him. Despite everything, Michael would lay on his back, spread his legs wide and hold his thighs against his chest.

Michael hated himself.

He couldn't stand looking at himself in the mirror.

He was pathetic.

He had never been so disappointed in himself.