Lived a Lie
Lived a lie
Oli sighed quietly. This is so wrong, he thought. But it feels so right.
They were watching TV, his head laying on Joshs lap. Because he was tired and it was more comfortable than simply sitting next to him and for another hundred reasons he continued to make up, so he didn’t have to admit to himself he craved physical closeness to his best-friend like a man stranded in a desert would crave drops of water. He knew his girlfriend hates it and if she was here right now she would probably throw a tantrum. Leah always got angry when she noticed how Oliver would hold Joshs hand when he was walking besides him or how he would hug him whenever he had the chance. He told her more than once there’s no reason to be jealous. Every time, she just laughed at him, saying she’s not jealous in that way, that would be ridiculous knowing Josh is male after all, she just really can’t stand him as a Person. She had no clue, even when Oli literally throw one at her.
At least Josh didn’t mind. He never did. He would just smile and gently link their fingers or hug him back tightly, so painfully oblivious. Right now, he was playing with his hair, twirling strands between his fingers, unaware that he made Olis cravings worse.
Oli closed his eyes. He hadn’t been paying much attention to the movie anyway and he knew Josh wouldn’t question it… A wave of guilt washed over him again. His girlfriend would get so upset about this. Seeing him all cuddled up in his best friends lap and undeniable enjoying it would be reason enough for yet another fight. Lately it seemed all they ever did was fighting. Mostly about Josh. And the more they fought, the more he fled from home - to Josh, of course. It was a vicious cycle. She accused him of caring more about his friends than her, she never realized just how right she was about that. Don’t get him wrong, he loved her. She was a nice girl and when they weren’t fighting, they really got along well. But getting along with somebody was nothing compared with craving, desperately needing somebody.
Josh stopped playing with his hair, sadly, and the noise stopped, too. Apparently the movie ended.
“Did you fall asleep?” Josh asked in a low voice, he didn’t want to wake him up in case he did.
Leah would just shake him and complain her leg went numb.
Maybe he should just play pretend, he thought. Simply keep his eyes closed and not give an answer. Fantasies danced through his mind, once again, precious pictures of Josh leaning over and kissing Oli goodnight. He quickly opened his eyes. He shouldn’t get lost in scenarios that will never be real.
“Just a bit tired.” he mumbled, closing his eyes again as he felt Joshs fingertips brushing his cheek.
“I wouldn’t mind if you fell asleep, it’s okay.” Joshs voice was nearly a whisper, his fingertips gently tracing his jawline now. Wrong, so wrong. But it feels so right, so natural, so meant-to-be.
They were watching TV, his head laying on Joshs lap. Because he was tired and it was more comfortable than simply sitting next to him and for another hundred reasons he continued to make up, so he didn’t have to admit to himself he craved physical closeness to his best-friend like a man stranded in a desert would crave drops of water. He knew his girlfriend hates it and if she was here right now she would probably throw a tantrum. Leah always got angry when she noticed how Oliver would hold Joshs hand when he was walking besides him or how he would hug him whenever he had the chance. He told her more than once there’s no reason to be jealous. Every time, she just laughed at him, saying she’s not jealous in that way, that would be ridiculous knowing Josh is male after all, she just really can’t stand him as a Person. She had no clue, even when Oli literally throw one at her.
At least Josh didn’t mind. He never did. He would just smile and gently link their fingers or hug him back tightly, so painfully oblivious. Right now, he was playing with his hair, twirling strands between his fingers, unaware that he made Olis cravings worse.
Oli closed his eyes. He hadn’t been paying much attention to the movie anyway and he knew Josh wouldn’t question it… A wave of guilt washed over him again. His girlfriend would get so upset about this. Seeing him all cuddled up in his best friends lap and undeniable enjoying it would be reason enough for yet another fight. Lately it seemed all they ever did was fighting. Mostly about Josh. And the more they fought, the more he fled from home - to Josh, of course. It was a vicious cycle. She accused him of caring more about his friends than her, she never realized just how right she was about that. Don’t get him wrong, he loved her. She was a nice girl and when they weren’t fighting, they really got along well. But getting along with somebody was nothing compared with craving, desperately needing somebody.
Josh stopped playing with his hair, sadly, and the noise stopped, too. Apparently the movie ended.
“Did you fall asleep?” Josh asked in a low voice, he didn’t want to wake him up in case he did.
Leah would just shake him and complain her leg went numb.
Maybe he should just play pretend, he thought. Simply keep his eyes closed and not give an answer. Fantasies danced through his mind, once again, precious pictures of Josh leaning over and kissing Oli goodnight. He quickly opened his eyes. He shouldn’t get lost in scenarios that will never be real.
“Just a bit tired.” he mumbled, closing his eyes again as he felt Joshs fingertips brushing his cheek.
“I wouldn’t mind if you fell asleep, it’s okay.” Joshs voice was nearly a whisper, his fingertips gently tracing his jawline now. Wrong, so wrong. But it feels so right, so natural, so meant-to-be.