Trouble

I hadn’t intended on leaving the conversation, or avoiding the issue, but In the moment, I wasn’t thinking.
I reached my apartment early in the morning, quickly pushing open the door and sliding in.
I bit my lip as I noticed Nathan on the couch.
I attempted to sneak past him, but he stirred, sitting up, his eyes catching mine.
An angry look coating his features, causing my heart to jolt.
“Nathan…” I began.
“Don’t even bother” Nathan said, shaking his head, he stood up from the couch “I stayed up, waiting for you to come back, thinking that maybe you just needed to have a think about it…” He began.
“That is what I did” I breathed “I spent the whole night thinking about what you said” I added.
“It shouldn’t have been that hard” Nathan frowned.
“It is for me” I said, shaking my head “You do understand that I just ended a two year relationship” I breathed.
“Yeah, I know that…” Nathan began.
“So what did you expect from me?” I frowned “Did you think I’d fall into your arms and profess my love for you?” I demanded.
“Is it such a crazy idea that you might actually love me?” Nathan frowned, frustration clear on his face.
“Please stop saying that word” I breathed out, closing my eyes “This, us, Nathan, it’s all going so, fast” I breathed “it’s like we bypassed all the relationship stuff, all the lead up” I sighed.
“Because we slept together first?” Nathan frowned.
“No, because of that word, because you think it’s ok to say it when we have barley even dated five minutes” I breathed.
“So my feelings mean nothing?” Nathan demanded “I’ve been in love with you for years, it’s not something that just happened” He pointed out.
I swallowed, a lump forming in my throat, I felt sick.
“Maybe this was all a mistake” I mumbled, turning around, attempting to get away from the situation.
“You wouldn’t have let anything happen, if you didn’t feel the same way” Nathan breathed, causing me to freeze.
“Why couldn’t you just keep it to yourself?” I breathed, turning around.
“You thought the complete opposite to how I really felt, I needed to set it right” Nathan said, frowning.
“So you ambushed me, you threw those words at me, to prove a damn point?” I frowned.
“Yeah, I guess I did” Nathan sighed.
“I know that this is all a mess Nathan, and I know I’m hard work, so why can’t you walk away? Why can’t you just, walk away?” I demanded, shaking slightly.
“Because I don’t want to, I could never walk away from you, even last night, when you just walked out after I said it, I didn’t even think about leaving” Nathan said.
“Can you accept that it might take me time to be able to, say, or to feel it back?” I mumbled.
Nathan nodded.
“I’m going to have a shower” I mumbled.
“S” Nathan breathed, he was by my side and grabbed my hand lightly “I’m sorry that I threw it at you, I’m sorry that I did it the way I did, I just, I don’t want you to think of me the way you were thinking last night, I’m not that guy” he said softly.
“I know you’re not” I breathed “Dean got to me, something he said got in my head and messed with my thinking, I don’t think that at all” I promised.
“Good” Nathan breathed.
I kissed him on the cheek lightly “So, have you showered this morning?” I asked, cracking a small grin.
Nathan smiled back at me and shook his head, causing me to grab his hand and pull him lightly toward the bathroom.

I laughed lightly as Nathan fed me a piece of pancake “Good?” he asked.
I nodded, attempting to lick away some maple syrup on my cheek, Nathan leant forward, kissing me.
“Gone” he grinned when he pulled away.
“Thanks” I said, rolling my eyes.
“No problem” Nathan smirked.
“I’m working the late shift today, what are you doing now?” I asked.
“I have to go to work in an hour” Nathan sighed.
“You start in an hour?” I asked.
Nathan nodded “So I should get ready” He sighed, sliding away from me “What time’s your dinner break tonight, I’ll come bring you dinner?” He asked.
“8, but you don’t’ have to do th…” I began.
“I want to” Nathan shrugged, he kissed me quickly on the cheek before grabbing one more mouthful of pancake and taking off to change.
I sighed, putting things away and beginning to clean up. Nathan came out after five minutes, he wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed my neck lightly “I really don’t want to go to work” He announced.
“I wish I could say I’ll be here when you get back, but I won’t be home till late” I said.
“And that is why I’m bringing you dinner, so I can see you” Nathan shrugged.
I spun around in his arms, regretting it instantly as he pinned me to the sink “really, really don’t want to go” He groaned, resting his head on my shoulder and kissing me there lightly.
“I’ll make it worth it” I said, smiling.
“Fine” Nathan sighed, sliding away from me “See you later, I’ll text you” He said before taking off.
I finished cleaning up the kitchen, before just lazing around a little.

My shift was super busy, and by the time it was break time, I was exhausted.
I pulled my phone from my pocket, smiling as I noticed Nathan’s message, letting me know he was on his way up.
I was about to call him, when someone cleared their throat, I looked up and smiled again, seeing him with a bag of Thai food.
“You look tired” He commented.
“Mmm, thanks” I said, rolling my eyes “Follow me to the break room” I said, leading the way.
“I like very much being behind you when you’re wearing your nurse’s uniform” Nathan grinned as we reached the empty break room.
I rolled my eyes “You should see the sexy one I have in my wardrobe” I joked, a grin on my face.
“You have a sexy nurse’s outfit?” Nathan demanded.
“No” I breathed out flatly “I do have a sexy police officer one though” I giggled.
“Didn’t realise you were into that” Nathan smirked.
“It was for a Halloween party” I said, shaking my head.
“I’m going to need to see it” Nathan announced.
“Mmm, maybe” I grinned.
Nathan rolled his eyes, putting the food down on the table and pulling things out.
“I’ve been craving Thai” I commented.
“Really? Me too” Nathan said “I pass one on the way from work every day” he added.
“Great minds” I shrugged.
Nathan handed me a container of pad Thai.
“You remembered what I like” I said slowly.
“Whenever we order Thai it’s what you get” Nathan shrugged.
“Yeah, but you actually remembered” I said.
“So?” Nathan asked.
I kissed him quickly on the cheek, smiling.
“You’re being weird” Nathan frowned.
“Dean never remembered anything I liked, even if we got it all the time, he always had to ask me” I said.
“Maybe I just care more” Nathan shrugged.
“Mmm” I mumbled.
“What?” Nathan sighed.
“I wish I worked that out earlier” I breathed.
“You were happy with Dean when I came back” Nathan reminded me.
“I wasn’t, not really, it just seemed like I was” I sighed.
“You weren’t happy?” Nathan asked.
“I don’t know what happy is anymore” I breathed, closing my eyes for a second “It’s like I fell into nothingness with him, everything was always the same, there was never any, spontaneity, he never cared about my day, or my life, not after we’d been together for a while, it was just, empty” I sighed.
“So why did you stay with him?” Nathan asked.
“Because I thought that’s what a relationship is supposed to be, I’ve never had a proper one before” I mumbled.
“Do you think that maybe you were just trying to make it work?” Nathan questioned.
I nodded, smiling a small smile “See, this, this is what I mean, he never asked me questions, he never cared” I breathed.
“So I’m doing a good job then?” Nathan asked, raising an eyebrow.
I rolled my eyes at him “You’re doing perfectly” I promised.
“Good” Nathan grinned.
We ate and continued to chat for the length of my 45 minute break.
When it was up, I sighed, jumping up “I have to get back to it” I said.
Nathan nodded, gathering up the rubbish and putting it in the bin “See you later?” he asked.
“I won’t be home till like, 3, you’ll probably be asleep” I said.
“I’ll see you in the morning then, I’m not working tomorrow” Nathan said.
“You’re job is very flexible” I commented.
“Just as you are” Nathan smirked, causing me to shove him slightly as we walked out of the break room together.
“I’m going to wait up for you” Nathan announced, he was right beside me as I walked toward the desk to check my rounds.
“You don’t have to, I told you it’ll be late” I said slowly.
“I’ll be up” Nathan shrugged before kissing me quickly on the cheek and taking off, a smile on his face.