Trouble

I had a less than restful sleep through the night, I had been able to drift off around two am, after thinking through my time in bed about everything, about the fact that I was pregnant, that Nathan was so ok with it, and that I had no idea for weeks, it all happened before things went sour, before Nathan got sick, so it was weird for me to find out that a month had passed of me being pregnant, and I had no idea in that entire time.
I had work later in the afternoon, a half shift, so I slid from bed at around ten, Nathan was in the kitchen.
“Hey” he smiled.
I frowned “I don’t like that you are so, chirpy” I breathed.
Nathan sighed and shook his head at me “Wow, someone didn’t get much sleep last night” he said.
“Why are you being so, so damn frustrating?” I demanded.
“How am I being frustrating?” Nathan asked.
“You know how crazy this is right? Us, having a baby?” I frowned.
“So I’m suppose to freak out about it? Babe, I love you, and I respect you, but you’re being insane right now” Nathan breathed.
“You’re the one who is insane” I muttered.
Nathan sighed again, his eyes focusing on me “I know it’s a shock, a major one, but we have nothing to freak out about” He breathed.
“How do you figure that Nathan?” I asked, still frowning.
“I know that we will be able to handle this” Nathan shrugged.
“That isn’t really an answer to my question” I breathed, stepping beside him and grabbing a pot of coffee.
“You shouldn’t drink coffee, it isn’t good for the baby” Nathan announced.
“You’ve been researching?” I asked.
“Yeah, a little” Nathan shrugged.
I sighed “You can drink coffee sometimes” I breathed.
“But it’s better not to” Nathan challenged.
“Who’s the nurse here?” I demanded.
“Ok” Nathan sighed, placing his hands in the air.
“I’m sorry” I sighed, shaking my head “I, I shouldn’t be so snappy with you, I’m just, frustrated” I breathed.
Nathan sighed, turning and pulling me closer, his hands resting on my waist “I know that this isn’t ideal, that things aren’t perfect for us right now, but having a baby with you, it means that our connection will only be stronger, I’m not scared or upset about that” He said softly.
I sighed, bitting my lip, he had a point about that “I just, I feel like we’re at a good point right now, I don’t want anything to change” I breathed.
“Life is about change” Nathan shrugged.
“Since when are you so, positive?” I asked.
“Since I thought I was going to die” Nathan breathed “I realised that I don’t ever want to lose out on anything” he shrugged.
“I like the idea of being positive, of being happy” I said.
Nathan kissed me on the forehead in response.

I had gotten to work a little earlier just to get some things in order, and as soon as I entered the break room, I regretted it, Ryan was sitting at the table, he sighed when he saw me.
“Hi” he said.
“Hi” I smiled weakly.
“So, How’s it going?” Ryan asked.
“Fine” I shrugged.
“ Fine?” Ryan questioned.
I sighed “I really don’t want to talk to you about this Ryan” I breathed.
“Why?” Ryan demanded.
“Because I saw your reaction when you told us I was pregnant, you were disappointed, how can we be friends if you feel like that?” I asked.
“I, I had a moment, ok, stupidly I thought that, I thought that you’re relationship with Nathan might not be so stable, that there was a chance that things would fall apart, that I’d be able to swoop in, but I know that isn’t the case, I know that you’ll never feel that way about me” Ryan breathed.
“Ryan…” I attempted.
“I know we can’t be friends, but we can at least be friendly” Ryan cut me off.
I nodded.
“I know you well enough to know that things aren’t ok, so tell me why you’re so, off” Ryan said.
I frowned “Friends talk” I breathed.
Ryan sighed “It’ll be our last one” He said, smiling a small smile which I knew was meant to encourage me.
I shook my head “This just isn’t something I can talk to you about” I breathed.
“Why? Is it about the baby?” Ryan asked.
I sighed “I’m going” I breathed, turning.
“I know you think that you can do this, shut me out, but we use to be good friends, it’s not that easy” Ryan announced.
I shook my head, ignoring him and making my way out to the floor I was working on, I may be early, but I’d rather be up there away from Ryan, than waiting in the lunch room with him.

I felt a wave of dizziness overtake me as I walked through the halls during my shift, I felt funny, my stomach rumbled, but I knew I wasn’t hungry, and then as though it was waiting to pounce, a wave of queasiness hit me.
I bolted to the bathroom, just in time, throwing up in the sink and clutching the vanity tightly, I closed my eyes, shaking, before washing my face.
This didn’t feel right, I was only a month into the pregnancy, sickness wasn’t supposed to be this vicious at this stage,
I exited the bathroom, making my way back into my rounds.
As I walked, as I worked, piercing pain shot through me, I shook it off, it wasn’t anything, I was ok.
I was able to just get on with my shift.