Miserably Loving You.

I stared at my alarm clock and counted down each second patiently until it went off.

Just another fucking sleepless night.

It didn't matter how hard I tried last night, I just couldn't manage to drift off; and to make matters worse I was dressed and ready for school four hours ago. I wish I could say it was nerves that were keeping me up, but really, what do I have to be nervous about?

This year will be the same as the previous three, and if anything it would be easier!

So I really don't know what to chalk these sleepless nights up to, but it's not like the nights I actually do manage to sleep are any better though. Those nights are filled with vivid nightmares of shit people usually end up trying to drink their way into forgetting.

But sadly that just isn't me.

As soon as a reasonable amount of time had passed since my alarm clock went off, I decided to actually go downstairs. My mom of course was in the kitchen; all done up and ready for work. I smiled at the petite woman and kissed her forehead before hopping onto the counter beside her.

"Is that really what you're wearing for your first day back?" She asked as she handed me a plate full of... What actually looked like breakfast... Which is shocking because my mother was not known for having culinary skills. At all.

"Uh... Yeah, what's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"It's just not exciting Leighton!" She laughed. "It's safe, it's normal, it's-"

"Me?" I laughed. "Just trying to blend in mom. No need to show off to a bunch of people I'll never speak to again."

She rolled her eyes and shoo'd me off the counter right as my sister was rolling in.

It was baffling as to how Violet and I were even related. I blend in, she stands out, I'm quiet, she's out spoken. It's not like she was prancing around in neon jeans and furry animal hats, but she definitely had her own eclectic style.

She shot me a quick smile as she brought her breakfast over and sat down beside me at the table.

"So... It's raining and-" she paused as a knock at the front door interrupted her. "Oh good! Hold that thought."

I watched confusedly as she hurried to the door and let a small figure in. Instantly I knew who it was and let out a small sigh of relief.

Not that I was afraid of there being an axe murderer or something at the door, but more or less that I'd have to engage in awkward conversation with someone. Luckily we avoided that this morning because this kid- our long time neighbor and Violet's best friend, wasn't really what you would call social.

No... Gage was quiet; not like me, but quiet never the less. I think he was more shy than anything.

"Oh hey Gage!" My mom cheered. "Are you excited for your first day back? Did you eat breakfast?"

He looked at my mom with such wide exasperated eyes and nodded slowly.

"Uh, yes... And yes. Thank you. Uhm, this year should be fun."

She smiled warmly at the tongue tied boy before patting his shoulder.

"Well good. Maybe some of your enthusiasm could rub off on grumpy gills over there."

I knew she was talking about me, but I chose to ignore it. Like I did with most of her motherly jabs. I knew she meant no harm, so what was the point in feeding into them?

"Leighton!" I turned and looked at my sister who for some reason felt like it was necessary to shout my name to get my attention... I was quiet, not deaf. "Like I was saying, it's raining outside... So would you mind giving Gage and I a ride?"

"No, why would I mind?" I asked. "As long as you're ready to go when I'm leaving, I don't care."

"Like... Every day?" I turned my attention from my sister to her little friend... Well I guess I can't really call him little. He definitely grew some over the summer, and it's not fair of me to judge height seeing as I'm pretty up there in stature... But still, hearing from him so abruptly was kind of weird.

"Yeah, like every day." I said, light heartedly mocking him, but I think he was to embarrassed by his own question to even notice I responded.

"So it's settled then!" Violet cheered. "We have our own chauffeur this year!" She shot me a playful wink and grabbed her bag. "Well, let's get this show on the road. Last thing we need is to be late on the first day."

I sighed inwardly before going and kissing my mothers forehead again and grabbing my own bag and keys.

Today was going to be a long day, with or without this little posse I created.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The drive to school was fairly quiet since Violet insisted on sitting in the back with Gage. I didn't mind this of course, but to be honest it was a little weird.

Once we got to school and before we parted ways, Violet made sure to remind me that her and Gage would be needing rides home, and will be meeting me at my car. I guess this was her way of telling me not to forget her. Who knows though.

I just nodded in response and went my own way, and much to my liking, I wasn't disturbed at all as I found my way to my first period class.

Not a single person stopped me to ask how my summer was or if we would be in any of the same classes this year. It was beautiful.

I promptly found my go-to seat in my first class, you know, the one almost all the way in the back and on the same side as the teachers desk. Sounds weird, but I promise that it is the perfect seat. The teachers ignore you there because you're not necessarily all the way in the back so they don't have to worry about what you're up to and you're on the side so their attention is no where near you since most of the more rambunctious students cluster themselves towards the middle.

So, I plopped down heavily and rested my head in the palm of my hands.

By the end of today I knew I would have a headache. No sleep plus a thousand angst filled hormone meat sacks was just a bad idea.

"Leighton!" I lifted my head slowly to see a head full of ashy blonde hair charging towards me. "What happened to you?"

I looked at the girl in front of me and sighed. Her and I were partnered up once sophomore year, and she never let it go. I don't know exactly what she thought we were, but clearly we were on two different wave lengths.

"Nothing happened." I mumbled.

"Really cause you look like you got hit by a train." She chuckled, but I just stared at her. "So uh, anyways... How was your summer? Meet anybody new? Any new love life updates I need to know about?"

"Look, Rachel..." I said, purposefully using the wrong R name. Or at least I think I did... Pretty sure her actual name is Rebecca. "It's seven o'clock in the morning, tone down the enthusiasm or better yet, go talk to someone else."

She rolled her eyes and winked at me in response... I have no fucking clue what that meant, but I was hoping it was just some eye twitch.

Within the next few minutes our teacher strolled in with about as much excitement as I had, which was refreshing to say in the least.

The way he talked was perfect; medium tone and to the point. He was probably only a few years older than my mom so there's that as well.

I had my fingers crossed that all my teachers would be like him for the rest of the day and that this bubbly ball of excitement in front of me would have taken her usual advance placement classes, instead of slacking off like I chose to do.

But I found that I had no such luck. Rachel... Or Rebecca, was in my lunch period, so of course she forced her way into sitting at my isolated table.

"Leighton!" I looked up in confusion to see my sister and Gage standing before me. "How did I not know we were in the same lunch?"

"I don't know..." I chuckled.

"Well can we sit with you?" She asked, as if I would deny her that.

"Go for it, please." I chuckled again, but this time gave her a desperate look as if that please meant way more than I made it sound.

"So... Who are you?" Violet asked, clearly picking up on my distressed look.

"I'm Rachel today." She laughed. "But my god given name is Rebecca."

"God given?" Violet rhetorically asked. "Interesting. Why Rachel today?"

"Because your brother seems to have forgotten my name... We've known each other for what... Three years now?"

I sighed and got up from my seat, not even bothering to respond. Violet shot me a confused look, but I just went along my own way and took refuge in the lunch line.

No one spoke to me in there. No one bothered to even look at me. It was like my three years of silence was actually paying off this year. Well, mostly... Aside from the "tick" I just couldn't seem to rip off of myself.

"Hey, everything okay?" I stopped in mid grab for a fruit cup and looked at the small boy beside me.

"Yeah...?"

"Oh okay... I uhm, just wanted to make sure. Rebecca left."

"Holy shit that's good news." I sighed in relief and grabbed a different fruit cup.

"Everything okay?" I looked down at my sisters friend and shrugged.

"Yeah? She's just annoying."

"Oh, okay... Well she's gone so you can uhm come back now."

I nodded and finished grabbing my food before joining Gage and Violet back at the table.

They were aimlessly chatting away until I sat down, then of course everything fell quiet.

"So Leighton, I don't think she'll be bothering you any more." Violet giggled as she grabbed my fruit cup. I wanted to say something about it, but I settled for just raising my eyebrow. She probably forgot to grab money from mom, so it's not like I'm missing out on much. "I just happened to mention that you're an atheist and that her beliefs won't mix well with you."

"What?" I asked, now absolutely confused.

"She said something a little secular earlier so once you left I pressed and let the "a" bomb out and she didn't seem pleased! So you're off the hook!"

I rolled my eyes playfully as I stuffed my face. Clearly that was enough of an answer for Violet, because soon I just kind of faded into the background again.

Just how I liked it.