Misplaced Words

I draw my knees up to my chin and rest my head on them. It’s only seven in the morning, on a Friday. I should not be up right now. Yet of course, my attempts to go back to sleep have failed.

I grab my TV remote from the night stand and switch it on, flipping through the channels absently. Today is a big day, and I’m not really ready to face it. I just want to stay in bed all day and shut my curtains to the outside world. I wouldn’t even mind if Aiden didn’t pass by today, so I could have time to myself. That’s not going to happen though. I don’t have the heart to tell him to keep away from me, no matter how much I might want to today.

I decide on watching an old favorite, Boy Meets World. It feels like I haven’t watched this show in ages. I think back to the first day I came back in my second year here at the academy. Lizzy came to help me unpack, but really it turned into a little pillow fight. It was nice, great actually, to feel so happy and free with my sister. That’ another thing I miss, and I’m really hoping we can get back to that. We’ve been doing pretty good since we made up the night that Robert slithered his way onto campus. I guess it wasn't really the best way to make up, but at least we did. If that whole thing hadn’t have happened, who knows if we’d be talking.

There’s a knock on my door and I check the time again; 7:13. Who’s knocking on my door this early? Ugh.

“Als? You up?”

The door opens and Lizzy steps in, closing the door behind her.

“Hey,” I say, shifting in bed to face her, “I could have been naked.”

“Oh, please,” she waves her hand dismissively, “like I haven’t seen you naked before.” She giggles and I can’t help but notice how happy she looks. Genuinely happy, which is something I haven’t seen in awhile. It makes me smile to myself.

“What?” She gives me a face.

“Nothing,” I start playing around with the remote, “did you need to talk to me about something? It’s pretty early.”

“Oh yeah,” she walks over to my bed and sits at the end of it by my feet. She smiles, “I was a bit surprised to catch you awake. Anyway, some very important people are graduating today, I’m so proud of them.”

I tug at my hair bun, “okay..”

“Tania, Jack, my boys..” she purses her lips and stares at me.

I playfully roll my eyes, “yes, I’m aware of who is graduating.”

“So what are you going to wear?”

“My pajamas, because I’m staying in today.”

“Oh no you are not,” she gets up and puts her hands on her hips, “you are going to this graduation ceremony and you are going to support our friends. Your friends. Quit pushing everyone away.”

“But-”

“No Ally,” she sighs deeply and sits back down on my bed. “Look, I get that this could be hard-”

“What?” I laugh defensively, “what would make this hard? Just some old friends graduating and taking that next step in their lives..”

She burst out in laughter, like, outrageous laughter. I stare at her like she’s crazy, and she finally catches her breath.

“I’m not stupid, Ally. I may not have been involved in your life for the past few months but that doesn’t mean that I don’t know how my little sister is feeling. You are going to get up, you are going to shower,” she steps closer to me, “and you will be going to this graduation, do you hear me?” I look up at her, her eyes bright and fierce. What’s the big deal? I mean I get the whole ‘supporting’ thing but, there’s no need to be so stern about it. She snaps in my face, “hello?”

“Yes, okay! I heard you! Ugh,” I swing my feet off of the bed, “I just wanted to stay in.”

“Oh well,” she walks over to my closet and picks out the first outfit she sees. She turns to me, “even if you didn’t go to the graduation, you’d still be going out later to karaoke since Aiden is going.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” I sigh, getting up from the bed and stretching.

She shoots me a glare, “I’m going to leave, I promised Tania I would help out with Chris so they can get ready in peace. I better see you in that audience, I’ll be looking for you.”

“Okay,” I mock groan.

“Coming in!” Kellin shouts before barging through the door. He spots me and shields his eyes, “Ahh! It’s hideous!!”

“Shut up,” I laugh, “there aren’t many girls that wake up looking this great,” I say, loosening my hair from its bun.

He rolls his eyes, “whatever helps you sleep at night, Alan. Babe, we gotta go.”

“Okay,” Lizzy beams at Kellin. “See you soon, sis.”

I nod and they scurry out of my door. Those two can be so rude sometimes.

I shower and comb out my hair, allowing it to air dry as I put on my outfit. I look at the dress Lizzy pulled out for me and my heart drops. I still remember the day Naomi gave this dress to me.

We were sitting in her room one day, squealing about an upcoming date that she had with Reggie. She was so freaking ecstatic that she wanted to choose her outfit then and there, almost a week before the date. We went through her entire closet, trying on clothes with music blasting in the background, pretending like we were walking down a runway. She pulled out one dress – this dress – a simple berry colored A-line dress with cap sleeves and a slim black belt. I can see her pouting, complaining that it looked better on me, then cheerfully handing it over to me and telling me that this dress would definitely turn heads.

I tug at it and smile, my eyes welling up. I really wish she were here, especially today. She’d be so proud of Vic, her fiancé and best friend. I can just picture her straightening his tie before she heads up the stairs, calming his nervous jitters and telling him how much she loved him.

And it hurts. How torn I was when I found out they were together and how angry I was at her, even though he had some fault in it too. It’s all too much to think about though, and there’s really no use in being worked up about it now, because she’s gone. I should just listen to Glenda and appreciate the time I had with her, no matter how upset it might have made me.

“So this one’s for you, Naomi,” I choke out, smiling a bit.

_____________________________________________________________________

The ceremony really was beautiful. There weren’t that many graduates, since it’s not even the end of the school year, but nonetheless JT went all out with it.

There was a quick performance before the speeches by the staff were given, and then a slide show of the students’ events on campus before they were called for their diplomas. Lizzy squeezed my hand whenever she got emotional, and i appreciated it. Especially when I saw Jack walk across the stage. I search the crowd for his mom and spot her holding her grandchild, missing her husband by her side. I can’t imagine what they must be going through, but all I know is that Mr. Fowler would have been way proud of his son had he been here.

I got to sit next to my all time favorite couple today since Aiden didn’t come to the graduation. I was surprised when he told me he wouldn’t make it. I mean, I know he doesn’t really know my friends but I thought that he’d at least accompany me. Normally I would be a bit upset, but today I don’t mind too much - it’ll just make what I have to do a little easier.

After the ceremony and the many tears that were shed, the group gets together to take pictures and congratulate each other. Lizzy made sure that I showed my face in a few of the pictures, but I also kept my distance. I’m not trying to force myself into their lives again, it’ll happen over time.

When the little photoshoot is done the group disperses to eat with their families. Now’s the time.

I absently touch my pocket, feeling the folded piece of paper I stuck in there earlier this morning. My fingers start to get all jittering and I can feel my palms sweat. I spot him not too far from where I’m standing. He’s by the stage, high fiving the guys and talking animatedly to them.

Oh, Vic..how long it’s been..

Now he’s laughing and, yup, he noticed me. And I’m just standing here like an idiot. I try my best to wave casually without my nerves getting the best of me.

“Come on Aaliyah, get it together,” I mutter to myself.

Breathe in, breathe out.

I look up again and he’s making his way towards me. Oh boy. I can’t do this; I cannot do-

I can, and I must. I just need to remember what Glenda told me the other day: I don’t know the next time I’m going to see him after today, this needs to get done.

He’s getting closer and closer, and I think I’m ready, I can feel it. I also feel like throwing up.

“Ally?”

“Hi,” I manage.

“Why are you out here?” He looks around confused, then back at me, “are you waiting for someone?” His face shifts, and he gets some sort of look of disappointment, “are you waiting for your boyfriends?”

I let out a small laugh, “no, actually.” I look away, “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Really?” He tugs on his tie from under his gown and shifts onto his other foot, “what is it?”

“Well, um,” I slip the piece of paper out of my pocket and slowly unfold it. Just breathe. “I have, um,” I hold up the paper, my hands shaking a bit. I read over the first lines and look up at his face.

“Ally?” He looks down at the paper then up at me again.

“Vic.” I sigh and close my eyes. Then tear up the paper. I push the pieces into my pocket and open my eyes again, looking at the ground. “I had it written out, but it doesn’t feel right that way.” I look up at him again, “I came to make things right.”

HIs face is unreadable, staring at me with a hard look, “go on.”

I clear my throat, “I just,” I wrap my arms around myself and do my best to keep eye contact. “I’m trying to do things differently going forward.” I push some of my hair behind my ear, “I’m kind of in therapy now.”

“Kind of?”

“No,” I shake my head, “I’m definitely in it.”

“Therapy, huh?” He seems to roll it over in his head, then says, “okay, so, what have you got to say then?”

Impatience is tugging at me, but I don’t let it control me - not now.

“I’m working on myself, Vic, and I realized that, I can’t let you leave without amending our friendship-” I search his face for something, “or at least try and start a new one.” I bite my lip, “I don’t think you know how insanely proud I am of you for getting this far. I still remember the first time I heard you singing in the park by my family’s home.” A smile tugs at my lips, “and the time you and the boys practiced a cover in your garage.” I’m laughing a bit now, looking at the trees around Vic, “I begged Doreen to come spy on you guys with me,” I cover my face with my hands and shake my head, “it was so ridiculous, it was like something out of a corny teen romance movie.” I drop my hands, “well, to me it was.” I smile up at him, “My point is, Vic, that you deserve whatever success comes your way, because you’ve worked long and hard on it. Congrats on graduating.”

He opens his mouth then shuts it. He sticks his hands in his pockets and sighs, “I’m-”

“Hold on,” I put up a finger, “I’m not done.” He runs his fingers through his hair and shifts on his feet again. “Um, would you like to sit?” I point at a nearby log, and he walks over to it. I sit on the other end of it and stick my hands in my pockets. “I know it’s a little chilly out here so I’m gonna try and keep this short-”

“No, that’s fine,” Vic cuts me off, and lets out a chuckle, “I’m actually enjoying this a bit.”

I smirk, “I’m sure you are, you jerk.” I smack him on the arm and we laugh, and for a second it’s like we were back to normal, but then I stop myself. I clear my throat, “anyway,” I shake my hair a bit so it can fall around my face, “I just, I needed to see you before you left,” I look at him, “because it’ the right thing to do, and that’s what I’m trying to do now. Do the right thing. But I knew I wouldn’t be able to talk to you at karaoke, so this was the best time to do it.” I stand up abruptly, “well, I’m sorry, for being a jerk lately, and I’m glad that i got to talk to you before you left,” I stick my hand out at him, “I hope you have a good time out in the music world. You and the others.”

He looks at my hand, his mouth slightly opened and his eyes narrowed. He grabs my hand to pull himself to his feet, then he drops it and wraps his arms around me.

“We don’t shake hands, Allybear.”

I smile and return the hug. This is a good start.