I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love (But I Did)

“You really should’ve asked me first,” Frank says.

“Yeah, I know. I should have, but I assumed you’d have told me not to, so I figured I’d get it over with,” Gerard replies.

“You needn’t have bothered. I could’ve told you how the conversation would go without you needing to call him. Aaron likes to talk about himself, I never really noticed it until I reflected on it, but he does. He doesn’t really care about other people’s feelings, so obviously he doesn’t give a shit if I never loved him or not. He just wanted me as an accessory. Like a handbag or a bracelet. That’s all I ever really was to him. I was just an accessory for his arm.”

“Well I hate Aaron, but I will give him one thing, he does have good taste,” Gerard says.

“Not really.”

“Well he thinks you’re attractive doesn’t he? That’s something. He’s still a dick who I would very much like to run over with a steamroller, but he isn’t an idiot where it counts.”

“You’re celebrating his taste in men because he dated me?” Frank asks, “Maybe you’re both just blind.”

“Or maybe you’re not giving yourself any credit.”

Frank rolls his eyes, “Whatever. So other than Aaron telling you that he has no intentions of backing off, was there anything else he said or asked or anything?”

“Um, I don’t think so,” Gerard responds. “Mostly I got the impression that his pride was really hurt by you dumping him, so to regain what he lost, he’s trying to ruin your life, and by extension, mine. Though I think we all know who’s won here.”

“Well no offense, but your competition wasn’t exactly very outstanding, Gerard,” Frank shrugs.

“Are you saying I’m just so amazing that I outshine Aaron, or Aaron’s such a twat that he would be outshined by a lump of clay?”

“Both.”

“I’ll take it.”

Frank smirks, “Good, because that’s the most you’re gonna get.”

“Thanks,” Gerard says back, putting his head in his hands to stare at Frank across the counter.

“So what do we do about this then?” Frank asks.

“That’s a good question.”

“Aaron’s not going to stop trying to make my life hell, that’s been established. I need a job though. I can’t just not have a job because a stupid ex won’t let me breathe in peace. I need money so that I can afford to buy things and what not, and for cash I need to have a job or become really fucking fantastic at poker overnight. I also can’t just leave the city either. I’m assuming getting a job out of New York might cause his reach on other people to be muted, so a few miles out, I might be able to get a job, but I can’t just leave because of him. I won’t be driven away because Aaron’s a bitch, that’s like admitting defeat.”

“No, you’re right. Your life’s here.”

Frank nods, “Exactly. You, Pete and Patrick, everyone I care about is here.”

“You care about me!” Gerard giggles.

“Shut up,” Frank says, shaking his head at the childish grin on Gerard’s face. Gerard just smiles back at him gaudily.

“Well that doesn’t answer the question about what we’re going to do. We can’t exactly kill Aaron, can we? We’ve got to come up with a good solution.”

“Killing Aaron seems like a completely agreeable thing to do,” Gerard says, looking so serious that it almost concerns Frank.

“We’re not going to kill Aaron!”

“I don’t see why not,” Gerard says, folding his arms across his chest.

“Gerard, we are not murdering anyone!”

“Oh who are we murdering?” a new voice asks, and Frank turns around to see who just barged in. It just had to be while Gerard was plotting to murder someone that Patrick and Pete decide to enter their apartment. Not only that but the walked in without knocking, which could have had disastrous consequences under different circumstances. Then again, they never seem to lock their door, so Gerard and Frank would have to take most of the blame.

“We’re not murdering anyone!” Frank says.

“Says you,” Gerard grumbles looking unhappy about the fact that Frank just disallowed him to murder someone.

“Who are we killing then? Aaron?” Pete asks, “Well if you need an alibi, I can be bought with a bag of potato chips.”

“He’s not kidding,” Patrick says, “I once convinced Pete to have a cavity filled with a tube of Pringles. Thinking back on it, I see now that that might not have been the most fitting way to handle the situation.”

“You bought him a bag of cavities so that he could fix one,” Gerard says, shaking his head. “But I guess Frank’s not going to let me kill Aaron.”

“Well yeah! I’m not going to let you kill anyone, Gerard. We just got together, I do not want you to be in prison after I finally fucking got you to say ‘I love you’. Or, even worse, I do not want you to die right after we got together.”

Gerard snorts, “It’s almost the plot of Tess of the d'Urbervilles. Though, I guess that would imply that Frank would have to marry Mikey... never mind.”

“Why do you like him?” Pete asks.

“I’ve been asking myself that same thing every day for the past few weeks,” Frank shakes his head looking at Gerard like he’s an idiot.

“I heard that Aaron made it impossible for you to get a job,” Patrick says, “but you two are too busy sucking face nowadays that we haven’t had a proper conversation in like four days.”

“Well don’t you prefer him being here rather than with Aaron the shitdick?” Gerard asks.

“Is that what we’re calling him now?” Pete asks, “I could get used to that. Aaron the shitdick, it has a certain ring to it.”

“It’s kind of mean,” Patrick says.

“Aaron is a fuckwad, he deserves it,” Frank says.

“Still mean,” Patrick shrugs, “but I do hate him. The only person allowed to throw bowls at you are the people in this room.”

“Paper bowls,” Gerard says, “I don’t want you to do anything to harm his face. He has a nice face.”

“Thanks.”

“Yep,” Gerard grins.

“Well, I mean, we could try to fight back,” Frank says.

“You two are nobodies,” Pete says honestly, “how on earth can you get back at a guy who has a building named after him?”

“Please tell me you’re kidding about that,” Gerard says, “I will never be able to live with myself if Frank’s ex-boyfriend has a building named after him.”

“Well he did build a school in Africa, Gerard,” Frank says, “what do you think they called it?”

“The Shitdick School,” Gerard says, frowning.

“Yeah,” Pete nods, “it’s called the Shitdick School. Congratulations, Gerard.”

“Well you can’t just let him get away with that though,” Patrick says, “can’t you like, I don’t know, does he have a boss?”

“He is his boss,” Frank says.

“Well that’s not ideal, but maybe you could... ugh, I don’t know, I can’t think of anything,” Patrick says.

“That’s the problem Gerard and I came to. We don’t know what we can fucking do to this guy!”

“Well,” Pete says in a tone that suggests he’s about to say something of questionable legality.

“Oh no,” Patrick says, looking at Pete like he’s a bomb.

“You haven’t even heard my idea yet!”

“This is you, Pete,” Frank says, “Hearing you say ‘well’ can mean one of three things. You want to do something dangerous, you want to do something stupid, or you want to do something stupid and dangerous.”

“You guys have such little faith in me,” Pete says.

“Well then tell us what your idea is so that we don’t think you’re an idiot,” Gerard says.

Pete makes a moping face, but Patrick makes a different face in response that says something like ‘Pete, I will hurt you if you don’t say what you’re thinking’ and it has a lot of power. Even Frank feels like spilling his soul to Patrick right now.

“Well, see, I was just thinking,” Pete says, “Aaron is a big name, right? Like everyone with any knowledge of corporate businessmen has heard his name on several occasions.”

“Right. You’re stating facts then,” Frank says, “Snow is white. Murder is bad. Batman is a bamf. Gerard has a nice ass.”

“Too far, I didn’t need that information!” Patrick declares.

“You’re not blind,” Frank says with a shrug.

“I do not appreciate being treated like a piece of meat,” Gerard replies.

“You do have a nice ass though,” Frank says matter-of-factly.

“Are we just not going to listen to my idea then?” Pete questions.

“What was your idea?”

Pete sighs, “Well it’s just that a big name like that, a guy who’s never done anything bad, someone who’s super charitable, what do you think the press would think of a guy like that if we told them this story? A guy this charitable, this family friendly, this influential? His whole life could be ruined by a story about his abusive behavior, don’t you think? And what’s one thing that everyone who buys gossip magazines likes? A good old fashioned scandal.”