Glass Hearts

We stood in the entrance way to the hospital, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Austin took my hand and squeezed it. "It's okay to be okay, Aumi."
I nodded and walked in the building towards the front desk. "Hi can I help you," the small woman behind the desk asked flashing me a smile.
"I'm here to see my dad, Brandon Grey. Could you tell me what room he's in?"
"Brandon Grey..." she repeated going through her computer. "He's in room 215, you're just going to go up to the third level and take a right once you get out of the elevator and you'll find the room."
I thanked her and proceeded in the right direction. I stopped in front of room 215. My dad's name was written on the door in erasable marker. I sighed and quickly trend around, putting my head in my hands. "I can't fucking do this."
Austin pulled me into his chest and stroked my hair. "You've got this Autumn. You can do this. You need this."
I stared up at the man I loved. "You're right."
"I'll wait outside baby," he said stroking my cheek and planted a soft kiss on my forehead. "I'll be right here if you need me."
I nodded my head and took another deep breath before opening the door. It stunk of hospital and it just reminded me of the time I spent in and out with my mother.
"You came," I heard my dad say in a forced whisper.
"Yeah, I came." I pulled a chair from the corner of the room up to the side of his bed.
"I'm so glad you came Autumn...."
I felt tears begging to spill out of my eyes. I hadn't seen my dad in five years. He was healthy and fit and now he's lying here rotting in a hospital bed. He deserves it, I know he deserves it, but it still pains me so much to see him this way. "Daddy... why did you do it?"
"Why did I do what baby?"
"Why did you cheat on her? Why did you lie to her? Why did you make her hate herself so much that she would take her own life?" I began to sob.
"Baby please don't cry. I know I did some fucked up things to you and your mom. I was so stupid. These past five years have made me realize that. I called you so many times to apologize but you never answered. I tried to write but I never got anything back."
"Because I've hated you for so long... I was sixteen dad. I was sixteen and I watched my mother put a gun to her head and pull the trigger, and it was all because of you."
"Autumn..." I saw tears slip down my dad's cheek. "I am so sorry. You never should have had to see that. You never should have had to hear or see half of the shit you did. I'm dying. I did this to myself. I know I deserve every bit of pain I am in. I refuse all the morphine they have tried to give me. I want to feel the pain." He let out a labored breath and wiped the tears from his cheeks. "I do love you, Autumn. I know you will never forgive me and that's what hurts the most. I am so sorry. I couldn't say it enough."
I nodded and began to cry harder. I felt a shaky hand on my cheek and I leaned into it. "I love you too dad."
I got up and hugged his weak body. He hugged me back and began to sob. "How can you still love me after all that I have done to you and your mother?"
"You're my dad and although I fucking hate you, I still can't help but love you." I pulled out of his arms and sat back on the chair.
He sighed and looked at me. "Did you come here alone? I don't want you to be alone."
I shook my head. "No, my boyfriend came with me."
His eyebrow raised. "Boyfriend," he slight chuckled. "I honestly thought for the longest time that you were a lesbian because you never had boys around."
I laughed a little and smiled. "Well you weren't the greatest example. It made me scared to love anyone or even want to be with someone. I was fine with being alone. I didn't want to be put through what mom was put through."
He nodded. "That's understandable. What changed your mind, if you don't mind me asking."
"I fell in love on accident," I answered playing with the wolf ring I wore on my middle finger.
"He's very lucky to have you. You've turned into such a beautiful young lady. Your mom and I definitely made one beautiful baby."
"Would you like to meet him?"
"I would love to."
I nodded and stood up. I walked out and closed the door behind me. "Are you okay?" Austin rushed out wiping the tears from my eyes.
I nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. "He wants to meet you."
He smiled and followed me back in the room. "Dad this is Austin, Austin this is my dad."
"It's nice to meet you sir," Austin said politely holding his hand out to shake my fathers.
"It's nice to meet you too, Austin." My dad looked at me and asked, "Is it okay if I have a word alone with him?"
I nodded and walked out of the room.

Austin's POV

I took the seat next to the hospital bed and stared at Autumn's father. "What would you like to talk to me about sir?"
"I just wanted to say that Autumn may seem very tough on the outside, but in the inside she is her mother through and through. She's vulnerable and I know she's pained by her past every day of her life. That is my fault and I take the blame for it completely. I wish I could take it all back. I wish that I could go back and change everything I ever put her and her mother through and I mostly wish I had the chance to make up with her. Sadly, I can't. I hope you treat my daughter right. I hope that she always feels safe and comfortable with you. You seem like a very respectable man, I can see it in your eyes. I've never seen my daughter with anyone, so you must be special. Please don't hurt her."
"I could never hurt her sir. I love your daughter more than anything."
"Good," he stared deep into my eyes. "I will haunt your ass if you ever hurt my daughter."
I nodded. "When she hurts, I hurt. I know she's been in a lot of pain lately. I just want to see her smile again and mean it."
"Make her go see her grandma and aunt please?"
I took a deep breath. "I can't make any promises. It's her choice, but I can try."
"It was nice meeting you, Austin."
"It was nice meeting you too," I said before standing up and shaking his hand again. "I'll go get Autumn."
I stood outside as Autumn said her goodbyes to her father. I knew be didn't have much time left. I could see the light leaving his eyes. Every word he spoke was a struggle, but the fact that he tried and said all the stuff that he did made me respect him, despite everything he has put Autumn through.

Autumn's POV

Austin and I walked to our rental car hand in hand. Our flight was scheduled for early the next morning so I wanted to do a few things today before we left. "Can we go to my old house?"
"Anything you want babe," Austin said turning on the car.
I gave him directions to my dad's house. As we pulled into the driveway I took a deep breath. I walked to the front door and lifted up the plant next to it where the spare key had always been. I unlocked the door and walked into the familiar living room. It still smelt the same. Cigarettes and cinnamon apple. My mom always loved the smell of cinnamon apple, I guess my dad liked to keep the smell around.
I made my way through the house taking in everything. It was exactly the same as the day I had left. I left without a word to anyone. I left with a backpack full of clothes and a wad of money I had saved since I had been able to get a job. I always wanted to live in California. I always loved the beach.
I opened the door at the end of the hallway that still had my name printed across it in cursive. Everything was exactly how I had left it. Old posters of bands and other things covered every inch of the boring white walls. I ran my hand over the book case in my old room until I found all my old journals. I pulled them from their dusty place and shoved them into my bag. I'm glad my dad had never gone through them. I took a seat on my old bed and put my head in my hands.
"Are you okay?" Austin asked rubbing my back.
I nodded and began to cry again. "I'll be okay. It's just a lot to take back in."
Austin took a seat next to me and pulled me into his arms. We sat like that for a while. The smell of his cologne calmed my nerves. I looked into his eyes and smiled. "I love you so much."
"I love you too baby."
"I want to go see my grandma. We can walk to her house. It's only four houses down."
"Sure babe."
I locked the house back up and we walked hand in hand to my grandmothers house. I bit my lip nervously as I knocked in her door.
"Hel.... oh my god."