The Process of Losing and Gaining

It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve seen Tony. I really embarrassed myself crying about something so trivial that night at the beach. I’ve been spending my days working. I really love being at Adrenalina, and I’ve even made friends with a couple of regulars. I’ve been at the beach nearly every night, mostly with Mike but sometimes by myself. Mike’s really cool to be around. I’ve learned a little bit about his family from him, and he tells me stories about what has happened in the studio since they’ve been recording the new album, and he talks about his relationship with Vic.
Vic…he hasn’t had much time to hang out, but we text often. Constantly is actually a better word. I’m slowly learning about his past, but he tends to open up more in person. Texting just helps us get through our days, I think. I was leaning against the counter at work chatting in a group message with Jaime and Vic about having a movie night when I heard the shop door open.
“Be with you in a minute,” I called out, and finished up my text. I looked up and the customer was checking out the wheel wall.
“Hey, what’s up,” I walked over to the wall and he turned around, he was holding up a pink wheel.
“Do you think this matches my aesthetic?”
“Oh my god, Tony,” he smiled as I burst out laughing. The door from the office opened and Ryan popped his head out.
“Everything good Kali?” I turned to reply, still laughing. “Yeah we’re good.”
I took a second to compose myself, straightening out some of the wheels on the wall.
“You didn’t come here for pink wheels, did you?” I questioned.
“Nah,” he slid the wheel back into its place, “Vic told me where I could find you…” he trailed off and walked to the other side of the store.
“Just haven’t heard from you in a while.”
“Oh yeah, erm…” I slide onto the stool behind the counter, “I’ve been pretty busy. Working and you know…”
He nodded and continued prodding around the store. I watched two young girls come into the store giggling.
“Hey ladies,” I call out to them. They ignore me, heading straight to the penny boards. Then they realized who was in the store, and they definitely weren’t ignoring him.
“Ohmygod Brooke, it’s Tony Perry,” I watch Tony angle his head towards the girls and they walk up to him.
“Hi Tony!” the girls chorused. I hadn’t experienced any fan encounters with the others yet, so this was a new experience for me.
“Could you sign some stuff for us?” the one I not named Brooke asked. Brooke glanced at me, she is obviously more shy than her friend and I smile, then look back at Tony. He scratched his head and laughed almost nervously.
“Ha, yeah, sure.”
The girls spent a few minutes talking to Tony and it seemed like he was trying to find an exit point for the conversation. I decided to intervene when I realized that it was 3pm, time for me to get off of work anyway. I went to the backroom to let Ryan know I was leaving and he followed me back out to the front of the shop, staying behind the counter. I walked up beside Tony and wrapped an arm around his waist.
“I’m off now, ready to go batta?” I watched his face as he attempted to compose himself, and then he laid an arm across my shoulders.
“Yeah, let’s go babe…See you guys,” he offered a small wave to the girls and smiled, then we headed out the door. I pulled myself away from him as I remembered my board.
“Crap, hold on,” I dashed back into the shop and grabbed it. On my way back out I was stopped by Brooke and her friend.
“Excuse me,” I heard one of them say, and I paused.
“What’s up?” I looked across the street to where Tony was standing, and then met the girls’ eyes.
“Could you tell us your name?”
“Oh, yeah. I’m K-” I was cut off by Tony calling me as he dashed over to us.
“Kali, we gotta go,” I looked at the girls and pointed a finger at Tony, “Kali, that’s the name.” and I shrugged, “have a good day, girls.”
The nodded in thanks as Tony and I turned and headed down the street.
“Where do we have to go?” I questioned him and he held out his hand. I grabbed it slowly and moved to be closer to him as we walked.
“Nowhere particular. I just didn’t want them bothering you.”
I heard a camera shutter from behind us and Tony must have too, because he pulled me to stand against a building near us until the girls passed us.
“They asked for my name.”
“Ah, well. This will be all over Twitter later, then.” He laughed and shook his head, we continued walking. He bumped his shoulder into mine and I looked up at him.
“Um, you called me…Bat-ta? What’s that?” I smiled at his attempted pronunciation.
“It’s bah-tah,” I sound it out for him, “it means duck.”
We’d arrived at his car and he raised an eyebrow as he opened the passenger door for me.
“Duck? Most people stick with the ever-present turtle.”
I wait for him to walk around to the driver’s side, but when he opens to door to get in he pauses.
“Actually, do you want to drive?”
The thought of driving Tony’s car made me nervous. It’s a nice car, a BMW of some sort, and I’ve only ever driven old beater cars. Still, I agreed, and slid over to the driver’s seat.
“You do know how to drive, right?” Tony questioned as he buckled his seat belt. I shake my head in reply, taking the key from him.
“Nah, but it’s not much different than skating right? Go fast and try not to hit anything.” He met my eyes and looked like he didn’t want to believe me but he might.
“Where are headed?”
“How much time do you have?”
“Ohhh…about three days’ worth. I’ve got the weekend off.”
“Up for a day trip, then?” He asked, pulling out his phone and typing something in.
“I’m up for anything.”
“Okay, I have an idea. Head to 52 east and take the 15 north.”
“Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise. I think you’ll be cool with it.” I tried to hold my smile back as we drove through San Diego traffic. I carefully maneuvered around the slowpokes and I realized how quiet it was.
“Can I make a music request?” I glanced at Tony who was staring out the window.
“Tony?”
“Oh, hm?” he readjusted in the seat, “what’s up?”
“I’m feeling like it’s an AFI kind of day.”
“Oh yeah, rad. Lucky for you I have their entire discography in my pocket,” he holds up an ipod. A few moments later I hear the beginning chords from the first song on December Underground. I smile, “I haven’t listened to this album in years.” I merge onto the 15 and ask how long we’re going to be on it for. Tony pulls out his phone and says “hmmm.”

~~~Tony’s PoV

Kalika. Kali. She’s definitely something else. I’d spent the last few days trying to figure out how I could best convince her to hang out with me. I thought it would take much more effort than it did. There’s sadness in her eyes, though. I fully intend to figure out why, and then I want to fix her problems. All of them. I want to make her happy. The way I saw happiness in her eyes when I made her laugh about the pink wheel…I want to see her like that all of the time. I finally figured out something we could do, and decided today would be the perfect day. I don’t have all of the specifics planned out, but I do know where we’re starting.
Currently, I’m watching her fingers as they relax on her thigh. One hand is on the steering wheel, and she’s tucked her left leg up against the door, foot on the seat. She sits like she’s driven this car her whole life. I’m watching the speedometer as it slowly hits 70, 75, and then 80. I’m watching her lips curve, forming over the words to Love like Winter as if she wrote them herself. I watch her face change as the song does, it’s almost like she suddenly has no emotion. A bit of sadness, or maybe anger. I reach to change it and she seems grateful.
“Enjoying the drive, Kali?” She looks over and smiles.
“It’s pretty awesome. I’m definitely a fan of this one,” she reaches her hand over the pet the dashboard.
“I’m never going to want to skate ag- oh fuck.” I feel the car slow under me and her eyes flip back and forth between the rearview mirror and the windshield.
“What…” I catch the flashing lights in the mirror and start laughing. She moves the car to into the right lanes, and eventually onto the shoulder.
“What are you laughing at, Tony? This sucks!”
“Hey, calm down, it’s an adventure. It’ll just be a ticket. It’s cool.” She puts the car into park and doesn’t look at me again.
After the exchange with the officer we sit in the car quietly as she stares at the ticket. Eventually, she sighs and unbuckles her seatbelt.
“Can you drive now?” her voice cracks. After switching seats I start the car and look over at her.
“Kali, its okay. It’s just a speeding ticket, no big deal. He only gave you ten over, too. It could have been twenty, speed racer.” I tried to make her laugh but it only made the situation worse; she let out an audible cry.
“Hey, hey. Look at me. What’s up?” I reach over and cup my hand into her cheek. A tear is stopped by my skin connecting with hers, and she shakes her head.
“I just,” she bites her lip, “I really just can’t afford a ticket right now.” I see her struggle to control her breathing.
“Let me see the ticket.” She hands it to me and I check the amount due box. I can handle that. It’s only $150.
“Kali, I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry about it, okay.” She begins to argue and I touch her shoulder.
“Please. I want to. Its fine, I promise. Let’s just get where we’re going and forget about the whole thing, okay?” She simple nods and starts wiping her face. Soon, she’s curled up on her side under a hoodie she pulled from my backseat. I rest my hand on her thigh, just about the knee. She’d changed the music to something I’d never heard, and I noticed her iPod was plugged into the aux cord now. I settled into a comfortable speed, nodding my head to the music.
A few minutes later her hand slowly crawled on top of mine and she interlaced our fingers.
When I pulled into the parking lot of our destination I announced “we’re here!” and looked over to Kali. She’d fallen asleep, still holding my hand. I gently shake her and repeat myself.
“We’re here, Kali.”