Miserably Loving You.

To say I was merely taken aback when Leighton asked me to sleep in his room with him again would certainly be an understatement. I was excited and petrified and nervous.

But if he honestly believed that having me sleep in his room would help him get some sleep so be it. I am definitely not going to complain. I'll take any chance at being close to him.

This time when I wake up snuggled into Leighton's side (I definitely didn't mistake him for a pillow this time) I wasn't confused like I was the last time, a little disoriented from sleep, but I was aware of where I was and I was here. And I was most definitely aware of his arm wrapped around me.

My face immediately begin to heat up at the simple gesture and I was glad that Leighton was still asleep. I buried my face into Leighton's clothed side and just laid there relishing in the intimacy of the situation.

And I pretended that I wasn't in here merely as a sleep aide. I pretended that Leighton actually wanted me in here, because he possibly actually liked having me around and that deep down inside he actually had feelings for me. But since Leighton was basically nonchalant about everything he didn't express his feelings to me. So, instead we just watched Disney movies and romantic comedies until we fell asleep tangled in each other's arms. But that was enough for me because I knew how he felt and I loved him anyways. And simple gestures are way better than words.

Oh god, wow. I'm glad no one can hear my thoughts. That was really embarrassing. I'm pretty sure my face is super red right now. And I'm really, really glad that Leighton is still asleep.

Raising up slightly on my elbows, I look down at Leighton's sleeping form and smile at how relaxed and at ease he looks. I'm not sure how often he--or if he ever does--gets a good amount of sleep, but he looked so serene right now.

Obviously my mind is still a little hazy with sleep, because I hardly thought about what I did next. I leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to Leighton's cheek.

When I pulled back I watched him with wide eyes and bated breath silently hoping he doesn't wake up. I let out the breath I had been holding when after a moment he doesn't even flinch besides the rise and fall of his chest.

Letting out a silent sigh of relief, I carefully crawl out of the bed and check the time on my phone. It was six-thirty and a school day so I decided I might as well get up now.

I took one last glance at Leighton before quietly leaving his room and making my way to Violet's room. Our work from the previous night was neatly pushed to the side on the floor--something I did before going into Leighton's room last night--and Violet was still sprawled out on the bed snoring as loud as ever.

I placed a hand over my mouth to keep from bursting out with laughter as I stared at my best friend. Then I thought of a better way to wake her up then my obnoxious giggling.

I took a leap toward her bed and landed on the sleeping girl. She snorted and I no longer could keep my laughter concealed so I begin giggling uncontrollably. Violet groaned, said a string of curse words and pushed me off of her.

I roll onto the floor in a fit of giggles and Violet threw a pillow at me. "Good morning, Violet," I managed to say between fits of giggles.

She just groans some more and I giggle again. Suddenly I realize that I am being way too loud and obnoxious, and I didn't want to risk waking Leighton up. He had at least a good twenty or thirty more minutes until it was time for him to wake up. So, I tried to quiet down.

"Gaaage, why are you jumping on me so early in the morning?" Violet groans. "And laughing so fucking loud."

I giggled and shrugged. I stretched as I stood up from the floor and made my way to my bag in the corner and pulled out clothes for today.

"Its not even that early," I say as I turn to Violet. "It's almost seven which means you should be getting up soon."

She groans and snuggles back into her pillows. "Is Leighton up yet?" she asks.

I shake my head as I pick the pillow up from the floor. "I thought he could use the sleep," I say as I throw the pillow back at Violet and then exit her bedroom and make my way into the bathroom.

While I was in the shower I decided that I'd make Leighton breakfast this morning. I mean the last time I spent the night he made breakfast, so I might as well return the favor, right? I wasn't much of a cook, but I could scramble eggs and fry bacon and make toast. Hopefully he didn't mind.

When I made it down to the kitchen their mom was already there preparing breakfast. Well, there goes that idea.

"Good morning Gage!" Ms. McQuin says cheerfully upon noticing me standing in the threshold. "How'd you sleep last night?"

"Good morning. I slept well, thanks," I say politely walking more into the kitchen. "Do you need help with anything?"

"Don't be silly, Gage. You're the guest!"

I let out a laugh. "Practically family actually."

Ms. McQuin laughs too. "Fine, if you really want to help you can help me fix the plates."

I nod and go to the cabinet that held the plates and pulled down four. As I stood on the tips of my toes to retrieve the plates I just realized something. The last time I slept in Leighton's room their mom wasn't home, but last night she was here.

What if she peeked into her kids' rooms to check on them and instead of seeing me in Violet's room she found me in her son's room snuggled up to him. Oh god, what if she thought something was going on between us.

I fumbled with the plates almost causing them to fall to the floor. Luckily I managed to keep them steady. Well, all but one. Somehow the plate on top slipped from my grasp and toppled to the floor.

I cringed at the the sound of the glass crashing to the linoleum floor.

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!" I quickly apologize at the same time Ms McQuin gasps and asks "Gage, are you okay?"

I set the other plates on the counter and bend down to start picking up the glass shards. My face was so red right now and I kept apologizing over and over.

"Gage, sweetie, it's okay," I heard Ms McQuin saying but I continued to pick up the glass and I kept apologizing. "I'll clean this up. Just take a deep breath and relax."

"What's going on in here?" I hear Violet ask. "Whoa, is everything okay?"

"Gage, accidentally dropped a plate," her mom replied. She gently took the glass out of my hands and had Violet help me up and escort me to the table.

"Whoa, Gage, what's going on?" Violet asks placing a hand on my shoulder.

I just realized that my eyes were watering and I was trembling. I can't believe I broke a plate. Now Ms McQuin probably hates me and never wants me to come over again.

"I-I'll buy you another plate, I promise," I choke out.

"That's not necessary, Gage. We have plenty more plates."
"I-I didn't mean to."
"It's okay, Gage. It was an accident. It's not really that big of a deal," Violet said soothingly. "you wanna tell me what's wrong?"

I didn't give Violet a reply. I just sat there silently with tears rolling down my face and my body trembling as I stared down at my hands with blurry eyes.

"Uhm, did I miss something?"

It felt as if everything in me stopped working as I looked up to see Leighton almost cautiously walking into the kitchen. He looked at his mom and his sister and finally his eyes landed on me and I suddenly felt really shitty and self-conscious.

I wonder what was going through his mind right now. His mom was cleaning up glass from a plate that I broke, and I was sitting here crying and shaking while his sister--who was as clueless as he was--tried to comfort me.

I quickly turned my gaze back to my hands. This was supposed to be a perfect day. I got to wake up next to Leighton and everything was supposed to go smoothly and be okay, but I went and screwed everything up. Why did I have to make a big deal about something so trivial?

"I-I'm s-sorry," I cry pathetically.

"Shh, it's okay," Violet whispers.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Leighton taking the broom from his mother and finish cleaning up the mess that I made.

"What happened?" Violet asks, but her question is not directed at me but at her mother-who still looked puzzled.

Ms McQuin explained to them what happened and I could feel eyes on me. I hesitantly looked up and met Leighton's gaze. I couldn't read his expression but it felt like he was judging me. I didn't like it, so I stood up from the chair and ran up stairs and hid away in Violet's room.

I sat in her bed with my knees pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped around my legs, and I rested my chin on my arms as I let out a sob.

If there was ever a chance of Leighton actually having any type of feelings for me, I definitely ruined it now. Why would he ever want to be with a pathetic little crybaby like me who ruined everything? I tend to over analyze things and cry about everything. Why would someone as perfect as Leighton fall for me?

There was a knock on the door, but I didn't bother responding. It was most likely Violet anyways. I didn't feel like talking. I just wanted to hide away forever all day.

"Can I come in?" I heard Leighton's voice ask. I quickly wiped my face and looked up to see the door opening and Leighton peeking his head in.

Why of all people did he have to come up here? I didn't really like him seeing me like this. It was embarrassing.

"It was just a plate you know? We can always get another one," he says.

He doesn't move further into the room. He just stands at the door which I was really grateful for. Didn't need him seeing my blotchy, tear-stained face up close.

"I d-didn't mean to break it," I mumble.

"It's really okay," he chuckles lightly. "No one's gonna miss it."

I nod as I wipe at my face. And it's silent and a bit awkward for a moment as Leighton continues to hover in the door way and I sniffle trying to keep the tears and snot in.

"Well, you should come and eat before your food gets cold," he says awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

I nod and wipe at my face again. "Ok, I'll be down there."

He nods and leaves, shutting the door behind him. I let out a sigh and get up to go to the bathroom where I stare into the mirror for a moment. My eyes were swollen from all of the crying and my face was red. And I looked pitiful. I try to make myself look less...gross and more presentable. But there really was no use.

After my failed attempt at making myself look a little decent I reluctantly went down for breakfast. I wasn't really hungry and I just pushed my food around on the plate, but since I already broke one of their plates and possibly ruined everyone else's day too, I forced myself to eat.

Breakfast was awkward and quiet except for the small chatter between the family and the ride to school was even more awkward and quiet.

"Gage, you can tell me what's wrong, you know?" Violet says when we're walking to class.

I just nod, not really in the mood to talk. I was just ready for this day to be over with already.

"I know you're not just upset about breaking one of our plates."

I let out a sigh, but still don't say anything.

"I know you're keeping something from me."

I stop dead in my tracks but don't look at Violet. My heart's racing in my chest and I kinda want to cry again.

"Whatever you're keeping from me...is that why you're acting so weird?"

"I'm not keeping anything from you," I mumble.

"Yes you are. We're best friends, Gage. I've known you forever and I can read you like my favorite book."

I roll my eyes at her analogy. "I'm not keeping anything from you."

"Yes you are! You know you can tell me anything, Gage. I promise I want tell anyone. I just want to help."

I finally turn around to look at Violet. "Why is it that when I ask you about your parents' divorcing you're always quick to dismiss me, but you're constantly trying to pry into my life? Maybe I don't feel like talking either."

"Because you don't know what it's like to be so young and in the midst of your family falling apart and suddenly have your parents tell you that they're no longer going to be together," Violet almost yells, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

I almost run over and hug her and apologize for this sort-of-argument. But I don't. I stand there, staring into my best friend's eyes--tears threatening to spill from them--in the middle of the hall way and then say, "And you don't know what it's like to be in love with someone who will never reciprocate your feelings," before walking away.

I could feel tears threatening to spill from my eyes. Violet and I never had real arguments before. I mean I didn't even know if that was an argument, but it felt like one. And I didn't like it, but I didn't have the heart to turn back and face her.

And I felt like we wouldn't make up right away after this.

I heard the bell ring signalling that fist period was about to start, but instead of heading to the classroom I went straight for the restrooms.

I opened the door and then locked myself in one of the stalls as tears spilled from my eyes. Today was not my day. It couldn't get any worse. Or at least I thought it couldn't.

I heard the restroom door open and a group of guys came in all obnoxiously loud. I didn't recognize their voices, but when I heard one of them asking another for a lighter I knew I should probably get out of here.

I wiped at my face and opened the stall door and with my head down I went straight to the restroom's door until a big body blocked my path.

"Oh, uhm, sorry," I mumble trying to go around but I was pushed back.

"Well, well, well what do we have here."

I looked up with wide eyes to see the guy who I bumped into that one time who made it a hobby to pick on me from than on. He hadn't done much since that time Leighton hit him though. But of course today of all days he'd decide to pick up that hobby again.

"Looks like little fag boy is all alone this time," he said as he blew smoke in my direction. I coughed and fanned the smoke away. "Looks like your boyfriend isn't around to protect you this time."

"He's not my boyfriend," I say lamely trying to walk away.

They don't pay attention though. They all circled me and I gulp quietly. I wish they'd just leave me alone.

"C-can I just go? Please? I-I'm sorry," I whimper.

"Aw, is the little baby gonna cry?" their leader mocked and they all erupted in laughter.

I tried to blink away the tears, but they just kept coming. They begin to laugh some more and they pushed me around and ripped my backpack off of my back dumping its contents all over the floor.

"I-I'm sorry p-please just let me go," I cry as they begin to kick at me.

They of course didn't listen to my pathetic cries. They continued to kick me and rip up my papers. And I just laid there, pathetic and helpless and crying.

The leader--who's name I still hadn't gotten--knelt down and roughly cupped my jaw. "Maybe this will teach that boyfriend of yours to keep his hands to himself," he growled.

I started to squirm around as his goons begin to hold me down and he lifted up my shirt. He smirked at me and I thought he was about to kiss me or touch me inappropriately, and I silently started to panic. Thankfully he didn't do any of that, but what he did next wasn't any better. He took the joint in his hand and pressed the lit end to my exposed stomach.

I let out a cry of pain and a choked sob as the pain coursed through my body and my skin begin to sting. Tears ran down my cheeks and I wanted nothing more than to disappear. They all begin laughing and with a few more kicks here and there they finally left.

They left me lying on the restroom floor with tears rolling down my face, a burn forming on my lower abdomen and the contents of my backpack littered all over the disgusting floor.

And I just laid there, hurting and helpless and crying. I shouldn't have came in here. I shouldn't have had that sort-of-argument with Violet. And I shouldn't have made a big deal over something so trivial. I was so stupid and pathetic. Maybe I deserved this?

Maybe I'll just pretend that this is all a dream and I'll wake up back at the McQuin's house snuggled up against Leighton's side with his arm around my waist. I closed my eyes and smiled softly through the tears as I imagined Leighton pressing a kiss to my forehead and pulling me closer into him.

And I'll just pretend that I'll wake up and everything will be okay.