Let the Flames Begin

I woke up with a pounding head and my body aching. I wasn't even at my house. I looked around to find something familiar. The more I looked, the more familiar it became. I've royally fucked up now. The pictures on the wall, the bedspread, everything. Kelly.

"Good morning sleepy head." she said walking in the shortest shorts and tightest shirt possible with a bottle of gatorade and some aspirin.

"Hey." I whispered looking around for my phone.

"Night stand dumbass." she said pointing to my phone.

"I need to leave. Right. Now. Kelly."

"Why in such a rush, you sure took your time last night." she said winking at me.

"I'VE GOT A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND. AND I PROBABLY JUST FUCKED IT UP THANKS A LOT."

"Calm down. You called me cause you were drunk and didn't want to go home like that. I brought you here. We had some of the best sex and then you passed out. Nothing wrong with that." she said running her hand up my thigh.

"Stop it. Where did you pick me up from. I'm walking."

"Carsons." she said with the bitch tone in her voice.

I walked out of the house as fast as I could. I fucked up big time with this one. I've finally gotten the best blessing in the world, Hayley, and now, she was going to hate my fucking guts when I tell her what I've done. I walked for an hour before I found my car. I got in and sat there. I felt the tears running down my face I couldn't even start the car without bursting into tears. You see, Kelly is the one long term relationship I managed to keep. We even got engaged but I broke it off right before I left for tour with Hayley. She was so heartbroken that she blew up my phone for two months before she finally stopped contacting me all together. I loved her, I truly did. But I didn't love her like I love Hayley. No one in this world would ever hold a candle to my feelings for Hayley. When I finally managed to get myself together I drove the ten minute drive home. Hayley was laying on the couch watching some Adam Sandler movie when I walked in.

"Baby! You're home! It's about time!" she said jumping up running to me. She held me tighter than she ever did before. I wrapped my arms around her, kissing the top of her head.

"I love you beautiful." I whispered not letting her go.

Last night, it was a bad night for Hayley. She got really mad at me because I'd been drinking more than I had been before. I wasn't getting wasted but I would drink til I was buzzed and kept it going. She hated when I drank, probably because I went to the hospital so many times for stupid shit I did when I got trashed. So, I got pissed off and went to the bar and after a lot of drinking I don't remember anything except waking up at Kelly's.

"Are you okay? You didn't get hurt or anything did you? You were gone for so long..." her voice was sad.

"No, Hayley. I'm not hurt but me and you do need to talk." She gave me the most confused look but nodded and sat on the couch anyway. I sat on the floor in front of her so I could look at her while I talked.

"I fucked up Hayley. I'm not going to beat around the bust and lie to you about it because I've learned when you love someone, you are to be 100% honest with them. I cheated. Not purposely. I promise you that ---"

"You cheated on me?! What the fuck are you saying Carrie!" she screamed tears filling her eyes.

"Just listen, please.. I got drunk last night, and from what I understand I was too afraid to come home and face you like that so I texted my ex girlfriend and she came and got me and we had sex Hayley...I'm so sorry.."

"And this is exactly why I don't like you fucking drinking Carrie. This is exactly why. You're a fucking dumbass when you drink and you always fuck up. Always, and I've always been the only person who would bail you out, but not this time. I don't even know what to say or do right now."

"You walk away, and you go upstairs and you think about it. Whether it's worth it or not. I can't blame you if you say no, but I'd love it if you'd say yes."

She raced up the stairs, refusing to let me see the tears stream down her face. I knew what I did was wrong and the only thing I had left to do was hope to god that she'd take me. I walked up the stairs quietly going to my music room and sitting there. There were so many songs that I wanted to play but nothing would come out right. I just strummed til I ended up playing the same song, over and over again. The Maine's Into your arms. I don't know what it was but I couldn't stop from playing it. I played it for hours it seemed like before she knocked on the door.

"Come in.." I said lightly staring down at my guitar.

"Are you busy?" she whispered her eyes swollen and blood shot.

"Even if I was, which I'm not, don't know know by now I'd stop what I'm doing for you?" I said looking up at her. The make up she had on was now smeared down her face. "Come 'er." I motioned over to the chair beside me. She just stepped closer until she was standing right in front of me.

"Stand up.." she said lightly grabbing my hands. "Look me dead in the eyes and tell me what you did."

"I fucked up." I said feeling myself choke on the words.

"No. What did you do to fuck up Carrie."

"I slept with my ex girlfriend. Hayley I'm sorry.. I just.. I don't what or how I just... I'm so sorry." now I was crying I don't cry. I'm a fucking wreck.

"I know you are... I just... I'm really mad at you. REALLY MAD. And part of me wants to sit here and say you're a pathetic person and I hate you and try my best to make it sound like I mean it, but the other part of me knows how much it is that I truly do love you." she grabbed my hands light rubbing circles with her thumbs on the back of my hands. "Now kiss me. Like you'll never kiss me again in this lifetime."

I couldn't stop shaking, crying, and I could barely breathe but I did as she asked, and mentally I swore to myself if I ever fucked up this bad again and she did choose to leave, I wouldn't have anything left to live for.

"I love you Hayley Nichole, until my heart stops beating." I whispered pulling her in as tight as she could.

"I love you too Carrie. Just.. Don't ever, ever, ever let me down again." she said burying her head in my shoulder wrapping her hands around my waist.

I kissed the top of her head, like I always did. She was everything to me. My reason to breath, live, hope, love, exist. Without her, I wouldn't be here now. She was my shoulder to cry on, my rock, my strength the reason I woke up every day so that I could thank God for another day to love her and give her everything she could dream of.