Glass Hearts

My father died two days after I got back home. I felt like my world was crashing down around me all over again. I couldn't bring myself to fly back for the funeral. They put him next to my mother and that was too much to handle.

I laid in bed staring at the ceiling. I could hear the soft sound of Austin's breathing next to me. He would be leaving in just a few hours to go back on tour. I didn't think it would hurt so much for him to leave again.

I turned on my side and propped my head up on my elbow to stare at him. He looked so peaceful and absolutely beautiful. I ran my finger over the scar on his chest and smiled. I shouldn't be sad. I was the luckiest girl on the planet.

I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture of Austin sleeping before posting it to Instagram. @aumiautumn: How did I get so lucky? I'm going to miss you so much... @austincarlile

Austin's phone went off, causing him to stir. He opened his eyes and looked at me with a big smile. "Good morning beautiful."

"Not quite morning yet. The rest of the world is still sleeping. It's only three." I kissed his shoulder and curled up against him.

"Why are you up baby?" He asked rubbing my shoulder and laid a kiss on my head.

"Can't sleep. My mind won't shut off."

Austin held me tight. "I know it's hard baby. It's part of the job though."

"I know." I pulled myself up and kissed his nose. "I would never keep you from doing what you love but I can't help but miss the fuck out of you."

He slipped his hand in the back of my hair and pulled me into a passionate kiss. "I'm going to miss you so much baby but we will skype and text all the time. I'll even fly you out to a few places when we have a day off."

I finally drifted off only to be woken up by the sound of Austin's alarm. I groaned and clung to him. "Five more minutes," I mumbled into his neck.

"Baby I set it as late as possible. If you want to go to breakfast with us before we leave then we have to get up."

I pouted and looked up at him. "Fine."

I rolled myself off the bed and groaned as I stretched out my sleepiness. I hadn't slept much in weeks. It was really taking a toll on my body. I slipped a pair of yoga pants over my panties and threw an oversized Of Mice hoodie on. "I'm ready."

Austin chuckled and kissed my forehead. "You really need to get some sleep."

"Yeah yeah yeah." I went to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee and waited for Austin to come out. His bags were already loaded in my car so he just needed himself and his phone charger. "You ready," I asked looking up from my coffee.

"Yup," he said giving me a cheesy smile.

I nodded and got up taking my keys off the hook by the door and shoved my sunglasses onto my face. We headed downtown to Henry's. Austin wanted to go to the first place we ever had a 'date' if that even counts as a date. When we got there everyone had already been seated and were waiting for us. "It's about goddamn time," Alan blurted out. "I'm starving over here."

I laughed and ruffled his hair. "You could have ordered silly."

"That's just rude."

I took a seat next to Tino and Austin sat beside me. "I'm going to miss you guys so much."

Tino laid his head down on my shoulder. "Aww we're going to miss you too!!"

The waiter came up and took all of our orders and walked back to place the order. I put my head against Austin's shoulder and closed my eyes. "Are you okay baby?"

I nodded. "I'm just tired."

He leaned down and kissed the top of my head. I took a deep breath and kept my eyes close. I didn't need to cry in front of everyone. Why was this so hard?

"Are you alright Autumn?" I heard Alan ask from across the table.

I sat back up and looked across at Alan, forcing a smile. "Yeah. I'm just peachy. Just extremely tired."

Our food came and everyone quickly scarfed it down. Everyone talked about how awesome tour was going to be and how excited they were to party their faces off and meet all of their fans. I just sat back and laughed along with them.

They had thirty minutes before they had to meet up at their bus so we paid the bill and headed back outside. I got into the driver seat of my car and took a deep breath staring straight forward. I felt Austin get into the passenger seat a few moments later. He gave me directions and we headed to where they were all meeting up. I pulled up next to their bus and put my car in park.

Austin got out and I followed him, popping the trunk. I watched as he took his bags and set them next to the bus. He came over and wrapped him arms around me tightly. I closed my eyes tightly and clung my hands onto the back of his shirt. He kissed the top of my head and pulled me in even tighter.

"I'm going to miss you, Autumn."

"I'm going to miss you too," I said shakily into his chest.

He pulled away and lifted my chin with his index finger before planting a soft kiss on my lips. "In two weeks I'll fly you out to come see me okay?"

I nodded and bit my lip, trying to keep myself from crying. The only person that had been holding me together for these past few weeks was now leaving and I didn't know what I was going to do with myself.

"If you need anything and I mean ANYTHING at ANY time you call me, and if I don't answer blow up my phone until I do." Austin pulled me back into his arms, I breathed in the scent of his cologne wanting to remember exactly how he smelt.

"Austin we're heading out!" their tour manager yelled from the bus.

"I gotta go babe," Austin said with sadness in his eyes. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." He gave me one last kiss before turning to get on the bus.

I took a deep breath and wiped a few tears from my eyes before turning around to head back to my car. My brain felt like it was going to explode at any second. I rested my head on my steering wheel and let out all the tears I had been holding back the past few days. I hadn't wanted Austin to know how upset I was. I didn't want to make him worry.

-

I woke up from a long nap and snuggled my face into Lola's soft fluffy fur. She whined and jumped off the bed, letting me know she wanted to go out. I groaned and rolled off my bed, taking my cell phone off of the night stand before following her to the back door. I shivered as I stepped into the cool night air. I checked my phone and noticed I had a few missed calls and some texts from Austin.

Austin:

I miss you already love.

Are you okay?

Baby...

I glanced at the time, it was now almost one in the morning. I had slept all day. My body really did need the sleep. I dialed Austin's number and it rang a few times before he picked up. "Autumn!"

"Sorry I fell asleep as soon as I got home." I yawned into the phone and started to scratch under Lola's collar.

"It's okay. You really needed the sleep. How are you feeling?"

"Still tired. I'll probably take some Advil PM or something and try to sleep more. I have to work at 10."

There was a small silence before I heard Austin sigh over the phone. "I wish you could have come with me. Everyone's out partying and all I can think about is your beautiful face and how badly I want to kiss you."

A sad smile spread across my face. "Maybe next time I can come. I just have to give my boss a little more notice than three weeks."

"I love you, Autumn."

"I love you too, Austin."

Our call disconnected and before I got the chance to call again FaceTime popped up with a call from Austin. I quickly answered it and held my phone away from my face so he could see. "How dare you hang up in me," I said sticking my tongue out at the camera.

He smiled and rubbed his tired eyes. "I just wanted to see your beautiful face before I went to bed."

I rubbed my eyes and yawned again. "I don't look too beautiful at the moment."

Austin rolled his eyes and looked directly into the camera, "you always look the most beautiful after you first wake up. You're so raw and perfect. It's my favorite time to see you. If you never wore makeup and just walked around in your little yoga pants and sweatshirts I would be completely fine with that."

I blushed and covered my mouth trying to hide my smile. "Stop being so cute," he groaned. "You make me just want to reach into the phone and pull you into our bus."

"I wish."

I heard noise come from the background and people yelling and laughing hysterically. "Well babe, everyone is finally back so I'm probably going to head to bed. Big day tomorrow. Lots and lots of press."

"Okay, I love you."

"I love you too. Goodnight." He blew me a kiss, which I returned. "Goodnight love."