Trouble

I frustratedly threw my keys to the ground as I searched my side table for my mints, I had been increasingly on edge since I woke up, and my frustrations weren’t going to disappear any time soon.
“Ugh!” I groaned, I had taken everything off the table, not finding the mints.
“Uh hum” Nathan’s unmistakable voice sounded from the doorway, causing me to turn “Problem?” he asked, his shirtless appearance would usually distract me, but today instead of fawning, I turned back to the table “I can’t find something” I breathed.
“What can’t you find?” Nathan asked.
“My mints” I answered shortly, placing everything back on the table.
“These ones?” Nathan asked, causing me to spin around, spotting him pointing to the chest of draws by my door.
I frowned, turning and stepping over, grabbing them.
“Are you ok?” Nathan asked, his eyes skimming mine.
“I’m fine” I breathed.
“Sim” Nathan sighed.
“I said I’m fine” I snapped.
“Ok” Nathan breathed “James called me” He added.
“To tell you I’m a horrible nurse that can’t do her job?” I demanded.
Nathan breathed out “To tell me he was worried about you” he said.
“He’s the one who sent me home, he should be worried about himself when I get back in there today” I breathed.
“Ok” Nathan said, his voice lowering “You’re being really, pissy, and I noticed it last night too, what’s going on?” he asked.
“I’m going to be late so…” I began.
“No” Nathan said, shaking his head “Since you told me about the baby, you’ve been like this, you haven’t wanted to talk as much, and everything seems to be clouded, tell me why you’re being like this” he breathed.
I closed my eyes for a second, shaking my head “I’ve almost been wishing, since the moment I found out I was pregnant, that, that I’d, that I’d lose the baby” I whispered, my voice shaking, I hated voicing it, I hated thinking it, but it was the truth.
Nathan’s face fell, but he didn’t say anything.
“It’s common, you know, that a pregnancy won’t pass the three month mark” I breathed.
“So what does that have to do with you lashing out?” Nathan asked.
“I’m angry Nate” I mumbled.
“At who, at me?” Nathan questioned.
I shook my head “At myself” I breathed “I’m angry at myself for feeling like this, for wishing away our baby, I’m angry that I can be so selfish, so….” I attempted.
“Don’t be angry at yourself, this is…” Nathan began.
“Don’t” I breathed, shaking my head, bitting back tears “Don’t defend me, don’t try and make me feel better like you always do” I mumbled.
“That’s kind of my job” Nathan said softly, nearing me and placing his hands on my waist.
“I don’t like this” I breathed “I don’t like feeling like this, feeling so, hateful towards something so, so helpless” I added, shaking.
“Maybe as the pregnancy progresses, you’ll lose that thought” Nathan offered.
I shook my head “No” I mumbled “Nate, I won’t, I won’t stop hating this child” I breathed.
“I know you think that now…” Nathan attempted.
“How can I change how I feel? The reality of this is that I know once this baby is born, everything will change, and that’s what makes me hate it” I said, cutting him off.
“What’s going to change?” Nathan asked, his eyes focusing on mine, holding me in place as well as his hands.
“Us” I whispered.
“We’re not going to change” Nathan said softly “Why do you even think that?” he questioned.
“A baby changes everything Nathan, you’re naïve if you think it doesn’t” I breathed.
“Ok, so things will change, but part of life Is change…” Nathan began.
“I don’t want to change, I want us to stay the same” I mumbled.
Nathan sighed “Let’s just take this as it comes ok, we’ve got seven months to get use to it” he reminded me, kissing me on the forehead gently.
“I love you” I mumbled.
Nathan smiled “I love you too” he promised.

I had successfully avoided James for half of my shift, four hours in, and I spotted him.
“Hey, look…” he attempted.
“I don’t want to talk to you” I breathed.
“Sim….” James attempted.
“No” I frowned.
“Come on, you can’t be mad about yesterday…” James began.
“I’m not, I’m mad about the fact that you called my boyfriend to talk about me” I snapped angrily.
“I was worried about you” James sighed.
“Yeah, well, you screwed everything up because I had to talk to him about it and now he knows how I feel” I hissed.
“And that’s a bad thing?” James demanded.
“I was much happier not having him know” I muttered.
“Ok” James sighed.
“I’d just appreciate it if you’d but out of my business from now on” I breathed.
“Fair enough, but if you come to work sick again it is my business” James pointed out.
“OK” I hissed.
James sighed before turning and walking away, leaving me to get on with what I was doing.

When I got home Nathan was in the kitchen typing on his laptop, shirtless.
“You work shirtless? Really?” I demanded as I placed my phone on the bench.
Nathan shook his head “I was hot” He shrugged.
“You hotness is not going to go away by taking off your shirt” I said, grinning.
“You’re in a better mood” Nathan commented.
“Your half nakedness does that to me” I said, kissing him lightly on the cheek.
“How was work?” Nathan asked.
“It was ok, pretty uneventful” I shrugged.
“That’s good then” Nathan said.
“Mmm” I mumbled, moving so I was standing behind him and placing my chin on his shoulder “What are you working on?” I asked.
Nathan sighed “I was taking a break from work” he said slowly, it was then that my eyes flickered to the screen to see the article title that Nathan was reading.
“Baby Blues” I whispered, reading it aloud.
“Ok, don’t freak out…” Nathan attempted.
“What is this?” I asked.
“I was thinking about how you’ve been feeling, about the anger, the mood swings…” Nathan began.
“And you think I have this?” I demanded.
“No…” Nathan attempted again, he spun to face me “I don’t know” he breathed.
“I hated that everyone thinks they know everything” I snapped, turning and going to my room, slamming shut the door and locking it.