Misplaced Words

I fiddle with my skirt as Glenda takes notes on what I had just finished telling her. She puts the pad down on her lap, then removes her glasses.

“Okay. Now, how does that make you feel?”

“Well, honestly, opposite to how everyone else thinks I would feel.” I sigh and push some of my hair behind my ear. “Everyone thinks I’m some kind of attention-whore and my life thrives on the drama, but really, I hate it. I hate when I argue with someone I care about, heck, even someone I don’t care about. I’ll be in the moment and say whatever comes to mind, and the worst part is the aftermath,” I pause, and she nods for me to go on, “you know, like, the constant staring by those who were around to witness a particular fight, or the shift in relationship with that particular person, of course.” I instantly think of Lizzy when I say this. I can’t count how many times we fought since we got to the academy, let alone my whole life.

“Yes, I get that biting your tongue can be a problem for you,” Glenda says in a sympathetic tone, “but why do you think it is that you are the way you are? Acting upon impulse instead of taking a moment to think things through?”

I think for a moment before diving into my past:

“I don’t get it,” I sob, clutching onto the phone, “I just don’t get it.”

“Here’s a thought,” Doreen says slowly, “how about you just cancel the party?”

“No Doreen, that’s not the point!” I groan angrily as I push myself further into the closet, as close to the wall as I could get. “Why won’t they just say no?”

“Uh, because you’re their baby girl, duhh.” I can tell Doreen is rolling her eyes, probably seeing my personal issue as a petty fit. She’s always told me how she wished she’d have things my way, because although my family is poor, my parents still manage to get me the things that I want. She doesn’t get it though. “Just shut up and take it, girl. I mean, how many less fortunate girls can say that they can have a sweet sixteen?”

“Ugh, sometimes I wonder why I even call you about these things,” I snap at her, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow-”

“No, no, no,” she cuts in, “I’m sorry, I’ll listen. Cry your pretty little eyes out to me as long as you need,” she says in her most sympathetic tone.

“Okay,” I suck in a shaky breath, then let it out. “I just, I just wish they’d say no sometimes, you know?” I know she doesn’t, but I just want to be able to talk it out. “I asked for a party and they practically didn’t even let me finish before saying yes.” I pick at a crack in the wall, “Lizzy has to take extra shifts in order to help pay for it, I overheard them talking about it after I left the living room. She could complain and put her foot down, but she doesn’t because it’s what mami and papi want. I feel bad.”

“I know I said I’d just listen and be supportive, but, you must not feel that bad if you’re letting them throw you that party anyway.”

“What can I say, Doreen?” I slide my back down the wall and sit on the floor, “Most of me is hoping they’ll cancel it. Maybe this will be the breaking point, they’ll tell me they can’t afford it and try to knock some sense into me, for real this time,” I feel myself tearing up again, “I just want them to put up a fight because, well,” I choke up.

________________________________________________________________________________

“Discipline means love,” I practically whispered, wiping away a tear with the back of my sleeve.

Glenda clears her throat, “it’s okay to cry, Aaliyah, you don’t need to hold it in.”

“I know,” I huff. I look up at her, “what does it mean Glenda? Does it mean that they don’t love me? Or that they do and it’s just not in a way I’d hope they would?”

She gives me a sympathetic smile before handing me the box of tissues.

“Of course not. I’m sure your parents love you very much. Saying yes to your every request was just their way of loving you. They wanted you to get what you wanted and not struggle to gain it.”

“Look where that’s gotten me!” I spread my arms in emphasis, “the only reason I’m tamed now is because Aiden is here for me. He cares about me and makes sure to point out the flaws that I can fix, and with his help, I succeed. Before him though,” I hiccup, “I was a mess.”

“Interesting. Since you’re being so open this session, let’s talk about how you feel about Vic leaving,” Glenda looks up at me through her glasses.

After my session which Aiden so lovingly arranged for me after the whole situation with Max’s psycho brother, I go to meet him at his muffin cart. I feel my face getting hot as I approach him, and a smile tugs at my lips. My Aiden is so perfect. Sometimes I think to myself and say, ‘you don’t deserve him,’ but then the thought of being without him nearly suffocates me. It makes me so happy when I’m beside him; I’m just grateful that he’s in my life.

I tiptioe over to him, hoping to sneak up on him from behind, but of course he figures me out. He has ears like a bat. He turns and snatches me up in one quick move. He pecks me on the lips and gently places me on the ground.

“Ciao, mi belle,” he says with a sexy smile.

I giggle, “hi, principe.”

I like to call him ‘prince’ in Spanish, because it’s just so fitting. He seems to like it too, because he always gives me a cocky smirk.

“So, how was your session?”

I step back as a student comes over and orders a muffin, then scurries off.

“It was,” I pause for the right word, “productive.”

“That’s great,” he says. He takes off his apron and hat, folds it, then puts it in a small compartment on the side of cart. “You can tell me about it over dinner.” He hooks my arm, “let’s go.”

Aiden knows I have a hard time expressing what I talk about in my sessions, but he forces it out of me, in a good way. He knows that I’ve been through a lot, and he just wants to be able to know me better and help me through these things.

We make our way through the cafeteria and to our usual spot. I noticed Lizzy has been a little cheerier since we made up, which is great. I kind of felt bad for kicking her to the curb, but Aiden is always telling me how independent a young lady like myself should be, and of course I would take his advice. I feel less guilty though, since that night we apologized to each other.

I’m sitting across from my love now, waiting for the waiter to bring over our meals. I can’t believe we’ve gotten this far in such little time, but it’s so worth it. Aiden has opened my eyes to whole new perspectives in my life and I just adore how sophisticated and cultured he is. His love for me is apparent, and it makes me blush just thinking about it. I grab his hand and smile at him and think, oh yeah, this is the one.