Miserably Loving You.

That's too baggy. That's too bright. That's too girly. I'm pretty sure that belongs to Violet. It's too hot for that. When did I even buy this? That's too plain, but I don't want to be too flashy. Hmmm...polka dots? Stripes? No. Plaid? Ugh, why can't I decide what to wear? Ugh, why do I have so many clothes? Ugh!

"Gage, sweetie, breakfast is--what on earth are you doing in here?"

Stopping in my actions, I turn around to my mother standing in the doorway of my room with her hands on her hips eyeing the mess that had accumulated not too long ago. I stared at her with wide eyes and a slight tinge of red on my cheeks, a hanger with a plaid button down shirt in my right hand. There were shirts and pants and belts and shoes scattered all over my room.

"I'm looking for something to wear?" I answered slowly.

She shook her head with an amused smile on he lips. "Okay, sweetie, just hurry up. Breakfast is ready, and you're catching a ride with Violet, right? Don't want to keep them waiting."

I nodded, turning back to my closet as my mom went back downstairs. Biting my lip, I continued to skim through the clothes in my closet. Today was the first day of my sophomore year. And no, I wasn't trying to be noticed or impress anyone or get compliments from my peers. But there is one person that I wanted to notice me and shower me with compliments. Leighton. And that'll never happen, so why am I even trying? Leighton is Violet's--my best friend in the entire world--brother. He's only two years older than us. I've always thought he was pretty cute, but never thought anything more until the summer before I started seventh grade. I dunno, he was just getting older and cuter. And I was falling deeper and harder and before I knew it he was occupying my thoughts and I found myself going over their house more and more. Not that I wasn't over there often anyways. I practically lived there, the same with Violet and my place. But like I said, he probably won't even look at me twice better yet compliment me.

Sighing, I hang the plaid shirt back up and settle for the plain purple v-neck that hung on the back of the chair at my desk. I left the mess of clothes to clean up after school, hopefully my mother doesn't complain. Grabbing my backpack, I exit my room closing the door behind me and heading down to the kitchen.

"Finally found something to wear?" my mother asks as I entered the kitchen. My dad was probably already at work.

"Yes," I answered softly setting my backpack down and taking a seat at the table.

My mother just smiled as she placed a plate of chocolate chip pancakes in front of me and a glass of apple juice. I thanked her as I stared at the plate. Chocolate chip pancakes and apple juice were my favorites, but I wasn't really hungry. My stomach was currently in knots and I was rarely hungry at breakfast anyways. But I ate anyways so my mother wouldn't start questioning me. Because I guess it's a crime to not be hungry at breakfast? Once I finished I took my dishes to the sink and hugged my mom goodbye.

"Have a great day at school," she sad as I grabbed my backpack.

"You too!" I said as I made my way to the door where I slipped on my Vans before heading next door.

I knocked on the door and waited patiently for someone to open it. A few seconds later the door opened revealing my best friend in the entire world, Violet. "Morning, Gage!" she grinned at me stepping aside and allowing me to enter. I smiled back, greeting her as I entered. She shut the door and motioned for me to follow her. When we entered the kitchen I noticed Leighton sitting at the table and my breath caught in my throat. As flawless as ever.

Thankfully their mom pulled me out of my daydreams causing me to jump slightly. It'd be really embarrassing and awkward if he had caught me staring at him. I quickly took my eyes off of him and looked at their mother as she began to ask me questions.

"Are you excited for your first day back? Did you eat breakfast?"

"Uh, yes... And yes. Thank you. Uhm, this year should be fun," I stammered.

She smiled and patted my shoulder. "Well good. Maybe some of your enthusiasm could rub off on grumpy gills over there," she said. She was talking about Leighton obviously. I looked over at him briefly and then slowly made my way to Violet's side.

"Leighton!" she shouted suddenly causing me to jump slightly. She was right in my freaking ear! She was asking her brother if he could give us a ride to school and I immediately perked up at this looking at him and waiting for his response. He said he would as long as we were ready when he was ready to leave. I wondered if he meant for the entire school year.

"Like...everyday?" I asked, voicing my thoughts. My heart started beating fast as he turned to look at me. I could feel my cheeks heating up so I quickly looked away and down at the table. I think he said something, but I wasn't really paying attention anymore.

"So it's settled then! We have our own chauffeur this year!" Violet exclaimed. "Well, let's get this show on the road. Last thing we need is to be late on the first day."

I got up--already having my backpack on my back--and followed the siblings out of the door. I got into the back of Leighton's car, Violet getting in beside me. The ride was relatively quiet. Every now and again Violet would say something to me, but for the most part it was quiet as I stared out of the window trying not to stare at the boy sitting in front of me and ignoring the feeling in my stomach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we arrived to school Violet told Leighton that we'd meet him by his car when school was out and then we began our walk to out first class. Luckily Violet and I had quite a few classes together this year, we had compared our schedules last night. Violet was talking animatedly about how this school year was gonna be awesome or something, but I was hardly listening. I was too busy thinking about Leighton. It was his last year and more likely than not he was leaving. Whether it be to go to college or just get out of town or whatever. And he'll forget about me. I mean it's not like we talk or anything. I'm super awkward around him and he hardly talks at all. And I'm just his littler sister's best friend anyways.

I guess I was too deep in my thoughts and not paying enough attention walking, because next thing I knew I was bumping into something. I looked up to see Violet standing in front of me with her hands on her hips and an eyebrow raised. She reminded me of my mother.

"Gage, were you even listening to me?" she asks.

"Uhm....yes?"

Smirking she asks, "Than what'd I say?"

"Uhm...something about loving school?" I answer sheepishly.

She laughed and threw her arm around my shoulder as we continued to walk to our first class. "What's on your mind?" she asks.

"Nothing. Just thinking about the school year," I lied. Well, it was sort of true!

I haven't told Violet that I have this huge small crush on her brother yet. It's not that I think she'll be angry at me or anything like that, if anything she'd probably tease me and end up telling him. I just preferred to keep it to myself. She obviously knew my sexuality though, we talked about boys all the time. And besides this I told Violet everything. But it was best to keep this to myself since nothing would happen anyways.

When we made it to our class I took a front seat causing Violet to groan. She sat behind me complaining about how I always chose to sit in the front or something. She also called me a nerd. I just turned around and grinned at her. She stuck her tongue out at me and I mimicked her. I turned back around as the teacher entered the room.

"Welcome, class! I am Mr. Hanten and I will be your biology teacher this year! I hope we'll all get along well. Now let's get this syllabus out of the way." He handed out the papers with the classroom rules and regulations and grading policy, and I silently thanked him for not making us stand up and introduce ourselves. I hated introductions so much.

Thankfully we didn't have to introduce ourselves in any of the classes so far and it was finally time for lunch.
"Finally, it's lunch time. I'm starving!" Violet exclaimed from beside me as we made our way to the cafeteria. I hummed in agreement even though I wasn't that hungry. When we entered the cafeteria I immediately began to glance around. Not like I was looking for anyone or anything...

"Hey, look! My brother has this lunch too!" Violet suddenly gasped as she pointed. My eyes followed the direction she was pointing in and sure enough Leighton was sitting at a table...with a girl. A frown made its way on my face as my heart sank. Of course he was sitting with a girl. I followed behind Violet slowly as she made her way to the table.

"Leighton! How did I not know we were in the same lunch?" Violet asked her brother as we stood in front of the table.

"I don't know," he laughed.

"Well, can we sit with you?" she asks.

"Go for it please."

Violet sat down and I followed suit taking the seat in front of Leighton. I honestly wasn't that hungry anymore.

"So...who are you?" Violet asked the girl.

"I'm Rachel today, but my God given name is Rebecca."

I tuned out of the conversation and just simply stared at the table before me. It had specks of crumbs on it. Ew. I could see movement in front of me and looked up to see Leighton walking away. I watched him in confusion and turned to Violet who was still talking to Rebecca.

"You know you have no chance with him, right?" Violet asked suddenly.

"Excuse me?" Rebecca asked.

"He's an atheist and you mentioned something about God? I don't think that will mix very well," Violet explained giving Rebecca a sinister smile.

Rebecca frowned, mumbled something about hell or something and grabbed her tray and left.

Violet turned to look at me rolling her eyes. "That was annoying."

"Uhm, I'm gonna go check on Leighton," I said.

Violet raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"B-because it looked like something was bothering him."

"Okay?"

I got up from my seat with red cheeks and made my way to the line I saw Leighton enter. I took a deep breath as I approached him. "Hey, everything okay?" I asked. He turned to look at me and I tried my best to stay calm and collected. I always feel intimidated when I'm in his presence.

"Yeah?"

"Oh okay... I uhm, just wanted to make sure. Rebecca left."

"Holy shit that's good news," he sighed as he grabbed a fruit cup.

"Everything okay?" I asked him again hoping he'd give a little more feedback. He looked at me and I could feel my cheeks catching fire.

"Yeah. She's just annoying."

"Oh okay, well she's gone so you can uhm come back now." I quickly made my way back to the table before I could make a bigger fool of myself. I sat next to Violet with flaming cheeks.

Violet turned to look at me. "So, how is he?"

"Huh?" I asked looking back at her with wide eyes.

"My brother," she answered rolling her eyes. "You went to go check on him, right?"

"Oh, uhm, yeah..."

"Okay?" Violet laughed. We went quiet as Leighton joined us again. And I stayed quiet as Violet filled him in on what had happened with Rebecca and began eating my food. Violet and I continued to have conversation through out lunch while Leighton ate quietly. I'd glance over at him every now and again desperately wanting to talk to him. I wanted to ask him how his day was going so far despite the whole "Rachel-Rebecca" thing. But I'd probably end up saying something stupid and besides he didn't seem to like talking to me all that much.

"Earth to Gage!" There was a hand being waved in my face and I jumped slightly looking up at Violet with wide eyes. I chanced a glance at Leighton who was looking at me like I did something inhuman. Or maybe
I was just over analyzing it. My cheeks immediately begin to heat up and I looked back at Violet.

"Lunch is over, sweetie," Violet giggled. "I was trying to get your attention forever but you were like on another planet or something."

"Oh, uhm I was just thinking, sorry," I stuttered out looking down at my hands before grabbing my bag and leaving the cafeteria with Violet and Leighton.

"I'm beginning to worry about you, Gage. You keep spacing out on me," Violet said as we entered the hall.

"What, is it a crime for me to think or something?"

"Well..." Violet trailed off laughing.

I pouted and softly punched her on the shoulder. She continued to laugh as she pushed me lightly. Even though she didn't push me hard some how I still managed to lose balance and stumble and ended up bumping into Leighton.

"Sorry!" I squeaked quickly moving away from him.

He rolled his eyes. I couldn't tell if it was in annoyance or a simple playful eye roll. He was hard to read sometimes. Okay, he was hard to read all of the time. "Whatever. It's okay."

I made sure to stay clear of him and thankfully our classes were in opposite directions. "Uhm, I'm gonna go to my class now," I say to Violet.

"Oh, okay. You don't want me to walk you?"

"No, it's okay," I say with a smile. "I'll meet up with you for French though."

"Okay," she agreed giving me a hug. "Leighton! Wait, you're walking me to class!" she yells after her brother and runs to catch up with him.

Sighing, I turn around and make my way to my next class. I honestly think Leighton hates me. Every time I try to talk to him he just gives me short replies and seems uninterested. And than I always end up saying something stupid and I'm pretty sure it makes him hate me more. Letting out another sigh, I continue walking with my head held down. Which was obviously a bad idea and I end up bumping into something (or someone) else for the third time today. I look up to see a couple of big scary-looking seniors. Gulping, I take a step back as the one I bumped into glares down at me.

"Watch where you're going, freshman," he growled at me.

Firstly, I am not a freshman. I didn't dare say that to his face though instead I quickly apologized and hurried down the hallway to my next class. I need to stop letting these thoughts consume me.

Thankfully I made it to my class safely without bumping into anymore burly seniors. I probably wouldn't have been let off the hook a second time. I sat through two classes alone before I was finally reunited with Violet in the last class of the day. She met me outside of my art class and we headed to our last class together.

"I can't believe it's already the end of the day," Violet said as we climbed up the stairs.

"Yeah."

"I guess time does fly when you're having fun, huh?" she says jokingly and I let out a laugh.

"Oh, and I'm picking the seats this time." I rolled my eyes as she went straight for the back, of course, I followed her nonetheless. I didn't mind sitting in the back I just preferred sitting in the front.

"So, how were your other classes? Boring without me, right?" Violet asks as we settle down in our seats.

"Of course," I grinned. "Don't know how I managed without you."

"Me either."

"Can I sit here?"

I look away from Violet and look up to see a boy standing in front of me. He was probably a little bit taller than me with blonde hair. I think he was a sophomore like Violet and me. I look back at Violet who is looking at the kid like he just asked her to marry him or something.

"I dunno, can you?" Violet asks and I look back at the boy for his reaction.

"I was just asking," he said softly.

"Well nobody owns it, and there are like plenty of other seats, so..."

"You can sit there," I answer. If he even still wanted to sit near us. He does take the seat.

I turn to glare at Violet who starts laughing. "I was joking with the kid! It's not my fault he can't take a joke!"

Rolling my eyes, I turn my attention to the teacher who just entered the class. For the rest of the class we don't speak to him and he doesn't speak to us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You're coming back to my place, right?" Violet asks me as we exit the classroom.

"Duh!"

"No, no duh, because I can definitely make your place the hangout of the night."

"But we're going to your place," I answer with a grin. Because Leighton will be there.

"Yeah, just so you can eat all of my food!" Violet exclaims dramatically.

"Well, duh!" I laugh.

"Ha, yeah right. You barely eat a thing!" she laughs raising up my arm.

I pout snatching my arm back. "Shut up. I do eat. I'm just small." She begins cackling. I didn't think it was that funny but okay. She leans against her brothers car and lets out a huff.

"Where is he?" she groans.

I shrug and stand beside her searching the parking lot when I see him coming towards the car. He's walking alone. And he's too far away for me to see his face, but I've memorized every single contour of his beautiful face anyways. Wait, is that creepy? I mean I have known him for a long time and I'm over their house a lot, so it's only natural. Right? And I'm pretty sure there wasn't a smile on his face. He's always wearing a mask of indifference. That's why it's always hard for me to read him.

"Finally!" Violet sighed. "Can you walk any faster?!" she yelled to her brother causing me to flinch slightly. Ugh, why is she always yelling when I'm so close to her? I'm pretty sure he started walking slower. I giggled as Violet rolled her eyes.

"Fast enough for you?" Leighton asked when he finally made it to the car, unlocking the doors.

Violet stuck her tongue out at him before climbing into the backseat with me again. The ride was quiet much like this morning on the ride to school. I wanted to sit in the front seat with my hand in his resting on the console. Than it wouldn't matter if it was quiet or if we filled the silence with meaningless chatter. Because that sort of contact with him would be enough.