Miserably Loving You.

Nearly a week has passed since the whole "Violet ordeal", nearly a week since Leighton and I broke up. Or more like since I broke up with Leighton because I couldn't go along with his plan because I didn't want to hurt Violet or make her more upset than she was.

Did...did that make me a bad boyfriend, the fact that I took my best friend's feelings into consideration and not my boyfriend's? But wouldn't it make me a bad friend if I continued dating her brother despite how she felt?

Whimpering, I pulled the blanket over my head and curled into a ball. This was a lot to take in and it was eating away at me. Honestly, I've lost all motivation to do anything but lay here and cry and wish that things could have played out differently. I just wanted to be with Leighton and not care about what Violet thinks, but I do care. I don't want to hurt either one of them (even though I'm pretty sure I've done a lot of hurting already), and I don't want them to hate each other or whatever because of me.
I guess it'd be better if I just accepted the fact that I can't be Violet's best friend and Leighton's boyfriend at the same time. It's easier said than done though.

And Leighton isn't helping the situation. When I missed school the first day after the break up he came over later that night just to check on me and then it sort of became routine. I loved it and hated at the same time. I loved that he cared and that his sister's opinions didn't stop him, but also what if Violet found out and she got even more upset and breaking up with him would've been for nothing. And I'd be even more miserable.

All of this thinking and crying was exhausting and I found myself drifting to sleep. I awoke when I felt arms around me. I blinked my eyes opened and turned around to see Leighton lying beside me. He smiled at me as I snuggled into his side, resting my head on his chest.

"How have you been?" he asks softly.

"The same," I answer and cringe at the hoarseness of my voice. It was a quiet for a moment before I asked, "How's Violet?"

"She's...Violet," Leighton answers.

I smile softly at his reply. I missed her. Even though I blame most of my misery on her. She was still my best friend and I missed her. She text me the other day with some lame apology, but I didn't reply. Maybe I was being stubborn, but I just wanted to ignore her for a while.

"I miss her," I whisper.

Leighton hums in response, and I wonder how things are between him and his sister. I haven't talked to Violet and when Leighton sneaks over we usually just lay here and enjoy each other's company. We definitely don't talk about Violet.

Leighton combs his fingers through my hair which is embarrassing because I haven't done anything to it and it was kinda gross right now. But I was too tired and drained of emotion to care.

I was content just being in Leighton's arms. "I wish we could just stay like this forever," I mumble through the sleep that was slowly taking over my body again. I felt Leighton place a kiss on my forehead before I was drifting back to sleep.

When I woke up, Leighton was gone, the sun was peeking through my window, and someone was knocking on my door. I pull the cover over my head as the door opens and I hear my mom's voice.

"Gage, sweetie, talk to me," my mom says as she takes a seat on my bed.

My dad was most likely already gone, because I can remember going to the bathroom earlier this week and hearing my parents talking about me, and my dad telling my mom to give me time and that I'll talk to them when I was ready, and if not he'd talk to me since it was part of his profession.

I pull the blanket down and sigh. "I'm okay, there's nothing to worry about," I try to reassure her.

She lets out a sigh. "Gage, you've hardly left your room and it looks like you've been crying, and Violet or Leighton aren't telling me anything either. And you haven't been my sweet little Gage, I think I have the right to worry."

I sit up and look at my mother, who sounded like she was on the verge of tears. She looked tired, like she hasn't slept in days and worried and I instantly felt like a horrible son.

I'm a horrible son. I'm a horrible friend. I'm a horrible boyfriend. I'm just a horrible person! Wow, way to go, Gage.

"Mom," I sigh, feeling guilty. "I promise I'm okay. I'll be my normal self again."

She gives me a small smile and shakes her head. "Just get ready for school, okay?"

I nod and watch as she leaves my room. I guess I'm going to school today. It's the least I can do for making my mom feel like shit and worrying her. Sighing, I push my blanket off of me and reluctantly got ready for school.

When I was dressed in an over-sized sweater, the loose pair of jeans I own, and after running my fingers through my tangled mane; I made my way downstairs and to the kitchen where my mom was putting a cup in the sink.

I give her a small smile. "Ready." She turns to look at me and frown, and now I'm feeling even worse than I already was. "Um, can you give me a ride please?" I ask before she could make a comment on my appearance.

"Sure, but you don't want to ride with Violet today?" she asks giving me a confused look.
"Um, I just want to do something different today," I say shrugging.
"Well, come on than."
I nod and follow my mom out to the car. I glance over at the McQuin's place to see that Leighton's car was still there. And if I didn't look away soon I'd probably cry. So, I quickly got in to my mom's car and distracted myself with the radio.

My mom was saying something, but my mind was a bit clouded so I wasn't really paying attention to what she was saying. I felt bad but I just couldn't focus.

"Gage, are you sure you're okay? I've been talking, but you haven't said anything."

My mom looks over at me and I look out the window so I wouldn't have to see the hurt and the disappointment in her eyes.

"Yeah, just thinking," I say and notice that we were pulling up to the school.

"Well, thanks, mom," I say finally looking over at her. She smiles, but it's sad and it makes me want to cry. I smile in return.

"Can you pick me up, too?"

"Sure, sweetie. Have a great day."

"You too, Mom." I lean over to place a kiss to her cheek before climbing out of the car. I wave as she drives away and sigh as I turn to the building. It almost felt foreign.

It felt weird not having Violet by my side.

I went straight to my locker when I was inside and grabbed the books I needed for my first two classes. As I was shutting my locker I heard my name being called. I turned around in confusion and saw Elliot making his way towards me.

"Hey, Gage, is everything okay?" he says as he stands in front of me.

"Yeah, why'd you ask?"

He shrugs and stuffs his hands in his pocket. "Well, you haven't been here and Violet's been acting weird and the guy you were with at the Halloween party has been looking super depressed, and you haven't been here, so I figured it had something to do with you."

Of course.

"Oh," I say looking down at my shows. I shrug and look anywhere but at Elliot. "Everything's good."

"Oh, um, that's good. Glad to see you're here!"

I look Elliot and he's smiling at me. A real, genuine smile which is definitely a contrast to the sad and barely there smiles I've been receiving and giving these past days.

Smiling softly, I just nod.

"French has been boring without you," he says.

"I doubt I make French exciting."

Elliot laughs and shrug. "Well, since you've been gone Violet has no one to talk, so she opts for me, and that hasn't been any fun."

"Oh, sorry," I say for lack of anything better to say.

He shrugs again. "It's okay, I effectively tune her out."

"So, you ditched McQueer for the guy?"

I flinched at the familiar voice and half hid behind Elliot. I was hoping today would go smoothly and I could just blend in with all of the normal kids, but apparently someone has other plans. The four guys who quickly became known as my bullies were standing in front of us.

"J-just because I'm with Elliot doesn't mean Leighton and I aren't still friends," I say trying to be threatening. Because maybe knowing Leighton was still around would scare them off.

It definitely didn't work.

"Oh, I see how it is," their arrogant leader smirked. "You're a fucking whore."

I clutched the back of Elliot's shirt with my free hand and tried to bite back the tears.

"Fuck off," Elliot snaps.

My eyes widened in surprise, because for one; I thought Elliot was quiet and innocent, and secondly; he just said that to guys who won't hesitate to hurt him. The guy was definitely quick to grab Elliot by his shirt. But to my surprise Elliot didn't look phased at all. I just stood there completely helpless and not knowing what to do.

Thankfully the bell rung and a teacher was close by backing everyone go to class. The guy let go of Elliot's shirt and roughly pushed him, but he caught his balance. He glared at us before walking away.

"Th-Thanks," I breathed when they were gone. "Sorry you had to be a part of my mess."

Elliot gave a lazy smile and shrugged. "It's no problem. They're jerks who need to be put in their place. "

We went our separate ways after saying our goodbyes and I was kind of worried that they'd try to jump him. Luckily, I didn't have any more interactions with them, but I did have a few classes with Violet.

I tried to sit away from her because we don't have assigned seats, but we might as well have them because everyone likes to sit in the same seats that they sat in on the first day of school, and no one was willing to trade.

So, I had to sit through class with Violet trying to casually talk to me like nothing ever happened which really pissed me off. By lunch I was starving and I managed to ditch Violet. I was definitely a horrible friend. I missed her, but yet I was avoiding her.

I entered the cafeteria and stood in line feeling out of place.

"Hey I didn't know you had this lunch."

I turned around to see Elliot and I felt a little better. "Oh, hi."

"You wanna eat together?"

"Oh, um..."

"It's okay, you can sit with your friends if you want to."

"Oh, no, it's fine. I'll eat with you."

"Cool! I usually eat outside though. Is that okay?"

"It's kinda cold out though."

Elliot laughs. "We can eat inside than."

We grab our food and as we head out of line I glance over at the table I usually sit at and see Leighton. I smile but it falters as I notice a guy sitting across from him. His back is to me so I don't see his face and I quickly look away.

"We-we can sit outside," I say quietly to Elliot.

"Oh, are you sure? We don't have to."

I nod. "I'm sure."

We're about to exit the cafeteria when Violet comes in. "Gage, there you are I was looking for you!" she exclaims. "Oh, and you're with Elliot! Perfect! See, Elliot, I told you you guys would look cute together!"

Violet was rambling on and on and I was starting to get a headache and she was starting to piss me off. "Violet, can you just shut up," I say angrily causing Violet to stop talking and look at me with wide eyes.

"You're acting as if nothing even happened! And what the hell is this, you're trying to set me up with Elliot? Really? It's almost been a week and you're trying to set me up with somebody else just because you don't want me dating your brother? What's wrong with you? Do you care about anyone else's feelings but your own?" Was I starting to shout or was it just me? And are the walls moving closer or? "I just-you're- just just stay out of my life!"

Tears were starting to escape my eyes and I was starting to hyperventilate. I dumped my food in the trash and ran out of the cafeteria. I ran and ran until I was far away from the cafeteria and I sat against a wall with my knees pulled to my chest and my arms wrapped around my legs. I tried to control myself as I pulled out my phone and with trembling hands I dial my mom's number.

"Mom?" I sob.

"Gage, honey, what's wrong?" My mom's frantic voice responds.

"I-I can you pick me up, please?" I choke out.

"Yes, of course! Are you okay? Where are you?"

I take a deep breath before answering. "I'm at school. I'm...just not feeling well."

"Ok, I'm on my way."

I nod. "Thanks, Mom." As soon as the call ended I begin to cry again.

I desperately wiped at my face trying to stop the tears but more just came. I stayed in that spot until it was nearing the time for everyone to go to their next class. I stood from my spot and exited the building and waited for my mom.

When she pulled up I got in the car without a word and I could sense how worried my mom was but I stayed quiet and she didn't ask any questions.

When we got home I went up to my room and resumed my position on my bed with fresh tears running down my face. I was hoping that mine and Violet's first argument would also be our last. I didn't like this at all.

I just wanted things to go back to normal.