An Angel Like You

“It feels so good to finally be home, doesn’t it Cass?” Rian sighed to his fiancée, sinking down next to her on his couch. All Time Low had spent the last two months touring, and the couple had gone straight to Italy once the tour was over, where Rian finally proposed. All in all, he had barely seen the inside of his own house for nearly three hectic yet wonderful months.

“It’s been a great few months though,” she replied, twirling the silver band around her finger – three diamonds on a plain silver band, engraved with the words “our everything better plan”. It was simple yet beautiful, and Rian had known that Cass would love it from the moment he set eyes on it. Rian proposed on a gondola in Venice and she had said yes immediately, quickly letting him put the ring on her finger before that clumsy idiot could accidentally drop it in the water.

Looking over her shoulder into the hallway, she saw the phone’s answer machine flashing. She walked over and pressed play, putting the phone on loudspeaker so they could both hear it.

“Two new messages.” the machine read. “Friday, 1st August:”
“Hey dude, we’re having a little get-together on Wednesday at mine and Jack’s, just me you and Zack. Bring Cass and drinks, you asshole.” They could hear Jack giggling in the background, probably at some stupid TV show. “Text me when you get back okay? Bye!” Alex’s voice said.

Rian smiled, reaching for his phone. Although they had all just toured together, he would never miss an opportunity to hang out with his bandmates.

“Sunday, 3rd August:”
“Hello Cassadee, it’s Mom and Dad here. Could you call us back ASAP? Thanks, we love you.”

Cass looked over questioningly at Rian, who shrugged. “Oh god,” she said, “I hope nothing’s happened… Last time Mom made me call her ASAP was when Dad was in the hospital – I’d better see what they want.”
Rian nodded. “I’ll just go make some coffee.”

Rian walked back into the hallway to see Cassadee on the phone, the cable wrapped round one hand, her face pale as a sheet. He put his arm around her, patiently waiting for her to finish the call
.
“Oh god.” She whispered as they sat back down again, burying her face in Rian’s shoulder. “I can’t believe it…”
“Shh Cass, it’s okay” he murmured into her hair as she sobbed. “What happened?”
“J…Jenna… Mom said she-she’s gone.”
Rian gasped – Jenna was an old friend of theirs, from when they were in high school. She was Cass’ best friend, but they had lost touch when All Time Low and Cass’ solo career had kicked off. “How… how did it happen?”
“She hung herself… It was too late when they found her… No note or anything.” Cass’ voice was barely a whisper.
“Oh, oh god. Her poor parents…”
“We can’t tell Jack and Alex, not like this, not over the phone.
“I’ll tell them tomorrow.”

The newly engaged couple held each other on the sagging couch and cried.

---

It was Wednesday morning, and Alex was coming home from the shops, armed with two six-packs of Stella for later that day.

“Hey Alex?” Jack called as Alex walked in the door. “Can you come here a sec and tell me if I read this wrong…?”
“Sure?” Alex replied, worried. “Is everything okay?”
“It’s just…” He trailed off as Alex entered the kitchen, leaning over to read the paper in Jack’s hand.
“Births and deaths?” Alex asked. “What…?”
Jack pointed at the name printed at the bottom of the page.
“Jenna… Rachael… McDougall… 1st June 1992 - … 31st July 2014, Aged 22? No.” Alex gasped. “Oh my god, what? This can’t be right, oh fuck…”
“So I didn’t read it wrong…” Jack sighed.
“What the hell? Is this some stupid joke?” Alex reached over, grabbing the laptop and logging on to check Jenna’s Facebook page. They hadn’t spoken in years, but they had been like brother and sister in high school – the five of them; Jenna, Alex, Jack, Rian and Cass, had been inseparable. The tributes were still flowing in: “Our hearts will never forget you” one post read. Somebody else had posted a photo with the caption “You’ll always be sweet 16…”
“Oh god, Jenna, Jenna I’m so sorry…” Alex whispered.
“How do you think… How do you think she did it?” Jack thought out loud.
“Fuck, I should’ve done something. Could’ve done something… Should’ve, could’ve, fuck!” he muttered as a tear traced a line down his cheek.
Jack held him close. “It wasn’t your, or anyone else’s fault, Lexy… We all know what she was like, maybe earth just wasn’t a place for an angel like her, and she didn’t belong here so heaven had to call her name…”

Jenna had been bullied throughout middle school, and one night had confessed to Cass and the boys during a game of drunken truth or dare that she was anorexic and bulimic, and had been for 4 years. She didn’t turn up for school the next day, and Alex had been so worried that he and Cass had walked the mile to Jenna’s house, scrambled over the fence and through the back door to find her lying on her bedroom floor with an empty pill bottle in her hand. She only just survived. That was attempt number one.

Attempt number two happened a few months later, with a near-lethal combination of pills and alcohol at a party. Her heart stopped twice. Attempt number three was in the school bathroom. The blood trickled out from under the door. From then on it was long sleeves and cardigans. Attempt four resulted in her growing out her hair and wearing a scarf for months. This had been attempt number five. Her fifth, and last.

---

That evening, Zack was greeted at the door by a puffy eyed Jack, who only said “just sit, we’ll explain when Ri and Cass get here…”
Alex exchanged a knowing hug with an equally red-eyed Rian as he arrived with Cassadee, glancing at her ring and giving them a weak smile.
Rian and Alex together explained to Zack what had happened. He and Jenna had hit it off like a house on fire when the final met, Zack being from a different school to the rest of the band.
Jack handed out the Stella and Cass stood up, “To Jenna” she said quietly as they clinked the bottles together.

Out came the yearbooks, and the photo albums, and then the laptop with her Facebook page. A photo of her and the boys at prom. The lime green hair in her yearbook picture. A Polaroid Zack had taken of her standing on a bench, arms outstretched as if preparing for flight. Pictures of Jenna at her healthiest, and also at her thinnest. Pictures of her laughing, pictures of her crying.
Memory after memory, tear after tear, bottle after bottle.

“To drinking away our feelings!” Alex half-laughed, half-sobbed.

Rian held up a picture of her lying in the grass one summer, a daisy chain around her neck, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips, her blonde hair fanning out, her eyes blue in the summer light.

“This. This is how I wanna remember her.” He was beginning to slur. “She will always be like this. Always beautiful, always perfect.”

---

Three days later, it was time for the funeral. Jenna’s parents had asked Cassadee to write an eulogy, and All Time Low to perform one of Jenna’s favourite songs, ‘Father and Son’ by Cat Stevens. The church was filled to the brim, with another twenty or so people waiting outside. The casket was closed.

“I’m not quite sure how to do justice to a girl that meant so much to so many. I feel like I owe you so much more, Jenna, I want the whole world to know your name.
You will always be perfect, you’ll always be beautiful, and our hearts will never forget you. You didn’t belong here and it’s become so clear why heaven called your name. And it just doesn’t seem right, was it really your time, are we dreaming? We’ll never let go of you. I wish you were here but it’s becoming clear that Earth’s just not the place for an angel like you. And now we must let you move forward. Our love lies with you. Our souls fly with you, Jenna.”