Misplaced Words

Ally has been acting majorly weird lately. She has not said a single word to me in two weeks and out of the blue she calls to set up for us to have lunch together. I should be thrilled to hear from her but for some reason I feel hesitant about seeing her. I feel like Ally has been keeping something from me. I am starting to get pieces of our past and it’s all so ugly. All I see in those once lost moments are us fighting, yelling. It was just so much hatred that I felt towards her. All the emotions I had only felt in flashes towards her in the past; now seem to be a premature fixture against her. I can feel the anger at her for her careless and selfish behavior. The foolish ways she throws herself into situations without all the facts. It seems like being at this school was an excuse I used to leave her behind. My heart breaks just at the thought of us being so cold to each other.

My head is hurting so much, like its being split open from the inside. I keep seeing flashes of blood that I can’t understand; it’s stained the carpet of Ally’s room. A knot twists in my stomach, what happened and why I am so reluctant to remember that event? I put my head in my hands as the class chatters through the web camera; I wish they would let me in actually sit in my classes already. I mean they let me walk around campus; they could even wheel me to the classroom I don’t care. They say they are afraid I will get to many memories at once if I sit in my seat again. I know everyone is anxious what remembering everything at once would do to me but I can’t bear this anymore. I feel so torn like any moment I will crack in half leading me to a completely unfixable state.

My life is showing me two very clear and very conflicting paths. One where Vic is everything I ever wanted and the other is where Kellin is the very air that I breathe. One side has me and my sister at least pretending to get along, the other we barely say hello to one another. One I am focused and determined to be the best, and the other my heart in split because I want to give Kellin my all. At least one thing is constant on either path; I still have my Roxy, that’s the one comfort I get is knowing that I won’t lose her. Nothing will change between us, but can I handle how everything else will change? I keep getting flashes of a wedding, who did I marry? I can’t even remember. I dig my nails into my palms and sigh outwardly wishing that it was the weekend and I wasn’t trapped in bed with my thoughts.

There is a substitute teacher in for our regularly drama teacher and she isn’t even pretending to teach. I know she probably gets paid more than most lawyers hourly so why is she slacking? A cop pushes open the door and summons her forward, whispering softly into her ear. She gasps and starts to sob silently; my body stiffens along with everyone else’s I am sure. I am not even in the same room and I can feel the uneasiness and tension cloud my air. The cop clears his throat and faces the class somberly.

“I am sorry to inform you all that today five highly dangerous criminals have broken out of prison this week. Reports indicate that they may be heading this way. Their ring leader is the convicted felon Robert Schnider, who some of you may be familiar with. I was informed that an Elizabeth Quinn can be found in this class. Is she present here today?”

I am already sobbing, fear, no terror and dread coursing through my very veins. This can’t be happening, this can’t be real. I am having a nightmare; I just need someone to wake me up. He can’t be coming back this way; he can’t come and get me here. Wait a minute, what last name did he say? Kellin rushes into my room in that very moment, angry, worry, fear and a fierce protectiveness glowing in his eyes. In that moment I knew, he said Quinn, I am Kellin’s wife. I hop out of bed my bare feet hitting the cold floor when I jump into his arms crying my eyes out.

“I love you. I love you. Oh god, Kellin, I love you. I am so sorry for these past few weeks. Please don’t leave me, I need you. I am so scared, what if he finds me? ” He holds me tightly in his arms’ and my worry melts away, I feel completely and utterly safe. “Kellin, I don’t remember everything but I just know that it’s you I belong with. You are the one, my everything, my home.”

He kisses me fiercely and emotions crash over me. My mind is flooding with moments of us brought on by that kiss. I can see us having our first kiss at winter fest literally moments after Vic let me go. The first summer we had together, sneaking around and kissing when we really shouldn’t have. The time at the mall when he almost told me he loves me. When I saw him dressed as Gatsby and I knew that we were going to be an amazing couple. The ugly word, whore, plastered on my wall after he was jumped and all the mixed up emotions it gave me. The same mixed emotions I feel tugging at me now, best friend hopper, that’s still me and I think of piece of me will always belong to Vic. I wish we never dated, I wish I never got mixed up in all of this.

How we kissed that day after Vic held me for the last time in his arms, it was when Kellin started calling me his fragile flower. When I knew for sure that I was in love when he kissed me in the pool after karaoke that night. When we got voted the it couple for the school paper. With him I knew that there were no more doubts in my mind about love, he was what love looked like, felt like, smelled like, and tasted like. Our first winter festival together when he had pulled me away to sing for me. Now I can recall the time when he gave me my promise ring in my room that he had filled with white orchids, my very favorite flower. That is when I knew my greatest desire was to be his wife. I remember marrying him, my Kellin, the one who I belong to.

“Can I have my ring back?” I laugh, and his places it gently on my finger. My heart leaps for joy and I start crying again, but happy tears. “You are a dream come true baby.”

“I try,” he laughs and caresses my cheek.

It feels so good to be back in his arms even though now more than ever my life is in complete danger. My emotions are in more chaos then they have ever been, with a love for Vic and the taste of his lips still fresh on my lips. Not to mention that Robert is probably looking for me and Ally's mysterious enemy on the loose, who knows what will come next.