Pictures and Some Memories

Despite the fact that the heat here in San Antonio felt like it'd melt me into the ground, our last day of Warped had gone off to a great start. ATL were going to play the very last set of the day on the main stage, a huge upgrade to the smaller stages they've played all summer. Since we didn't have to be over there until seven to start our final set-up, I somehow roped Danny into mine and Carly's responsible ways of packing before we flew out later on tonight, rather than doing the 'chicken with its head cut off' routine everyone had mastered nicely since we started using buses. The three of us, plus Colussy and Jeff, especially needed to do this since the bus would be driving up to Baltimore, not New York or Philly or Michigan. It was crucial to get our stuff together or else it'd be at either Alex or Jack's house forever (because neither of them ever remembered to ship anything, it seemed).

However, due to the excessive heat, lack of shade, and ultra high humidity, I had created a place of shade and hopeful comfort beside our bus, where we were each going through our luggage and hoped that if we packed something a certain way, it'd weigh less than 40 pounds and wouldn't cost any of us anything extra.

Still, Carly and I have been to plenty of malls throughout the tour and we already knew that our chances of only paying fifty bucks for our bags were slim to none.

"Oh, my God, this stinks so much," Danny groaned, taking the mesh laundry bag filled with his dirty clothes out of his suitcase as he joined Carly and I on the ground.

"You of all people should know the 'wear once, then toss' rule of underwear on tour." Carly shook her head at him without any remorse, much like a mother would.

"I'm not an idiot, Carly. These are all t-shirts and jeans by the looks of it," He snaps back in reply, but without any malice. "I think mine and Andi's have gotten confused for each other's, though," he added, taking out a pink Keep A Breast tank that looked much too small for him.

"Whoops," I giggled, taking it from him. "Speaking of KAB, are you going on their joint tour with Glamour Kills, too?"

He nodded. "I'll be in LA for two weeks before I head out. Then I'm off for a while."

I frowned. I was looking forward to being in New York in a few hours, but I wasn't ready to give up touring just yet. Eight months we'd be off this time, and for some reason, that seemed terrifying. It was the longest that we've taken a break since Carly and I were in school. It felt odd to be home for so long, but I was sure I'd be looking forward to it hopefully soon.

"Our family is going to be split for months. I don't like it," Carly sighed, voicing my thoughts. "I mean, I have Andi, Alex, and Jack, but who else am I going to boss around? No one, that's who."

"You're going out to LA with them while they record, right?" Danny asks the both of us. Carly rolled her eyes, her answer obvious. I, on the other hand, looked away. I had no intention of returning unless they absolutely needed another tech in the studio with them.

"Earth to Andi! Hello?" Carly says in a louder tone, snapping her fingers in front of my face. "You totally spaced! You're definitely coming to LA right?"

I cleared my throat, swallowing the lump that suddenly formed. "No, I think I'm going to focus on my gallery with all of this time off.."

She raised an eyebrow. "Two months ago you were bouncing off the walls, excited to go back to Cali for a while."

I glanced at Danny, begging him not to tell Carly about the state he found me in not long ago. I hadn't told her simply because I didn't want her to get worked up over it. As soon as she found out, she'd want to march all the way to his house and kick his ass with her bare hands. And as much as I wanted her to, I also didn't want it just as much. He and I lived two separate lives, him with his child, me with Larkin. It wouldn't be worth it.

"Larkin's father thinks I should utilize my time on my career," I shrugged in response finally, wrapping an unopened set of shot glasses I bought for mine and Carly's loft in one of my hoodies. "Since I won't get another year to work like this for a while."

She snorted, seeing through my words; even if they were true, she knew I wasn't genuine. "Yeah, okay, and I'm going to fly to Mars with Florence from Florence and the Machine on a Universe Tour to further my career, too. Yeah, right..."

"Carly!" I exclaimed in shock. Even Danny looked confused at her outburst, and that was saying something since he usually tuned her out when she and I bantered back and forth.

"Don't think I'm trying to knock you down when you're at a critical point in your career as an artist," she began, which ultimately warned me that she was about to be harsh and blunt with me. I mentally prepared myself as she continued. "But, I think you're letting that stupid Italian control your life entirely too much."

"Excuse me?"

"That didn't come out right," she sighed, a sympathetic look on her face. "I just think that he prefers making your decisions rather than letting you make them."

I gulped, tearing my eyes away from her. I hadn't known that she picked up on that, too. Hell, I had ranted about it to Violet and the guys back in California not long ago. I just hadn't known my best friend saw it just as clearly as I. "You think so?" I asked quietly, engaging her.

"Oh, come on! As an artist, you shouldn't have deadlines on when to finish unless it's a commissioned piece and yet, he still makes you feel the pressure of university by telling you to finish by certain times," she grumbled.

"That's justified, though! Most times it's to finish by tourist season so we can attract people into the gallery!"

"What about the thousand dollar minimum thing, then?" She raised an eyebrow yet again, now engaging me.

She knew how I felt about money. She knew I hated it. She only said this to get me onto her side, and God damn it, it was working. "Are you trying to get me pissed off about it again?"

"I'm missing something here," Danny says suddenly, breaking into our less than quiet discussion. "What's the big deal?"

I shook my head and laughed bitterly to myself. Danny had only been to my first gallery, almost immediately before I met Larkin, and didn't see the negotiations my older brother had been managing while I mingled with the surprising amount of people that had shown up. "Look, do you or do you not think asking a thousand dollars for a 10 x 12 painting of a tree fern is reasonable?"

"You've painted tree ferns?" He asked. "I never pegged you as the plant type," he added, the hint of a smile working onto his lips.

However, I was not in the mood for jokes. "No, Danny, you're missing the point here. Larkin acts as if I'm some brilliant artist who has been working for years when he negotiates with my galleries and commissions. I'm just some kid who got lucky, honestly. One thousand for a painting, to me, is basically the same as the both of us asking for like, 25K per show."

He processed this for a minute. "I see what you're saying now. That's fucked up."

"Case and point," Carly murmured, zipping her suitcase and moving on to Alex's.

"I never said I would be staying, though," I argue. "Just that his father advised it."

"I was about to say that you don't even listen to your Dad most of the time," She shakes her head. "But, whatever, Andi. You do what you need to do. I'll stand by you regardless if I like it or not."

Truth be told, I wasn't even sure if I liked any of it. I always joined the guys in the studio, helping with the demo making or even with the actual writing of the songs. It was no secret that Alex found phrases and moods for songs from people and situations around him. I just happened to have plenty to go around. To not be around during this round of recording would be weird, but, I also had to worry about my career, about what I originally moved to New York for in the first place. But now that purpose seemed more foggy than clear.

We all finished packing and placed our belongings in the compartments on the side of the bus, then headed for catering for our last meal on Warped. So many friendly faces were there, making us laugh and eased the pain of waiting in the mile long line. Goodbyes were beginning to be exchanged, signaling that the end was closing in sooner rather than later. We The Kings played the very first set on the main stage earlier and were already flying out to Japan, giving us all quick goodbyes (and in my case, they tried to throw back the Nicholas Cage pictures I taped all over their bus as payback for my birthday) before they climbed into their cabs and left. My appetite disappeared as I sat with everyone, the smell of chicken Alfredo no longer appealing. Sadness set in when I realized that for nearly a year, I would be stationary, with no tour to look forward to. That prospect was awesome, don't get me wrong. But, as every seasoned veteran of touring, you get the itch around the third month for a change in location, or the weather, in my case. I was truly going to miss travelling across the US with my best friends.

Seven finally rolled around, and for the last time this year, Danny and I lead our set up crew as we prepared the equipment for the set, like always. The crowd went nuts when All Time Low finally started to play after a few moments of messing around. I looked at each of my friends with pride as they still managed to put every ounce of themselves into their set, despite being utterly exhausted after nonstop touring. Alex, too, was torn up over taking a break for so long, shown when he made his end-of-set speech. They knew it but also didn't know that Alex truly cared about each and every person that came out to see them, regarding them with the utmost respect and friendliness-- qualities about him that I truly admired. I knew I'd see plenty of him in New York after we got home, but I'd still miss the hell out of him anyways.

And apparently, so would he, as he called each crew member onstage for a giant group hug. This time, the hug was welcome, and the hot, sweaty mess that our family was at the moment was actually comforting. Tears escaped my eyes as I said my goodbyes to Jeff and Evan; their cab to leave for the airport had already arrived and would be leaving as soon as their equipment was put away. I hated this part of the tour, I truly did. Goodbyes fucking sucked.

The load out took hardly any time at all. I soon found myself holding onto Danny's arm as the last of the afternoon's light finally disappeared, replaced by violet skies and twinkling stars. We were both tired and defeated, not at all looking forward to the next round of goodbyes to me made in only a few minutes.

"Usually the end of tour is the happiest moment for each of us, because we all nearly hate each other by then," I said absently as we walked. "But this time, I actually don't want to leave you idiots."

He chuckled. "Strangely enough, I don't think they want to leave you either. I know I don't. What if I'm in need of a grilled cheese fix at three am?"

"You're shit out of luck until the next morning. Unless you find a 24 hour diner. God knows not to let you near an oven while you're shitfaced."

"True, it wouldn't be the first time," he says with a grin. "Take care of yourself when you get back home, okay?"

I gave him an incredulous look. "Are you kidding? I should be saying that to you."

He rolled his eyes, a typical move for Danny. "Yeah, yeah. Still applies to you, too. New York's full of crooks and thieves. Just be careful, okay? You never know who or what is going to sneak up on you, you know? I'd hate to see you get all messed up again."

I couldn't help but give him a small smile of gratitude. "I will Danny, I promise. You're sweet for lookin' out for me. You have nothing to worry about, though. I know that city like the back of my hand, and nothing will be able to get past me. But, thanks anyways."

"You're one of my best friends, why wouldn't I?" He says as we reach the bus. "Ready to say goodbye?"

I only rolled my eyes as I climbed inside, giving him my answer.

"Alright, everyone, Carly and I are heading out. Every one of you listen to me when I say these four things: Wash behind your ears, eat plenty of protein, take your whiskey strong, and God damn it, If I find out any of you get arrested because I can't sweet talk the officer, I will personally kick your ass in front of everyone and for Buzznet to see and show the Hustlers. Understood?"

"Yes ma'am," they chorused back, the usual results of my goodbye speech I always made. Immediately after, the guys one by one give me a hug, Alex being the last due to Carly holding onto him for dear life. My tour managers said their goodbyes to me as well, and before long, Zack and Alex were carrying our bags out to the waiting cab, where we were due to leave for New York any minute. Carly's eyes shone like diamonds with emotion, and Alex, too, looked emotional, but hid it almost as well as she did. With a small wave, I stepped into the back of the taxi and buckled in, as ready as I'd ever be to go back home.

I held Carly's hand as we drove the short distance to the airport, offering her my support in silence, since she hated making a big deal over herself in any way. After a short stop in Atlanta, I'd be able to comfort her properly, in the safety of our loft in Brooklyn.

One hour later, we boarded our first plane, and instead of sleeping like everyone else was, I stared off into space, suddenly fixated on the conversation she and I had earlier today. She seemed less than thrilled that I was tagging out of the recording session next year. But, it wasn't because I didn't want to go. I just couldn't face another encounter like my birthday again. Or, at least, have it as awkward and painful as it was before. It just didn't feel right, either. California had become his turf again, and mine? Well, mine ranged between New York, Austin, and Baltimore if we weren't on tour. But it could never be California, as much as that pained me to admit. Staying for hardly a day just felt wrong, but I had to focus on my career. At least, that's what I was trying to convince myself, anyways.

Plus, did she really think Larkin was too controlling? It still scared me to know that she picked up on it. Maybe he could be just a bit too uptight sometimes, but he was also all that I really had now, and I needed him more than I ever let on. I was very reserved about our relationship, mainly because he'd been the same at first, too. He wasn't one for PDA or anything of the sort, instead content with keeping it behind closed doors. He's the professional type, one to think about business before personal issues. That was fine with me; in fact,it worked in our favor, because of the fact that I was only becoming more known in the band's huge fan following and was starting to get recognized in more places than I ever imagined, all because I tuned their guitars for a living. Granted, I did participate in their DVD more than most of the crew, but that was only because I was one of the first "lifers" that our crew had. Anyway, he's always leaned towards keeping a low profile and staying reserved, but that didn't always work in his favor. His reservations effected my galleries in that I couldn't just keep it casual or else he'd feel uncomfortable. No, it always had to be a black tie affair to him, despite the fact that I was still on the bottom of the barrel in comparison to the numerous established artists in the city...

I sighed. Carly was right. He was a bit too controlling for my own good. I'd just have to start putting my foot down and telling him no, despite how hard that was. I hated telling anyone I loved no, because I hated seeing disappointment cross their face. Whether that be when Jack asks me to fetch him a beer or for Larkin to ask for more formality, I just couldn't bring myself to say that stupid word.

Now I rolled my eyes at myself. There were worse things happening in the world and yet, I was worried about saying no to someone. I needed a reality check, and fast.

I stayed in my thoughts until we finally touched the ground in the city that never sleeps, the city still vibrant with lights at nearly one in the morning. Despite my hesitation before, it felt damn good to be home, it felt damn good to hail a cab, and it felt damn good to walk up the two flights of stairs to get into our two story loft. Okay, the stairs were sort of a bitch, but it still felt so good to be home.

Carly seemed to mirror my feelings and had lifted considerably out of her depressed state from before as she instantly checked to see if our electricity, water, and appliances still worked. It was a habit she's always carried, even when we had people like Larkin to check on our place or my parents, if we were that lucky. I smiled when I saw the note stuck to the vintage white refrigerator we kept in our kitchen that had Larkin's familiar scrawl on it. "'Just got the basics for the both of you until you find time to get to the store. Call me when you get a chance -Larkin,'" I recited aloud, sighing.

"For a stupid Italian, he really knows my taste," Carly sighs as she opens a prepackaged blueberry muffin and rummaged through the hefty stack of mail that was on out small dining table. "Ooh, Andi, this one looks important!"

I took the glossy black envelope from her and examined the postage. Cara and Jimmy's address was printed in the top corner and it had been sent exactly a week ago, according to the time stamp. I carefully opened the envelope and nearly screamed when I saw the beautiful picture of the pair from when we were in high school together and another more recent picture of them in the same kind of pose and setting, obviously shot by our friend Charlotte due to the immaculate quality. They were both only sitting on opposite ends of a love seat, their legs propped on each other's casually. The older picture looked most casual with the band t-shirts and ripped jeans (or, in Cara's case, a cute short blue sundress) while the new one had them each in formal attire. I eagerly turned it over and read "Save the date! James Owen Sullivan and Cara Sweeney are getting married! October 28." Below this told the location of the ceremony and reception, as well as who to call to RSVP.

I sighed. He may have stopped me from going to record, but there was no way I'd miss my best friends getting married. I'd rather die than miss what I had played such a key role in when we were teens actually turn into a fairytale ending.

Turning on my heel, I walked quickly over to my refrigerator and fastened it to the cool metal with a magnet from last year's Warped Tour, knowing that there was no way in hell he could hold me back from seeing the people I loved any longer, a swift change from the doubt I felt only a few hours before. I knew Larkin probably wouldn't like it, but I pushed the thought from my mind. I'll figure something out, I thought as I joined Carly as the table. You can't keep me away forever.