Misplaced Words

I shake my hair and see the sweat fall all over the studio floor. This dance piece for the breast cancer showcase is so intense. To think it has to be smack in the middle of the short thirty minute play we are doing, I have to nail this and still be able to say my lines afterward. I can feel my body adjusting after each practice session, so I should do just fine. I seriously have to get it right; this is my chance to push Aiden back down on the top five. That’s my boy and all but there is no way in hell that I am letting him knock me down any notches. I have to make my way back to the top. He is exceptionally talented and gorgeous but he is not better than me. I was just off my game last year that’s all. Besides, only Lizzy gets to be ahead of me. I plan to be way too cutthroat to let this one slide. I will be on my A game this year. I grab my water bottle and chug it, picking up my small towel to wipe some of the sweat off of my forehead.

I look at the mirrored wall; I have lost fifteen pounds in the past four months. It was the deadly combo of depression, anger and judo I now do. I started to pick it up to keep those I love safe. Especially since I do plan on having children, my womb feels so empty now that I know I once had my baby in there. I place my hand on the flat surface of my belly and I fight the urge to cry. I remember that night so clearly; I left my phone in that bathroom. Ally once again pulled another of her incredibly stupid stunts and poor Lizzy was a wreck. It was so dark in the room; I lost my bearing because I was so damn groggy. I could hear the shuffling and running across the hall. I jump up and next thing I know I am falling. I felt my stomach hit the edge of the table we have by the bed, a sharp pain seized me and I knew. Rage fills my chest up at the memory. I can still see all the blood there on the bathroom floor. That Ally is so selfish but, that’s okay because this year, she is going to pay for all the pain that she has caused.

I get up from the floor and start to go through the routine again. About mid-way though I hear the door open and I know without turning around its Lizzy. She has finally ditched the crutches, healing faster than everyone expected, and she is able to walk pretty firmly on her own. I am pretty sure that that stubborn diva is here to see the routine that she is determined to be a part of. I can hear her lean against the squeaky dance railing behind me on the other side of the room. I finished the routine and I turn to face her.

“What did you think?” I ask as Lizzy smiles at me.

“It’s more intense than I thought. You have the middle tight but the ending needs a bit of work. Overall though I know you are going to knock everyone’s socks off.” She sits on the floor, “I wish I could be dancing alongside you.”

“Dolcezza,” I put my hand on my hip, “it’s your short play that we are doing. You wrote the music, dictated the dance, are planning the props, designed the costumes and lighting, and wrote the script.” I raise my eyebrows at her, “what more do you want?”

She bites her lips and laughs a bit, “Look Roxy, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

I grab my second water bottle and guzzle it down, “okay love, I am all ears.” I walk over and sit facing her, “spill your guts out to me.”

“I am remembering things, with Kellin.” She fidgets with her laces and smiles nervously, “but I feel kind of torn, I mean I thought I was happy with Vic but every time I remember things with Kellin I feel like it’s all a lie.” She shifts herself and stares at me, “but here is the thing, how could I be with Kellin? He is out of my league and he is just my best friend, right? I mean he seems like he must be some kind of ladies man or whatever. Besides," she laughs nervously, “if he really had feelings for me, why did he let his best friend get to me first?”

I give her a sad look, I feel sorry for Lizzy. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to forget everything that made me so happy. I love Victor and all, but that fool doesn't deserve to have this pretend romance with Lizzy. He broke her heart once and I hope she remembers before he has the chance to do it again. I move forward so that I am closer to her and I grab her hand.

“Dolcezza, things between you and Kellin were complicated at first. I mean you always liked him right?” I squeeze her hand to encourage her to keep talking.

“Yeah,” she blushes, “but I always thought Ally had a thing for him so I backed off. Plus I really did, do, care for Vic; I mean I thought he was, is some kind of perfection.” She blushes even more, the color creeping down to her neck. “I feel incredibly drawn to him, like something is holding me to him. Like a thread or something, and it’s not like our friendship is close enough for me to pass it off on that.” She bites her lip, “did I settle with Kellin? I mean how can he top that connection?”

I laugh a little, not really at her but at the thought she just expressed. She sounds so worried, she had no idea that her and Kellin move like identical twins, that is how in sync they are. They fit each other like gloves, laugh like the best of friends and kiss with so much passion that the rest of us blush. Their connection may not be unexplainable, but it’s the most beautiful thing about Lizzy. I smile at her, and pat her knee lightly knowing that I can't say any of those things about them. She would have to remember all of that on her own; I think it’s kind of romantic that they can fall in love all over again.

“Lizzy, just trust me, you and Kellin are perfect together. Truly an inspiration to all who see you both together. I mean I got married with Brendon after seeing what it was like taking real risks for love.” I pat her cheek and smile, “you will remember everything soon enough.”

She is choking back tears, “I love Vic, but for some reason I cannot imagine my life without Kellin. When I see his face everything in me feels like it comes alive. It’s almost like I need him, like air, food or blood." She starts crying, “I have never been so confused in my life.”

I pull her into me, hugging her, “don't worry sweetie, I will be here with you every step of the way. I promise. It will all work itself out soon."

"I am so glad that I have you," she cries into my shoulder and hugs me closer.