In Exchange for Magic

I was startled, quite sharply, out of my dream -- which involved an obstacle course made entirely out of pudding -- by Ez's whimpering.

It was pitiful, really... Akin to the sound of an abandoned puppy. He twisted around on the ground, and rolled all of the blanket around him, leaving me in the cold. Angrily, I yanked the quilt off of him and tried to settle back into sleep.

It was no use.

Tonight, the nightmare must have been especially intense, because he wouldn't stop making noise. Usually, he'd toss and turn for a bit, and then gasp, sitting straight up in bed. Then, after a few moments of panting, he'd calm down and gradually get back to sleep.

But tonight, I could tell, it was going to be a doozy.

Suddenly, he cried out, raising his hands involuntarily into the air.

"Ez," I whined, shaking his shoulder in a sleep muffled stupor. "Wake up, okay? You're just having another nightmare."

Then, he did something that surprised me very much... He shouted out:

"DAD!"

This was the first clue that I'd ever gotten as to what the nightmares were about. I sat in a stunned silence for a few seconds before I realized that Ez was getting louder.

His voice cracked as he shrieked, "NO! NO! NO!"
"Ez!"
"No, please! No, no, no, no!"
"Wake up, Ez... It's only a dream!" I shouted above him.

I tried to comfort him, but my efforts seemed feeble compared to the force of his shouting. His stomach began heaving, and that's when I started to get scared. His voice seemed choked and strained... He was having some sort of panic attack in his sleep.

"Don't do it!" he pleaded. "Please! I'll do anything... I'll do anything..."
"Ez, it's me! It's okay!"

I crawled over to him, and got as close to his flailing body as I dared. Then, I reached out and gently touched his shoulder.

My touch woke him instantly. He bolted upright, taking a sudden, sharp breath. For a second, he was tense... terrified, even. Every muscle in his body was taut and strained. Slowly, he relaxed... And his face fell into a pained, and twisted expression.

Then, Ezekiel Sullivan crumpled.

And, in a rare display of emotion...

Ez started to cry.

Surprised, I yanked my hand off his shoulder, where it had been resting. He put his head into his palms and sobbed like I'm guessing he hadn't sobbed in his whole life. Tears rolled down his nose, off his chin, and soaked into the collar of his shirt. His chest heaved and his fingers flexed rhythmically, tugging and releasing strands of his own hair.

Gradually, I moved to where I was sitting next to him. I wrapped my arms around his shaking body and he turned to my shoulder. He took a fistful of my shirt sleeve and held it, as if to anchor himself -- so he wouldn't fall off the face of the planet.

I rocked back and forth, like I imagined a mother would do.

"Hey," I soothed awkwardly. "Shhhh. It's okay."
"I'll do anything... Anything..." he moaned, shaking off the remnants of the dream.
"Shhhh," I repeated, feeling stupid and wishing I had more to say to him.
"I just... I don't want to look at it anymore. Every night... It's all I can see..."
"I know," I said, even though I didn't. "I know. It's over now. It's okay."

He shifted, and pressed his eyelids to my collarbone, still leaking silent tears. A choked sob forced it's way up out of his throat.

"The swords... All of them..."
"No, no. It was just a dream. It's okay now. I'm here."
"I couldn't do anything!" he cried. "I couldn't stop them... And they just..."

Sweat had soaked through his shirt. Tears cut tracks into the dirt that was on his face.

"And..." he whispered hoarsely, his voice dry and raspy. "The blood was the worst part."
I tensed.
"All that blood... The ground just soaked it up. Gone... Like the earth wanted to drink it!"
I winced.

"I just can't stop... I can't stop seeing their faces..."

A bubble of saliva formed and popped between his lips. He heaved another small, dry sob, and then stopped to take a shaky breath. He reached up to wipe off his face and mouth, where tears had mingled with sweat.

"Sorry," he apologized. "I'm sorry."

I never realized what Ez went through when he had a nightmare... I never knew how bad they truly were.

"It's alright now, Ez," I told him.
"Rose..." he sighed.

He moved his hand from my sleeve down to wrap around the small of my back. He placed his other hand on the back of my head and, suddenly, pulled me close to him.

"Rose..." he sighed again. "Oh, Rose."

I panicked and pushed away from him, placing a firm hand on his chest. He leaned in towards me.

"Ez," I said gently. "Don't."

Ignoring me, he tried to push forward again, leading with his lips. I squirmed and pushed harder on his chest, getting far enough away from him to give any normal person the message.

Only one thing: Ez wasn't normal.

Ez was in some kind of freaky nightmare-induced trance. Under any other circumstances, he wouldn't try to kiss me like this.

He pulled me closer, with a lot more force this time and managed to plant a kiss on my temple, as I'd turned my head at the last minute.

"Stop!" I demanded stubbornly.

Then, with incredible ease, he pinned me down on the floor of the tent.

This, I did not like.

He was straddling my stomach, and he'd trapped my arms up above my head. He held them there with a force that was immobile yet, somehow, gentle.

Slowly, he leaned down and planted a soft kiss on my lips.

I was stunned into freezing, just like I had been every other time I'd kissed Ez.

He pulled away from me, and I took the opportunity to wrangle one of my hands free from his grasp. I quickly reached up and yanked on his pointed ear, tugging it sharply.

"Ouch!" he cried and got up off me, scrabbling at my hand.

I sat up and opened my mouth angrily... But then stopped.

Ez was staring at my neck.

Smiling, he reached towards me and, instead of going for my jugular, he softly traced the golden chain of his mother's elf-gold necklace. He followed it down to the middle of my chest, where the heart shaped pendant lay. He picked it up, kissed it, and muttered words in some strange language... It sounded smooth... Like a trickle of water running over some rocks.

Suddenly, he snapped out of his little trance and he became quite sleepy. He blinked heavily and stared at me in confusion, as if he was wondering why I was looking at him funny.

He flopped down onto his pillow and tugged the blanket up over his legs.

In a stunned stupor, I backed into a corner of the tent... Watching Ez until morning.