The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows
fifteen
Everything was such a blur.
The night had passed like in a dream, yet Evie had not even rested her eyes. She had gotten into a fight with herself and dreaded what would happen if she did shut her eyes. It frightened her to know that she had no control over her dreams and she was afraid of what she would see in her minds. Dreams are but shallow reflections of what occurs in our everyday lives and Evie knew that if she saw Andrew in her dream she would never sleep again, he was the reason why she tossed and turned in the evenings.
So instead of sleeping, Evie sat in her bay window wrapped up in her duvet and in a large flannel shirt of her fathers. She knew that she was not going to get over Andrew anytime soon. He had become such a substantial part of her life that his absence was like the loss of a limb.
It looked like a fairy tale without a happy ending form where she was stood.
She cursed herself for being so desperate, so obsessive over him. She hated the idea that he could be with another girl right now. She had turned into a little miss obsessive and it did not suit her one bit. She didn't like the girl she was right now. It was as if without Andrew, she turned into that girl that she had been hiding from: the desperate girl who only wanted to be loved.
Sighing Evie rested her forehead against the chilly glass, cursing her life and wondering why it had to be like this.
Andrew was stood on the grass outside of Evie's house. He saw the lights on in her room and knew that she, like him couldn't sleep. The scenario seemed familiar, and it frustrated him to no end that the song he had written for Evie about evenings like this, had been taken by the wrong person and ruined forever.
She Pains Me Blue had been destined as Evie's song, but that was no longer the case.
In his still slightly burnt hands Andrew held his own leather bound notebook. It was the one that he had written down his own words for Evie. He didn't have the guts or the heart to do what Evie had done and destroy everything that he had ever put down on paper for her.
Nervously Andrew shifted his weight from foot to foot, glancing up at the bay window that Evie was sitting in. He was just about to turn around and leave, feeling stupid that he had even come, when Evie saw him.
The reaction was the one he had expected. She shot up from her seat and viscously pulled the curtains shut, so all Andrew could see was a thin strip of light between the curtains, indicating that the lights were still on.
This sign of protest however, only spurred Andrew on to going through with his plan.
Completely reckless he walked to the side of the house and started clambering up the drainpipe, the notebook clamped firmly under his chin. Upon reaching the level of Evie's window he rapped on the glass with slight agitation, knowing that it was going to take some coaxing for her to open up.
However to his complete surprise Evie ripped the windows open almost at once. She had assumed that Andrew was throwing rocks at her window, and so when she saw him clambered to the drainpipe she let out a scream, that through some miracle went unheard by her parents.
"Andrew what the fuck are you doing? You could get killed," she shot at him viciously, despite him having hurt her so much she didn't wish a sudden and painful death upon anyone, even him.
Evie grabbed a hold of Andrew's arm and after some difficulties Andrew was stood in Evie's room, looking around rather awkwardly. The bin was filled to the brim with tissues and the countless empty mugs of tea all spoke their own stories.
"What do you want Andrew?" Evie asked with a tone of resignation. She was in no mood to fight with him.
Andrew looked at Evie properly for the first time that evening. Dressed in short pajamas and the red flannel shirt of her dads, the outfit did not distract from the dark rings under her eyes, which held none of their usual shine anymore. Her hair hung limp and she looked like she hadn't eaten a decent meal for a while now.
"I wanted, no," Andrew corrected himself. "I needed to give you this," and he handed over the notebook that he had been holding so closely to him.
Evie took the book from his hands wearily. She just wanted him to go, his presence was becoming unbearable for her. But she clutched the book nonetheless in her hands, her tiered eyes still not leaving Andrew.
"Would you read it now?" Andrew asked quietly.
It seemed almost an impertinence to ask Evie to read anything of his. The thought had also crossed Evie's mind and Andrew must have seen the expression form on her face because he protested at once.
"I mean it's for you," he said desperately. "It's for you."
Still not saying anything Evie opened the book and a folded piece of narrow lined paper fell out, floating to the carpeted floor with grace and when it finally rested on the ground, both Evie and Andrew looked at it as if it were going to spring up again from the ground and attack them.
Evie had been the first to move as she crouched on the floor to pick it up. With meticulous care she unfolded the letter and smoothed the creases out.
You asked me whom I sing for. I never used to know until I met you. Now I sing for you. I've been writing you songs, some of them got twisted and some of them got stolen but they were beautiful nonetheless. They were written for you and they're going to be sung for you too.
Evie looked up from the letter that was shaking in her hand. Her watery-eyed gaze shot straight into Andrew's eyes and he smiled weakly.
"Turn to the last page," he said softly.
It was a request that Evie was not going to deny him; she flicked past pages and pages of neatly written words, in the handwriting that she treasured, until she came to the desired page. The last one of the thick notepad.
'Globes and Maps' the bold and close-knit handwriting proclaimed.
Evie shot Andrew a searching glance, but he just nodded slowly and Evie sank down onto the floor, knees pressed to her chest as she began to read.
Light breaks underneath a heavy door
And I try to keep myself awake
Fall all around us on a hotel floor
And you think that you've made a mistake
And there's a pain in my stomach from another sleepless binge
And I struggled to get myself up again.
I wanna hang onto something
That won't break away or fall apart
Like the pieces of my heart.
And globes and maps are all around me now
I wanna feel you breathe me
Globes and maps I see surround you here
Why won't you believe me?
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
Do you wanna leave or something?
And dreams came around you in a hazy rain
You opened your mouth wide to feel them fall
And I write a letter, from a one-way train
But I don't think you'll read it at all.
And globes and maps are all around me now
I wanna feel you breathe me
Globes and maps I see surround you here
Why won't you believe me?
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
Do you wanna leave or something?
And I can't take this anymore
Well I know that I can't take this anymore
I can't take this anymore
Cuz I know someday I'll see you walk out that door
And globes and maps are all around me now
I wanna feel you breathe me
Globes and maps I see surround you here
Why won't you believe me?
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
So Do you wanna leave? Do you wanna leave?
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
Do you wanna leave or something?
Of course her eyes did not remain dry. By the time she had read the last line the tears dropped down her cheeks and only narrowly missed the book that she was going to treasure forever and always.
With the tears she thought she could no longer cry, fresh on her face, she looked up at Andrew who had taken a step closer to her and crouched down on his knees in front of her.
She dropped her face onto his shoulder and his arms held her closer. Evie's own hand holding onto the book tightly as if it were her life-support.
"Can you, can you sing it Andrew?" She managed to bring out through the torrent of tears that were now falling thick and fast.
Andrew only nodded, and he sang it for her.
Something that he still does.
He had not only found his reason for breathing, but his reason for singing.
Andrew McMahon only ever sung for one girl and it never changed.
The night had passed like in a dream, yet Evie had not even rested her eyes. She had gotten into a fight with herself and dreaded what would happen if she did shut her eyes. It frightened her to know that she had no control over her dreams and she was afraid of what she would see in her minds. Dreams are but shallow reflections of what occurs in our everyday lives and Evie knew that if she saw Andrew in her dream she would never sleep again, he was the reason why she tossed and turned in the evenings.
So instead of sleeping, Evie sat in her bay window wrapped up in her duvet and in a large flannel shirt of her fathers. She knew that she was not going to get over Andrew anytime soon. He had become such a substantial part of her life that his absence was like the loss of a limb.
It looked like a fairy tale without a happy ending form where she was stood.
She cursed herself for being so desperate, so obsessive over him. She hated the idea that he could be with another girl right now. She had turned into a little miss obsessive and it did not suit her one bit. She didn't like the girl she was right now. It was as if without Andrew, she turned into that girl that she had been hiding from: the desperate girl who only wanted to be loved.
Sighing Evie rested her forehead against the chilly glass, cursing her life and wondering why it had to be like this.
Andrew was stood on the grass outside of Evie's house. He saw the lights on in her room and knew that she, like him couldn't sleep. The scenario seemed familiar, and it frustrated him to no end that the song he had written for Evie about evenings like this, had been taken by the wrong person and ruined forever.
She Pains Me Blue had been destined as Evie's song, but that was no longer the case.
In his still slightly burnt hands Andrew held his own leather bound notebook. It was the one that he had written down his own words for Evie. He didn't have the guts or the heart to do what Evie had done and destroy everything that he had ever put down on paper for her.
Nervously Andrew shifted his weight from foot to foot, glancing up at the bay window that Evie was sitting in. He was just about to turn around and leave, feeling stupid that he had even come, when Evie saw him.
The reaction was the one he had expected. She shot up from her seat and viscously pulled the curtains shut, so all Andrew could see was a thin strip of light between the curtains, indicating that the lights were still on.
This sign of protest however, only spurred Andrew on to going through with his plan.
Completely reckless he walked to the side of the house and started clambering up the drainpipe, the notebook clamped firmly under his chin. Upon reaching the level of Evie's window he rapped on the glass with slight agitation, knowing that it was going to take some coaxing for her to open up.
However to his complete surprise Evie ripped the windows open almost at once. She had assumed that Andrew was throwing rocks at her window, and so when she saw him clambered to the drainpipe she let out a scream, that through some miracle went unheard by her parents.
"Andrew what the fuck are you doing? You could get killed," she shot at him viciously, despite him having hurt her so much she didn't wish a sudden and painful death upon anyone, even him.
Evie grabbed a hold of Andrew's arm and after some difficulties Andrew was stood in Evie's room, looking around rather awkwardly. The bin was filled to the brim with tissues and the countless empty mugs of tea all spoke their own stories.
"What do you want Andrew?" Evie asked with a tone of resignation. She was in no mood to fight with him.
Andrew looked at Evie properly for the first time that evening. Dressed in short pajamas and the red flannel shirt of her dads, the outfit did not distract from the dark rings under her eyes, which held none of their usual shine anymore. Her hair hung limp and she looked like she hadn't eaten a decent meal for a while now.
"I wanted, no," Andrew corrected himself. "I needed to give you this," and he handed over the notebook that he had been holding so closely to him.
Evie took the book from his hands wearily. She just wanted him to go, his presence was becoming unbearable for her. But she clutched the book nonetheless in her hands, her tiered eyes still not leaving Andrew.
"Would you read it now?" Andrew asked quietly.
It seemed almost an impertinence to ask Evie to read anything of his. The thought had also crossed Evie's mind and Andrew must have seen the expression form on her face because he protested at once.
"I mean it's for you," he said desperately. "It's for you."
Still not saying anything Evie opened the book and a folded piece of narrow lined paper fell out, floating to the carpeted floor with grace and when it finally rested on the ground, both Evie and Andrew looked at it as if it were going to spring up again from the ground and attack them.
Evie had been the first to move as she crouched on the floor to pick it up. With meticulous care she unfolded the letter and smoothed the creases out.
You asked me whom I sing for. I never used to know until I met you. Now I sing for you. I've been writing you songs, some of them got twisted and some of them got stolen but they were beautiful nonetheless. They were written for you and they're going to be sung for you too.
Evie looked up from the letter that was shaking in her hand. Her watery-eyed gaze shot straight into Andrew's eyes and he smiled weakly.
"Turn to the last page," he said softly.
It was a request that Evie was not going to deny him; she flicked past pages and pages of neatly written words, in the handwriting that she treasured, until she came to the desired page. The last one of the thick notepad.
'Globes and Maps' the bold and close-knit handwriting proclaimed.
Evie shot Andrew a searching glance, but he just nodded slowly and Evie sank down onto the floor, knees pressed to her chest as she began to read.
Light breaks underneath a heavy door
And I try to keep myself awake
Fall all around us on a hotel floor
And you think that you've made a mistake
And there's a pain in my stomach from another sleepless binge
And I struggled to get myself up again.
I wanna hang onto something
That won't break away or fall apart
Like the pieces of my heart.
And globes and maps are all around me now
I wanna feel you breathe me
Globes and maps I see surround you here
Why won't you believe me?
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
Do you wanna leave or something?
And dreams came around you in a hazy rain
You opened your mouth wide to feel them fall
And I write a letter, from a one-way train
But I don't think you'll read it at all.
And globes and maps are all around me now
I wanna feel you breathe me
Globes and maps I see surround you here
Why won't you believe me?
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
Do you wanna leave or something?
And I can't take this anymore
Well I know that I can't take this anymore
I can't take this anymore
Cuz I know someday I'll see you walk out that door
And globes and maps are all around me now
I wanna feel you breathe me
Globes and maps I see surround you here
Why won't you believe me?
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
So Do you wanna leave? Do you wanna leave?
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
Do you wanna leave or something?
Of course her eyes did not remain dry. By the time she had read the last line the tears dropped down her cheeks and only narrowly missed the book that she was going to treasure forever and always.
With the tears she thought she could no longer cry, fresh on her face, she looked up at Andrew who had taken a step closer to her and crouched down on his knees in front of her.
She dropped her face onto his shoulder and his arms held her closer. Evie's own hand holding onto the book tightly as if it were her life-support.
"Can you, can you sing it Andrew?" She managed to bring out through the torrent of tears that were now falling thick and fast.
Andrew only nodded, and he sang it for her.
Something that he still does.
He had not only found his reason for breathing, but his reason for singing.
Andrew McMahon only ever sung for one girl and it never changed.
♠ ♠ ♠
If you look closely in the first couple of paragraphs there are some Ashlee Simpson lyrics from the song 'Little Miss Obsessive'. It matched perfectly, so credit to the words go to her.So that was the last part. Terribly clique and terribly soppy but it's done. No sequel and no epilogue. This story is done. In a way I'm happy it's over. I've had enough. But I think it was pretty damn well written, don't you?
So shout outs to my girlies Nat, Hannah, Emily and Laura and to anyone else who has every commented and feedbacked. It meant a lot and I hope you give my other stories a shot.
Much love
xxx
Nina