Miserably Loving You.

"It's been a long time since we had best friend time," Violet says as she takes a seat on one of the swings.

It was the last day of winter vacation and I-sort of reluctantly- promised to spend the day with Violet. I know, I know I'm a horrible friend.

Even though we spent the entire vacation, except for the part when Violet comes back, alone I honestly would rather be at home with Leighton making out or...something.

Since Violet came back we haven't really done anything other than make out. It was hard for us to have alone time with Violet intervening every chance she gets.

I take a seat on one of the swings next to Violet as my cheeks begin to heat up as my mind begins to wander elsewhere, and start to lightly swing.

"My stupid brother has been hogging you," she huffs.

"And you went to your dad's for almost a month," I pointed out.

"Yeah, but before than he's been all over you, too and we barely get to hangout anymore. And you two act like I'm some fucking monster."

I don't say anything. Because is she being fucking serious right now? Every chance she gets she as something negative to say about Leighton and mine relationship.

Violet is quiet and the only sound is the creaking of the old swing as I continue to lightly swing. I turn to look at my friend who is staring down at her shoes.

I let out a sigh. "If you're seriously going to do this, Vi, I would have stayed at home. There are other things I'd rather be doing than sit here listening to you talk shit," I say angrily.

"Like fucking my brother?" I hear Violet mumble under her breath.

Despite my cheeks heating up, I turn to glare at her. "What's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," she snaps.

"Yes you do," I say as I stop swinging. "Ever since Leighton and I started dating you always have some disparaging bullshit to say. And no one treats you like a monster, it's just every single chance you get you criticize our relationship and it's getting really annoying! Why can't you just be happy for us?"

I seriously didn't want his to happen. I tried to avoid having another confrontation with Violet, but it's almost inevitable.

"Maybe if you had a boyfriend you'd understand," I added.

Violet looks up at me from her spot on the swing and I almost feel bad about yelling at her. I almost apologize, but I stand my ground.

She doesn't say anything and I'm getting annoyed so I let out a sigh and tell her that I'm heading home.

"Wait, Gage," she finally says as I'm walking off.

I almost ignore her, but I decide not to be a huge jerk and turn around waiting for her to continue.

Violet's off the swing and walking over to me. "I'm sorry Gage, I just-" she sniffs trying to hold back her tears.

I feel really bad now and my expression softens as tears begin to roll down Violet's cheeks.

"Violet," I sigh and pull her into a hug.

"I'm sorry," she cries in my jacket.

"Hey, let's just go back to my place and have some hot chocolate and have a movie marathon," I say. "Sound good?"

Violet nods and pulls away wiping at her face.

I smile at my best friend and we begin to walk back to my house in silence. When we get there I make us both some hot chocolate with a lot of marshmallows and we get comfortable on my living room couch and watch movies.

I text Leighton letting him know that we were back at my place. I really wanted him to come over, but I really don't think that's a good idea right now. It'd probably make things worse.

"Ugh, tomorrow we have school," Violet suddenly groans as the credits of our third movie begin to roll.

"Yeah," I sigh.

I definitely wasn't looking forward to going back. This was probably the best winter break ever. No, it definitely was the best. My checks heat up and a small smile spreads across my lips as I replay the time I had with Leighton.

"Gage," Violet whines bringing me out of my embarrassing thoughts.

"Hmm?" I look over at Violet.

"You're not even listening."

"Oh. What were you saying?"

She sighs. "I said and we only have four more months of school. Can you believe it? And then we'll be juniors!"

I laugh lightly. She's right though. This school year is quickly coming to an end. We have almost less than four months and then it'll be over. But that means-

"And Leighton will be graduating," Violet voices my thought and I turn to look at her.

She didn't really look as bothered as I was about this even though she was the one always complaining about how she didn't want him to go off to college and leave her and her mother alone and everything. Me, on the other hand, I was slowly falling apart.

Since the school year started I was upset about Leighton leaving and going off to college and forgetting about me and what not, his sister's best friend. But now we're together and I didn't know what was going to happen once he graduates.

Leighton and I never talked about what would happen once he graduates. Violet would always tell me he mentions college and everything, but I never personally asked him about his plans after graduation.

I guess, in a way I'm kind of...scared?

What if this is just a temporary thing and once he graduates he leaves never looking back?

Okay, I know I'm being ridiculous. He said he loves me, so he wouldn't do that, right?

Right...

There have been plenty of times, before Leighton and I started dating, that I'd fantasize about a future with him but since we've been dating I've been living in the moment. But, I do want a future with him. I've never dreamt of being with anyone else. It was always Leighton or no one at all.

"-and it must be nice." I wonder if she's been talking this whole time. I tune back into reality and listen to Violet as she continues to talk.

"Giving up college and everything to be with you, how sweet. I figured that's why he was staying behind. Its obviously not for me."

I stare at Violet, my heart sinking in my chest. If-if she's telling the truth I should be happy that Leighton isn't going off to college but I can't.

I don't want to keep him from going off and experiencing college and having fun and seeing the world.

I didn't want to tie him down here.

I didn't want to be a burden.

Ugh, my head hurt from thinking too much about this. Maybe I should talk to Leighton about his plans after graduation, about us. Or...or just go with the flow and accept-or try to accept-whatever happens.