A Song of Change

Chapter 10
An Answer Received
"Annabell?" Julian asked. His voice back to a more serious tone that brought me back to reality. It reminded me that I had something important to tell him. If I would be able to tell him that is. "Yes," I replied as I fiddled with my hands. It was something I did when I was nervous. "Do…." He trailed of as if stalling, "I wish that everything could stay as it was just moments ago!" He yelled as he clenched his hands into fists. "Julian," I said starting to reach my hand toward him.
"I- I know I said I would give you time to come up with an answer but its eating at me," he said this almost to himself before looking up at me with tears In his eyes. He step closer to me than he ever had before and engulfed me in his arms, "I don't want to have to leave you. I want to stay with you just like we promised but I know that would be impossible if you say what I'm afraid of."
I placed my arms around him and his grip around me tightened slightly. When I felt a few drops of his tears on my shoulder it broke my heart. Although I had only just met Julian I knew he wasn't the type to openly cry in front of someone and I felt terrible knowing I was the cause of these tears.
I had already made up my mind the night before and I wasn't changing it now. I had duties to uphold in the society like becoming a real caregiver, moving to my own house with my own husband and soon after starting my own family. I knew my parents would be greatly upset with me if I decided against what everyone in our society just accepted as a way of life and I never wanted to upset them or anger them in any way, shape, or form. And this life that had been so carefully planed out for me was all I had ever wanted, even as a small child.
With all that being said it was crystal clear to me what I would choose. I know in my heart that this is my best choice. "Julian," I said as I pulled back from him to see his face. His tears had stopped flowing but his face face was like a book to me at that moment. I could see pain, longing, hope, fear, and so many emotions written clearly across his face. "I had my answer for you even before I walked through that door. I just didn't know how to say it to you," said all of this with my gaze directly pointed at his eyes.
He turned his face to the side so that he couldn't meet mine and I wouldn't allow it. I want to say this to his face so that he knows all the truth behind it. I cupped his face in my hands and gently tilted it down to meet my own. "Please let me finish," he slightly nodded his head signaling me to continue, "I choose you, Julian," I whispered this to him still watching his face to see his reaction.
At first his face was a blank slate then he realised what I had said and his face slowly changed as if coming out of a daze. His face went through a mixture of emotions but my favorite is the last feeling that settled on his face and stayed there. It was a look that I had only seen at home. One that had crossed my father's face every time he looked at my mother or me and the same for my mother. That look I could only guess was love and I hoped that Julian could see it on my face as well.
"Oh, Annabelle," Julian sighed as he pulled me against him once again, "You had me so worried that you would leave." "I'm sorry," I whispered as I relaxed into his comforting embrace. He pulled back to look down at me, still holding me, "Would it be crazy to say that I think I'm falling in love with you? Heck I might have already fallen." He said with that goofy smile that I loved back on his face. "It might be crazy, yes. But I don't care." I said smiling back at him.
Julian's smile was gone at this point and a look I had never seen before had replaced it. He lifted his hands up so that they were now around my face and he brought his face down to meet mine. I stared at him wanting to know what he was doing but too afraid to ask when his lips met mine. I slowly closed my eyes on impulse and relaxed my once tense body. I didn't know what Julian and I were doing but whatever it was was making my heart race and my stomach do flips.
We stayed like this for a moment, his lips moving against my own, until he pulled back and I felt my cheeks flush a bright red and all I really wanted at that moment was to do it again. "Julian?" I asked glad that my voice didn't sound as weak as I felt. "Yes," he replied smiling down at me. "What did we just do?" I asked wanting to give it a name.
His cheeks turned a deep red and his eyes grew wide. "You really don't know what that was? I thought they would have explained at least that to you by now."he said this fairly loud and still had a surprised and embarrassed look on his face. "No, no one has taught me anything like that before. What was it?" I asked. I wasn't embarrassed at all by this like he was. I found it fascinating and wanted to learn all there was about it.
"Well,"Julian began as he looked at his shoes, "that was a kiss. I promise you it won't happen again." "But why not?" I asked wanting to 'kiss' him again. "I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of you. When your teacher explains all of this to you, which I'm sure he/she will soon, you might get the wrong idea," he said trying to make me understand.
"But I know you would never try to take 'advantage of me'. Besides I liked kissing you," I smiled at him. His face that had finally gotten back to its normal coloring took on an even deeper red when I said that. "H-how about this, once you learn about that at school and if you are still comfortable about it then we can do it again, okay?" Julian suggested.
"I guess,"I said smiling as he relaxed. "Thank you, Annabelle,"he said with a small smile on his face. "Shouldn't you be heading home?" he asked as he looked out the window. I took a quick glance at the window and realised that if I left now I wouldn't have to make an excuse about being late. " Good bye, Julian," I said as I gave him a quick hug.
When I pulled back he had that crooked grin back on his face. "Good bye, Annabelle." He said as I walked out of the bedroom door.