Misplaced Words

I am so charmed by the new girl Kari; she seems to cling to every word I say. Not to mention that it feels really a great to have a fan. I mean a proper fan, someone who isn't a friend or family member, just a stranger who loves your work. I love having her around, but for some reason when she clings to Kellin makes my heart tighten with jealousy. That should be me, at least that is the thought that grips me sometimes when I see her all over him. I close my eyes and sigh, getting a glimpse of Kellin holding me from behind while we are in a hospital room. I was upset, at Ally; she was lying in the bed with her wrist bandaged. I could feel Kellin’s lips soothingly on the back of my neck. It was gentle and comforting, it felt so familiar and loving, like something that had happened so many times before.

I scream out and clutch my head in the middle of lecture that Johnny Depp was giving; the class could all hear me through the webcam I was connected through. A nurse came running in and checked my vitals. She is full of nervous energy and panting away. I guess it’s too much excitement for her because this hospital is rarely ever busy since students tend to not to get injured often; hardly any people outside of campus are brought here for treatment either. They must secretly be happy to have something to do with their time. She comes to the side of my bed when she is done checking everything, she touches my hand gently as she moves the webcam away to grant me some privacy.

“What’s wrong?” She calms down seeing that I am physically okay. “Do you need anything?”

“I saw something. I think,” I press my fingers against my head, “I think that it was a memory. Can you ask my friends to come here for lunch? I want to know if what I remembered is true.”

“Okay,” she nods and smiles, “I will have notices sent to all their classes. This is good news Elizabeth, you are recovering.”

I couldn't focus on the rest of my class work I was anxious, I had to know if what I saw was the real and not some hidden desire that I have. Especially since I feel like I am falling in love with Vic on a new level, one that fell far deeper than before the accident. Of course, I can also feel that something is stopping me for going all in for Vic. Maybe my past with Kellin is the key to that. But how can I even have a past with Kellin, did Vic and I really break up? Did we get back together? I hate not knowing anything about myself; even Kari knows more about me. I need to stay focused; I can't let myself fall if I am already with someone who is perfect for me. Is Kellin perfect for me? I mean he seems like a little bit of a player kind of guys, all smooth and popular with the ladies. What would a guy like that want with a simple girl like me?

I type some random words the teacher says on my notepad, waiting to hear the bell for lunch. I am trying very hard to stay focused, I know I have the top spot and competition is fierce this year. I refuse to let myself slip. Roxy, Zac and Aiden are amazing actors and I can't let them overtake me. I think of scenarios use for my play project. I push the thoughts from before to the side and focus on my class work. The time flies and next thing I know it is five minutes before class ends the teacher holds up an announcement slip. I remember what that means, well most of the time anyway; there is a new couple on campus. Johnny clears his throat and smiles.

“I am pleased to announce that our very own Aiden is now dating Aaliyah Leon.”

There was some scattered applause and my heart leaps for joy for Ally. I am still not clear what happened with her and Max but I am so happy that she is moving on. I remember Aiden vaguely; he auditioned so well, he is also extremely handsome. If I can remember that day, then it rushed back to me. Aiden was doing his monologue, Roxy and I were judges. His grass green eyes focused as his chocolate locks of hair are being pushed around angrily by his frantic hands. The way the golden tone of his skin was being kissed further by the heat from the sun on that day. His chiseled jaw line, kissable pink lips and adorable dimples summing up his gorgeous face. From the athletic build of his body you can tell he keeps in good shape and the adorable accent he spoke in was an added bonus. I remember his flirtatious look and then I flashed a ring to him. My head started to feel like it was being split open, tears were stinging my eyes. I am pushing myself too hard.

What was the ring? I remember that he shrugged at it so, maybe it wasn't important? So why did I flash it to him like it was? I look at my finger which was now empty; maybe someone took the ring from me while I slept. Are they afraid of the memories it might have triggered? Or maybe it’s because they doctors said too much could cause me to go into shock? Whatever it is, I feel like I miss it. I caress my empty finger; I can hear someone walking in so I stop and smile. I look up and see Vic smiling at me.
_______________________________________

“I hear you are remembering something babe?” I say, a knot forming in my stomach.

It has been almost too easy slip into a normal relationship with Lizzy; it really did feel like the past three years didn't happen. Like all the ugly complicated stuff was all just a bad dream that I had. I could pretend that no one has gotten jumped, blackmailed, and heartbroken, that there were no murder or suicide attempts and no deaths. Which, of course, is ironic, I guess, since a murder attempt is what got Lizzy to think we are together in the first place. It was like we could pretend everything else had been a dream and this was the true reality. I grab her hand and tangle our fingers together. Then I remember Kellin, and I pull back, guilt reminding me that this is not real. All the ugly stuff, that is what is real.

“I have great news, and I want you to be the first to know,” I sit next to her on the bed, “my band got signed. We will be leaving campus with certificates in January and headed off to make our first album. “

I can hear the other’s walk in as I say the last part. I hear something drop and I know it was Ally as I hear feet running out of the room and into the hallway.