A Song of Change

Chapter 46
Faults:
I have no idea how long I was asleep on that couch, but knew that I was safe when I opened my eyes to meet two grey orbs staring right at me. "Thank God," Julian said, his entire body physically relaxing. I tried to sit up but a wave of nausea hit me and I had to lie back down again. "Julian," I whispered, tears forming in my eyes as memories of what happened earlier that day came back. "Hey, hey," Julian cooed as he wrapped me in his arms. I relaxed into his body as his familiar scent of fresh soap and honey engulfed me. He reminded me of light, of the morning sun and it gave me hope. Maybe he could help break through the darkness that had a tight grip on me.
"How did you…" I started to ask before I spotted Nole standing just behind Julian with a concerned look on his face, "Nole?" His head shot up at hearing his name and he stepped closer. "Did you call Julian?" I asked as he knelt down next to Julian, grabbing ahold of my hand and gently rubbing it. "Yeah," he whispered, "I was so worried. I came back and saw you laying there and you were crying. I tried to wake you up but... you wouldn't so I called Julian. You woke up as soon as he said your name."
Nole's eyes were pink and puffy and his hair, which was usually so perfectly placed, was a wild mess as if he hand been running his hands through it and pulling at it. "Annabell," Julian said as he slowly brought me up to a sitting position, "please tell me what happened. Why were you crying?" Julian stared up at me from where he knelt on the floor. He was holding my hands now as they rested in my lap. Tears formed in my eyes and I physically hurt as the memories came rushing at me once more.
"I… I… I tried so hard. I didn't want it to happen, but he…" I was crying too hard at this point to speak. I rubbed at the tears to try and stop them but it seemed to be impossible. "What happened? Who is 'he'? Did Gerad try something again?" Julian said leaning in towards me as he brushed away my falling tears. I physically flinched upon hearing his name. I didn't ever want to hear about him, see him, I wanted nothing to do with him ever again. "What did Gerad do? Come on sweetie," Nole said as he stroked my hair back from my face. I shook my head before staring up at the ceiling as I gasped in a cold breath of air before looking back at the two men before me.
I could trust them couldn't I? One was my husband, the man who showed and had proved to me on numerous occasions of his love for me. He has told me over and over again how he would never leave me and every time something or someone has threatened to break us, he always pulls through, always finds his way back to me. Nole. Oh Nole was many things. He was my friend, my partner, and he reminded me of my father in so many ways. He had helped guide me through this new life of adulthood and has tried to show me how everything works in the best ways that he can. He has taught me so many things, some without even realising it.
"Gerad," I spit out his name, hating the way it sounded on my lips and then I relayed the events in which that monster had taken something from me that did not, and never would belong to him. By the time I was done the tears had stopped flowing but the physical pain that throbbed inside of me, the pain that would forever linger inside my memory stayed. Julian had an eerily calm expression about him at first glance, but upon further inspection I saw the fire that burned brightly inside of him. If I thought he was scary when i first told him about Gerad, he was petrifying now.
"Nole?" Julian said between gritted teeth. "Ah, yes?" Nole replied clearly flinching back from Julian at his tone. "Would you be so kind as to tell me where I can find this… this Gerad Marks?" Julian asked as he slowly stood from the ground. "Ah, yes. His office is right across the hall. Light blonde hair, green eyes," Nole supplied. "Thank you," Julian said with a bright smile before bending over and placing a ginger kiss on my cheek, "I'll be right back Annabell." Julian took long confident strides out the door, his shoulders set back and his head held high. He was terrifying, a force to be reckoned with. He truly was like the sun, beautifully dangerous.
"That's a keeper," Nole laughed as he stared at the office door before turning back to me with a serious face, "Now, Annabell my dear. This may not be something you want to do right now, but I have to do a check up on you. I just want to make sure that you are alright, that he didn't do any physical damage on you." 'But he did,' I thought to myself and I kept it that way. Nole knew that I wouldn't be coming out of there without any damage, he knew that there would be things that he could never fully heal me of, but he was trying to start somewhere.
With that in mind I followed Nole to the bathroom. "I always keep all medical supplies that I would ever need here. One can never be sure they won't need something. Now, would you mind sitting up here for me?" No,e asked as he tapped the empty counter space. The bathroom was a fairly decent sized room with a long counter with a sink at the far end. A mirror ran the entire length of the counter and that was the first time I had seen myself after the incident.
I did everything that Nole asked of me as he did his check up but at the same time I snuck glances at myself. My hair was a tangled mess and my eyes were bloodshot with tear stains streaking down my face. My lip was busted and slightly up raised where the cut ran. Dark purple and black bruises had already formed on my wrists and forearms and after taking my dress off as Nole had asked I realised there were even more bruises. Bruises in the shapes of his fingers lined up and around the tops of my thighs and around my ribs. There was a cut on my shoulder, probably from when I fell and a long bruise in the shape of my spine from where he had held me against the door.
Tears welled in my eyes, but I force them back down. I was not going to cry over him again. He did not, would not control my life. "Annabell," Nole said, drawing me out of my dazed state. "Hmm," I hummed turning my head to face him. "I'm all done now, I just have to run the tests through and I'll let you know the results when I'm done. Oh, and here," he said as he held out a dress for me, "You can wear this if you'd like." I nodded my head as I accepted the dress, telling him my thanks as he walked out the door.
I stood up from the counter, taking one last look in the mirror before pulling the dress over my head. It was a light green dress that hung a little loosely on my frame but fit well enough. It reached my knees and left me with a sense of calm to be out of something that he had touched. I threw my old dress into the trash, never wanting to see it again, before walking back into the office. When I walked in Nole was standing next to Julian talking about something. As I walked closer they stopped turning their attention on me. As I looked down at Julian's hands I could see that they had both been bandaged, yet he held no trace of pain in his face.
Julian noticed where my stare was trained and walked forward, drawing me into his strong chest, "Hey, its nothing to worry about anymore, that bastard was let off easy if you ask me. Now let's just go home. Are you ready?" He asked. I nodded my head, pulling back from him to say goodbye to Nole. I ran to him, wrapping my arms around his neck as I told him thank you for everything he had done. "Really Annabell its nothing, I just wish I could have helped you more. Now, I want you to come back, but only when you're ready. I'll come visit you everyday after work, I promise, okay?" He asked pulling back from me. I nodded my head before walking back to Julian, taking his hand before walking out the door with him.
It wasn't until I was standing outside the comfort of the office that it hit me again. What if we ran into him? I held on tightly to Julian's hand, not wanting to ever let go. Julian noticed and drew me closer to him, wrapping one arm around my waist and the other holding on tightly to my hand, "Everything will be fine now. He won't ever come near you again," Julia whispered comforting words such as these the entire way to the parking lot and all the way to the car. The only time he had left my side was when he walked to the driver side of the car.
Julian drove all the way home, filling the silence with talk of whatever came to mind. He seemed to not know exactly what to do but the fact that he was trying was all it really took for the time being. It was at home and the prospect of me being able to wash this… this filth from my body that I started to break down. I had run bath water and became so impatient with how long it took that I hoped into the shower instead. I scrubbed and scrubbed myself raw and even then I didn't feel clean. I had lost track of how long I had been in the bathroom, of how many times I had used the soap until the bottle was completely gone and a knocking had come on the door.
Soon Julia had walked in and after taking in the scene he turned the shower water off and wrapped me in a towel. He sat me down on the side of the tub and turned on the water, filling it up with hot water and soapy suds. "Let me help you," he said as started to undress himself. After Julian was naked he climbed in, sitting as far back as he could before pulling me in. We sat with me between his legs and my back leaning against his chest. It was warm here and filled with Julian's comforting scent.
Julian picked up my loofa and squirted soap onto it before rubbing gentle circles onto my back and the tops of my shoulders. "Annabell?" Julian asked as he moved down the length of my left arm and then the right. "Hmm?" I hummed as I leaned into his chest, finally able to find a soothing and calming place even if it was only for a short while. "I- I'm so sorry," he said as he scrubbed down my chest and stomach, "I told you I would keep you safe… that I would always be there for you, but I wasn't. You needed me and I wasn't there." I could feel the sobs wrecking through his chest and in that moment I forgot about the bad that happened to me.
"No," I said as I tilted my head back, placing a kiss on his jaw, "There was nothing you could have done." And honestly there wasn't. He didn't know, I didn't know, no one knew that this was going to happen to me, not today not ever. No one expects for this to happen to them and its wrong to hold the blame on yourself or your friends or partner for not being there to protect you. That didn't mean it would hurt any less, but it did mean something. It meant that there was still a chance for me to get better. Perfect, no, but better, yes. Its strange to think that it took this to make me notice, to open my eyes. That innocent, clueless, and free loving child that I had been was gone now and there was no getting her back. From now on I'll just have to make a new me, someone who can be strong, some one who isn't so afraid.
"Julian," I said, my mind now made up. "Yes?" He replied as he continued to rub my legs. "I think I'm ready to hear what you have to say," I said as I sat up and turned to face him.