Trouble

<3

James had shifted me from the room once other doctors entered, I couldn’t see or hear what was going on, and it broke me even more.
I could barley breath thinking about him, about what was happening, what might happen. I slid down to the ground, fighting back tears.
After what seemed like hours, James emerged, the other doctors filed after him, leaving.
James sighed, helping me up from the ground “He’s stable” He sighed “He won’t be awake for a few hours though” he added.
“What happened, why was he coughing up blood?” I asked.
“He has a mass in his throat, it’s not big enough to stop his breathing, but it is big enough to press against his vocal cords, and to labour breathing, his speech might be effected to” James explained.
“How could he have not known?” I frowned.
“He did know” James sighed “Nathan’s been in for treatment for weeks, I’m surprised you didn’t know, the mass has cells attacking the body, it’s not cancerous, but it’s similar” he explained.
“He never told me” I breathed, I was confused as to why he hadn’t, why I hadn’t noticed anything, it would have begun before we broke up for that short period, so why hadn’t he told me.
“Are you going to be ok to finish your shift?” James asked.
I nodded “If he won’t wake up for a while, I’ll just keep going, I only have another hour, then I can be in here” I sighed.
“Ok” James said, he patted my arm lightly before taking off.
I slid into Nathan’s room, feeling my face fall, I had never seen him like this, so vulnerable, so broken.
I kissed him on the forehead lightly, before turning and leaving, continuing on with my shift.

I went back to Nathan’s room after the hour was up, he was still not awake, so I sat beside him, closing my eyes tightly, I hated this, I hated that he had kept this from me, but also, I felt the pang of pain, knowing that I could have lost him.
After sitting for a while, Nathan began to stir.
He groaned as his eyes flickered open.
“Hey” I breathed, my hand was over his.
“What happened?” Nathan croaked, he sounded worse than ever.
“You called the ambulance, do you remember?” I asked, Nathan nodded “And on the way here you blacked out, they stabilised you, but you, you began to flat line” I whispered, my voice shaking.
“Hey” Nathan breathed “Don’t be upset” he said.
“Don’t be upset?” I demanded, anger beginning to take over “Nathan, why didn’t you tell me?” I demanded.
“About the mass?” Nathan sighed.
I nodded “James told me” I mumbled.
“I didn’t want to worry you” Nathan sighed, his voice was unrecognisable, he sounded so scratchy and croaky.
“Clearly there’s nothing to be worried about” I hissed, shaking my head.
“I’m sorry” he croaked, his eyes focusing on mine.
I sighed, closing my eyes as tears slid down my cheeks, saying nothing.
Nathan reached over, wiping them away with his thumbs “I didn’t mean to scare you” He whispered.
“I know” I breathed “But Nate, your stubbornness, it could have cost you today, it could have cost me today” I whispered.
“I know” Nathan sighed.
“Please” I mumbled, shaking “Please don’t do this to me again Nate, I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you” I whispered.
Nathan held my hand lightly “I can’t promise you that” He sighed “James obviously didn’t explain everything” he added.
“He did, but you’re having treatment, you’re going to be…” I began.
“Yes, I’m supposed to be ok, but things don’t always work out, my condition is very, iffy” Nathan sighed, his voice was weak now, I could tell that speaking was hurting him.
“Stop talking” I mumbled “I’ll get the facts eventually, for now, just rest” I said softly.
“I love you, and I’m sorry” Nathan breathed.
“I know” I said softly.

I was walking from the cafeteria back to Nathan’s room, when I bumped into someone I really didn’t want to see.
“What are you doing here, your shift ended hours ago” Ryan frowned, I could tell he didn’t like this one bit, that we weren’t talking, that I had changed all my shifts to avoid him.
“Are you keeping tabs on me now?” I demanded.
Ryan sighed “I just noticed the shift change” he breathed “So why are you here? Are you ok” He asked.
“I’m fine” I sighed “Nate, Nate’s not” I breathed, feeling my voice crack, I hated to admit it, but I knew the severity of Nathan’s condition, I knew the good, and the bad, and usually this condition ended badly.
“What’s wrong?” Ryan asked.
“He’s got a mass in his throat, he’s been having treatment” I sighed.
“You didn’t know” Ryan guessed, it was funny how easily he could read me, how he knew exactly how I had been feeling.
“No” I breathed “Look, I have to get back…” I attempted.
Ryan nodded “Ok” he said, turning to walk away.
“Ry” I breathed, stopping him “Thanks for caring, after what happened I…” I attempted.
“I’m never going to stop caring about you, you don’t have to thank me for it” Ryan cut me off, he left it at that, taking off down the hallway.
Slowly I made my way back to Nathan’s room, coffee in hand.
“Found your coffee?” Nathan’s croaky voice sounded.
I nodded, holding up the cup “Don’t try and talk anymore” I warned him.
“I need to say something” Nathan breathed.
“What?” I asked, sitting down next to him on a chair and placing my coffee lightly on the table.
“My treat… My, treatm… treatment” Nathan stuttered, coughing as he ended the word, he spluttered, gasping slightly before shaking his head and breathing in “It’s not working” He said.
“What do you mean?” I frowned “James said…” I attempted.
“My doctor just came in now” Nathan croaked.
“But…” I began.
“I have to have the surgery” Nathan said.
“No” I frowned, shaking “Nate, did the doctor explain how dangerous it is? Who is the doctor, no, I’ll go find him and…” I attempted.
Nathan grabbed my hand, stopping me, it was then that I looked at him, really looked at him, he had tears streaking his cheeks.
And I knew then that my life was about to come undone.