Dreaming a Dream

I've watched Matt curse
I've witnessed him scream and threat
I've heard about him killing others
I've seen him cry
and I've felt him love

But I have never seen him scared.

Yes , when I get involved in cases he's panicky , and worried but he has never been scared of anything.

Matt has always been a stable minded kind of guy , always tough and secure.

But , seeing him trash and scatter in bed , with his forehead clouded with sweat and his cheeks stained with tears , I've finally witnessed the only feeling I've never gotten from Matthew Sanders.

"Kari... no... no-- please ... no" he mumbled , his forehead creased and his lips trembling.

"Matt? Matt , wake up"

He continued trashing , his breathing became shallow and laboured.

"Matt!" I said louder , I started shaking him awake trying to wake him up.

Finally , he woke up. He swallowed loudly when he saw me.

"You... you're... you're awake?" he whispered , "you're a-alive?"

"Of course baby. Why wouldn't I be? What's wrong?"

"I-I..." he started sobbing silently

"Matty?" I whispered , hugging his body tightly.

"Please... don't leave me" he whispered hugging me back.

"I won't.. I won't.. just tell me what's wrong baby?"

"I...I had a n-n-nightmare. You d-died , and I-I couldn't save you... I can't fucking lose you Kari... I-I can't"

"Shhh , baby it was just a dream. I'm not going anywhere okay? I promise you , I am not going anywhere"

"I will protect you against every bad thing in this world Kari. I was so sure you died , and I couldn't handle it. You are not allowed to leave me okay? I know you deserve much better than me , and I know I can't give you orders but baby please - wherever you go from now on until we kill the Russians who's after you - please take someone with you. Anyone. Okay?"

"Alright baby , I will.. Until the Russians are caught. I will take one of you everywhere I go."

"Thanks baby" he kissed my lips passionately. He was afraid of loosing me.

"Come on.." I wiped his tears away , "let's go watch a movie okay?"

"Hmm" he nodded , "okay"

We decided to watch a comedy to get Matt's mind of his nightmare.

Matt laid his head on my lap , and halfway through the movie I heard his snores.

His mouth was slightly parted , drool made it's way out of his mouth. He was adorable.

and he was so terrified of losing me.

Today made me realize , that even though Matt Sanders looks like a tough , secure and stable man

He will always think he would lose me

Doesn't matter if it's because of death , or divorce

and I will spend my whole life proving him otherwise.