Pictures and Some Memories

The air was chilly as I emerged from the new art space, where I spent the day scoping out the other talent I was to share the space with, and for once, I was incredibly surprised and humbled to be working with such amazing, down to earth people. The current gallery contained a rosy-red theme, from photos of dark red rouge on model's cheeks to painting exemplifying the color. I also just had a successful meeting with the owner, Eric, and was incredibly inspired and happy to begin my work for him to showcase within the next few months.

However, all I wanted to do was curl up on the couch with a pizza and a glass of wine before my nightly Skype session with Larkin, as I was just finally getting over a cold and still craved some lazy time to get over the illness. Just as I had pulled up my favorite pizza place, Charlotte's contact photo took over my screen, asking to Facetime. Rolling my eyes, I accepted the call, hoping that my network's speeds would work with me enough to let the call come through.

"Hey, Ariel, I can't seem to find my phone, so I stole Charlie's. What are you up to?" he asked over the raucous laughter of our friends.

"I just left a meeting in Santa Ana at the new studio I'll eventually be showing in," I replied as I jogged across the street to my Mustang, the lone car out this late.

"I assume it went well?" he asked as I set the phone behind my steering wheel so I could start it and begin to warm up.

I nodded, laughing when he made a face in reaction to the roar that the older car made whenever it started. "It went really well, actually! This owner is so relaxed and open to anything to be shown. You remember me talking about the other one I worked with, right?"

"The one with a stick up her ass about you displaying a naked chick as your main piece, right?" he asked, taking a drink of his beer at the end.

"That's the one," I grinned. "God, she was terrible! This may be a bit too early to say this, but I am so glad I'm working with this guy now. I can finally do whatever I please as an artist."

"Well, since you're in such a good mood, do you want some pasta and booze to top your night off?" he asked. "You can't say no in front of everyone," he added, walking into his dining room, where everyone was seated.

"You had me at 'pasta', and solidified it with 'booze'. I'll see y'all in 20 minutes, give or take. Evening classes just let out at that junior college in Costa Mesa so traffic may be a bitch."

"See, Charlie, I told you if we just called her, she'd come!" he gloated to Charlotte before we hung up. I rolled my eyes. Yes, I'd been busy since I'd arrived back, but what did anyone expect? I was either painting or working on future tour plans, as well as recording and other things that All Time Low or Flyzik wanted me to help with. Needless to say, I was booked, and I'd only been back for three and a half weeks.

That's not to say I didn't love it, though. Larkin had almost fully come around, pleased to see that I'd been getting so much accomplished in such a short time. He was even trying to work around his schedule so that he could come out and visit me, which relieved me, as not even two weeks ago, I had no clue where we stood. Now that we were over that bump in the road, I knew exactly where we stood. Still, I knew he'd be bothered if we didn't have our daily phone call, but right as I began to ring him through my bluetooth system, a text message popped up from his end.

Working with a client until late. It's extremely important, so much so that I snuck off to the bathroom to send this. Love you, sweetheart, have a good night.

"Nevermind," I said aloud, hanging up and tossing my phone into the seat. I cranked the music loud and got onto the interstate, excited to have a night of just hanging out with friends rather than business. I'd seen them a handful of times since I'd moved back and I learned very quickly that little had changed as far as coming to hangout; you were expected to be at everything, and if you weren't there, you'd better have a damn good excuse. Luckily for them, I'd gotten good at hanging out while working, whether it was an email or a painting, so as long as they didn't mind me bringing my work with me, or coming over to see me at my place, I could work with them easily.

Before I reached Jimmy's house, I stopped at the market to pick up a bottle of wine for Cara, some bread and marinara sauce from the Bistro my dad and stepmom owned (which turned into a lovely 10 minute long chat before I reminded them that I had plans) and Jimmy's favorite chocolate cake as well. I hated that they were waiting for me so they could eat, so I felt the least I could do was make up for it with more food.

"I brought wine, bread, and cake, all of which are from the Bistro, so it's bound to be good," I announced as loudly as possible as I entered the house. Had it not been for Cara's habit of leaving every light on she possibly could, I would have no idea how to get around the place, especially since the last time I was here, I was tipsy when I walked in the door thanks to my nerves.

"You are the best," Cara sighed, hugging me tightly before taking it out of my hands. She placed the wine in a bucket of ice to chill before immediately taking the bread out to slice and serve. "You got here at just the right time. Nick is practically ravenous and cranky because all he's had are Cheerios."

"You mean to tell me that you haven't at least got fruit snacks for the poor little guy?" I said jokingly, despite the fact that a lump had formed in my throat at the mention of Zacky's son. I still had yet to meet him in person, and really hadn't expected to tonight of all nights.

"No. Jimmy and I ate them all on the way home earlier," she sighed, earning a giggle from my end. "Go sit down, I'll get everyone served after this bread gets toasted."

"You sure?" I asked before she shot a glare my way, albeit a playful one. I just turned and did as she said, taking the empty place beside Serena after briefly greeting everyone.

"Hey y'all," I announced, receiving a chorus of hellos back before the majority of the guys went back into their in depth conversation about equipment, a conversation I'd usually take part in, but at this moment, I had no energy to even pretend to do so whatsoever.

"How are you doing, Andi?" Zacky asked as I began to pour myself a glass of wine.

I continued to pour it almost to the top, making him chuckle as I took a long sip. "That kind of day, eh?"

"Not a bad one, I'm just tired," I answered honestly. "This must be Nicholas," I added as my gaze landed upon the toddler in his lap. Nicholas was staring intently at something on the iPad sitting on the table, which I quickly identified to be Finding Nemo. His hair was a chocolate brown, but his eyes were identical to Zacky's. I could see, though, that he had his mother's nose, but that was it; everything else screamed Baker DNA.

For some reason, yet again, a pang resonated deeply within my chest at the sight of them, how happy he seemed to be with him. It was irrational, I know, but I just couldn't help the flow of jealousy that seemed to emerge from within. Tried as I might, I ignored it as best as I could and flashed a smile their direction.

"Yeah, this is Nick. Usually, he's more social than this but he's been in a bad mood for most of the day, so Finding Nemo it is," he grinned at he looked down at his son, who was mesmerized by the swirling images of the ocean in front of him.

"What's with all the talk about gear at the dinner table?" I asked, distracting myself from how attractive and earnest the look was. "Gear seems like it should be the least of everyone's worries right now, anyways."

"They've got a small east-coast festival tour coming up in about a week and a half, so they're trying to see what would work best in cold, rainy weather," Violet piqued in my direction.

"No shit?" I asked, then thought better of it after Nick caught my eye once again. "How come nobody told me? I'm your girl for these situations!"

"You've just been busy, babe," Serena answered. "Mom and Dad are even afraid to impose on the progress train you're on. We all know how you get whenever your sights on a goal are interrupted."

"Well, after tomorrow, I will just have to worry about painting and tour arrangements for All Time Low, which as of yet, have not and will not be assigned to me for a while. So I get to paint and do my thing and finally get around to relaxing with y'all here real soon."

Just then, Cara brought the toasted bread and pan filled with baked ziti into the dining room, Charlotte hot on her heels with the side dishes, causing all conversation to stop temporarily as food was served and shovelled into everyone's mouths. Once everyone was settled, the gear conversation once again picked back up, my inner nerd exposed as I began to go into the logistics of how many stacks would work at one venue versus an outside venue. Coincidentally, just as I began that discussion, Zacky excused himself to take a phone call and came back with shocking news.

"Well, my tech is out of the tour next week, and probably won't be touring for a while afterward, too," he grumbled as he returned to his seat.

"What did Evan get himself into this time?!" Matt groaned.

"Breaking and entering, destruction of property, burglary, possession... You fucking name it, man. That dude has always been sketchy as hell and he wonders why he never got invited over... It's shit like this, man!"

"Is your management or label aware of this yet?" I asked calmly.

"His girlfriend says that I'm the first person she was able to get ahold of."

"Go call them and say that you've already got a replacement."

"And who would that be? You? You're way too damn busy to be dealing with that shit," Zacky scoffed, rolling his eyes before he took another bite of his pasta.

"Wow, you must have been really focused on Nemo's initiation into the fish tank when I said this earlier, but, after tomorrow, I'm free to travel and do whatever I please. I've got the time and you need the help."

"Zack, your tech is my tech on this tour. I'd rather have someone we know and trust with our equipment rather than some random fuckin' hire," Brian added in favor.

"Are you 100% positive that you're okay with doing this?" Zacky asked. "It's a week and a half, so we wouldn't be gone terribly long. It's Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, Reno, and Vegas--"

"Vegas?" I repeated with an involuntary smile.

"All of us girls had planned on meeting them there and staying a day longer so we could enjoy the strip," Violet added.

"Except for me. The salon fucking hates me," Serena sighed.

"But yeah, Vegas, travel is covered, and I will pay for all of your drinks while we're there," Zacky offered.

"Not sure that you could afford that," I half-joked, stabbing another cluster of ziti noodles with my fork.

"Perhaps not, but I'm desperate here, Andi."

"I already said yes, Zack," I laughed. "If you want, I can even fax your management my resume when I get home."

"Nah, as soon as they hear 5 years of experience, they'll sign you on, no further questions needed," Brian assured me.

"You sure you can handle both of our needs for the week?" Zacky asked, raising an eyebrow in my direction.

"Listen, when I tour with All Time Low, I am both of their guitarist's tech, as well as occasionally the bassist's, and take turns with our other tech, Danny, on playing supporting guitar in the background during certain songs. Trust me, I know what the fuck I'm doing. You both pose a challenge, yes, but, I'm sure I'll live."

"Jesus, that's a sick burn, would you like some ice?" Serena asked with a smirk.

He rolled his eyes before attending to his fussy son, whose green eyes welled up with tired tears. "I think this is my cue to leave for the night," he sighed as he began to gather the toddler's things.

"Are you sure? The pack and play is still upstairs, Z, you're welcome to put him down up there and stay longer," Cara asked, standing up to help him.

"Yeah dude, you hardly ever come over lately. Stick around for a little while!" Jimmy added.

Zacky chewed his lip in debate as Cara scooped the toddler up into her arms, kissing his forehead softly before she gently began to rock him in her arms. Almost instantly, he stilled and cuddled himself into her, bringing a smile to her face.

And yet, despite how nice of a moment it was, it broke my heart.

"Well now I can't leave," he grinned, relieved to see Nicholas at ease.

With that, Nicholas was taken upstairs to be put to bed while the guys migrated to the living room. The girls and I quickly cleared the table and loaded Cara's dishwasher, grateful that her neat-freak tendencies translated to her cleaning her kitchen along the way. I still joked and laughed as I normally would, but the pang I'd felt earlier in the night had returned, and refused to go away.

I grabbed my jacket and excused myself to the safety of the Sullivan's back patio, where I sat on a cool metal chair and curled my legs underneath and lazily smoked a cigarette.

I zoned off, unable to pinpoint exactly what was currently bothering me the most. All I knew was that I felt so incredibly raw at that moment, and my eyes stung like hell. It was irrational that I was set off by something as simple as Cara cuddling her nephew, but yet here I was, feeling like utter shit.

"Mind if I bum one?" Charlotte called softly from the doorway. Her thick curly hair was in a messy bun on the top of her head, making her look younger than 26 in the dim lighting provided by the lamp beside the door. She wore a pair of tight black jeans and one of Brian's old flannels tucked into it, reminiscent of when we were in high school together. As I held the open pack toward her, her expression became more concerned than it had been moments before.

"What's got you down, love?" she asked as she perched the cigarette in the corner of her mouth and lighting it effortlessly.

"Nothing," I lied quickly, taking another drag.

"Yeah, sure, and that's why you're about to start on another cigarette, because nothing is going on," she commented nonchalantly, exhaling a short trail of velvety smoke.

I lowered the Marlboro away from my waiting lips. "Creep. How long have you been watching me?"

"Long enough," she shrugged, ridding the ash on the end of hers with an audible flick.

"Look, I don't know what's wrong with me and honestly, I'd rather not talk about it."

"That's fine," she replied coolly. "I'm just going to ask you this, then: are you sure you should do this tour?"

I raised an eyebrow in her direction. "I don't see why I shouldn't. I've been itching to tour again, and the guys could really use my help."

"Yes, but you're sure there isn't a conflict of interests here whatsoever? I mean, the last time you were here you were asking me advice about how to resolve the lingering feelings you had for Zack. Now you're about to sign onto a west coast tour where you'll be in close quarters with him for nearly two weeks. You're sure this is a good idea?"

"My lingering feelings disintegrated the moment I found out Jourdan, of all people, was who he had a child with. He's apologized for how he's handled things and we're working toward a friendship, albeit it'll never quite be what it was when we were younger. I'm happily in my relationship with Larkin, anyway. May as well try to move past it all, anyways."

"I'm glad," she said in relief. "This trip is sort of the last hurrah for the guys before they seriously buckle down in the studio. These last couple of months have been the longest break they've had since they started the band back in high school. They're all looking forward to this and I'd just hate for something to ruin it. No offense, by the way."

I chuckled. "None taken. I do have a flair for the dramatic. Unintentionally, of course, but it's there. Trust me, I'm looking forward to this too. I've been doing too much business and legal shit for my own liking and need a break."

"That you do, my dear," she grinned. "You know, I am pretty excited to see you in action. I'm shooting some live shots of them to add to my portfolio and of course for them to use as well."

"I'm going to have blisters on my fingers since it's been awhile since I've sat down with a guitar, but man, I'm stoked for this," I replied with growing excitement in the pit of my stomach.

"How's Larkin going to take it?" She asked after a couple of moments, a small look of concern on her face once again.

"Ah, shit," I groaned, as it hadn't occurred to me to have to tell him about it. I perched the second cigarette between my lips and lit it quickly, sighing as I exhaled. "Well, once he isn't too busy to send me more than a text, I suppose I'll break the news to him. He's been better about my absence though, so maybe it won't be much of a big deal."

"I hope so," she said softly, and watched me as I continued to smoke before we both silently returned inside, the cloud of doubt, melancholy, and unease mixing with the smoke as I tried to salvage the rest of my night.