Misplaced Words

Things have been really busy lately. I can barely get any rest from all of the work that we've been doing for class. Besides music rehearsal which already takes a toll on my social life, we have exams coming up in each of our classes, so it's been really 'fun' these past few weeks.

When I finally do get small bits of time to actually hang out with a few friends, Aiden always pulls me away. I think it's really sweet that he wants to spend so much time with me, I mean it's not like anyone else has really been here with me through my hard times. It's just, things were looking up for me and Lizzy, especially since she doesn't remember half the horrible stuff I put her through. I want to patch things up but I am not sure if I really can. I barely see her, she is always off with Vic. I barely see Kellin, because he is always trailing after them trying to in his wife back. I barely see Vic...not that I care about seeing Vic anyway, I have Aiden now. The point is I barely see anybody and the weird thing is I don't really care.

Sometimes I do I try to tell him that it would be nice for us to hang out with other people, mostly because I want to show him off. Well, he tells me that I don't need those people. He smiles gently and tells me they are keeping me down from becoming someone big. They are causing too much drama for me. Which is completely true, besides they wouldn’t understand how wonderful Aiden is anyway. Aiden is just so cultured and mature; he doesn’t have time for kiddie things like group games of truth or dare. So I always give him a big smile, agree with him, and move on.

Sometimes though, I feel so, I don't know, guilty. Ugh. It's weird because I love being with him, he makes me feel so special and so loved. He even helps me see how Naomi's death won't be in vain if I work hard and make my dreams come true, you know, live for the both of us. He is just so supportive like that. He is just more open with me about everything. Especially about how the impact of my actions truly affect him. I think it’s refreshing that finally someone is honest with me, and who isn't afraid to make me their whole world.

I've never been so sheltered by a boyfriend before. The only other guy I've spent hours on end with is Vic, and I mean, it did feel so right to be with him but... with Aiden, it's just so different. He even sleeps in my room, just so we can be together. He can’t bear to be without me and I love that. Finally, I have found someone who treats me like a queen and is completely devoted to me in every way. He makes me feel so damn loved and so safe. Of course, I screw things up from time to time, like when I mention Vic every other day. He always gets mad and tells me to stop comparing him to Vic, even though I never directly do….out loud.

There are the times that I say that he's a little too conceited or his choice in clothing is to dressy. He reacts so emotional, gets angry and says I am attacking who he is which leads to him closing off and getting a distant look in his eyes. He won't talk to me, his jaw will set angrily like if he opens it he will yell at me. I see him try so hard for me. Ugh, I hate that I hurt him like that, I am such an idiot. In reality, I was just trying to give him tips the way he does to me. Then again, being an arrogant actor is common. I really need to lay off, I know how sensitive he is. This is how I ended up messing things up with everyone else. I don’t want things to end like that with Aiden. I can’t lose him they way I lost Vic, twice.

I am not sure Aiden knows about my history with Vic, it's not like I told him. Toward the beginning of our relationship he caught me staring at Vic a few times, so I had to spill something. Not anything important, just that we were friends. I didn't want him worrying about Vic, especially since I planned to work around the whole Lizzy thing and somehow still maintain a connection with him. Of course, ever since he dropped me in order to be totally devoted to her, I went full-fledged into my relationship with Aiden and moved on. At least I think I did.

Anyway, I'm just glad this is the first Friday in a long time that I finally have a little time for myself. To think all of this over and figure out how to give more of myself over to my Aiden. I need sleep first, to clear my head. I stretch out on my bed and yawn, ready for a nap. I take a sip of my hot chocolate and place it down on my night stand, then flip over to get some rest. I'm all cuddled up with my giant stuffed rabbit that Lizzy gave me last year when there's a knock on my door. Oh man. I grunt as I get up from bed and open the door, feeling groggy.

"Great, you're early!" I say enthusiastically as I open the door. But it's not Aiden, it's Jack.

"Ally," he says dryly.

"Jack," I say, not hiding the surprise in my voice. "How are you?"

"I'm great actually thanks," he says, his eyes darting around the room. "I was just um, coming to check on you because your sister wants to know why you haven’t been by."

"Oh, I am doing really well." I say, walking over to my bed and sinking into its comfort. "Kellin wasn't available?"

"Huh?" He turns around and nods, "oh yeah, well, he's too busy trying to win Lizzy over, as usual," he rolls his eyes, "you know how it is."

"Yeah..." I tell myself not to ask, but continue before even working up the reasoning, "what about the others?"

"What others?"

"The other people in the group, Roxy and them. I mean no offense by why did Lizzy send you?"

He purses his lips and stares at me for a minute. I can't tell if he's angry or undecided. Then he speaks up, "well actually I was sent here because-"

"Ally?"

Uh oh, I know that accent.

"Hey babe," I smile nervously, turning to greet Aiden from down the hall.

"What's he doing here?" Aiden asks, and I can already hear the anger in his voice.

"I was just leaving," Jack mumbles.

I look at Jack, wishing he never came here in the first place. I mean this probably looks really bad. I am in a sheer white blouse and my short short pajama bottoms. Aiden probably thinks he is leaving my room, my heart pounds. I need to make this up to him.

"Are you tired honey? You look tired. Let’s get inside my love," Aiden says, pulling me into my room. He grabs my wrist tightly and whips me around to face him, then closes the door. "Why was he talking to you?"

"He was sent here by Lizzy," I say, looking down at my feet.

"Why are you lying to me?" His voice trembles a bit, I can tell he is very upset.

"I'm not, I swear! You can go ask him yourself or ask Lizzy," I say, begging him with my eyes to forgive and trust me.

"Oh, so you have him here, in your room, wearing that,” he points at my attire, “and I am supposed to believe it was just for Lizzy.” He says, getting closer to me. "What are you thinking?"

"What are you thinking?" I ask in a low voice, before gasping and covering my mouth. I see a look of disgust cross his face before stepping back from him. "I don't like him! Plus, he's married, with a child!"

"That doesn't matter; I know plenty of shady women who would go after a married man. Besides from what I know of you, nothing gets in your way when you want someone." He walks over to my dresser, I can see him eyeing the picture I still have of Jack and Vic. I groan. “What’s this?”

"I am not like that anymore! It’s just a stupid old picture, it means nothing I swear." I feel like crying.

"How would I know that," he shoots back at me. "How do I know I can trust you? You don't need anyone but me, why don't you understand that? Do I not take care of you? Send money to your family when you ask? Give you everything you desire, all I ask is that you stop trying to talk to other men!"

He picks up the picture frame and throws it against the wall. I hear the glass crack and flinch a bit. He turns his back to me and I can see how heavily he is breathing. I have upset him again. That seems to be all I am good at, upsetting people. I feel tears trickling down my face as I turn away from him. I hate when he gets like this. It's times like these I wish Naomi was still here, so she could help me be a better person. Or even Vic was still there for me. He always knows what to say, how to make me laugh. No, he's not there for me. Even if he was, it's not like I would be able to reach him. Aiden would just doubt me even more. Why am I even being so stupid and thinking of Vic at a time like this? I don't need Vic, what I need is to focus on making sure Aiden knows that I love him.

I sit on my bed and grab my pillow, "I love you Aiden, and please forgive me."

Aiden turns and looks at me with disapproval. "You don't need to cry, it’s unbecoming of a lady."

I get up and wrap my arms around him; I feel his body stiffen in my arms. “I am so so sorry, I won’t ever talk to him again, I promise.”

I feel his body relax in my arms and I smile. Finally, I did something right.

"Okay babe, you know how jealous I can get," he wipes my tears away, "I just don't want to lose you. We need each other Ally." I sniffle and hold him closer. "That Jack guy hurt you badly remember?” He looks at the scars on my arm. “You don't want to get caught up with people like that. They will only hold you back; I don't want you picking up those habits again. You are a star baby, my star" he says, then kisses me.

I pull away from him and smile, "I'm never going anywhere, Aiden."

"That's what I like to hear," he smiles. Aw. My poor Aiden. He's just insecure and possessive. We all have our flaws, right? He cares about me, that's all that matters. Not my sister, not some other random girl, just me. I don't know why I tell myself otherwise, it's all craziness. He runs his finger up and down my arm, looking past me. He has a thoughtful look on his face. Very attractive. "What would you like to do tonight?"

"Oh, I don't know," I yawn, "fly to Paris and eat some crepes."

"Okay, my love that is what we shall do!"

"What?" I giggle, "You’re crazy."

"No, I’m serious," he says, propping himself up on his elbow, "let’s get out of here."

"Come on Aiden," I roll my eyes,” there is no way we are going to escape this campus anytime soon."

"You know what? You're right. I guess you just don't want to take a chance, huh? You don’t want to have a thrilling night with me, don't want to travel-"

"Not again," I say, putting my hands playfully on his face.

"I'm just kidding," he chuckles, "take a joke."

"Oh, sorry," I smile, feeling stupid once again.

He shakes his head and pulls me closer to him, "its okay, I know you can be ditsy sometimes." That’s true, I really can. "Let’s just stay in and watch a movie. I'll order all the sweets you want, mi bella."

Oh, yes. My Aiden is so sweet; I know I can count on him to be there for me, even through our bad times like these.

He grabs my stuffed rabbit from behind him and looks at me, "I knew you were cheating," he jokes.

I giggle and smack him on the arm, telling him to pick a movie already.

Eventually I fell asleep during the movie, and so did Aiden. I knew he was working hard too, I could tell because those bags under his eyes stood out like an odd couple on that beautiful face of his. When I woke up he was still asleep, so I decided to reach out to Lizzy. I shoot her a text asking her to sit with me for dinner; we had a lot to catch up on.