Love, Actually.
Waiting
First year of college—almost over. Sitting on my bed in the tiny dorm room I’d called home for the past nine months, I could hardly believe it. So much had happened in the time I had been at college. I’d made amazing friends, and had amazing experiences… Yet I still wasn’t completely fulfilled. You see, there was a guy.
Don’t laugh.
I know it’s stupid. Typical, even. There’s always a guy. So fine, typical college girl; there was a guy. I’d been seeing him for a few months. But it’s college. And if there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that seeing a guy and dating a guy are two completely different things. None of them seemed to want to be tied down to the whole girlfriend experience. James was no different. We did everything a dating couple would—from studying together to cuddling and watching a movie. People knew we had a “thing.” Of course, we weren’t dating. Then there was the slight problem of him being a senior, from the east coast. Meanwhile, I was from the Midwest.
Now, there are four days of the school year left. He’ll return to Maine, I’ll return to Minnesota. And, in theory, we will never see each other again. I don’t do loose ends; with him, though, there were so many. So much unexplored territory, so much that could wind up unanswered. We’d never been on anything beyond a study date. I knew it as much as you’re probably thinking it.
I was being used.
As much as I didn’t want to, I’d given up anything really happening with James. Actually, I’d finally begun to come to terms with the idea that anything beyond what we had now was never going to happen. I was done with classes, leading me to today—spending a large chunk of time in my room, watching episodes of Modern Family on Hulu and pretending the year wasn’t going to end. From my desk, my phone went off.
James: What are you doing Wednesday night?
Me: Lots of Netflix haha you?
James: Think you’ve got time for a break around 7?
Me: Haha maybe… Why?
James: I wanna take you to dinner. Before you leave.
Me: For sure, I’m down. See you then. :)
Shock. Pure, genuine shock. Now he was choosing to ask me out on a date? I mean, I was excited… but he could’ve waited a little longer. (I’m hoping you caught that sarcasm) Either way, I decided to roll with it. No expectations—because I’d had those before, and it always ended up crashing and burning. Back to Hulu.
{Wednesday }
Most of the day passed by uneventfully. Other than a racing heart, I managed to retain my calm. Of course, as seven o’clock approached, my palms grew sweaty and my knees shaky. Sitting on her bed, my roommate watched me getting ready. Openly judging my makeup and clothing choice, she babbled as I nervously paced the floor.
What if he bowed out? Never showed? Pretended it was all a joke?
Damn. I needed to calm down.
Just as I stopped pacing, there was a knock at the door. I jumped, unprepared. Turning to my roommate, she gave me a once-over, a wink, and a thumbs up. I took that to be a good sign. Opening the door, there he was. Standing before me was James, the guy whom I’d been seeing for a while and only just now going on a date with. At 5’9” he didn’t really tower over me. Clearly an athlete built for speed, he was lean and muscular—a second baseman on the school’s baseball team. I smiled shyly as I watched him take in my appearance, his blue eyes widening and a smile growing on his face. In his hands was a bouquet of flowers.
From there, we drove to the nearby baseball field. I was surprised… I had thought dinner, not actual physical activity. Primarily because I had no hand-eye coordination, playing a sport involving a ball and bat just seemed like a generally bad idea.
“I know baseball is your favorite sport,” He said as we got out of the car. I nodded as he continued, “And, obviously, it’s mine too. So… I figured maybe a baseball field was a good location for a date.”
From the backseat, he pulled out a worn picnic basket and a blanket. Together, we walked out onto the field where we promptly set up the picnic. He’d kept it simple. Making sandwiches and bringing a package of chocolate chip cookies amongst other things. Quite simply, it was adorable.
Slowly, darkness fell—revealing a star-studded night sky. I thought we’d head back to campus, call it quits. In the end, though, we didn’t. We ended up staying and talking about everything and anything. I’d never had a date like it. It was bittersweet, because in a few days’ time, I would be gone, and he would be graduated.
“Do you think you could do it?” He asked abruptly.
“Do what?” I responded, confused.
“Distance. I mean, I know Maine to Minnesota is a big difference… but I’m coming back here in a year, and you’ll be living up here then. Really, a year isn’t that long if you think about it.”
There was silence as I mulled it over in my head. I thought about the last few months with James, how I felt when I was around him, and if there was anyone else I wanted to be with.
“You know,” I began. “I think it could work.”
“Well, then, how about we give it a try? Would you like to be my girlfriend?”
Don’t laugh.
I know it’s stupid. Typical, even. There’s always a guy. So fine, typical college girl; there was a guy. I’d been seeing him for a few months. But it’s college. And if there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that seeing a guy and dating a guy are two completely different things. None of them seemed to want to be tied down to the whole girlfriend experience. James was no different. We did everything a dating couple would—from studying together to cuddling and watching a movie. People knew we had a “thing.” Of course, we weren’t dating. Then there was the slight problem of him being a senior, from the east coast. Meanwhile, I was from the Midwest.
Now, there are four days of the school year left. He’ll return to Maine, I’ll return to Minnesota. And, in theory, we will never see each other again. I don’t do loose ends; with him, though, there were so many. So much unexplored territory, so much that could wind up unanswered. We’d never been on anything beyond a study date. I knew it as much as you’re probably thinking it.
I was being used.
As much as I didn’t want to, I’d given up anything really happening with James. Actually, I’d finally begun to come to terms with the idea that anything beyond what we had now was never going to happen. I was done with classes, leading me to today—spending a large chunk of time in my room, watching episodes of Modern Family on Hulu and pretending the year wasn’t going to end. From my desk, my phone went off.
James: What are you doing Wednesday night?
Me: Lots of Netflix haha you?
James: Think you’ve got time for a break around 7?
Me: Haha maybe… Why?
James: I wanna take you to dinner. Before you leave.
Me: For sure, I’m down. See you then. :)
Shock. Pure, genuine shock. Now he was choosing to ask me out on a date? I mean, I was excited… but he could’ve waited a little longer. (I’m hoping you caught that sarcasm) Either way, I decided to roll with it. No expectations—because I’d had those before, and it always ended up crashing and burning. Back to Hulu.
{Wednesday }
Most of the day passed by uneventfully. Other than a racing heart, I managed to retain my calm. Of course, as seven o’clock approached, my palms grew sweaty and my knees shaky. Sitting on her bed, my roommate watched me getting ready. Openly judging my makeup and clothing choice, she babbled as I nervously paced the floor.
What if he bowed out? Never showed? Pretended it was all a joke?
Damn. I needed to calm down.
Just as I stopped pacing, there was a knock at the door. I jumped, unprepared. Turning to my roommate, she gave me a once-over, a wink, and a thumbs up. I took that to be a good sign. Opening the door, there he was. Standing before me was James, the guy whom I’d been seeing for a while and only just now going on a date with. At 5’9” he didn’t really tower over me. Clearly an athlete built for speed, he was lean and muscular—a second baseman on the school’s baseball team. I smiled shyly as I watched him take in my appearance, his blue eyes widening and a smile growing on his face. In his hands was a bouquet of flowers.
From there, we drove to the nearby baseball field. I was surprised… I had thought dinner, not actual physical activity. Primarily because I had no hand-eye coordination, playing a sport involving a ball and bat just seemed like a generally bad idea.
“I know baseball is your favorite sport,” He said as we got out of the car. I nodded as he continued, “And, obviously, it’s mine too. So… I figured maybe a baseball field was a good location for a date.”
From the backseat, he pulled out a worn picnic basket and a blanket. Together, we walked out onto the field where we promptly set up the picnic. He’d kept it simple. Making sandwiches and bringing a package of chocolate chip cookies amongst other things. Quite simply, it was adorable.
Slowly, darkness fell—revealing a star-studded night sky. I thought we’d head back to campus, call it quits. In the end, though, we didn’t. We ended up staying and talking about everything and anything. I’d never had a date like it. It was bittersweet, because in a few days’ time, I would be gone, and he would be graduated.
“Do you think you could do it?” He asked abruptly.
“Do what?” I responded, confused.
“Distance. I mean, I know Maine to Minnesota is a big difference… but I’m coming back here in a year, and you’ll be living up here then. Really, a year isn’t that long if you think about it.”
There was silence as I mulled it over in my head. I thought about the last few months with James, how I felt when I was around him, and if there was anyone else I wanted to be with.
“You know,” I began. “I think it could work.”
“Well, then, how about we give it a try? Would you like to be my girlfriend?”