Only Human

“Ryuzaki, you have been awake for almost 487 hours. I think it’s time for you to get some sleep,” Watari approached his young prodigy.

Ryuzaki crouched in front of the TV monitor and several computers. “Hmm, it is so strange…” he thought aloud, deliberately ignoring Watari.

“L…” Watari began and Ryuzaki glanced up at his mentor through his messy black hair. He stopped chewing on his thumb for a moment. “You know your deductive skills will start to diminish if you stay up much longer…”

“Thank you for your concern, Watari.”

“The last time you stayed up this long you were sick for two weeks straight,” Watari said in a low tone.

“I assure you, I am feeling quite fine.”

Watari sighed and left the tray of strawberries and crème in front of Ryuzaki. As he exited the room, he began to dial her number. The phone rang twice and then she picked up but said nothing. “Kalai, it’s Watari. I need you to come in,” he waited and listened to her response, “No, nothing like that.” Again he waited, “I will be sending a private jet,” At this point the woman on the other line began to protest but Watari interrupted her as he glanced back at the room where his prodigy was still working in, “No it’s not Near or Mello. It’s L.”

The woman on the other end of the line was silent for several moment, considering Watari’s request. “Watari. I don’t think I’ll be of much help though. L and I haven’t spoken in almost ten years…”

“You know L better than you know Near or Mello, the time you’ve been apart shouldn’t make a difference.”

“I’m sending you my coordinates.”

“Good. Send me a secure email as well and I will send you the exact details of the dilemma.”

“I’m not a miracle-worker and I’m not making any promises, Watari,” With that the young woman hung up the phone. Yes, but if he won’t listen to reason, I need to approach it from a different angle, Watari thought. Even if her way doesn’t work, then at least he’ll be more willing to listen to mine.
***
The Task Force was busy going through more leads. Ryuzaki sat at the head of the table, absentmindedly putting more sugar cubes into his tea. Something wasn’t adding up and it was driving him insane. He knew that Light Yagami, the director’s son, was Kira, but he needed proof. His hunch would not hold up in a court of law. Quickly he glanced out the window, thinking that he saw someone outside, but shook his head at the notion. Maybe Watari was right. Maybe I do need sleep.

A dark hand reached around Ryuzaki’s hand and covered his mouth. Ryuzaki instantly reached behind him in an attempt to free himself from the assailant’s grasp. The assailant expertly caught his wrists and held them over his head. “I have some questions for you and I’m not leaving until they are answered.” The woman spoke with a British accent. That voice, Ryuzaki thought. Where have I heard that voice before?

The rest of the Task Force, including Light, jumped to their feet. She must have known that this is the Kira case, Light thought bitterly as he observed the ridiculous mask the woman was wearing. The woman held on tighter to her captive and spoke to the Task Force in Japanese, “Don’t move.”

Her momentarily lapse of focus on Ryuzaki was just enough for him to flip her over his head onto the table. She squealed as her back crashed into the china and food. Quickly she reached out and snatched Ryuzaki’s white shirt sleeve and pulled him close before landing a punch square on his jaw.

The members of the Task Force, save for Light, drew the guns and aimed it at the assailant. She instantly launched herself at Ryuzaki and grabbed his right arm to twist it behind his back. Ryuzaki slammed the heel of his foot into her bare foot causing her to swear in another language. As their fight continued, the wheels in Ryuzaki’s head continued to whir, trying desperately to figure out why her voice sounded familiar. Director Yagami ordered the men not to shoot unless they had a clear shot of the assailant and were sure that they wouldn’t hit Ryuzaki by mistake.

Watari entered the room with a tub of pistachio ice cream, little cones, and a serving scoop. When he saw the scene that was unfolding before him he groaned inwardly. I wanted her to help me convince him to get some sleep and perhaps tire him out but I didn’t mean like this.

“I must say I’m impressed at your fighting style. Is it Capoeira? ” she said in English. Ryuzaki dodged her kick and grabbed her outstretched leg and flipped her onto the ground. Quickly he climbed on top of her. Ryuzaki had the woman pinned on the ground by his hips and held her wrists together in front of him. If it had been any other pair, they would have found the position quite provocative, but both Ryuzaki and the woman were too busy trying to outmatch the other to even consider the notion. She glared at him behind her mask but only started to struggle once he reached to remove it. The string caught on her ponytail and her long black hair fell down over her shoulders. As soon as her blue eyes met his, Ryuzaki leapt from on top of her. He expertly landed back in his chair in his usual crouched position. It was her. He hadn’t seen her in probably a decade. Her hair was longer than he remembered and her skin was tanner than even its usual dark hue, which he assumed meant she was spending time somewhere in the sun. She had henna tattoos in various floral designs down the entire length of her left arm.

Director Yagami forcefully grabbed the young woman by her upper arm and hoisted her to her feet. She never broke eye contact with Ryuzaki. Regaining his composure, Ryuzaki grabbed a handful of candies off of the ground and unwrapped them gingerly. He stuffed several candies into his mouth and asked, “Why are you here?”

The young woman smirked and spoke in Japanese, “Isn’t it obvious? I am Kira.” Her accent was clearly foreign.

Ryuzaki gulped down the remainder of his candies. “Hmm, unlikely. If you were in fact Kira, then you would have been able to eliminate me quite easily.”

“Perhaps I am out of practice,” she had switched back into English.

“Why are you here?” Ryuzaki asked again in Japanese.

“I told you,” she rolled her eyes and stayed with speaking Japanese as she realized that he was refusing to speak to her in English. “I have some questions for you and I’m not leaving until they are answered.”

“I am disinclined to subject myself to your questioning, Kalai.”

“Wait, you know each other?” Light asked angrily. They know each other and she attacked him? This guy is as good at making enemies as he is brilliant.

“Mm, yes,” Ryuzaki swallowed another candy.

“And you attacked him? Why?” Light asked incredulously.

Kalai shrugged nonchalantly. “It was nostalgic.” Nostalgic? Light thought. What is wrong with her? How often did she and Ryuzaki fight in the past?

“Kalai and I spent much of our time together as kids. Do not fret yourself, though, Light, Kalai will not be revealing my true identity to you.”

Light glared as his adversary. “How many times must I tell you…”

“That you are not Kira?” To everyone’s surprise, Kalai had been the one to finish Light’s statement. “That is what you are implying are you not, L?”

“Please, I must ask you call me Ryuzaki here. For safety. Thank you, Watari,” he smiled as Watari handed him an ice cream cone. Watari walked over to Director Yagami and Kalai to offer them ice cream as well. Both Kalai and the director declined the sweet treat.

“Ryuzaki,” Director Yagami interrupted. Neither L nor Kalai looked at the Director, but he continued anyway. “What are we going to do with her? We can’t trust her to leave now that she’s seen all of our faces. How do we know she’s not Kira? Or that she won’t be taking information back to him?”

“Yeah! And we don’t know how much she’s heard or how long she’s been lurking in the shadows before she…uh…attacked you.”

Ryuzaki considered their words carefully. He studied the young woman in front of him who was absentmindedly braiding her long dark hair. “Yes, this may be a problem. We will keep her here.” The members of the Task Force began to protest but he held up his hand, “I think her deductive skills surrounding people and their interactions could be quite beneficial. Her intuition has helped me on a case before.”

Kalai smirked. “Perhaps your Task Force is right, maybe I am Kira’s accomplice. Maybe I told you that I was Kira to throw you off. Sometimes the closer you are to danger the farther you are from harm. Wouldn’t you agree?” she turned her attention to Light.

Light gasped. She knows, but how? She hasn’t been here for more than ten minutes. Dammit! I’m going to have to figure out her real name as well. Behind him, Ryuk was laughing maniacally, but Light had grown accustomed to tuning the Shinigami out. Wait, this could be good for Kira. If she has known L since they were kids, she probably knows his real name. I could have her write down his name before committing suicide…

“No, the chance of you subjecting yourself to such evil is less than one percent,” Ryuzaki replied. “But like I said, we could use your skills on our team.”
***
L stood in front of the window, his shoulders hunched and his hands in his jeans pockets. Kalai sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed, her palms facing upwards and her back completely straight. Her breaths were slow and steady and her eyes were closed. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“I need to discover the truth to convict Kira.”

She peeked through one eye, “You should come here. I have something to show you.” L raised a curious eyebrow and slunk over to the bed. He climbed on top and sat in his usual position. “You’re going to want to sit like me, L.”

“Ryuzaki,” he corrected. “I can’t. If I sit like everybody else does, my deductive reasoning drops by forty percent.”

“And if you sit like this your spiritual intuition will raise seventy percent,” she countered, closing her eyes once again. “Perhaps you need to look at this Kira case from a different angle. Perhaps your deductive method isn’t going to work this time. You want the truth which is blocked by the lies others are telling you and the lies you’re telling yourself. Try meditating with me and it will help clear your mind so that you can finish solving this case. Isn’t this worth a try?”

He hesitated. “Trust me, just for a few minutes. Watari told me you haven’t been sleeping at all lately. Meditation will rejuvenate you without actually having to go to sleep. It’s like cheating the system.” He eyed her curiously, chewing on his thumb for a moment longer before sitting crossed-legged like she did.

Although she kept her eyes closed, Kalai could feel him shift on the bed and smiled. He titled his head to the side. “Close your eyes and focus on your breathing.”

He sighed and did as he was told. In truth, Kalai was always into this spiritual mumbo jumbo. She probably would even believe that Kira had inherited his powers from an evil spirit of Death itself to wreak havoc on the world. “Good,” her voice was calm and soothing, “Now I want you to think about something that you fear.”

“Failure. That Kira will win. That I won’t be able to find enough proof to convict him,” L replied quietly.

Kalai opened her eyes, startled that he had answered out loud. She reached over and touched her palm to his, “Thank you for sharing that with me. When we meditate, don’t feel like you’re obligated to tell me what you’re focusing on, but if it helps to say it out loud, then I’m honored that you feel me worthy to hear it.”

She returned to her side of the bed and closed her eyes again, “Now I want you to let go of this fear. Accept that there are some things that are out of the realm of your control. Inhale deeply and then exhale to allow the fears to flow out of your body.”

He tried several times to do as Kalai instructed. But the thought of not being able to solve a case plagued him. He always was able to solve the cases, always. There was no puzzle too challenging, no crime too difficult for his mind. This Kira case was just…he jumped when he felt her soft hands brush back his messy hair.

“Fear is a natural instinct for survival. It is what blocks your first chakra. You must let go of your fear of losing and accept that you will not be able to overcome every obstacle in your way,” Kalai explained. Her face was mere inches from his and her breath smelled like the strawberries they had eaten earlier. He furrowed his brow. “Think of this like one of your puzzles, L.” This time he didn’t bother to tell her to use his alias of Ryuzaki. “Inhale and let go. That’s how you solve this puzzle.”

She waited and watched. L inhaled deeply twice and exhaled. The third time he inhaled it was different and she could tell he was ready to move on. “Good,” she returned to her own mediation, “Now focus on something you feel guilty about. What do you blame yourself for?”

“BB’s and A’s deaths,” he muttered.

“But BB didn’t die, you apprehended him before he actually committed suicide.”

“But Kira killed him while he was in jail,” L replied. “If I wasn’t who I am then Watari wouldn’t have the need to put pressure on the children at Whammy’s House. A killed himself because he couldn’t take the pressure. I never would have had to apprehend BB in the first place if he didn’t believe that the only way to surpass my legacy was to become a criminal.”

A small gasp left Kalai’s lips. She didn’t know how to respond to his confessions. This was much more difficult than she had anticipated. She had meditated with plenty of people from different walks of life and even some of the children at Whammy’s House and she never felt stuck like this. Was it because she had placed L on such a high pedestal for such a long time that seeing this human emotions seemed almost impossible? She inhaled sharply and replied slowly, “You must accept that these things happened, but you cannot let yourself dwell on them. It clouds your judgment. You must learn to forgive yourself.”

“Where did you learn all of this, Kalai?” he wondered out loud while keeping his eyes closed.

“I left Whammy’s House looking for answers. I lived for several years in a village in India. I couldn’t live amongst the monks, but you know me,” she laughed, “I’m determined and love all the spiritual stuff.” L raised an eyebrow, but kept his eyes closed as he tried to focus on forgiving himself. After several minutes he nodded, signaling that he was ready to continue.

“Next, we deal with willpower. It is blocked by shame and one’s ego. What are you ashamed of? What are your biggest disappointments? What did you let your ego get in the way of?” He hesitated, opening his mouth several times and closing it, making him look like a frog. He shifted uncomfortably and had to make a conscious effort to not revert back to his normal crouched position. Kalai continued to breathe deeply, encouraging him to follow her lead. “You don’t have to tell me. Just you. Think of what you are ashamed of and accept that this is a part of your life…”

Finally, L whispered. “I pushed you away…I let you leave.” He opened his black eyes to meet her startled blue ones. “I didn’t bother to stop you.”

Kalai gulped, regretting coming back upon Watari’s request. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply before saying, “You did push me away, L,” she confirmed. “But, even if you had tried to stop me I would have left. I needed to leave. I needed to find answers for myself.”

“You are just saying that to make me feel better,” L accused.

Kalai smirked. “Perhaps I’m saying it to make me feel better. We’ll see in two chakras. Now inhale and let go of your shame.” L complied and Kalai silently focused herself, knowing that as they continued through the chakras that this would become more difficult for both of them. She knew guiding him through this process would block several of her own, but she owed it to L and Watari to help him. She admittedly had tricked him into simply meditating, but had begun to guide him through opening up his chakras one-by-one. The process would indeed rejuvenate him intellectually, but it was also quite exhausting, especially for a spiritual novice such as L. Hopefully by the end of it all he would want to rest at least for a few hours. Otherwise she would have to implore a Plan B.

“The next thing I want you to focus on deals with grief. I want you to lay all of your grief out in front of you.”

L remembered his mother being shot in front of him back in England. His mother had been betrayed by a close friend. He remembered watching the scene as if in slow motion and crying until Watari came and took him back to his house. L didn’t want to say it aloud for fear of crying. He clenched the jean fabric on his knees between his fists and squeezed his eyes tighter. He hadn’t confronted this memory since it happened all those years ago. “Everyone feels loss, L. It is an integral part of life. But, love is stronger than loss and those who we’ve truly loved are never truly gone from this world. They are reincarnated in the form of new love and new life. Think of the ones in your life now that embody the love you lost. That’s how you let go of your grief. Inhale and exhale.”

“I am ready to proceed,” L stated simply.

Kalai warned, “These next three are going to be difficult. First I want you to focus on the truth in your life. This chakra is blocked by lies, usually the ones we tell ourselves.”

“Like the one you said moments ago,” L called her bluff.

“Perhaps,” Kalai responded. “Focus on you for now. What are lies you tell yourself?”

L furrowed his brow. “There is an 87% chance that there are no lies to tell myself. I lie to others, not to me.”

Kalai hummed in mock agreement. “Sometimes we verbalize lies to others, but they are really lies to ourselves that we hope will become truth if said aloud. Deep down you know there is a lie you have told yourself, one that is particularly relevant to this Kira case.”

L meant to move from the bed, to leave, but his own stubbornness was not allowing him to give up for that would mean admitted defeat to Kalai’s mystic mumbo-jumbo. I am nothing like Kira. He is a cold-blooded murderer, with a twisted sense of justice. “I know what the lie is,” he whispered. “And I do not think it is wise to tell you.”

“Then don’t,” Kalai shrugged, her eyes still closed. L was taken aback by the casualness of her response. “You cannot lie about your own nature, L. You are a brilliant detective and have solved the most difficult cases the world has thrown at you. But it’s not your abilities that determine who you are: It is your choices. You have chosen justice, so for that you have already won. Inhale and let the lies flow out of your breath as you exhale.”

L wanted to ask her how she knew what he was thinking, but she had already moved on. “This one is particularly helpful for you. It deals with insight and is blocked by illusion. The biggest illusion in this world is separation.”

“Like the separation of myself from the world as L,” he thought of his trademarked symbol flashing across TV screens and computers all over the world on the countless cases he had solved. “Things that we think are separated are one in…” the same, just like Kira and Light. They were separate entities just as I and the famous detective alias were once but have now morphed into one. Saving Light will be much more difficult as time passes. L smiled at the small breakthrough.

“This is the last one,” Kalai said. “And usually the most difficult. This one deals with pure cosmic energy and is blocked by earthly attachment. What binds you to this world? What can you not bear to lose?”

L instantly thought of the Whammy Boys—Mello and Near especially—of Beyond Birthday, of Watari, of Light Yagami, of Kalai. “A lot,” he replied sullenly.

“Imagine a river flowing, let your earthly attachments flow down the river,” Kalai furrowed her brow as she felt L rise from the bed. “Hey where are you going?”

“I need something sweet,” L said, and it was half true. He had gone almost an hour without consuming anything sweet. Combined with this chakra business, he was starting to get a headache.
***
Matsuda walked up to the door where Ryuzaki’s bed was. Watari was standing in front of it. “Watari, I have to speak with Ryuzaki. It’s about the Kira case.”

Watari shook his head and placed a single finger to his lips. He opened the door a couple of inches, just enough for Matsuda to peer inside. Ryuzaki and Kalai were asleep, fully clothed and on top of the covers. Ryuzaki was laying on his back with one arm curled around Kalai and one arm stretched above his head. Kalai was curled around his chest with one hand resting on his cheek. “I didn’t think Ryuzaki ever slept.”

“It takes a lot of convincing,” Watari smiled. “But even Ryuzaki is human and needs sleep.”

“How did she do it?”

“Matsuda,” Watari said in a firm voice. “That is not an appropriate question.” Matsuda’s shoulders hunched as he muttered his apology. “Whatever you have found on the Kira case, please bring it to me. I will wake Ryuzaki in several hours and allow him to go through it.”

Matsuda hurried away from the room to grab the materials they had found. Kalai and L used to fall asleep like this back in England all the time, usually after several days of non-stop puzzles and mystery games. Watari’s eyes hardened as he frowned at the memory. Kalai was found wandering around his orphanage, Whammy’s House, about two months after he had taken in L. She was a few years older than L. Her intelligence took a different form than L’s, but she was brilliant nonetheless. Where his brain was wired to understand patterns and numbers and strategy, hers was wired to people and motives. She was deeply connected spiritually, something that neither he nor L ever understood fully.

The pair had created a type of friendship-rivalry very early on. Originally, Watari had intended on using the two to create a whole new generation of super geniuses, but the plan had backfired. You can’t make someone fall in love, but he had tried anyway. It had appeared that the two only needed a push in that direction, but Kalai had deduced that she was being used for this purpose and left.

Fortunately, she was the only one at the orphanage who left and gave him a way to contact her. She was insecure about some of her abilities, particularly because L had chided her for her lack of mathematical and strategic knowledge. Yet Watari knew that what she lacked in that area, she more than made up for it in other areas. If she and L were to have children, chances of them surpassing both of their parents’ intelligences were quite high. But that plan was foiled because you simply can’t force people to fall in love. So Watari had turned to his back-up plan, using the children at his orphanage to shape them into becoming the successors of L.

Watari glanced into the room one last time to see Kalai shift in her sleep and cuddle herself tighter against L. He closed the door silently and clasped his gloved hands in front of him as he stood guard. No doubt others from the investigation would be coming by soon to try to talk to Ryuzaki, but he needed sleep. He may seem like an infallible super-sleuth, incapable of making any incorrect deductions, and above sleep or regular food, but in truth L was… only human.