Dreaming a Dream

"You can't..." "dead""pregnant"
"he's...." "dead..."

***************
Today.

The day we hear..

Can we have children? Or can't we have children?

I feel like a kid taking the drivers test again. Nervous , shaky , sweaty.

Matt and the guys are working , since 4 this morning.

I guess loafing around like Matty did the last 2 days are over...

I am busy in the kitchen , making some steak and patato salad for dinner since the guys will probably be home in less than an hour. Tanya was helping me , she was making some dessert.

Do not judge , I am in the mood for dessert.

The door slammed shut after a while of Tan and I listening to music loudly. We didn't switch off the music when the guys walked in.

"hey!" Jimmy screamed at the top of his lungs , he started singing along with Christina Perri's Jar of Hearts.

Matt sigh , knowing there's no way this music will be turned down so he just walked over to me wrapping his arms around my waist from behind.

"You heard anything?" he whispered in my ear , I shook my head

"No.. I'm nervous"

"It'll be fine."

He kissed my cheek and told the guys to meet him in his office to finish up the case.

******
"Kari... uh I think you should see this" Zacky said , we were just starting to eat when the doorbell rung and Zack went to answer it.

I furrowed my eyebrows and walked out , Zacky gave me a sympathetic glance and then walked up to Matt.

I didn't look at them , I went straight to the door and instantly felt sick when I saw who was at the door.

"Mrs Karina Sanders?"

"Yes?"

"II am so sorry to inform you that your brother , LtCol Troy Benson , was killed in action yesterday."

I couldn't breathe , I swallowed loudly and stared at the marines in front of me. My mouth was dry , my body weak.

"wh-wh-what?"

"I am so sorry ma'am"

"No , Toy... he can't... he can't be ... I mean ... that's not possible...he-he"

Matt walked in , frowning.

"Baby , what's going on?" he asked slowly. His voiced clouded with worry.

"T-t-t-t-t-t..." I kept on stuttering , I couldn't form words.

"What's wrong?" Matt directed his question to the marines in front of us.

"Sir , Mrs Sanders's brother , LtCol Benson , has passed away. He was killed in action"

"Oh my God" Matt whispered and took me in his arms.

"Thank you , for telling us.. Thank you for your duty."

They nodded and left after saying goodbye again.

I was bent forward , voices was drowned. I was finally starting to cry. I just started crying and I'm not planning on stopping.

"he's dead!" I screamed. "he's dead"

Crying hysterically in Matt's arms , I heard him telling the guys that he's taking me upstairs.

He carried me up bridal style and laid me down on the bed while I was continuing crying.

"shhhh" Matt consoled me , laying down next to me holding me tightly in his arms.

I clutched his shirt in my fist , and started wailing.

"I--I... Troy...he's..."

"shhh babe , shhhhhh" he whispered holding me even tighter.

I finally stopped crying , but only because I cried myself to sleep.