I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love (But I Did)

“Frank,” Gerard says in a high pitched voice.

“Gerard,” Pete says looking uncomfortable, “you have a bra on your forehead.”

“That’s not what I was expecting to hear,” Gerard says reaching for the ad and pulling it off his forehead. Really, he wasn’t expecting to make such a complete buffoon of himself only seconds after Frank came back home.

“Hey guys,” Frank says awkwardly, with a half wave and a guilty expression.

“I... um, I think I left my,” Pete starts, “actually, I don’t really have the energy to make up an excuse for why I’m leaving. I just am.”

Gerard and Frank both watch Pete as he slips past them, and then out through the doorway Frank just entered through. Then they’re left alone to the silence of the apartment.

For a long while, Gerard’s just sitting there looking at Frank expectantly, while Frank stands on the balls of his feet biting his lip anxiously.

“So,” Frank starts.

“I should punch you in the face,” Gerard states.

“Uh... probably?”

“I really should, because it was a real dickhead move to do what you did,” Gerard says.

“Yeah,” Frank nods, “are you going to punch me then?”

“No,” Gerard responds, “I am still your friend, or at least I think I am. Besides, I’m not one to stoop down to that level like you did.”

“Yeesh,” Frank says, “Well don’t hold back.”

“Alright. You’re an asshole, Frank. You’re a real justifiable asshole, and what you did last week was really immature of you. I literally cannot even believe you just walked out like that. You’re a fucking adult and you ran away from your responsibility, and you made us all worry about you.”

“Go on,” Frank says.

“You haven’t been home in nearly ten days, Frank,” Gerard says.

“I know,” Frank nods.

“That’s kind of, I don’t know, outrageous? Like, I’m pissed at you, and now you’re here and you’re trying to not make me mad or something, but I mean look at you,” Gerard yells, “You’ve got fucking your puppy dog eyes on, and I’m sorry, but that’s not exactly going to cut it.”

“I was kind of embarrassed,” Frank admits.

“About what?”

Frank shrugs, “just was. I’m... sorry? I mean, I am. I didn’t mean to worry you or-”

“Too late! I was ready to call the police or something, because you’ve been gone, and I didn’t know where the hell you were!”

“I was with Aaron,” Frank says.

“I know that, but I don’t trust Aaron. I don’t know him very well, he’s your boyfriend, I’ve only barely met him, and he’s been wasting all your time.”

“God, are you still on about that?” Frank asks, looking a little irritated already, and he’s only been back for five minutes.

“You have no fucking idea,” Gerard says sternly.

“Well, you’re not exactly scotch free in what happened the other day. It takes two to have an argument you know,” Frank says.

“Yeah, but I didn’t run away,” Gerard says.

“Ugh... well, uh, any comment on the way you treated Aaron?” Frank asks expectantly.

“Not really. I take it he didn’t tell you what happened after you left?” Gerard asks.

“He said you two talked, but he didn’t say about what,” Frank says.

“He threatened me,” Gerard says, “Essentially. It was more of a warning, but it would have turned into a threat if I’d applied a little more pressure.”

“He did not, you’re making that up,” Frank says looking completely disbelieving. He just spent nine days with the guy, and he honestly doubts that very highly. Aaron is a fucking saint! The last thing he would do is threaten someone, especially someone that he knows is so important to Frank.

“Yeah? You think? He told me to stop hanging out with you! Frank, he thinks he’s got some sort of proprietary right on you or something. He claimed that being your boyfriend meant that he meant more to you than being your best friend. Like it’s a fucking caste system or something, and the last I checked, that is not an acceptable module of ranking considering it’s the 21st century, and we don’t live in India.”

“That was a long way to go for an analogy,” Frank notes.

“Don’t insult my analogies, Frank, you left for nine days,” Gerard says emphatically, “Nine! Nine, the number of lives a cat has! Nine, the number of people in the fellowship of the ring! Nine, the number of planets in the solar system!”

“Well-”

“Don’t you dare disrespect Pluto, motherfucker.”

Frank’s face tries to stop itself from looking amused by that sentence, but he fails completely and ends up snorting. Why is that it’s when he’s trying to hold his ground and be defensive, Gerard goes and says something adorably stupid like that. It makes him fall even more in love with the guy who is not even his boyfriend.

“Are you disrespecting Pluto?” Gerard asks, trying not to let Frank throw him off of his anger. It’s really hard though, Franks laugh could cure deafness.

“I’m sorry,” Frank says, “no really! You can continue now.”

“God Frank, your my best friend and I hate being mad at you, but I am! I’m really pissed at you, and you totally ruined my little tangent about the number nine!” Gerard says.

“Well you missed a lot of major things to do with nine, you could start over?”

Gerard rolls his eyes, “nah too late, the moment is ruined.”

“I am sorry, Gerard,” Frank says and he looks up at Gerard again with his big brown eyes. Gerard hates himself for how fucking lovable he finds that, and he has to hold himself back from going over there and kissing Frank. He wants that a lot. More than anything actually, but he restrains himself.

“I’m still mad at you, you know,” Gerard tells him.

“I figured,” Frank shrugs, “but you don’t hate me do you? I got mad, and we all say stupid things when we’re angry. That’s mostly the reason why I left. In the moment, when your blood is boiling, you sort of lose your filter, and I just... I said something I didn’t mean, but I thought I meant it because I was pissed. We all do stupid things like that. I just figured I’d get out of there before I made the situation a million times worse.”

“But you were gone for nine days, Frank,” Gerard points out, “you could have just come home the next day, and that would have been fine, but you were gone for nine whole days!”

“I know, and I really shouldn’t have done that, but part of me was just really cowardly, I guess. It became harder and harder to come back until I finally just did. I know I should have come home sooner, but I did what I did, and now it’s done, so I can’t take it back. I just thought that you wouldn’t want me to come back or something.”

“Of course I wanted you back here, Frank,” Gerard says looking at Frank like he’s an idiot, “you really think I’d have blown up at you for not spending time with me, because I didn’t want to spend time with you? That sounds kind of counterproductive if you ask me.”

“So,” Frank says, “you’re still mad at me, but not like ‘I wanna tear your head off and put it in a meat grinder mad’ then?”

“Is that an official level of anger?” Gerard asks.

“Well it’s kind of gross, but I’m cool with it,” Frank says, “As long as you’re not that mad at me, because if you are than I think I’d like to demote the severity of it. Like maybe, ‘stubbed your toe, and now angry at the doorframe’ mad instead?”

“You’re a dork,” Gerard says, “I can’t believe I missed you.”

“You missed me?” Frank asks.

“You’re my best friend,” Gerard shrugs, navigating his recovery carefully, so that he doesn’t accidentally admit being in love with Frank. “And I’ve missed you for like two months. Leaving wasn’t much different from the last few months while you were with Aaron. It’s been basically the same thing only this time I just didn’t know if you were okay at the end of the day.”

“Well... about that,” Frank says and his tone changes to one that makes Gerard sure he’s about to hear something he’d really rather not.

“Yes?”

“Well, see some things happened while I was gone,” Frank says, “none of which were exactly good. Only two things, but both are pretty huge.”

“Oh god, start with the one that is going to have the least effect on me,” Gerard says, brushing hair out of his eyes. He stares down at the counter rather than at Frank, because he doesn’t know how much stamina he has to resist himself from jumping Frank whenever he licks his lips like that. It’s infuriating that Frank is being so attractive and Gerard isn’t allowed to kiss him. He’s getting kind of tired of it.

“I uh, I lost my job,” Frank says.

Gerard looks up a little surprised, “you what?”

“You heard me, I don’t want to say it again,” Frank says, “Basically, I apparently wasn’t allowed to kiss the customers. Aaron visited me at work, and instinct took over, and I got fired.”

“It’s Aaron’s fault?” Gerard asks, raising an eyebrow, “Well that doesn’t surprise me.”

“Okay, I know you hate him, but you could refrain from saying that to my face?” Frank snaps, because he really is getting sick of the Aaron bashing. Sure, Gerard may not like him, but Frank kind of does. Kind of. Not as much as he likes the guy who’s insulting him. Yeah, nine days has done nothing to dull the crush on Gerard, but he does still really like Aaron. Frank’s hopeful. That’s all he really can be.

“Sorry,” Gerard says, “but I’m not going to take it back.”

“It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t ‘professional of me’ and I ‘should’ve known better than to do something so inappropriate on work hours.’ Or at least that’s what my windbag of a boss said.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have been kissing him, but firing you seems harsh,” Gerard says.

“That’s what I was thinking. I did break a lot of plates last week, which might have been added to my punishment, I guess. That’s not the point though, I think I’m going to take this as an opportunity to actually do something real with my life.”

“Well what else then?” Gerard asks nervously.

“Um, this one you might not like so much, but hear me out before you start yelling.”

“Oh great,” Gerard groans.

“Well it involves Aaron.”

“Of course,” Gerard murmurs. All the things Gerard hates most in life have to do with Aaron.

“Well he, um, he asked me to move in with him,” Frank states.

“He did what?” Gerard yells, completely disregarding Frank’s other statement.

“Yeah, I knew you would have that reaction. Listen, I told him I’d think about it,” Frank tells him, “I told him I’d have to really analyze things, and of course I’d have to consult you first.”

“I bet he didn’t like that you needed to ask me,” Gerard says bitterly.

“He was fine with it! He understood, jeez Gerard, what did Aaron even do to you?” Frank asks angrily.

“He’s been hogging all your time, and sorry, I don’t like how he doesn’t seem to have any flaws, it weirds me out. If he doesn’t have any flaws, then that must mean he has one big one he’s hiding from people. Maybe he murdered someone when he was younger!” Gerard says.

“Gerard, he didn’t kill anyone.”

“Can you be sure?”

“Fairly sure.”

“That’s not a guarantee,” Gerard says, “He could have murdered someone when he was a teenager. Maybe he comes from a family of serial killers, or maybe he’s-”

“Gerard!” Frank interrupts, to get his attention.

“What?”

“Shut up,” Frank says, “I’m not finished. I don’t think I’m going to say yes to Aaron. I’m not sure I’m really ready for that kind of commitment, but I have to ask you first. It’s your name on the lease, so I guess I should really ask permission to keep living here.”

“Frank, you know I’m not going to say no. I’m still pissed as fuck at you, but you’re still my best friend.”

“You sure have a hell of a way of showing it,” Frank says.

“Half of my job as being your friend is hating you most of the time, but I still l-like you,” Gerard says, nearly stumbling on the word ‘like.’ It probably wouldn’t mean anything to Frank if he’d said love, because friends are supposed to love each other, but Gerard’s broken heart probably couldn’t have handled it. Frank doesn’t love him back anyway, so he just hangs his head slightly and frowns.

“I don’t want to move out,” Frank says.

“And I don’t want you to,” Gerard responds.

“Good,” Frank says.

“Yep.”

“So I’ll tell him I’m not ready to move in then,” Frank says. Gerard smiles a little bit when he watches Frank walk past him into their apartment. He’s missed seeing Frank there.

“Yeah,” Gerard says, turning to look at him. Frank shrugs off his jacket and throws it over the couch. The apartment smells familiar, and he’s missed it a lot more than he probably should, but it’s comfortable. It’s his favorite thing about this apartment. It constantly smells like Gerard’s stupidly flowery shampoo, and also coffee. Other than Gerard, he’s missed this apartment more than anything.

“What are you looking at?” Frank asks, when he catches Gerard staring at him. His first instinct is that he’s probably got something on his face, but Gerard looks away as quickly as Frank points it out. Gerard doesn’t even say anything in response, he just focuses his gaze on the wall behind Frank.

Gerard’s not quite used to the feeling he gets when he sees Frank nowadays. He honestly can’t believe he’d never realized how gorgeous his roommate was. He is though. Frank’s one of the most beautiful people he’s ever seen, and he can’t believe it took him so long to notice that. It really shines a light on how observant Gerard is. Essentially, he isn’t in the least observant.

“So what does this mean for your relationship with Aaron? Are you going to move in with him someday?” Gerard asks, because it just dawned on him that Frank never said he wouldn’t move out someday. If he does then Gerard will lose him even more. He won’t be there in the mornings anymore, and that’s terrifying. Gerard doesn’t want to live in this apartment without Frank. The last nine days were hard enough, if it were permanent, he’s not sure he could even stand it.

“I guess we’ll just see where this path takes me,” Frank says. Gerard’s gut twists a little bit with the feeling that this is like a ticking time bomb. He might lose Frank for real someday soon, and it’s almost worse not knowing when than it would be if Frank were leaving now. The fear of the inevitable is worse, because part of him still has to hope that maybe he won’t.

Maybe it’ll be Gerard rather than Aaron who gets to keep Frank by his side forever. In this apartment or any other. That’s the dream at least.