Glass Hearts

The past two weeks had dragged on for so long, I felt as if I was losing my mind. Tomorrow was the day I was finally going to get to see Austin. I was to depart from LAX at 3AM and arrive at Boston airport at 12AM. Everything about my body language showed just how excited I was about it. I bounced into work and set all my stuff down in the break room. Jamie looked up at me from where she was sitting at the table on her phone, and smile. "Someone is in a really good mood today."

"God yes," I yelled giving a high pitch squeal. "I can't wait to actually see my fucking boyfriend again. Its been way too long."

Jamie just laughed and shook her head. "That's still so fucking weird to me."

"What is?"

"The fact that you have a boyfriend, dude!" She followed me out to my station as I began to set up my equipment. "Miss, oh I'm never going to have a boyfriend. Why do you enjoy being in a relationship when all you do is cry? Blah blah blah. Now look at you!"

I rolled my eyes and took my straightener out to fix a few pieces of my hair that had become unrully again. "I guess when you find the right person then it changes you. All your boyfriends have been shit, Jamie. You haven't really given the best examples."

"Hey! Jacob Melina was an awesome boyfriend."

"Yeah, and you dumped Jacob Melina because he was 'too nice'" I said making air quotes with my fingers.

"Ugh, quit judging me" she groaned sipping her coffee. "Oh by the way, how does it feel to be dating a man thats twenty six and has already been divorced?"

I shrugged. "Its not his fault that his ex was a cheating whore. Besides, I'm not worried about her. Her body has now been ruined by child birth."

Jamie laughed histerically and shook her head. "Someone's done their research."

"Well I was curious."

I went along with my day. I had a few regulars come in for a haircut and blowouts and my last client was a bride who was looking for a trial updo. By the end of it she looked so beautiful that I wanted to cry for her. You could tell she was completely in love with the man that she was about to marry. She wouldn't stop talking about him the whole time she was in my chair, and even read me her wedding vows she had written for him. They were absolutely perfect and full of love. It made me miss Austin even more.

I followed Jamie out of the salon. I had driven her to work this morning so that she could just use my car over the weekend when I was gone, since she was staying at my place to take care of Lola anyways. I shared more of how excited I was on the drive home. I think I drove her a bit crazy with it, but I couldn't control my excitment. A smile never left my face for one second.

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"You really love him, huh?" Jamie asked as we were sitting on my couch watching Mean Girls for the hundreth time.

I nodded and smiled at her. "I love him more than anything... but it terrifies me. I don't want to end up hurt and alone. Especially now that I know how amazing it feels to be in love."

"Austin wouldn't hurt you. I've known him for three years now, and while he may be a major flirt when he's not in a relationshit, he's a sweetheart. When he loves, he loves. He's dedidcated to what means most to him and he wouldn't ever do anything to damage those things. I know you mean more to him than anything. He texts me about twenty times a day to check up on you and make sure you're doing alright." Jamie looked at me before hesitently asking, "Are you okay, Aumi...? You've been a little off since the whole thing with your dad. I'm kind of worried about you, but I haven't wanted to bother you about it."

I played with the sleeve of my sweater and sighed. "I'm okay... or at least I tell myself I'm okay to get through the day. It was just so much to take in. He was there and then he wasn't in one swift motion. I just wish he would have come to the realization of how much he fucked me up before he was on his deathbed. That's what hurts the most. I feel like he only did it because he feel like he had to, not because he wanted to."

Jamie pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back as I began to cry. "Autumn, you have so many people around you that love and adore you. I know its hard to believe, but we love you. We are all here for you through this, you just have to speak up and let one of us know when you need us. I'm here to listen, Austin's here to listen, Alan would probably rather talk about cats, but you might get him to shut up for a second to listen to you... Just know that you are never alone Aum, never. One of us will always be right here for you." She pulled up the sleeve of my sweatshirt revielings a few faint cuts that were nearly scars by now. "I knew it."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, pulling my sleeve back down in shame. She shook her head and pulled me back into a tight hug. "Don't be sorry. I love you. I wish you didn't feel the need to do these things to yourself, that I will never truly understand, but I do understand that it is an addiction. You've been clean of it for two years Autumn, why start up again? I don't understand. You have everything you've ever wanted, you have your best friends, and you have the most amazing boyfriend anyone could ever ask for."

"Because sometimes love isn't all you need. I know I have all these amazinging things around me. I've made something of myself, I've done everything I have ever dreamed of doing, but the lonliness inside me still will not go away. I think going to see my dad was a mistake. It fucked me up all over again. After years of not having the dreams and images of my mother killing herself, they're back. They won't go away." I sobbed into Jamie's shoulder and tried choking out more. "I... I.. j..just want...t to f...feel okay..."

I laid my head on Jamie's lap and she rubbed my back trying to calm me down. After a while I drifted off to sleep, only to be shaken awake a few hours later. "Autumn... Auuuutumn... you need to get up and get dressed. Your plane takes off in a little less than two hours."

I groaned and rubbed my sore, tired eyes. I pray to god every day that I will magically become a morning person at some point in my life. Maybe when I'm old. I made my way to my room, rubbing my neck, sleeping on someones lap is definitely not the best thing for your neck. I walked to my bed where I had laid out my clothes for today the morning before. I stretched before pulling off my pajamas and replacing them with a snug black longsleeve v-neck, that accentuated my cleveage perfectly, and a pair of tight dark wash bluejeans. "Dayumm girl, you need to eat a cheeseburger." Jamie said from the door.

"Says the one thats about twenty pounds lighter than me."

"No seriously Autumn, have you stepped on a scale lately? You are basically nonexistant."

"I actually like the way I look right now," I stated shoving past her to get to my bathroom. I shut the door and turned to the sink, leaning my hands against it. I took a look at myself in the mirror and sighed. Hopefully I can get some sleep on the plane because there is no amount of foundation in the world to cover the mess that is my eyes. I applied my makeup and pulled my hair into a messy fishtail over my shoulder.

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I awoke to the flight attendant telling everyone to fasten their seatbelts to prepare for landing. I looked down to notice mine was still tightly around me. Thankfully, I had managed to sleep the whole flight. A cheesy smile spread across my face as I came to the realization that in less than thirty minutes I would be reunited with Austin. The small old lady next to me smiled at me and nodded, making me feel slightly awkward. I turned to the window and watched as the plane stretched closer and closer into Boston, until we had finally reached the landing strip.

I bounced in my seat as we waited to be let out of the plane. I shoved my way into the isle and threw carry on over my shoulder. It would be nice if people didn't take forever to grab their things and walk out of a friggin door. By the time I finally reached the exit I was about to turn into the hulk and start smashing people out of my way. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Austin's number. "Are you here?"

"I'm here!"

"I'm literally standing right where you exit the gateway so I'll be waiting for you! I love you!"

"I love you too!" I practically screamed, quickening my pace to get to the pickup zone. Austin was looking the opposite way as I made my way up to him. I quietly dropped my bag on the floor and walked up, wrapping my arms around his waist. I felt him lightly jump, before he turned around with a huge grin on his face. "Oh my fucking god, I never thought someone could get so much more attractive in a short two weeks time," he states looking me up and down. I rolled my eyes and jumped into his arms, swinging my arms and legs around him. His arms instantly found their way around me and he spun me around. I crashed my lips against his passionately locking my fingers in his hair. We stayed like that for a while, but were interrupted by someone clearing their throat behind us.

I pulled away from Austin's lips and looked over his shoulder to see Alan standing there with his arms crossed. "What do you think you're doing with my boyfriend," he sassily asked crossing his arms.

"He's mine this weekend you little betch," I retorted back at him, just as sassy.

Austin let me down and I walked up to Alana, giving him a giant hug. "I've missed you kitty cat."

"Mine," Austin said pulling me back to him by my hips. "I want you all to myself for the next 48 hours. Everyone else can hug and love on you when they all get home."

I giggled and saluted him, "YES SIR!"

"That's what I thought." Austin kissed my forehead and grabbed my bag off of the floor. "That bags a bit girly, are you sure you don't want me to carry it?"

"Real men carry girly bags," he stated matter of factly.

We got a taxi and Alan gave the driver the address to the hotel they were staying in for their off day. I was too busy studying every inch of Austin I possibly could to even care. It was crazy how much you could miss someone you love in just two short weeks. "I love you," he whispered in my ear, stroking his thumb over my small hand. I smiled and leaned up to kiss him.

"Can you guys please wait until you're in your hotel room before you start your lovey dovey shit? I'm seriously going to barf. I need to find a hooker."

I lost my composure and died laughing. "What the actual fuck Alana? A hooker? Jesus you're desperate."

"The ladies haven't been flocking for the ging lately," Austin stated winking at me.

"They all want your man." I choked on my own spin and started coughing. Fuck you Alan for making me want to punch a bunch of teeny boppers in the face.

We arrived at the hotel and rushed up to our hotel room, slamming the door behind us. Austin swooped me up and carried me over to the bed. He softly laid me down on the bed and kissed me slowly, steadying himself with his arms on either side of my head. I reached up and cupped his cheeks in my hands, deepening our kiss. He took my hands from his cheeks and pushed them up above my head, pinning me to the bed. I instantly moaned as he pushed himself against me and attached his lips to my neck. His hands moved up and down over my arms as he kissed down my neck. He suddenly stopped and looked up at my now exposed wrist.

"Autumn... what is that?" he slowly asked moving to lay beside me and quickly grabbing my arm.