Misplaced Words

Naomi curls under my arm and laughs while tugging my shirt, that she is wearing, down over her bare thighs, “for such a scrawny guy I never expected your shirts to fit me so big.”

I give her a mock mad face before I laugh, “whatever babe, you know are tiny compared to me.”

“What? I am just being honest.” She giggles and bites my cheek, “I am not that tiny.”

“Sure you are,” I lift her up and she giggles uncontrollably until I put her down.

She sighs as I place her back on the floor, “can I ask you something?”

“Of course, anything.” I say as I brush her hair off of her cheek.

“Have you and Ally ever been…like this before?” My heart aches and I regret answering yes to her question. She can clearly see how much it bothers me by looking at my face, “I know that this hurts you, and frankly Pookie, this sucks for me too. I just need to know. I have to be sure that we have something special and not a knock off of what you and Ally had. Or some version of what you wish you had with Ally, I don’t want to be her replacement, that’s all.”

I turn my face away from her and try not to remember how Ally’s lips feel against mine. I try not to remember the feel of her laugh against my neck, after I told her about one of the many crazy things that happened between me and the guys. I try desperately to not think about how natural we flowed, like a killer beat and amazing lyrics. I know that me and Ally were also a nightmare, always happening at the wrong time, always hurting people that we love. No, I shake my head, what Ally and I had was a mess, things are different now. Everything is the way it’s supposed to be, Naomi calms me and makes me look on the bright side. She helps me be happy.

“You aren’t her replacement. What me and Ally had was, uh, it was something else. It was less stable then us. I know that I can depend on you and I know that you love me. Something you aren’t afraid to show or say while people are around, you love me and you are proud of that fact. Let’s not forget to mention the added bonus, the fact that you aren’t dating anyone else.” I grab her hands in mine,
“It’s me and you,” I kiss each of her knuckles, “that’s what matter to me. Okay?”

She laughs, “Okay Victor.”

“You know,” I pull her onto my lap and kiss the back of her neck, “we’ve spoken about the future a few times and I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”

“Oh yeah,” she lifts herself off me and pushes me down onto the carpet. She laughs as her hair falls around my face, blocking out the outside world. “what about it?”

I pull her down and kiss her deeply before reaching under my couch and pulling out a small velvet box I stashed under there before she came in. It’s the ring that she showed me. The one she so desperately wanted- a princess cut jade on a white gold band, unique, just like her. The perfect ring for my perfect match.

“Will you marry me?”

She is crying and screaming yes, as I slip the ring onto her finger.

“I love you, snuggly monkey.” She buries her face into my chest and laughs, “this is the best day of my life.”

“It was the last day too,” I jump and spin around. I spot Ally in the same shirt Naomi was just wearing, standing against my nightstand. “Such a pity.”

“Ally bear, what are you doing here?”

“You’re dreaming Vic, dreaming of everything you will leave behind when you officially leave campus tomorrow.” She walks towards me, leaning down in front of me to run her fingers through my hair.
“You’re going to miss me.”

“You’re wrong,” I push her off of me, “I will just miss the idea of you and you will miss the idea of me. Truth be told Ally, we never really had each other, we just pretended we did. Besides, you are trying to have Aiden’s baby, you’re over me.”

“Am I?” She grabs my chin and kisses me, it was hard and full of emotions before I feel it change back to Naomi’s soft lips and gentle touch, my mind is twisted.

“Babe,” she is still crying, “I am so happy. I will spend the rest of my life making sure you feel as happy as I do in this moment.”

I see a flash of her empty eyes and her limp hand wearing the ring. I successfully force my dream in another direction though this is not what I expected. I am sitting on the grass with my guitar with Lizzy flipping through my book. She is the only person I ever let read my work before, even the stuff I know I will never record. No one else after her will ever get that privilege, so what does that mean? I have loved all three of these girls, in such different ways, but who is the one I loved the most? Who is the one who was truly right for me? The memory kicks in and I let myself get swept away.

“Babe, this is so beautiful.”

“What is?” I don’t look up from tuning my guitar.

“ ‘Tender kisses, sweet embrace all I want is to live to fight your demons. I want to be your warrior.’ I love it.“

I blush, “Thanks.” I don’t tell her that I wrote those words about her. “Let’s do something different today, maybe we should leave campus and just walk along the highway.”

She laughs and leans forward to kiss me, “that sounds like an adventure.”

“It does Vic,” Ally appears again, “take me too.”

“Go away!” I glare at her, “get out of my head.”

“You won’t be rid of me that quickly Vic. You may never be rid of me.” She vanishes as suddenly as she appeared.

“Babe,” Lizzy kisses me and grabs my guitar, “let’s go.”

“Please let us go out with the gang tonight.” Naomi pouts as I sulk on my bed, as Lizzy and outside melts away to me being back in my room.

“Baby,” I whine, “this whole, Ally doesn’t remember crap thing, is exhausting. I seriously need a break from it and everything its causing with the group.”

“Okay, after tonight sour puss, we will take a week off. Just IHop tonight and then a whole week will be just me and you. We can even start planning the wedding. What do you say?”

“Okay baby,” I huff but break out into a smile when I see her do her happy dance. I can endure another night if it makes her happy.

“Now I can brag about the engagement and show off my ring.”

“You should have changed her mind, maybe you two would be getting married now.” Ally sits at the foot of my bed while Naomi is frozen mid-dance, “instead she is rotting in some box and we aren’t even friends.” She crawls up my bed, slowly making her way up my body, “I love you Vic, and I will always be in the back of your mind. You will always wonder what it would have been like if we got a real chance, a fair chance at us. You will always think of me when someone holds you or kisses you. You know why, because we are unresolved, we are unfinished business. How can you move on when you will never know for sure what we could be?”

“Damnit Ally,” I try to think of something to say but I hear the gun ring out and suddenly it’s Ally dead instead of Naomi. Her body draped across me and her blood pooling on my shoulder.

“Don’t waste time Victor,” Naomi says from the doorway, “life is just too short.”

I wake up screaming, drenched in sweat and filled to the brim with so much confusion. Not that I am never not confused, it seems to be my constant state lately. After Naomi's death, being with Ally and then Lizzy again, it just made it all worse. I look over to my cap and gown, I can’t wait to leave this place. To leave these awful memories behind and start fresh while chasing my dreams. Maybe with space, things about Lizzy, Ally and even Naomi will become clearer. They say hindsight is twenty/twenty, it’s hard to have hindsight if you are still living in the place where everything happened. Still living in the situation keeps you blindsided. This is going to help me keep my sanity, or whatever is left of it. I get up to shower, before finishing off what is left of my packing. Soon I will be heading off into the next chapter of my life. First though, I have to close this one, I grab a pair of skinny slacks Lizzy said I have to wear and a button down shirt. It is time for me to graduate.