Lonely No More

Jocelyn rolled out of bed, stretched for a moment, and deeply considered getting back into bed. It had been two weeks since she and Beau stood in her kitchen and decided they would try to be friends – and it sucked. She felt like she only got a glimpse at just how happy Beau made her before they decided it just wasn’t going to happen.

That, and as soon as they decided they were going to be friends, they didn’t talk as much. He didn’t text her and their lack of communication made her feel extremely self-conscious, so she didn’t text either. At work, she rarely saw him save for his time coming in and out of the arena and when she would watch him play during games – at least the ones she stuck around to watch.

Thanksgiving was less than a week away and though for the date itself, Jocelyn was going to be heading to her sister, Amanda’s house just outside of the city, Bailey Crosby was hosting a “Friendsgiving” at her place in Sewickley.

Though much of her wanted to break the engagement, she knew that if she and Beau were really going to try to be friends, maybe she would have to be the bigger person and establish that idea.

Changing into a pair of black tights, she dressed in a to-the-knee brown plaid skirt and ivory sweater. She curled her hair before pinning it in a casual updo and swiping on a dark, berry lipstick. Feeding Geno, she hid a few new toy mice around the apartment for him to play with while she was gone.

She stayed up the night before, baking a pumpkin swirl cheesecake and a dutch apple pie for the get together. Balancing the two desserts carefully in her arms, she made her way down to her car, setting them on the floor behind the passenger’s seat, she scraped a light layer of ice from her windshield before taking off for the suburb.

Jocelyn had butterflies in her stomach, nervous to return to a Penguins social function where she felt like she had one less ally in the room, but soldiered on nonetheless.

“Joss! Come in!” Bailey smiled, the tiniest hint of a baby bump under her sweater dress, ushering her inside before giving her a quick hug. “Let me take these.” She insisted, reaching for the two covered dishes. Jocelyn stepped out of her shoes, bending down to pet the two Crosby dogs, Belle and Zeus before following her friend to the kitchen, the two dogs trailing behind. They loved the smell of Geno on her tights. “How are the roads? Not too bad?” Bailey asked as she moved around, fussing with a few things on the stove top.

“No, not too bad.” Jocelyn agreed, “what can I help with?” She asked. Normally, Bailey would never put a guest to work in her kitchen, but she knew that Jocelyn got a little anxious at group gatherings and would likely need something to do with her hands.

“Can you put together that cheese tray?” She asked, motioning to the covered tray from Costco beside a pretty, holiday themed tray. “There are also olives and pickles in the fridge for the other part.” She motioned. The two got to chatting about small things here and there as Jocelyn artfully arranged the assortment of hors d’ourves before the doorbell rang again. Granted, Jocelyn didn’t know who else was already at the party since she had made her way to the kitchen as soon as she stepped inside, but she felt in her gut that the person at the door would be the same one she was so nervous about seeing.

“Will you get that? Hands are full.” Bailey said, ushering to the big pan of stuffing between her two gloved hands.

“Yeah.” Jocelyn smiled tightly. Bailey nearly broke her neck watching the brunette exit the kitchen toward the front door. Sidney being Beau’s usual confidant, she knew what had conspired between Jocelyn and the blonde Penguin and was hoping to see how things played out that day.

“Hi Beau.” Jocelyn tried her best to smile in a way that appeared neutral and friendly. Was that even possible?

“Josie, hi.” He replied, using the nickname that no one else ever used for her.

“Bailey’s busy.” She explained, “I just got here.” She opened the door up so he could come inside. “It’s good to see you.” She tried to sound upbeat, but it wasn’t overpowering the sick feeling in her stomach. She shouldn’t have come.

“Joz-lyn!” The brunette looked down to see a beaming Sadie Crosby run into the entryway in her little maroon dress and a white bow in her hair.

“Hi Sadie!” Jocelyn smiled, glad to have a distraction from Beau’s huge presence in the foyer – and from just how amazing he smelled, even with the cold chill coming off of his coat. Sadie reached up at Jocelyn with grabby hands and the brunette picked her up, settling her on her hip before she could acknowledge Beau.

“Hi Beau.” She grinned, hiding her face in Jocelyn’s shoulder with a little smile on her face. It was no secret the little Crosby girl had a bit of a crush on Beau.

“Hi Miss Sadie.” He grinned, making both women swoon.

“We should go further inside, it’s a little cold in here.” Jocelyn said, her neck getting warm as Beau approached her to nip at Sadie’s little stocking covered feet with his fingers.

“Daddy! Joz-lyn and Beau are here!” Sadie called as Joss carried her into the family room. She was relieved to see that the room wasn’t overflowing with people, but for the most part just close friends from the team. It also made her wonder why she was invited into such a small and intimate group.

“Hey Joss.” Sidney smiled, giving her a quick hug before doing the same with Beau. Now it appeared as if the two showed up the party together.

“Joz-lyn, you look pretty.” Sadie smiled, playing with Joss’ ruby-colored statement necklace. “Right Beau?” She looked up at her fellow blonde.

“Yes, she looks very pretty.” He smiled down at the little girl before looking up to Jocelyn. His smile was sad and it killed her.

“Here, I’m going to go see if I can help some more with dinner.” Jocelyn said, handing Sadie off to Beau before making her way back to the kitchen.

Sidney gave Beau a half smile, feeling badly for his friend who was clearly suffering.

Not too long thereafter, Bailey, Sidney, Beau, Jocelyn, Missy, James, Geno, his girlfriend, Oksana, Kasperi Kapanen and Olli Maatta – Sidney usually tried to include some of the young kids to make sure they were getting a decent meal once and a while.

The crafty Bailey Crosby ahd set out place cards for each seat, setting Jocelyn and Beau right next to one another and across from Bailey and Sidney – for purely selfish reasons so she could watch the two of them.

“Turkey?” He offered her the heavy platter. Jocelyn turned to face him. “Just grab the ones you want, I’ll pass it.” He said quietly between the two of them. Jocelyn pretended to not notice how his arms looked holding up the heavy tray.

“Thanks.” She said, taking two pieces for herself before putting two and a drumstick on his plate, remembering how he once told her he liked the drumsticks.

“Thank you.” He said, happy to know that she remembered.

Sidney gave his wife’s foot a little nudge under the table. You’re staring. He mouthed to her. Bailey simply picked up her butter knife and gave him a smile before grabbing a dinner roll.

“Oh, hot.” Jocelyn mumbled as she scooped out mashed potatoes.

“Careful.” Beau replied, helping her with the dish. “Geno hair.” He said, carefully removing a little brown hair from her white sweater.

“Geno hair?” Bailey asked, unable to censor herself, causing Oksana’s head to snap up.

“Her cat’s name is Geno.” Beau laughed, flicking the hair away.

“You named your cat Geno? Really, Joss? First you’re Canadian, now this?” Sidney asked.

“I adopted him when I moved here, he was already named Geno.” Jocelyn blushed as all of the attention at the table shifted to her.

“Is a good name!” The real Geno held up his glass, making everyone laugh and breaking the awkward tension. She gave Beau a little smile before listening to Bailey launch into a story about something Sadie did earlier that week.

Once dinner had finished and everyone was completely filled, they moved to the family room where Sadie was napping on Sidney and they were sitting around the couches and shooting the breeze.

Jocelyn got up from her spot on the couch next to Olli Maatta, excusing herself to the restroom, opting to wander down the hall covered in photos than duck into the powder room just off the family room.

Bailey and Sidney were such a gorgeous couple and Sadie was an angel. She had never found herself jealous of a relationship before, but she did find herself wishing she had something as special as the Crosby’s – a little family of her own.

Finding the bathroom, she quickly used the toilet, washed her hands and popped a courtesy breath mint in her mouth. Opening the door, she jumped about a foot in the air as Beau stood in the doorway. He brought his finger up to his lips, walking her back into the bathroom and closing the door behind him before facing her and instantly pressing his lips against hers.

Startled at first, she quickly melted into him as he sunk his hands into her hair, cradling her face to his. She rest a hand on his side, but before she let herself get too carried away, she pushed away from him.

“Beau.” She said, eyes hooded lips swollen. “We can’t do this, we’re trying to be friends.” She stressed.

“I can’t be your friend, Joss.” He breathed out, an arm looped around the small of her back. “I want to be your boyfriend.” He admitted. The sick feeling in Jocelyn’s stomach came roaring back, this time, insanely overwhelming her. She felt her face getting hot and the bathroom seeming smaller and smaller.

“Beau, what do you want me to do?” She asked, eyebrows knit together. “You want me to quit my job so that we can date?” She asked, feeling as though she really wanted to get out of that bathroom.

“Fuck, Joss, I don’t know.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I can’t tell you to quit your job.” He felt as frustrated as she looked. “But I can’t let you go and wonder every day what could have been.” He added.

They both stood silently for a minute and he felt his heart break at the sight of the small tears in the corner of her eyes.

“Don’t cry.” He brushed a thumb across her cheekbone. “Do you trust me?” He asked. She let out a shaky sigh before nodding.

“Yeah, I do.” She replied. “But - ”

“I’m going to figure something out.” He insisted. “I’m going to make this okay, Josie.” He promised, though it went in one ear and out the other.

“I’m going to head back before everyone notices.” She said, slipping past him out the door. “Wait a few minutes before coming back.” She finished, ducking her head and fixing her lipstick in the reflection of a framed picture in the hallway.

Upon returning to the table, Bailey looked over at Sidney casually, but with her eyes as wide as physically possible. Ensuring she wouldn’t see, Sidney brought a finger up to his lips, pleading his wife to try to be discreet. Beau waited a standard five minutes before reappearing in the dining room – and even from a separate entrance than the one Jocelyn used.

Despite what happened earlier, Jocelyn was still very much able to enjoy her first “Friendsgiving” as long as she didn’t linger too much on the man beside her. She spent time talking with Missy Neal, exchanging tips on photo-editing software and chatting about various stores that sold books which had been repurposed into other things.

That, and all of the food was great. Plus, Bailey had boxed up most of the leftovers into little takeaway bags at the end of the meal for those who wanted to take them home.

The group moved from the dining room to the family room for dessert and coffee. Jocelyn situated herself on the loveseat with Sadie in her lap after Bailey refused her help slicing up desserts.

“Joz-lyn?” Sadie looked up at her brunette friend.

“Yes, Sadie?” Jocelyn asked, placing her hand on Sadie’s little white-tight covered legs.

“Hi.” She giggled, making Josie laugh. Beau took the seat next to the two girls on the couch, creating a bit of a tight fit. “Hi Beau.” Sadie’s attention instantly shifted.

“Hi Sadie-baby.” He grinned. “What did you ask for from Santa for Christmas?” He asked.

“Dora dolly.” She replied, throwing herself against his chest, making him laugh.

“A Dora dolly? Sadie, me and you asked Santa for the same thing!” He exclaimed, shaking her little sides, making her giggle wildly. Jocelyn’s smile faded when she felt herself having too much fun, being too relaxed with Beau – allowing herself to be too happy. She excused herself to the kitchen nonetheless.

“Joss, I told you, I don’t need any help.” Bailey scolded with a little smile on her face.

“Need something to do.” Joss shrugged, trying to look genuine as she dropped down into the high top by the counter. Bailey looked over to her friend as she cut into Joss’ cheesecake. Jocelyn noted the way Bailey looked around before focusing her attention on the brunette.

“So how are things with you and Beau?” She asked quietly. Jocelyn looked up to make eye contact with Mrs. Crosby, studying her expression for a moment.

“What do you know?” She asked.

Bailey took in a deep breath.

“I know that you two went home together after Missy’s Halloween party and Beau has been moping around the arena and our place since.” She said, lifting an eyebrow. “Look, Joss.” She lowered her voice even further. “I like you a lot, I think you’re wonderful and I know the guys really like you, but… Beau’s family to us. I’d hate to see him chasing around an idea that’s not going to happen.” She said, giving the brunette a pointed look, hoping it didn’t come off as the blatant warning it was.

Though, that’s not quite the way Jocelyn heard it.

“I – I’m not” she paused to attempt to collect her thoughts after the Crosby matriarch essentially warned her off of leading Beau on, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” She said, furrowing her brow, tired of being made the villain for sticking up for herself. “I’m going to go.” She said, standing up from her chair. “You can keep the trays – they’re really nice.” She said, feeling her heart racing in her chest as he cheeks flooded pink in embarrassment.

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. She told herself as she walked out of the kitchen, shoving her feet haphazardly into her shoes.

She could hear footsteps approaching as she opened the front door, and it was only then that she regretted not wearing a proper coat that day.

“Josie, where are you going?” She heard Beau’s voice. She was standing just outside the Crosby home, willing herself not to turn around.

“Sorry, I have to go, I’m not feeling well.” She obviously lied. Beau stuffed his feet into the first pair of shoes he saw, chasing her down the sidewalk in James’ Vans slip-ons.

Bailey Crosby stood in the kitchen, trying her best to hear what was going on through the kitchen window over the sink.

“Joss, what’s the matter, what happened?” Beau called, catching up with her at her car.

“I shouldn’t have come here.” She said, fumbling with the keys, desperately needing to replace her battery on her car remote.

“Hey, hey, calm down.” He reached out toward her.

“Please,” She held her hands up, “don’t touch me.” She said, eyes closed, burning him instantly. “Everyone thinks I’m just some tease leading you on – who knows what Bailey’s told everyone.” She said, voice cracking. “Just don’t touch me – please leave me alone, Beau.” She said, eyes watering uncontrollably.

“What’s going on out there?” Sidney asked as he saddled up to his wife’s side in the kitchen.

“I might have made a big mistake.” Bailey sighed, her heart hurting at the sight in front of her.

“I told you not to meddle, Bailey.” Sidney said, turning and leaving the kitchen. She could clean this mess up herself.

“What happened? What did she say to you?” Beau asked as she finally got her door to open.

“I’ll see you at work, Beau.” She said, wiping at her eyes before dropping down into the driver’s seat, closing her door behind her.

“Come on, Josie, don’t leave.” He said, eyes flashing. He watched as her face crumpled with tears before pulling away from the curb.

She regret ever getting out of bed that morning.