Trouble

Day’s that passed turned to weeks and I found the months flying by it had been total of 5 months since Ryan and I had begun dating, and things had finally gotten to the settled stage, he had even moved into my apartment during the day’s we had work on odd shifts so we could see each other, which I thought was sweet.
I had seen Nathan around a lot, he had many chemo appointments, it was hard seeing him the way he was, so broken, but I was glad he was getting better and I was getting over what had happened, it was easier now for me to nod hello, or smile a small smile at him without it being weird, and without me getting angry.
As I left the hospital early in the morning after working late, I heard footsteps behind me, I spun around, a little worried about who was following me, the person kept walking and a soon as they neared me I noticed it was Nathan, he smiled weakly “Hi” he said.
“What are you doing around so early? Are you ok?” I asked, looking at my watch, it was 7am.
“I just had to schedule a chemo appointment, I’m up to one every day” Nathan sighed “They were supposed to have it ready this morning but they are understaffed” He added.
“So you’re going back later?” I asked.
Nathan nodded “This afternoon” He said.
“Sucks that you had to come all the way here this morning though” I sighed.
Nathan shrugged “I can’t complain, the process is saving my life” He said.
“It’s going well then?” I asked.
Nathan nodded “Hey, uh, this might be a bad idea, or it might be a stupid thing for me to ask, but do you want to grab some breakfast with me?” He asked.
“Now?” I questioned.
Nathan nodded.
“I guess that’d be ok, I usually just go home to eat” I shrugged.
Nathan pointed to a café across the road.
I nodded “Ok” I said.
We walked over in silence and grabbed a table, instantly I picked up the menu, avoiding eye contact.
“You’re trying awfully hard to avoid looking at me” Nathan breathed.
I bit my lip, putting the menu down “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m just reading the menu” I shrugged.
Nathan smiled a small smile before picking up his own menu, holding it up, causing me to roll my eyes slightly and pick mine up again.
A waiter came over shortly, taking our orders and menu’s, leaving me with no more distractions.
“Need a paper to distract from talking to me?” Nathan asked, raising an eyebrow.
I hated how well he knew me.
“No” I breathed.
“How have you been?” Nathan questioned.
“What type of question is that?” I asked, frowning.
“A straight forward one” Nathan shrugged.
“No, it’s a loaded one if you ask me” I breathed.
“Why did you agree to come here with me if you don’t want to talk?” Nathan asked.
“Coffee” I shrugged.
Nathan sighed, a small smile crossing his face, he said nothing.
“How’s everything with you?” I asked.
“So it’s loaded when I ask but ok when you do?” Nathan questioned, raising both eyebrows.
I nodded.
He rolled his eyes “Fine, everything’s fine” he shrugged “Like I said, I can’t complain” He added.
“Have you been feeling ok?” I asked.
Nathan nodded.
I bit my lip again, letting my eyes focus on his, there was a dullness, a grey about the green, a colour that made him look less happy, less healthy “Your eyes” I whispered.
“What about them?” Nathan, asked.
“They’re a little grey” I said.
“Yeah, apparently the medication does that” Nathan sighed.
“And apart from that…” I attempted.
“You’re asking me all these medical questions” Nathan breathed.
“Sorry” I sighed “I’m just interested, I want to know you’re ok” I said softly.
“I’m getting better, but I’m not ok” Nathan shrugged.
I sighed, placing my hand over his lightly “I hope it gets better for you” I breathed.
Nathan looked at our hands and sighed “So do I” He said.

Nathan and I had spent a long time just catching up, it surprised me how easily we were able to fall into that pattern.
As I entered my apartment I sighed, going to the bench.
“Hey” Ryan’s voice sounded from the hall as he walked over, he was dressed ready for work.
“Why are you so late? I’m leaving soon and we got no time together this morning” he sighed, kissing me on the cheek lightly.
“I know, I’m sorry, I had breakfast” I said.
“Oh” Ryan said.
“Mmm” I breathed.
“With who?” Ryan asked.
This was the tricky part, I knew he wouldn’t like that I had had breakfast with Nathan, but I also knew that I needed to be honest with him “With Nathan” I sighed.
“You had breakfast with Nathan?” Ryan asked.
I nodded.
“Why?” Ryan demanded.
“Because he saw me leaving the hospital and he asked me, is that a problem?” I frowned.
“No” Ryan breathed.
“OK” I sighed.
“Good” Ryan mumbled.
“Are you going now?” I asked.
Ryan nodded “See you later” he sighed, taking off, something in his eyes flickered, it alerted me that something was wrong, and stupidly, I ignored it.