Misplaced Words

I can’t believe that in the past six months alone I have been in a hospital four times. I pace back and forth nonstop, I can't sit, not when a psycho is after my sister-in-law and hurting everyone close to her. My wife barely survived cancer and now she is lying in emergency surgery with a thirty percent chance of survival. Ally is squeezing Vic’s hand so hard that I swear that it’s going to break any second now. Roxy, who just got back from her vacation an hour ago, is going between glaring at Ally and crying. Jack has his head in his hands, everyone is completely silent. No jokes to try and break the tension, no hushed conversations, no one was even trying. Losing Naomi made all of this tension far too real, way to familiar.

Out of no where two more doctors rushed passed me shouting, “She is losing a lot of blood, we need more assistants.”

My heart drops, knees give out and I feel myself fall forward. Jack grabs me before I hit the floor. He leads me to a chair and sits me down. I hear the doctor’s voice echoing, she is losing a lot of blood. Does that mean she won't make it? More help, does that mean she is losing her blood faster than they can stop it? Why haven't they said anything to me yet? Why isn’t anyone talking? I feel like I am going to scream! I jiggle my legs, a habit that Lizzy hates. I can’t lose her, I will die. I hold back tears that are threatening to spill. I have to keep it together, and I cannot lose hope. I look at Roxy and she is hyperventilating. I get up and sit next to her; she grabs my hand and squeezes tight.

After five hours a Doctor comes into the waiting room and gives us a once over.

“I wonder how many times I will see you all in this room together like this. I sincerely hope this is the last time.” He sits on the table in the center and the rest of the group gathers around me and stares at the doctor. “Lizzy has a lot of damage to her legs; she will need rehab to learn how to walk again. We had to remove her appendix because it burst on impact. I checked her cell counts while we had her blood, cancer is in full remission. So that is a ray of light right now. She has bruising on torso, but besides her appendix her organs are all fine. Also,” he clears his throat and looks down, “she had some serious brain damage. Like Ally once had, she has lost some memories; we don’t know if she even knows who she is because she won't speak to me. She is terrified, and she won't let anyone touch her or change her dressing on her wounds. I thought if you guys went in to see her she will relax. You can all go at once, we are that desperate to asses the extent of her brain damage. Go through those two doors, she is the only one in the whole recovery area so you will all fit. Before you go, please don't try to push too much information on her too fast because if you do she can go into shock. You don't want that.”

So we got up as a group and headed in. I watch her look our way and give us a gentle smile. My heart leaps in joy, my baby, she is alive. We all crowd around her bed and I grab her hand. She looks pretty good, a few bad cuts and bruises up top, but better than I expected. Now her entire bottom half is a different story, its completely covered in a cast. My heart breaks for her. I brush away her hair, and she gives me a weird look.

“Hey Kells, you okay?” A confused smile spreads on her face.

“I am now; I thought that I lost you.” I lean in to kiss her and she pulls away.

“Kellin what are you doing?” She laughs uncomfortably, “I am sure your girlfriend will not be happy with your behavior. Vic, why are you so far? Come here, I have been looking for you.” She reaches toward him. "Come on."

Vic gives her a confused look, and laughs awkwardly, “uh Liz, you're married to Kellin.”

“What?!?” She laughs, “Are you guys pranking me? He is with Tally, remember?” She cocks her head to the side. “Ally, tell them.”

Ally stares at her with her eyes so wide I swear they look like they might fall out of her head. She looks at Vic, swallows hard and steps toward Lizzy. My body fills with pain, I feel like I can’t breath as I mentally beg Lizzy to remember the last two, almost three, years we have had together.

“Of course Lizzy,” she laughs, “I guess we can't pull one over you.” Her voice is trembling, “how are you feeling? What year is it?”

“I feel like crap duh,” she rolls her eyes, “and its 2011. Why?”

Ally gives her an alarmed look, “sweetie, it’s 2014. You have forgotten the last three years.”

Lizzy starts crying, “What? I am scared.” Now she reaches for me and pulls me to her, “Kells, they are scaring me.“

I give Vic a look and he grabs her hand, “uhh Liz, it’s okay. It will be fine.”

She starts crying, “Vic don’t you love me? Why would we not be together?”

I recoil and take a step away from her. I know that she doesn't know what he did but I am so hurt to hear her say that. Roxy pushes past everyone and sits in her bed and lifts Lizzy gently and rests her on lap.

“Calm down sweetie, you are still together and he loves you very much. Little by little we will help you get your memories back, we are pros at that, we did it for Ally once. Then you will realize everything on your own.” Roxy looks at us all sternly and then loving at Lizzy. “You know what; I am going to do your hair and makeup so you can look your best for Vic.”

She giggles, “You always say that.”

“Everyone get out, expect for you Kellin.”

I watch as the group files out past me. I get supportive pats on the back and some sad looks my way. Vic lingers and gives me a look; I know he wants to talk.

“I will be right back my favorite girl, and Rox my socks.”

Lizzy smiles at me, “Hurry Kells, I miss you already.”

My heart aches and I wish that I could walk away and come back to her remembering everything. I walk into the hall with Vic.

“Dude, I am so sorry.” Vic’s opening words don't help me feel better at all.

“It’s not your fault man,” I turn and face him, he has his hands deep in his pockets.

“What do we do?”

I feel a stray tear slip down my cheek, “we pretend until she remembers.” I laugh a bit, “in the meantime, I will work on wooing her, and it will work because we are two halves of one whole like you and Ally.”

His face is twisted with guilt for a moment, and then it fades, “she won't be happy with this. I mean we were talking about being together and now that is not going to be happening for a while. Plus that means Lizzy thinks that Ally is with Max. How do we explain why he isn't here anymore? I can't believe we have to do this again. It was exhausting the first time around.” He scuffs his foot on the floor. “This is going to be a disastrous.”

“I know.” I hang my head and walk back into the room without another word.

I already know that pretending that Lizzy is not my wife will be the hardest thing I will ever do. Not only that but I have to see her with Vic... again. I sigh deeply, this sucks.

“Kells,” I look up and her face lights up when she sees me. “ Guess what? The doctors just told me I will be in all my classes through a webcam, isn't that cool?”

“Yeah it is.” I walk slowly into the room.

“Come snuggle with me, I missed you. When I was passed out, it was your voice that brought me back. At first I thought it was weird but it felt right. See even when I am in complete darkness, you are my guiding light.” I lay next to her my heart warming, she loves me, I can feel it. A part of her still remembers, I just need to reach it. “I love you Kells, you are my bestest friend ever.”

“I love you too fragile flower.” I hold her in my arms, she will remember soon and if she doesn't then I will just win her over all over again.