‹ Prequel: The Summer After

Senior Year

Appreciation (11.18.14)

Tomorrow's my surgery. I don't think it's quite hit me yet, that I'm having heart surgery. I know it's happening, but mentally, I'm just not in the same place. I've had 6 days to talk with my friends and family. It won't happen, but the idea of death that arrives with open heart surgery is, to say the least, slightly unsettling. Usually, I wish something would happen to me that would make me appreciate life. But it was just a theory, now that it's actually happening...I'm lost. I'll be out for 8-10 weeks, and my breastbone won't be the same, but I should be able to compete in sports like a normal person once the healing finishes. I want to go through with this but...I don't feel ready. This is what it means for a person's life to flash before their eyes. Not the good times, or the times they regret, but the things they wished they had done. Nobody ever explains that when you're reflecting on your life, and death is sitting in the corner waiting for something to go wrong, that the mirror you look into isn't a playback of the best times, or the worst times, it's a fictional movie about the life you wished you had lived, the things you wished you had said, the actions you wished you had done.

"While I was looking for the things I wanted, somebody stole the things I had."

Also, I haven't finished College Apps.