I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love (But I Did)

Frank had known that eventually, the mulish behaviors of Pete and Gerard would win out in the end. After Patrick and Frank’s little spat, they haven’t really talked to each other. Actually, Patrick has talked at Frank and Frank’s been ignoring him. He spilled his heart out to Patrick, and Patrick made fun of him. Patrick of all people. The most polite human on the planet. The guy who apologizes to walls for stubbing his toe on them, the guy who says sorry for saying sorry too much.

Frank’s sure he had to have been lying. It goes against all odds in the universe that Gerard would or could ever be in love with him. To put it simply, Frank’s at the point where he doesn’t believe Gerard even can love someone. He’s a good person, and he can have friends, but Gerard can never really be in love. Not to the extent that Frank can be in love.

Pete is a stubborn little man though, and Gerard might even be more stubborn. Apparently it’s too early in Frank’s relationship for either of them to introduce the parents, but who’s more important than parents? Friends.

They’ve decided that at long last, Frank is going to bring Aaron home to meet the people who will be a million times more critical about him than Frank’s own parents. Frank would rather introduce Aaron to King Henry VIII. At least in meeting the deceased monarch, Frank would have the chance of being beheaded before suffering through the ultimate form of embarrassment.

Probably the first thing that Frank’s worried about that’s going to make his stomach fall out of his body, is the fact that his apartment doesn’t have a real table. They usually don’t celebrate Thanksgiving and whatnot with fancy food, because two of the four people participating in the meal are vegetarians. At the very least Frank and Patrick have compatible taste buds. They never really have to worry about seating though, because the couch is big enough for three peoplem, and whoever the last person is just pulls up one of the collapsible lawn chairs they keep in the closet by the bathroom.

Issue number two is the fact that all of Frank’s friends are complete psychopaths. Gerard never shuts up about superheroes, Patrick is always talking about the artist formerly known as Prince, and Pete is Pete. Frank’s being a little judgmental though. Sometimes Gerard talks about Star Wars. It doesn’t always have to be superheroes. It usually is though.

Problem number three is that there’s a certain amount of tension within the group, let alone in Frank and Aaron’s relationship. Aaron understood, but there’s a bit of a divide between them ever since Frank ran away a few weeks ago. Patrick and Frank aren’t really on speaking terms, Gerard’s been avoiding Frank at all cost, and Pete will talk to anyone who will listen to him. Some things never change. Though Patrick’s been kind of distant with Pete because Frank hasn’t been talking to him, which has made Pete feel like Patrick is mad at him which means that... basically, everything is just really tense.

To make it worse though Mikey has invited himself to the really dysfunctional get-together. Apparently he’s still in disbelief that Frank has a boyfriend, or maybe he’s just going to give Gerard moral support. Patrick’s also coming even though Frank would really rather him not, because neither of them wants to explain why they’re not getting along at the moment. They’re trying to pretend they didn’t have a dispute.

Frank’s just trying to make his feelings for Gerard go away the best he can. The fact that Gerard’s been partially avoiding him is not helping. Gerard’s pulled himself together a little bit, but not by much. He’s able to function well enough to make it to his job, but he’s not performing well. Frank’s broken three plates in the last two weeks at his job, but luckily none of them had food on them.

Really everything in the world is coming together all at once to make sure, with absolute certainty, that everything goes disastrously wrong.

There’s a crappy folding poker table that was the best thing they could find in the storage unit in the basement. It’s going to be used as a makeshift dining table. Technically it belonged to the previous tenants of Frank and Gerard’s apartment, but they left it behind, so they decide it’s okay to use. Gerard and Pete had to drag it up to their apartment because Frank was afraid that there might be spiders down there. Oddly enough, Gerard found it endearing. Pete, however, did not.

They then improvised, and gathered themselves six chairs, some from the basement, some for Pete and Patrick’s apartment, and some of the lawn chairs that they had already. It’s the most depressing looking dining room in the world, splayed out right next to the kitchen counter, but at least it’s there at all.

Patrick is tapping his foot against the floor, and that’s the only sound in the entire room. Frank’s got one hand on his knee thrumming against his jeans in want of something else to do. Gerard’s sitting on the couch staring at the TV, which is off for the first time since he’d bought the apartment. The TV is the white noise that the room direly needs, but no one is making any move to turn it on, for fear of pissing someone else off. Pete’s staring from one person to the next, trying to figure out why everyone looks so tense, and he’s failing miserably at coming up with the reason.

They’re all waiting for whomever shows up first, Mikey or Aaron. It’s the first time they’ve all been in the same room in over a week. Not only is the mutual crush Frank and Gerard have for each other, driving the two of them apart, it’s driving all of them apart. It’s kind of scary to think of how they might be losing each other. It’s like season ten of Friends where you know they’re all going to be going their separate ways soon, and are afraid to think about it. Or like senior year of high school. Except by all means, they shouldn’t be leaving each other anytime soon, but it feels like that.

Frank knows with no amount of uncertainty that his relationship is moving too slowly. It’s going at a snail’s pace. They’ve been dating for very nearly two months, and Frank hasn’t had the courage to sleep with his boyfriend yet. They should have hit at least some variety of milestone, but they haven’t. Frank’s nervous he’s going to deter Aaron if he keeps this up.

After quite possibly the most painful fifteen minutes of silence that any human has ever had to endure ever, let alone four, there’s a knock at the door. The knock on the door is then followed by someone messing around with the doorknob, and then Mikey letting himself in when he realizes the door is unlocked.

“Fuck, who died?” Mikey asks as greeting when he sees the four people who are way too quiet.

“Your sense of humor,” Gerard says.

“Don’t be silly,” Mikey scoffs, “I never had one.”

Frank looks up at him, willing him to decrease the awkward levels in the room, but Mikey doesn’t seem to be considering it. Instead, he looks kind of happy at how quiet it is. Frank then remembers that Mikey’s the quiet one in the first place and hits himself for thinking he was even capable of small talk.

“Oh, sorry, I was going to knock, but...” a new voice says and they all look over to see Aaron. Mikey left the door askew though, so he’s just standing there. Frank jumps up, eager to have someone to talk to who he’s not afraid of pissing off so easily as the other three. He could probably have a conversation with Pete without incident, because Pete’s always the neutral party, but it would have been weird to ignore everyone else.

“Hey,” Frank says, walking over to him. Gerard turns away to look at the floor when Frank stands up. The last thing he wants to see is Frank kissing Aaron. His stomach is not in the state where he can witness such a thing without puking.

“Did you even make food?” Mikey whispers to Gerard as the other four start to get ready to eat the food, that doesn’t seem to be there.

“What? You kidding? I can’t cook for shit. We ordered Chinese food.”

“Oh god, are we going to have to wait even longer for that to come?”

“Should be here any minute now,” Gerard says. “Aaron was just really late.”

“Oh god, and so it begins,” Mikey says, as Gerard stands up. If Mikey knows his brother, which of course he does, Aaron is going to be grilled like a steak tonight.

About fifteen minutes later they’re all sitting at the poker table that isn’t big enough, and Aaron has about four sets of eyes on him. Frank and Aaron are on one side of the table, Gerard and Pete are across from them, and then Patrick and Mikey on either of the ends.

It’s uncomfortable for the longest time until finally Gerard decides to break the ice, but he doesn’t do it very well.

“So Aaron, why were you late?”

“Gerard!” Patrick hisses, “Mikey was late too!”

“Yeah, I was late. I was really late. I was so very late,” Mikey says, trying to diffuse whatever it was that Gerard had just tried to start.

“I just misjudged when to leave, I’m sorry,” Aaron says.

“Oh, because your three thousand dollar watch couldn’t tell you what time it is?” Gerard asks, and Pete’s glad he took the seat next to Gerard, because Patrick wouldn’t have the instinct to kick him hard in the shins. Gerard doesn’t even visibly seem to notice, but he does kick Pete back.

“I’m sorry?” Aaron asks.

“Don’t be,” Frank murmurs to him. He does not understand what that was about. That was a pretty slimy thing for Gerard to have said, and it’s not the kind of thing he’d expect coming from his roommate.

About ten minutes go by without incident, but that’s mostly because Gerard hasn’t said anything at all in the last ten minutes.

“Gerard?” Frank asks, “Are you even listening?”

“To what?” Gerard asks, because in all honesty, he couldn’t care less about whatever riveting tale Aaron was telling.

“Wow,” Frank says, obviously irritated.

“What?” Gerard asks.

“Nothing,” he replies, but it’s obviously not nothing. Now they’ve got the whole table’s attention, and they’re trying not to stir up trouble.

“That’s not nothing.”

“Well whatever, Gerard,” Frank replies. He’s already on edge enough with the fact that his boyfriend is now meeting the love of his life, and now said love of his life is being a dick.

“Whatever to you too, Frank,” Gerard says back.

Pete kicks him again under the table to get him to shut up, but it doesn’t make Gerard stop talking at all, “would you stop fucking kicking me, Pete?”

“No Pete, kick him again,” Frank says. Pete had been trying to avoid getting people angry with each other, and now he’s staring wide-eyed at Frank, not knowing what to do. He doesn’t want to kick Gerard again, with Gerard looking so vicious, but at the same, Frank’s look could boil water.

“Why’d you say that, Frank?” Gerard asks.

“Because Gerard, you’re acting like a jerk,” Frank says, and the whole room silences even more so than it had been a minute before.

“What was that?” Gerard inquires, looking stunned.

“He didn’t say anything,” Pete tries, but Frank just huffs.

“I said you’re behaving like a jerk,” Frank repeats.

“What did I do?” Gerard asks defensively.

“You don’t have to drill Aaron, okay? This isn’t an interrogation! He’s got more money than you, you don’t need to be a bitch about it.”

“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” Gerard asks, and now they’re both pissed, and Patrick is really regretting the fact that he did not nail down the furniture, because a big storm is heading their way.

“Excuse me?” Frank asks.

“You’re not really a breath of fresh air either, Frank. You’re being a bit of a prick about everything. Nothing is good enough for you today.”

“No? Because you totally messing everything up, sabotaging all of this on purpose, is something I’m supposed to put up with?” Frank scowls.

“Oh yeah, right. Like I would have a reason to sabotage anything,” Gerard says.

“Calm down boys,” Mikey says softly, but it’s not going to do any good. They’re both seconds away from having steam come out of their ears.

“You can’t stand the fact that I missed a few dumb movie nights and now you’re taking it out on Aaron like it’s his fault, Gerard,” Frank accuses.

“Really? That’s what you think I’m upset about? I thought it was just a menial thing, Frank. That’s what you said a month ago, remember? It’s just a movie night, no big deal,” Gerard paraphrases.

“You were totally blowing things out of proportion back then, and you are now. It was just one night,” Frank says.

“Followed by two more Fridays,” Gerard says.

“Like it matters.”

“It does matter! It’s an institution that we built our fucking friendship on, Frank! Do you even care about our friendship anymore? You never hang out with me,” Gerard says.

“You’re like a dog, you’re so pathetic. I’m not glued to you, Gerard. I do have another life that doesn’t need you in it every ten seconds telling me what to do. Besides, I’m not the one who’s been ignoring you for the past two weeks, or have you forgotten? Did you think I didn’t notice or something? Going to your room when I get home, leaving to get groceries when we don’t need them. You know that we have three cartons of eggs, Gerard, and you haven’t made one fucking omelette with a single one of them!”

“I’m the only one who’s been ignoring people, right. Way to be a hypocrite, Frank. Or am I mistaken that you haven’t said one word to Patrick in two weeks?”

“Leave me out of it,” Patrick pipes in, putting his head in his hands.

“That has nothing to do with you,” Frank says.

“No. None of it does. No part of me has anything to fucking do with your life anymore, because you don’t care about me! You don’t care about me, or Patrick, or Pete, you care about your stupid boyfriend who you’ve known for two months instead of your friends. Who are we to you though, right? You’ve only known Pete for like seven years. Only known me for five. Only known Patrick for three. Our fifteen years combined total of friendship can’t hold a flame to his two fucking months,” Gerard says pointing at Aaron, who’s trying not to look up from the table. He’s found that staring at the table is the only way he can keep from making eye contact with anyone.

“That’s how you feel? You feel betrayed by me not hanging out with you? Boo fucking hoo, Gerard. I didn’t know I had an obligation to fulfill your quota of hanging out.”

“How do you not see how messed up that is, Frank? I didn’t spend all this time with you, letting you live in my apartment just so you could ditch me when you found a better offer,” Gerard snaps.

“Your apartment?”

“Who had the apartment first?” Gerard says.

“Who needs me to pay half the rent?”

“I don’t need you, Frank. I don’t actually need you to help me pay the lease. I can do it by myself. I like having my friend here, but now I never even do, because he’s out with his boyfriend. You’re with him all the time, and you don’t care anymore that I’ve been your friend for five years. You care more about him, which, I’m sorry, is a little fucked up.”

“I’m fucked up?” Frank asks, aggressing further to make everyone fear he’s about to turn into the Incredible Hulk. “I thought friends were supposed to be happy for their friends prospering, or have I been wrong all these years? Now, all of a sudden, now that I have a boyfriend, a real life that doesn’t include you, now I’m fucked up? Shouldn’t you, I don’t know, be happy for me?”

“Happy about that? The fact that I never see you anymore?”

“And whose fault is that?”

“I’m pissed, so what? Even if I did hang around the apartment like normal, you wouldn’t talk to me anymore. You wouldn’t be around any more than if I’m gone. You’d just ignore me, like you have ever since you met Aaron. I don’t matter anymore,” Gerard states once again.

“Is that what you think?” Frank shouts, “That you don’t matter to me anymore?”

“Well duh,” Gerard replies.

“Fine!” Frank shouts, throwing his hands up in the air in disbelief and defeat. “Fine, if that’s what you think, than fine. I don’t care about you, Gerard. I don’t care in the slightest. If that’s what you believe, then so be it.”

The room is filled with the sound of a chair scraping against the floor, and Frank stands up from where he’s sitting. No one says anything, and the only person who’s daring to even breathe is Gerard, because he’s lost a little air from yelling.

“What’re you doing?” Gerard asks, watching Frank scrape his food into the trash.

“It’s obvious that I’m unwanted here, so I’m leaving,” Frank says, and Aaron turns to look at him. It’s the first time anyone besides Gerard has made eye contact with Frank in the last five minutes. Frank gives him a little nod, and slowly, a lot more carefully than Frank had, Aaron stands up. Gerard wants to throw a fork at him like a ninja star and slit his throat, but he refrains because he doesn’t have that much skill. He’d probably end up just annoying the guy who is, granted, a lot bigger than him.

“Frank, you’re not really being so childish,” Gerard says, standing up. He walks over to the counter, but stops before he gets too close, because Frank’s turned a red color. The last thing Gerard wants is to be punched in the face by the guy he’s in love with. Yes, he’s really fucking pissed at Frank right now, but he’s also really crazy for him too.

“If I stay here, I’m going to say something I’ll regret later, and honestly, I don’t want to even look at you right now, Gerard,” Frank says.

“Frank-”

“Let it go, Gerard,” Mikey says, turning to look at Gerard disparagingly.

Frank sets his jaw and looks at Gerard daringly. Aaron tries not to stand too obviously in the middle of the room, but Patrick and Pete are both staring daggers into him. They both blame Aaron for all this mess after all, because he’s the one getting in the way of the two boys tearing the clothes off each other.

“What do I care,” Gerard finally says. “Go! See if anyone will even notice a difference.”

Frank is about to say something, yell at Gerard, or lunge at him, but he closes his mouth and grits his teeth.

Now usually Frank likes to make a dramatic exit for effect only. It’s for appearances, and nothing else. Right now though, he wants to stab the wall with a knife, or smash a few plates.

He grabs the doorknob instead, struggles with it for a moment because his hands are sweating, and then throws the door open so hard that it bangs against the wall. The noise it makes when it hits the wall is nearly deafening, and the door reverberates back off the wall. Frank is out before it has a chance to catch him though, and Aaron grabs the door before it slams back closed. He follows behind Frank, not looking back, because the scene he’s leaving is not very inviting.

When he closes the door behind him, Gerard sees a small dent in the wall, where the handle hammered into the plaster. Gerard decides to think about it later, put a doorstop or something there, but right now his brain is buzzing.

“I fucking hate him,” Gerard says, banging is fist against the counter. It hurts like a bitch, but he doesn’t even care. Doesn’t notice the throbbing in his hand.

“It’s just a fight. Frank doesn’t actually think that about you,” Pete says.

“Not him,” Gerard says, anger still evident in his voice, “It’s that asshole Aaron.”

“Gerard, you can’t-”

Gerard’s really not in the mood to let other people talk, so he interrupts, “I’m going to talk to him.”

Gerard makes his way over to the door, to the astonishment of the three people in the room, who all give each other sideways looks across the table. None of them even have the time to say anything before Gerard’s exited the apartment.

He makes his way down the hall, trying to calm his anger before he confronts Frank, but it’s not helping. Even his ears feel red hot with anger, so he doesn’t want to imagine how red the rest of his face is.

“Gerard stop,” Aaron says, catching Gerard off guard. He hadn’t seen Aaron standing there in the hall, which is dark enough to hide him in the shadows. Gerard turns to look at him, then walk over, because he’s never had a proper conversation with the guy, and it’s weird to have been directly called out by him. He’ll deal with Frank in a moment, right now he’s curious.

“I just want to talk to Frank. To apologize,” Gerard says.

“Well don’t. I don’t appreciate how much effect you have over Frank.”

“You what?” Gerard asks.

“Just back off from him, okay?” Aaron says.

“Why?”

“He’s my boyfriend,” Aaron says.

“He’s my friend,” Gerard spits back.

“Boyfriend trumps friend.”

“Best friend,” Gerard corrects.

“The song remains the same,” Aaron replies.

“You kidding?” Gerard asks pervasively.

“Just lay off him a little, I don’t like how you seem to take up all his time.”

“I take up his time? You own a mirror, bro?” Gerard asks, trying to stop himself from kicking this douche in the face.

“I’m not stupid enough to not see how you look at him,” Aaron says, and Gerard’s body turns to lead. If this guy, Frank’s boyfriend, can see how Gerard feels about him, than what must Frank think?

“Fucking dick, I don’t look at him like anything,” Gerard says, his face masking the fear with anger.

“Please, don’t treat me like a child,” Aaron replies.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Gerard says, “I don’t like how you think you own him or something, okay? He’s not yours to haggle with.”

“No, but who’s his boyfriend in this situation?” Aaron asks coldly, and Gerard literally has to pinch himself to hold back from beating the shit out of him. He wants to be Frank’s boyfriend, not this asshat with a Rolex.

“Go to hell,” Gerard says, before turning around, and down the hall back to his apartment. He forgets about how he’d wanted to talk to Frank until he’s standing right outside his apartment, but by then his pride has taken priority over his need to right what he said. He wants to talk to Frank, but he doesn’t want to face Aaron again.

Really, right now is not the most ideal time in the world for Gerard to have found the ultimate flaw with Aaron. He’s possessive. Aaron’s possessive and maybe a little selfish. He might be generous with his money, but he’s not with Frank.

Gerard wants to puke, because it’s disgusting. He hates thinking that Aaron feels he has some sort of ownership over Frank just because they’re dating.

Then the knowledge that they are dating hits Gerard again, and he opens the door. It’s unlocked, and the three people haven’t moved almost at all since when Gerard left. He’d half expected them to be at the peephole, but it looks as if they recognized the gravity of the situation and decided not to. Mikey’s the only one who’s moved, and he’s tried to clean up some of the dishes.

They all turn to look at Gerard when he enters, and stands there for half a second.

“Gerard, you-”

Gerard raises a hand, silently commanding for no one to speak, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he walks forward, through the kitchen, to the right, and into the bathroom. There’s the sound of retching and then the three of them infer the rest.

“I think,” Pete says, “that this went so bad, I can’t even try to lighten the mood with a joke.”

“I tried to tell Frank two weeks ago,” Patrick confesses, putting his head down into the space between his arms. “He didn’t believe me, and that’s why he’s been ignoring me. Now’s as good a time as any to say that.”

“This is all so fucked up,” Mikey says, which is a pretty accurate description for the chain of events.

Gerard stumbles out of the bathroom a few minutes later, looking so green it’s actually kind of scary. He’s leaning against the wall for support, and it literally looks like he’s trying not to just collapse from everything and start screaming in pain.

“I-” he starts, but then has trouble finishing his sentence. “I’m not doing too good. I can’t... I can’t even look at him anymore without hating myself.”

“Gerard, if we’d known this was going to happen, we wouldn’t have...” Pete starts, but Gerard begins shaking his head.

“It’s no one’s fault,” he says, thinking silently that it is all Aaron’s fault. Why does he have to be so charming? What as that thing in the hall about? Is he really going to be like that? If so, Gerard’s condition can only get worse. If just thinking about Aaron made him sick, what will happen if it happens again, and again?

“There’s something you might want to know,” Pete starts.

“No Pete,” Patrick interrupts him, and Pete looks back sadly. “He wouldn’t believe you anyway.”