Misplaced Words

I curl up next to Aiden on his loveseat; his warm embrace so wonderfully familiar to me. He’s absently playing with my hair as we watch 50 First Dates. It’s been a whole two months since I’ve been with my Aiden and things are running smoothly. With the way my past relationships have been, I assumed that we’d have loads of issues by now, but everything is great. I was able to regain a spot back on the Top Five, thanks to the determination that Aiden has instilled in me; he even told me that I was the best performer for the Breast Cancer show that we had recently. I’m so glad that he’s here to help straighten out my life.

He shuts off the tv and turns to face me.

“Sing to me, belle.”

I smile and clear my throat dramatically, then start out soft with some Jessica Simpson.

“Every time you’re near baby
I get kinda crazy in my head for you
I don’t know what to do
And oh baby-”

“Hey,” He stops me, grabbing my hand, “sing me your song.”

“Oh,” I say, shifting on the seat.

I start singing my song, the words coming so effortlessly. I knew this song like the back of my hand, and it was nice to let out again, considering that I haven’t sung it in a while. I get to the chorus before Aiden stops me again, and I feel a bit disappointed. I hope it’s not sounding a bit rusty to him.

“Babe, who did you write this song for?” A hot flash courses through my body and I instantly feel troubled. I nearly fall off of the seat just thinking about it. “Hey, what’s wrong with you?” He tries to steady me, holding me close to him.

“I’m fine. As for the song, well,” I think quickly, “I made it up, based off of a character from a movie. Kind of like what I did for the song I helped Kellin write. I told you about that, right?”

“Yes,” he says, eyeing me, “but your song sounds a little more personal than that.”

“Nope,” I smile reassuringly, “it’s based off of Allie, in The Notebook.”

“Hm, that makes sense. My smart and creative belle. Now I can’t wait for you to write one about me,” He sighs, putting both hands behind his head, “you’re first real life-based song about me,” he turns to me and gives me a radiant smile, “I bet it’ll be amazing.”

“Mhm,” I nod, already lost in the memories flooding my head.
“It’s already been an entire month since I’ve seen him,” I whine, falling back onto my bed. Not a smart move; I’m met with the hard springs and instantly regret my fit. I sigh and frown, “I can’t take it anymore.”

“Well, there’s nothing you can do now,” my friend Doreen spills out from my phone, “he’s off, fulfilling his dreams, probably hanging with another girl,” I growl at her comment. She ignores me and continues, “While you’re here, rotting away with thoughts of him.”

“Thanks, you really know how to cheer a girl up.”

I roll my eyes and pout; I really miss seeing Vic. I seriously cannot get him out of my mind, especially not after that kiss we shared the last time I saw him. Before I knew it he was on a bus to Michael Jackson Academy with his brother and two other band mates, as Doreen put it, ‘leaving me to rot.’ I mean, there are still times when I linger around the supermarket, hoping to see him at his usual post, waiting for his sparkling brown eyes to meet mine. I blush just thinking about him.

“Hello?” Doreen shouts, removing me from my train of thought. “Are you still coming over or what?”

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” I turn onto my stomach and sigh, “I’ll see you in a bit.”

I hang up and hold a pillow over my face. This totally sucks. I didn’t even get to say bye to him before he left. I scream into the pillow and throw it at the wall, then grab my Hello Kitty notepad. I read over my song, ready to refine and finish it. This is going to be my first completed song, and I’m really confident about it. Lizzy says that the best art is the kind that results from deep feeling, and boy did I put some feeling into this song. I skim over it again.

Stay and be mine. If you want to, I can show you what my dreams are made of, as I’m dreaming of your face. You’ve been away for a long time, such a long time, and I miss you here, I can’t imagine being anywhere else, I can’t imagine being anywhere else but here. When the hell will you ever pick me? Honestly, ‘cause I can sing you a song but I don’t think words can express your beauty. I’m starting to think; how the hell did we end up like this? You bring out the best in me. I fell in love from the moment we kissed, since then we’ve been history.

It’s a little rough, but hey, I did what Lizzy told me. I felt, and scribbled it down on paper as it kept coming. I’ll leave it like this; in its purest form.

I know I’m young, but I’m sure this is what love feels like. I could barely breathe around him, and when I felt stable enough to do so, I lunged at him at any opportunity I got. Both extremes. It’s funny – Doreen envied my confidence when it came to boys, it just came so naturally. Yet around Vic…I don’t know; it’s different. Is it because he’s older? Could it be the talent that he holds? It’s intimidating and captivating at the same time. I don’t think he was ever aware that I was struggling to listen to him sing to himself as I passed him in the market several times. I would only hear him bits at a time, but that was enough to grab my attention. Oh, and that one time I saw him playing his guitar at the park? It’s as if I could feel his music seep within me, playing over and over again, even into my dreams. It’s insane.

Who am I supposed to talk to about this though? Definitely not my brothers. My dear parents? Nah, that’s kind of weird. Lizzy? I wish. She’s never even dated a boy. I’m not even sure if she’s even liked one yet. Whenever I try mentioning that I like someone to her, she brushes it off and kind of zones out. I don’t get why. Maybe she doesn’t understand? Whatever it is, she’s depriving me of big-sister knowledge.

I look down at the notepad again, smiling at my achievement. I sign my name at the bottom and try to think of a title. Can I seriously pin a name on these feeling that I have? I cross my eyes and huff before deciding to put what I thought fit best: Ally’s Song. I jump up and walk over to the closet, kicking aside the hamper that blocked my way. I fling the door open and cautiously take my acoustic guitar out. My prize possession. I had won it in a spelling bee over a year ago. I thought it was such a random prize; nonetheless, I fought for it…with my words. Ha, oh my gosh, need to tell Lizzy that one.

I shake my head at myself and sit back on the bed, starting to tune my guitar. I’m so excited to finally make this song official. Even more so now that I have something to present Vic with when I see him again. What he didn’t know is that after he mentioned going away for school, I planned to get in myself. I did some research and found out that they hold auditions every two years. So when that time comes, I can go and give the school my all, with high hopes of getting in. All I have to do is persuade Lizzy to come along with me; it can be a great step forward for the both of us. Especially her, since she’s really into her acting and writing.

I squeal and do a few test strums; I’m so glad that Lizzy is at work today, that way I have the room to myself to attempt to record the song on my phone without interruption. Otherwise, I enjoy her company. I unlock my phone, set the recorder, and launch into song.
Thinking of it now really hits home. Ever since Kellin changed the words to fit his relationship with Lizzy, I’ve been singing that version of the song. Plus, his rock version of the song is great as well. I guess I tried pushing the original out of my head, but Aiden just pulled it right out of the back of my head.

Now we’re in bed, Aiden pulling me close to him. After my drifting off in thought he concluded that I was tired and I just needed a nap. I agreed with him, just to keep him from worrying and made myself comfortable under his blanket. Maybe a little sleep will do me some good. I will most likely dream of my wonderful Aiden and it will immediately push out those thoughts of Vic.

I open my eyes, but I’m not in Aiden’s room anymore. I’m in mine, propped up in my own bed with the tv playing Friends in the background. Suddenly there’s a giggle and I turn to see Naomi, sitting on my desk, her legs swinging.

“Miss me?” she smiles.

I can’t believe my eyes. Is it really her? I slowly get out of bed, keeping my eye on her the entire time. The setting sun is shining through the sheer curtains, casting on her hair, making the fading violet of her hair stand out. She rolls her eyes and laughs.

“Why are you looking at me like that? Come over here and give me a hug.” I finally reach her, feeling like I was set in slow motion, and wrap my arms around her. I start to cry, causing her to push away from me. “What’s wrong?”

“Naomi,” I sniffle, “you’re dead. How are you here?”

Worry fills her eyes.

“This is a dream,” she whispers. She frowns and grabs my shoulder, “you miss me the most, now, and you just don’t realize it.”

“A dream? So I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone again?” I whine, sobbing harder.

“Als, please. Let’s not think about that. I’m here because you want to talk. The sooner we start, the less sad you’ll feel. You can make this last as long as time permits,” she chuckles, “that’s unless someone wakes you up.”

I wipe my nose with my sleeve and giggle, “Okay.”

I sit in my desk chair and prop my feet next to Naomi on the desk.

“So tell me,” she pushes some hair behind her hair, “what’s new?”

I sigh, “so much.” I bite my lip and say the first thing that comes to mind, “I’m dating this boy, Aiden. He’s absolutely perfect.” I smile, “he even got me this amazing promise ring!”

I stick out my hand to show it off, but it’s not there. I reach out both of my hands, examining them. They’re empty.

“That ring doesn’t exist in this dream honey,” she smirks, “and we both know why.”

I gulp and cross my arms, “what do you mean?” She rolls her eyes and pushes my feet off of the desk. They hit the edge of the desk and it hurts. For a dream, everything feels pretty realistic. “Ow, what was that for?”

“You still love Vic, stupid.”

“No way,” I say, shaking my head, “my heart belongs to Aiden and-”

“Ha!” She hops off of the desk and stands in front of me, a hand posed on her hip. “You said that about the other two boys you dated here on campus. Did you stick with them? No. And even if they didn’t break up with you, you still wouldn’t be with Max, not even Jack.”

“This is just a dream, how would you know whether my love for Aiden is the real deal or not?”

She sighs and lets her hand fall to her side. “Yes, this is a dream, but dreams only bring up things that are hidden away - in your subconscious. The only reason that I’m the one here talking to you is because you need closure, something you obviously didn’t get because my head being the bull’s eye of some cowardly moron,” she points a finger in my face “you are extremely stubborn.” She crosses her arms, shooting me a glare, “so talk.”

“I miss you so much-” I start, but she cuts me off.

“No, none of that stuff,” she says, waving her hand around frantically. “I know that you miss me. Tell me about how you felt when I was with Vic.” I purse my lips and look away. “Now is not the time to hold back, let it out already!”

“Fine!” I shout. She sits happily onto the desk, making herself comfortable. “It hurt me so much that after all that time of me gushing to you about him, after you knowing how much it bothered me for him to be with Lizzy, Tally, then Sonia, you go ahead and claim him for yourself. You didn’t know much of our history, but regardless, you knew that there was one. I trusted you; I didn’t think there would ever be a need for me to bring up to you that he was off limits. It did not once cross my mind that I would have this kind of talk with you. As if it was some silent promise you had made to me because you were my best friend,” I laugh bitterly. “I guess I wasn’t clear enough when I told you, word for word, that I wanted him!!” My eyes water up, “I wanted him, and you took him away from me. You guys even got engaged.”

Now I’m up, pacing the room. I swear there are fumes escaping my ears. She scratches at the desk, catching my attention.

“Continue,” she give gives me a nod, a calm expression on her face.

I breath in heavily, and let it out before continuing, trying to calm myself.

“When I’m with him, no matter what we talk about, no matter where we are, whether I’m with someone or not,” I shake my head, “it’s like I’m fifteen all over again.” A small smile spreads on my face, “those same butterflies invade my stomach, and I try to contain myself as much as I can. Sometimes, I can manage. Other times…” I laugh slightly, “I just can’t help myself.”

“I know this is not the time,” Naomi pipes up, “but I’m sure if you just would have been open with me, and told me all the stuff that you just did, there wouldn’t have been a problem.” She slides her hand over the surface of the table, “I’m sure I would have backed off then.”

“Naomi,” I frown, “I hate that this is the way I have tell you. Shoot, you won’t even know in real life. Only my dream version of you will know how I feel.”

“That’s good enough,” she says, giving me a sympathetic smile, “this is the best you can do, and you’re actually doing it. I’m proud of you.” She gets up and gives me a hug. “I’m so sorry that I happened to put you through all of that stuff. I was not a good friend.” She pushes away from me. “If this isn’t good enough, write a song about it, run on the track and shout at the top of your lungs; I don’t know, just do something. Whatever makes you feel better. Just don’t do anything stupid.”

I smile, “We both know I’m prone to acting on impulse.”

We laugh and hop onto the bed, sitting cross-legged in front of each other.

She sighs, “What are you going to do now that he’s leaving to go on tour soon?”

“I have no idea,” I mumble, picking at my socks. “I haven’t even had a decent conversation with him since the beginning of the school year.”

I look up at her, hoping for some advice.

“I don’t know what to tell you, chica.” She shrugs, “I only have as much knowledge as you do, remember?” She points at her head.

“Right,” I say, looking away.

“Well,” she says, patting me on the knee, “I think we’re about done here.”

“Yeah,” I give her a half smile, “I wish this were real life. You know, besides the yelling and whatnot.” We laugh and she gets up to head for the door. I really, really do miss her. I hate that she had to be harmed for my mistakes. “Naomi?” I get up and grab her wrist as she opens the door.

She turns around and smiles, “yes?”

“I love you,” I barely choke out before I’m tearing up again.

“I know,” she says, “and I hope you know that I loved you too.”

I nod and laugh, my eyesight getting blurry.

“Goodbye,” I wave at her.

“Adios, Als.”

My eyes fling open and I sit up instantly. It’s dark, so I reach for my phone on the night table. My screen flashes, revealing a text from Aiden:

‘Mi belle, you completely knocked out in my room. It was getting late, and I didn’t want to disturb your rest, so I just carried to you room and tucked you in. Let me know when you read this.’

I look at the time: its 11:28 pm. Without giving it another thought, I do what I do best and let my legs take over; leading me to the room of the boy I fell in love with.