Trouble

We had stayed at the hospital over night, they admitted Nathan as his breathing had suddenly changed, they had administered fluids to aid the breathing and now we were just waiting on results.
“You should go home to sleep” Nathan croaked.
I shook my head “I’m not leaving you” I breathed.
“The doctors will take care of me…” Nathan attempted.
“Nate, I’m not going” I said, shaking my head.
“I don’t want you to lose sleep, you need to…” Nathan began.
I frowned “I know you mean well Nate, but please, stop, I want to be here, I want to support you” I breathed.
“I know, but…” Nathan attempted.
“No” I frowned, cutting him of.
“Sim” Nathan sighed.
“Stop it” I hissed.
“Why are you so stubborn?” Nathan demanded.
“Why are you?” I snapped back.
I was about to say something else when James came in.
“How are you two?” He asked.
“I’m fine, how is he?” I asked, pointing to Nathan.
James sighed “The results came back positive, the mass is cancerous, but it’s not spreading yet, we need to organise the surgery asap, we’re hoping for today” he announced.
“And what happens if I say no to surgery?” Nathan asked.
Instantly I tensed, turning to look at him.
“Well, we recommend…” James began.
“No” Nathan breathed “I’m asking what will happen if I said no” Nathan breathed.
“At the moment it hasn’t spread, but there is a major chance that it could” James said “If you don’t have the surgery, it will eventually take over” he added.
“How long would that take?” Nathan asked.
I frowned, attempting to talk, James got there first “There’s no way to determine” He said.
“So if I delay…” Nathan attempted.
“Delay? Why would you want to delay anything, Nathan, this is not a decision about a holiday, it’s about your life” I breathed.
“Exactly, it’s my life” Nathan muttered “It’s my choice” he added.
James looked at me for a second before looking back at Nathan “It is your choice, but you do realise that this isn’t something that you can leave for too long, we need to act fast” he announced.
“I need to think about it” Nathan breathed.
James nodded “I’ll be back later today, I know that isn’t much time, but if you choose to deny the surgery, we’ll need to discharge you” He said.
Nathan nodded.
“Ok” James said “I’ll see you later” he added, before taking off.
For a second I was speechless, but as I processed what had just happened, I grew livid “You need to think about it?” I demanded.
Nathan sighed “Sometimes people come out worse from these surgeries….” He began.
“Don’t go there Nathan, I know the logistics, I know the facts, but what I’m seeing right now is that this has been caught early, those percenters, they are all late finders, not people that find out right off the bat” I breathed.
“That may be so, but I’m entitled to a little thinking time here” Nathan commented.
“You’re being stupid” I frowned.
“No, I’m considering my options, there are other ways to do this, avoiding surgery” Nathan breathed.
“They are not proven Nate, they could help in the short term but not in the long term” I pointed out, shaking my head.
“I need to consider these options before I agree to surgery” Nathan shrugged.
I frowned “Ok, so consider them, research, now” I breathed, grabbing his phone from the side and handing it to him.
Nathan frowned “I get that your nurse instincts are telling you to push me here but you need to cool it” He commented.
“It’s not my nurse instincts Nathan, it’ my fiancé instincts, it’s the fact that I know all to well that I could lose you because of this, that your stupidity could cost me you” I breathed, frustration flooded through my voice, I was mad, he was being irrational, and I hated that, I hatred that he thought he could side step, that he had the time to delay, when he didn’t.
“No matter what I decide, there’s no guarantee” Nathan sounded, his gaze dropping “I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to put you through pain, but I’m not going to just immediately agree to surgery because you want me to” He breathed.
“OK” I said, shaking my head “Fine, your right when you said it’s your decision, so fine” I breathed, standing up “I need a breather, I’ll be back later” I added.
“You’re seriously going to leave right now?” Nathan demanded.
“Clearly this is your problem, clearly I’m not needed here, so yes, I am, I’ll be back this afternoon” I sighed.
I didn’t let him say anything else now, I just left.

I went back to the hospital in the afternoon after just walking around rather aimlessly, I felt sick, I hated that I was being so pushy with Nathan, but I had been on the other side, watching in on a very similar situation whilst working, and that situation didn’t end well.
It stung that he wouldn’t listen to me, but I had to accept it.
I walked through the hospital, straight to Nathan’s room, frowning as I spotted it empty.
I looked around, he wasn’t in the bathroom, so I walked out to find James.
“Hey, where’s Nate?” I asked.
James frowned, he looked slightly confused “He checked himself out, said he was going for the other option, I thought he would have told you before you left, he called me into the room not long after” James commented.
Instantly my face whitened, I couldn’t say anything, I just turned and took off, practically bolting home.
I pushed open the apartment door, frowning, he wasn’t in sight, so I went to his room, pushing open the door.
Instantly I noticed something was missing, his suitcase, which was usually tucked behind the door.
My eyes flickered to the bed, on it was a paper.
Instantly my heart dropped, I walked over, picking it up, shaking as I looked at the two single words.

**I’m Sorry**