Trouble

I sighed sleepily as I slid from my bed, grabbing a towel and making my way to the bathroom to have a quick shower.
I let the hot water hit my skin, washing away the soap suds and shampoo, before sliding out again and wrapping myself in a towel.
Sliding out of the bathroom, wrapped only in that towel, I bumped into Nathan, instantly losing my footing.
He caught me, his hands sitting on my waist; his grip was tight, holding onto me as I straightened up.
“Hi” he breathed, his eyes instantly focusing on mine, his hands still holding my waist.
“Hi” I breathed back, he was awfully close to me, I could feel his hot breath hit me as he breathed out, causing a shiver to run through me.
I held onto the towel with one hand, knowing all too well that this wasn’t the type of situation I wanted to be in right now, Nathan’s grasp loosened, but he didn’t let go “You, you ok?” He asked, his voice hitched in his throat as a flicker ran through his eyes.
“I’m ok” I breathed.
“Ok” Nathan breathed back, and all to suddenly, he leant forward, his lips capturing mine.
It was the first time he had kissed me like this since everything, the first time I let him.
The kiss was full of pent up emotion, of passion, of lust and love, I felt my hands slid to his shoulders, holding onto him, I had missed the feel of his lips against mine, of his hands on my body.
He moved me slightly, pinning me to the wall as he kissed me, his hands moving only slightly, he was obviously fighting the urge to pull away the towel.
Thoughts ticked through my mind suddenly, and this, the kisses, his body pressed against mine, our bodies separated only by small amounts of clothing, became all too apparent.
I pulled away, pushing him back slightly “I, I need to get ready for work” I breathed, my voice shaky as I slid aside.
“Sim” Nathan breathed.
I ignored him, taking off to my room and quickly pulling on some clothes.
I felt sick, my skin burnt where he touched me, it felt so wrong, like I was forgiving him to easily.
“Please let me in so we can talk” Nathan sighed from the other side of the door.
I bit my lip, fiddling with the edge of my shirt before eventually pulling open the door.
“Talk about what?” I asked.
Nathan sighed, not saying anything.
“I shouldn’t have let that happen” I breathed, shaking my head “We can’t just, we can’t just jump right into that Nate” I sighed.
“Why? It’s clear we both want to” Nathan breathed.
I shook my head again, frowning “I get that sex doesn’t mean anything to you, but it means something to me, and I can’t move passed the dishonesty so easily” I hissed.
“What do you mean by that, of course it means something to me, you know it was fine when you and Dean use to talk shit about me sleeping with other girls all the time, but I was honest with you from the beginning, I hadn’t been with that many girls, with you, it’s never about the physical, I want you, and all of you” Nathan breathed.
“Then why did you do that? Why did you kiss me like that?” I demanded.
“When I’m with you, completely with you, I feel safe, I feel like our relationship is real, that it’s secure” Nathan announced.
“But it isn’t” I breathed back, shaking my head “Our relationship isn’t real, or secure, right now, our relationship is held together by a string, and that string is so damn thin” I hissed.
“Maybe that’s what we need” Nathan breathed.
“How can we do that when the thought of you touching me, hurts me?” I whispered shakily, though his touches felt good, it was true, it hurt when we kissed because it brought back in my mind, the ideas that he was lying to me for months.
Nathan sat beside me on the bed “Tell me what to do” he whispered, his voice cracking “Tell me how to fix this, because I can’t lose you, I can’t imagine my life without you in it” He breathed.
“I just need us to work towards some sense of normality” I mumbled.
“How can we do that when I can’t even kiss you?” Nathan asked.
I sighed, looking at the clock “I have to go” I breathed.
Nathan frowned, grabbing my hand as I got up “Tell me what to do” he breathed.
“I don’t know what you can do Nate, to be honest, right now I feel like nothing will fix this” I mumbled, pulling my hand away before turning and grabbing my bag “I’ll see you tonight” I breathed out before making my way out.

I got home late after the in-service, I had spent a little time in the break room after, working up the courage to go home.
Along the way I grabbed a pizza for dinner, taking it into the apartment and placing it on the bench.
“Nate” I called.
He didn’t answer, so I sighed, going to his room, the first thing I noticed was that he wasn’t in it, the second, was that neither was any of his things.
In the middle of the bed was a purple and white lily, attached was a letter.

**Dear Simona,
I feel like I’ve written a lot of these lately, but this one is important.
I debated waiting until you got home, so I could tell you in person, but I knew it would be a hell of a lot harder.
I’ve moved out, I’m going to stay with my parents until I’m out of recovery, then, I don’t know, I’ve been thinking about finding work somewhere else, maybe a different city, something isn’t working here, and I know it’s all my fault, so I have made the decision to walk away.
You deserve better than me, you deserve better than what I did, I hurt you more than once and I hate myself for that.
You said it yourself, you feel like nothing can fix us right now, so maybe this is for the best, maybe you can move on with your life and find a man who will do what’s right by you.
Someone who won’t lie like I did.
Keeping that from you, it was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, losing you, it will be a mistake I’ll live with forever.
I love you, forever and always, and I want you to know that from the moment I met you, I knew you were my one and only.
I will miss you always.

Love,
Nathan.
#Turn over the pillow#*

I felt tears fall as I read the note, and when I finally got to the end, I was confused, I grabbed the pillow from his bed and gasped as I saw what was underneath.
It was a diamond ring.