A Song of Change

Chapter 49
A Choice:
I woke up late again, the bright green numbers on my alarm clock mocking me with the numbers 10:47 a.m. I slid out of bed, my body groaning in protest, but I proceed anyway. My body hurt with each movement, like I had fallen asleep wrong, and there was a nagging cramp in the pit of my stomach. I dressed myself in a loose green dress not trusting anything else to not rub against my sore muscles. I pulled up my hair into a messy bun, not even bothering to comb through it, my head just hurt too much.
Slowly I shuffled out of the room, and as I made my way down the hall I heard two voices talking back and forth. One was Julian and the other sounded like Nole. "…I'm not quite sure yet," Nole was saying to Julian, "but I think it would be best to check again just to be safe." There was a long pause before Julian spoke, "You know more on these things then I do, but are you absolutely sure? I mean now… of all times?" Julian paused again, "I just don't know." "Julian, this is a good thing. You should be happy, excited even," Nole said.
By now I had reached the end of the hall but I stopped where I was, wanting to hear everything they had to say. "I am, you have no idea how happy I am about this. I've always wanted this… its just Annabell. You know as well as I do what she has to decide by tonight… I just, I don't want this to effect her decision," Julian said, his early excitement dropping. It was then that I chose to step out, "You don't want what to effect my decision?" I asked as I joined them at the couch. "Oh, you're awake," Julian said as he placed a smile on his face, clearly attempting to avoid my question, "I was going to wake you earlier, but you looked like you were having a good dream so I…"
"Julian," I said, cutting him off. He was not going to get out of this one and I was definitely not going to run away from it. I had made up my mind about the whole thing the night before, there would be no more secrets between us, whatever was thrown our way we would have to over come together. No matter how hard or complicated. "What were you and Nole talking about?" I asked looking him dead in the eye. Julian glanced down at his lap before taking my hands in his, "I know I said that I would tell you everything, and believe me I will, its just… I don't know if now is the best time," Julian's gaze slowly came back to meet mine as he spoke and I could see the raw emotion that filled them. This was no little thing.
I knew I wasn't going to get anything from Julian so I turned on Nole, hoping that he would be more willing to answer my questions. "Nole?" I asked seeing his eyes widen, "You told me that I could come to you for anything. That you would help me no matter what it was, right?" "I-I did but…" Nole replied hesitantly. "Then explain this to me. What were you two talking about?" I asked softly, I knew I could do this. I was braver, stronger now than I was before. "Annabell dear, Julian might be right. Now isn't the best time to discus this. So please… I don't want to frighten you into making a rash decision," Nole said gently, his dark green eyes softening as he spoke.
I shook my head, they were wrong. "No," I whispered to myself, "No, I need to know now." "Annabell," Julian said as he stroked my hand. "No!" I yelled, jumping up from my seat, "I am not some child anymore! I may be hurting right now from what happened, but that doesn't mean that I am broken! Whatever you have to say, I can handle, we will get through anything together. You promised!" I yelled down at Julian. He was the one that always made me feel so strong and capable when I felt weak, but here he was now… practically telling me that I was incapable of handling this. Unable to cope.
"Fine. I'll tell you but you have to promise me something," Julian said looking up at me, those grey orbs so full of worry, "Promise me that no matter what you are feeling, you won't let it effect your decision on leaving." I nodded my head and set my shoulders straight as I prepared myself for the answer I had wanted so badly. "Nole's tests on you came back and… well Annabell you are," Julian had started to say but I didn't catch the tail end of his sentence. I had ran out of the room before that, grateful that I had made it to the bathroom before I had retched on the floor.
Moments later I felt comforting hands working to get my hair back, one gently rubbed my back and the other kept my hair from falling back into my face. I couldn't help it as my stomach continued to lurch and tears stung in my eyes from both the embarrassment and the pain in the pit of my stomach. When it had stopped I sat back on my heels, still staying in front of the toilet in case the assaults picked back up.
"Here," a voice said and a glass of water was placed in front of me along with a mint. My head hurt and my vision was blurry, black spots forming when I sat back. I gurgled the water before spitting it out and then taking a slow sip. It burned my throat as it went down but I felt slightly better all the same. I had just popped the mint into my mouth when I felt Julian's arms pull me against him and soon a cool washcloth was placed on my forehead. "You feeling any better sweetie?" Nole asked as he squatted down in front me. I nodded my head as a small smile formed on my lips. "That's good, I brought you some medicine that should help settle your stomach," Nole said as he held out his hand palm up, two little white pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other.
I gladly accepted both, sitting up straighter as I took the medicine. I leaned back against Julian's chest, taking comfort in the warmth from his body and the calming scent of fresh soap and honey. "Thank you… and I'm sorry both of you had to see that," I said with a nervous burst of laughter. "Hey, I told you I'd be with you no matter what right. You're my wife now, so believe it or not, you're stuck with me. For better or worse… in sickness and in health… till death do us part," Julian said as he place a kiss atop my head. I'd never heard those words put together before, but when he spoke it, it sounded almost as if he were quoting something. Where ever he had heard it didn't matter much to me, but it made me happy just hearing it.
In a short while I had been moved to lay on the couch in the living room. My teeth had been brushed, my clothes changed into pajamas, a fuzzy blanket was wrapped around me, and an untouched bowl of warm chicken noodle soup sat on the coffee table. Nole was kneeling next to me on the floor as we waited for Julian to reenter the room. "Nole?" I asked looking up at him. A warm smile crossed his face as he lovingly brushed my hair behind my ear, "What is it dear?" Nole reminded me of my father in so many ways and I felt a pang in my heart at the idea of leaving him behind. "Before I ran out of the room, Julian was saying something, something about your tests on me. What was it?" I asked hoping to finally hear the full answer.
Nole thought for a moment before speaking, "I think this is something that Julian should tell you himself. Now listen to me Annabell, because this is very important," Nole said as he took my hands into his, "I know that Julian gave you the choice to leave here…" "Wait, so you know about…" I had started to ask before he silenced me with a look.
"Annabell please let me finish. I just want you to know that you shouldn't let others here hold you back from going. You should choose what is best for you, not for the sake of others. I know this from experience…" Nole's face started to drop as he continued, "I was faced with the choice to leave and I chose to stay for the sake of my family. My wife, bless her heart, wanted to go so badly, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't risk it with Ethan, he was just growing up, he was about to have a life of his own. How could I possibly take that away from him! She… she decided to go on her own, but the Society found out and well, you can guess what happened afterwards. Now I'm not trying to scare you with what I'm saying. You and Julian, if you go, will be perfectly fine. My wife just made rash decisions and exposed herself, but Julian is too smart for that. But I want you to know that there are consequences for both decisions. I pray you make the right one for you and Julian."
"Nole," I whispered as I clutched onto his hand in mine. I had no idea what to say to this, he had rendered me speechless. "I really must be leaving now. Have a wonderful and happy life, Annabell dear, no matter what you choose," Nole knelt down, placing a soft kiss on my forehead, "oh and congratulations," Nole whispered before pulling back, waving as he walked out the front door. "I see Nole left," Julian said as he walked into the room and stepped around the couch. I nodded my head, still unable to grasp at words. Julian crawled onto the couch and laid himself behind me so that his back was against the back of the couch and my back was pressed against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me so that my head laid on one in a makeshift pillow while the other rested against my stomach, gently rubbing in small circles.
We laid like this for a moment longer until my voice had found its way back. "Julian," I asked, taking Nole's advice, "do you think you could tell me what you were trying to say before I ran out?" Julian held me closer as he let out a breath of air, "Well… you're pregnant Annabell. Have been for about a week now." It felt as if my breathing had stopped when he said this. A baby. Julian and my child. I thought back to last week when reality hit me. "O-on the first try?" I asked realising that the first time was exactly a week ago. Julian laughed at that and I could feel it move all through his chest. "Hey, I guess you're right."
I thought for a moment again before opening my mouth to speak and then closing it again. "Annabell?" Julian asked with a worry tinged voice, "You aren't happy about this are you? I'm sorry I…" he said fumbling for words. "A-are you saying that you regret what happened?" I asked feeling a sudden weight on my chest at his hesitation. "Wait, what!? No! No Annabell! This, this is all I've ever wanted. You and a child of our own is more than I could ever hope for," he said as he drew me closer. "Then why are you apologizing?" I asked after turning onto my other side to look at him.
His mouth was agape and his eyes were filled with this raw and beautiful emotion. "Annabell, please don't cry," he said as he whipped at the tears that I hadn't realised had escaped, "I was apologizing for everything I've put you through. First I give you this choice, that's hard enough as it is, and now we have our baby to think about. I-I just thought it would be a lot for you to handle at once so I wanted to wait to tell you. I didn't want to stress you more than what you already were and… and so…" Julian was rambling on and on, seeming to have no direction with his thoughts so I silenced him. His lips were soft against mine and his words had stopped in seconds, finally giving me time to think.
"So you aren't mad at me?" He asked after pulling back. "Of course I'm not mad at you," I said as I rested my head against his chest. "If anything this just helped me with my decision. We are going to go to this place. We will grow old there with our baby… or babies and have grandchildren and great-grandchildren in our lives. I want to be able to see my kids grow up and live a happy and carefree life, to fall in love like we did. I want to hear you sing every single day to me without having to worry of you getting caught. I want to see this art you talked about and read books. I want all of this with you. I want to be free together. I love you."
Julian drew me closer to him, so close that I could hear his heart beating in his chest. "I'll let them know and we'll be gone tonight. I'm so happy right now, you have no idea," Julian drew back with that crooked grin of his in place before his lips had found their way onto mine. He kissed me over and over again, until I had lost any coherent thoughts. "Annabell," he said as he sat up and pulled me with him, "When we go there we will not be recognised as husband and wife, so I… I want to do this right." Julian pulled me up with him so that we both were standing and then he knelt down on one knee in front of me.
"Where I'm from people choose who they want to marry and when they find that person, they propose to them. There is usually a ring, but I don't have one so that'll just have to wait, but anyways… Annabell Marie Gray, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?" Julian looked up at me as he held my left hand in his hands and I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. I nodded my head, my body reacted before my brain could think of words, and my arms wrapped around his neck as I hugged him. "Yes," I said and repeated over and over again. It seemed to be the only word I could manage. Julian stood up and lifted me in his arms, spinning me in a circle around our living room as he laughed.
"I love you so, so, so much! I'll send word and we will leave as soon as possible," Julian put me back on the floor but kept his arms wrapped around me. That wide and crooked smile was on his face and his grey eyes were so bright and happy. "You go get some rest for now, we have a long ways ahead of us." I left Julian, feeling a smile on my face as I crawled back into bed. The alarm clock read 8:46 p.m. telling me that the day was nearing its end. My eyes closed as I felt the pull of sleep take me, that smile still on my lips as I dreamed about that hillside with Julian and the two young children. That dream seemed more like reality now.