Trouble

It had been two weeks since Nathan had moved out, and because of it things were definitely strained.
I had only seen him twice in the two weeks, and one of those times was because he had to get something from the apartment.
It was clear that we needed this time though, at least, I did.
I was about to pop some bread in the toaster, when I heard a key in the lock, the door was pushed open and Nathan slid in, when he saw me he smiled weakly “Oh, hi” he said.
“Weren’t expecting me to be here?” I asked.
“I thought you’d be busy” Nathan breathed.
Funny, he knew I hadn’t left the apartment much, I still wasn’t one hundred percent and didn’t have to be back at work just yet.
“No, not busy at all” I shrugged.
Nathan looked at the key in his hands and sighed “I should give this back” he said, walking over and attempting to give it to me.
I shook my head “You moved out, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still have a key” I mumbled.
Nathan frowned slightly “I don’t understand what this is” He breathed “Are we still engaged? Is this still anything, you’re giving me mixed signals here” He breathed.
I sighed “I don’t want to break up” I breathed “I think we just need some space right now, you’re the one that suggested it” I sighed.
“Yeah, I didn’t expect it to mean we wouldn’t talk at all” Nathan breathed.
“Space means space Nate, I think we needed to just be distanced” I pointed out.
“And now?” Nathan asked.
“I missed you” I sighed.
“So what do we do?” Nathan questioned.
“I think that we should still keep things as they are, you living away, we can, we can go out and just, ease back into things” I breathed.
“Ok” Nathan said.
“What did you come over to get?” I asked.
“Just some clothes, I didn’t take everything” Nathan sighed.
“Don’t” I breathed.
“Don’t what?” Nathan asked.
“Take everything, just, leave some of it” I mumbled.
Nathan sighed “You can’t have it both way’s” He pointed out “Either I move out properly, or not at all” he added.
“Why does it have to be all or nothing, eventually you’ll move back in right?” I mumbled.
Nathan sighed “I don’t know, maybe not, maybe me living here is a bad move to make again” He breathed.
“We’re engaged” I reminded him.
Nathan nodded “Yeah, but not all engaged couples live together, maybe we need to wait until after we get married” He sighed.
“Where are you living?” I asked, he hadn’t even mentioned it.
Nathan sighed “With my parents, I’m still making money and paying things off” He breathed.
“And you’re miserable, when you were living here…” I attempted.
“I was happier, but look what it did to us, babe, after everything, after losing the baby, we need to just, we need to slow down” Nathan sighed.
“I don’t want to slow down, Nate, before we lost the baby, we were talking about getting married, we were planning for the next few weeks…” I began.
“There’s no need to rush now” Nathan breathed.
I felt frustration flood through me as he said this “So did you only purpose because I was pregnant?” I demanded.
“NO” Nathan sighed “But the whole reason we were planning to get married so quickly was because of the baby, I don’t want to rush things now, not after what happened, we need to enjoy things more” he breathed.
“Right” I muttered, still frowning.
“Don’t be like that, honestly” Nathan breathed, shaking his head.
“You know you’re basically saying that if we get married right now, we won’t enjoy it” I pointed out.
“You are the one who wanted this break” Nathan announced, frowning at me “You can’t just change your mind at a drop of a pin” he added.
“I needed time Nathan, you have no idea how I’ve been feeling” I breathed.
Nathan shook his head, a look of frustration crossing his face “Did you forget that I lost a child to, that it wasn’t just you’re daughter that died?” He snapped.
“Of course I didn’t forget, but…” I attempted.
“So how can you say that I don’t understand? I saw our baby, I saw her unbreathing, tiny little body, I almost broke down then and there, I almost lost it, I’m still dealing with it” Nathan breathed.
I couldn’t respond to that, suddenly I felt sick, for reacting the way I had.
I backed away slightly, putting more space between us.
“Sorry” Nathan sighed, shaking his head “I shouldn’t throw that at you, I…” he attempted.
I shook my head “I hate that you had to go through that without me” I mumbled.
Nathan didn’t respond, causing me to look up “Nate” I sighed “I’m sorry” I mumbled, closing my eyes “I’m sorry for being so, moody and for pushing you away” I breathed.
“Don’t be sorry, things have been, hard with us, we have to try and just, move past it now” Nathan shrugged.
“Will you move back in?” I mumbled.
Nathan sighed “Right now, we need to just…” He began.
“No” I whispered, shaking my head “Nate, I was wrong about this break, I need you” I mumbled.
“I don’t think I should move back in” Nathan sighed “Not completely” He added.
“So what, just, some day’s?” I asked.
Nathan nodded.
“How does that work?” I questioned.
“We don’t have to talk about that right now, just, let’s go out, grab some breakfast…” Nathan began.
I shook my head “No” I said quickly.
“No?” Nathan asked.
“I, um, I can make us breakfast” I announced.
“Why don’t you want to go out?” Nathan questioned.
“I, uh, I have plenty of things to cook so there’s no reason to go out” I shrugged.
Nathan looked at me carefully “Next question, when was the last time you left the apartment?” He breathed.
“What do you feel like eating” I mumbled, avoiding the question and turning to walk into the kitchen.
Nathan sighed, grabbing my arm lightly to pull me back.
“I haven’t left the apartment at all” I mumbled.
“Why?” Nathan asked.
“The last time, Nate, the last time I left this apartment, I nearly died, and I lost our baby….” I began.
“If we spent our whole lives living in fear, we’d never live, babe, I know you’re scared, but if you keep thinking negative, you’ll turn into a shut in” Nathan said.
“I guess you’re right” I mumbled.
“You guess?” Nathan asked.
“I know” I sighed.