Brontide

You could imagine that things became awkward between me and Fred after that, and I avoided him like the plague. Anytime we ended up in the same room I tried to make a speedy exit. I hadn’t told Rae about my rendezvous with Fred in the kitchen because I preferred to pretend that it hadn’t almost happened. I knew she realized something weird was going on between us though because nearly every day I was being questioned about my strange behavior.

In truth, I was completely terrified and confused. I didn’t know what I was supposed to think or feel. I didn’t want to hear what everyone else thought I should feel; instead, I wanted to come to a conclusion on my own accord, but that was proving very hard to do. I yearned for simpler times of fairytale storybooks and planting flowers with my grandmother, rather than have to reconsider my feelings for my best friend.

September crept by into October, which dragged on into November. The weather was steadily getting colder and wetter and business was slow. Some nights we closed the shop early because the day had been so slow and it wasn’t worth it to stand around for nothing. I’d become well-adjusted to my new life of living with the twins and Rae, but I did miss my parents and my brother.

One day in October I went with Remus and Kingsley to go see my parents, as I promised I would. The place they were staying at looked like a very shabby and run down apartment building from the outside, and it was off in the middle of the woods with many protective spells around it. On the inside it looked much nicer and more home-like; my parents had their own room and there were about ten other residents living there too. They shared a large kitchen and there was a sitting room with a few sofas in it and a telly. The basement housed a billiards table and a wide assortment of books, magazines, board games and art supplies. I worked hard to convince myself that it really wasn’t too bad. My parents seemed a bit tired and run down but overall they were happy to see me and looked forward to seeing everyone during Christmastime.

It was a Sunday, which meant the shop would be closed, and I desperately needed to get Nestor more food. Rae and George were spending time in George’s room, and they could be heard laughing about Merlin-knows-what. Not wanting to interrupt a snogging session, nor did I feel like enduring an awkward trip with Fred, I determined that I would go by myself. So I grabbed my red peacoat, put it on along with my scarf, hat and gloves and started for the door, trying to be as quiet about it as I could. Unfortunately for me, none other than Fred Weasley appeared out of the kitchen at this time upon hearing the door open.

“Where are you going?” he asked, wand in hand.

“Out,” I said thinly.

“Not by yourself, you’re not. Remember what we all agreed on?”

I rolled my eyes, folding my arms over my chest. “Yes I bloody well remember what we agreed on, but honestly Fred, we're in the middle of broad daylight. I’m only going to Eeylops’ to pick up Nestor’s owl nuts, which is literally across the street.”

Fred didn’t answer but instead went into his room and came out a minute later, ready in his coat, scarf, and gloves. I pinched the bridge of my nose and followed him down the spiral staircase, choosing to pick my arguments.

It was very cold out and the wind whipped across my face the moment I stepped foot outside the shop. I hurried across the street to Eeylops’ Owl Emporium, not saying anything to Fred and wishing he’d just stayed behind. The inside of the store was fairly dark and the owls in the window were asleep, whereas the ones that were awake screeched and flapped their wings at our presence. I walked over to the back of the store to get the owl nuts, Fred following close behind.

“I needed to get out of the flat for a bit,” he muttered, looking at a small screech owl as it hopped all about its cage, “I wasn’t sure how much more I could take listening to them.”

I picked up a bag of owl nuts and started heading over to the counter. “I don’t get why you never just use a Silencing Charm.”

Fred waited on line next to me, his hands awkwardly stuffed in his pockets. “Maybe I just wanted to spend a bit of time with you,” he said a little sheepishly, his already pink cheeks turning even pinker.

I didn’t look at him straight on, only out of the corner of my eye. “Fred now's not the time for this,” I said quietly, moving forward in the line.

He didn’t seem too perturbed by this, and when I put the owl nuts on the counter and reached into my pocket to pay he intercepted me.

“Here,” he said, speedily putting his money on the counter.

I frowned at him. "What are you doing? I can pay for it,” I insisted, trying to make him take his money back. He pushed it away.

“I wanna pay for it, you numpty,” he argued, and after trying to get him to take it back for about a minute I gave up. We paid the clerk and I begrudgingly thanked Fred, putting the bag in my pocket and stepping back out into the cold. I made to start walking back to the flat but Fred stopped me.

“Cass, hold on!” he called, running up behind me. With a sigh I turned around, pulling my scarf up over my nose and looking at him expectantly. “Are you hungry?” he asked with a slight grin.

I shook my head. “Not really, I ate breakfast not too long ago.”

He considered this for a moment before responding. “Do you – would you wanna go somewhere for a bit?”

I stared at him blankly. “What do you mean? Go where?”

He shrugged. “I dunno, let's just get out of the flat for a bit. I bloody can’t remember the last time I even went outside.”

He was right about that. If we weren’t working we were usually holed up in the flat, hogging the heat from the fireplace. During the two months after the kitchen incident, I’d been compelled to say no anytime Fred wanted to do anything, but something inside my head must’ve been broken.

“I suppose it wouldn't hurt to get out,” I said with a shrug as the two of us began walking side by side down the cobbled street of Diagon Alley.

There were some people wandering about, huddled together or wrapped tightly in their traveling cloaks. The sky was pale grey and looked like it was about to start snowing at any moment. Fred and I ended up going to the junk shop on the other side of Diagon Alley to kill some time. Inside were all sorts of things, from stained robes to broken wands to lopsided brass scales. I was curious to see what interesting things I could find in the dusty old shop.

Fred had gone off on his own and a few minutes later came back over to me, holding up an old, drab pair of lacey dress robes that smelled of mothballs.

“What do you think about these?” he asked, holding them up to his torso. “I was thinking about wearing them to Mum’s for the holidays. Quite sporting, don’t you think?”

I stifled a laugh, scrunching up my nose. “Absolutely spiffing.”

Fred grinned, tossing them onto a shelf. “See anything interesting? Glass eyes? Monkey teeth?”

"Ew, are you looking to start a collection of weird things?" I laughed.

"It's not for a collection, but I mean could you imagine Rae going to use the marmalade and finding an eyeball staring at her?" He started back in the direction he came from, his face looking mischievous as ever.

I smirked to myself at the thought, continuing to browse through the aisles of shelves. A lot of the items were broken or so dusty I couldn’t tell what they were supposed to be. In one corner of the shop, stuffed underneath some old textbooks were a few stacks of old wizarding photographs. I rifled through some of them, a few stained with tea or some sort of potion.

Near the bottom of the pile I pulled out a black and white photograph that particularly caught my eye, and in truth, I almost did a double take. Posing for the camera in what appeared to be the courtyard of Hogwarts stood four people with their arms around each other. In the middle stood an average-sized girl with long, flowing blonde hair, flanked on either side by two taller boys with hair that looked like it could be light brown or something similar. Next to them was a shorter girl whose hair had been cut to pixie length, the four of them all smiling and waving.

I squinted my eyes at the picture, trying to make sure I wasn’t imagining this.

“Oi Fred, come look at this,” I called, handing him the photograph when he came over. Fred looked at the picture for a minute before handing it back to me, appearing more than a little confused.

“But that isn’t us,” he said slowly, “so who is that?”

“That’s my grandmother, Auriga,” I said, pointing to the blonde witch in the middle. “I don’t know who the others are but they must’ve been her friends when she went to Hogwarts. That’s bloody weird though, isn’t it?”

He nodded in agreement. “You’re telling me, I thought that was me and George.”

Despite wanting to just stuff the picture in my pocket, I paid the shop owner and we faced the whipping cold air again. Soon after, we decided to grab some food at the Leaky Cauldron and stumbled over awkward conversation. I could tell he wished things were back to normal in a way, but at the same time I knew he wanted more than that, as much as we avoided the topic. I wanted things to go back to normal too, but I wasn’t sure if that could happen, not when he tried to casually slip his hand into mine or put an arm around my shoulders. It didn’t have the same casual friend meaning that it once held.

When we got back to the flat, I didn't spot Rae or George anywhere but the place was silent. I flicked my wand at the fireplace and it burst into life, warming the whole flat. Fred and I pulled off our coats and I went into my room, rifling through my trunk and retrieving the photo album Rae had given me. I plopped down on my bed and put the picture near the back of the album, but I didn’t put the book back right away. I flipped through slowly from the beginning, glancing up only when Fred wandered into my room. He saw what I was looking at and sat next to me on the bed.

“Wow,” he chuckled when he saw a picture of us in our First Year, “we looked almost scrawnier than Ickle Ronniekins when he was that age.”

“You were scrawnier than Ickle Ronniekins,” I corrected him, flipping the page. There were some pictures of us and Lee Jordan in our Third Year, the five of us making stupid faces.

“Lee needs to visit more, the prat,” Fred said to himself. He had visited a few times during the summer but it hadn’t been for very long. “Oh, I remember this!” he laughed, pointing to a particular picture. It looked like we were in our Fourth Year; I seemed particularly angry about something, while Fred and George were laughing their bloody little heads off.

I frowned. “What was this from? I don’t remember.”

“This was after George and I scared off that Ravenclaw wanker – what was his name?”

“Rigel Hornebolt,” I said quietly, my memory resurfacing, “you two were horrible! I was interested in him but I think you both used the Bat-Bogey Hex or something.”

Fred was chortling at the thought. “He only wanted in your pants,” he pointed out.

“You don’t know that,” I said dryly, closing up the photo album and putting it back in my trunk. I opened up Nestor’s cage and he flew out to land on my outstretched arm, hooting happily and flapping his wings a little. I scratched the back of his head and fed him a few owl nuts, watching as he cracked them open with his beak.

Fred watched silently from my bed and I felt my face turn a little pink, trying to keep my focus on Nestor. “What?” I asked.

“Are you and Rae really going to get your own place?” he asked carefully.

“What are you talking about?” I inquired, trying to figure out where this was coming from.

“Don’t you remember? Back in June, you both said you’d stay here until you found a place of your own.” I did remember, but admittedly I’d completely forgotten to go looking for a place. So much had happened since then.

“I –” I paused, petting Nestor so his claws would stop sinking into my arm, “ – I don’t know,” I admitted, “I haven’t looked anywhere, and to be honest I don’t think Rae would really want to move away from George. I don’t want my own flat, it’d probably be too quiet for me. Not to, you know, overstay my welcome or anything,” I said quickly.

Fred shook his head. “You know I’d never make you leave,” he smiled.

I felt my cheeks turn hot and I turned around, putting Nestor back in his cage. I heard Fred get up from the bed and walk across the floorboards, and I froze where I stood. I glanced over my shoulder; he was about a foot behind me and holding something in his hand.

Immediately I realized he was holding my Remembrall. I felt my eyes slightly widen, my hands going a little clammy. Admittedly I’d started taking it out every night before bed to look at it. Sometimes it would glow red, and I was thankful that Rae had been spending a night or two in someone else’s room because I knew she would tease me. It was silly, completely trivial, but it gave me a little comfort and reminded me of the sweet thing Fred had done for me by fixing it. And yet, I still continued to deny myself the pleasure of his company and the possibilities that our friendship prevented.

He must've noticed how nervous I became because he suddenly looked amused. "Since when did you start going soft? I thought Cassie Bains didn't get sentimental." I didn't answer him right away and he carefully placed the Remembrall on my dresser. "What's wrong? You look like you've been Stunned, mate."

I turned around to look at him properly, with his handsome face and bright brown eyes, his red hair all tousled. His hands were stuffed into his pockets but I could tell he wanted to reach out to me. “What exactly do you want from me?” I asked, my voice coming out small.

Fred let out a sigh, rocking back and forth on his heels. He looked like he was trying to word something right. “I don’t want anything from you,” he said slowly, “I don’t understand.”

I shook my head. “I mean what do you want from me, from –” I motioned back and forth between Fred and me, “– from this, what do you want from this?”

He bit on his bottom lip. “I think we both know what I want, but the real question here is, what exactly do you want? I don’t know what to read from you, Cass. Lately, it seems like you can't even be in the same room as me. Am I wrong?”

I shuffled my feet around uncomfortably. “I can’t do this.”

“Why not?” he asked with a frown.

“Because I – I want this,” I quietly admitted, not quite looking him in the eye, “I just…I don’t know, Fred, I don’t know.”

He took a step closer. “You know, you’re really bad at taking your own advice.”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked defensively.

“You told Rae months ago to just go for George, to not worry about anything, and you told me that you gave the same advice to Angelina.” He was closer now, and I turned my head to the side to stare at my trunk. “What’s so different about this?” he asked, putting a finger under my chin and tilting my head up to look at him.

I was having a hard time speaking words again; Fred seemed to have that sort of effect on me. “Because it’s you,” I breathed. He tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear. “Because… because I’m scared, and not in a bad way. I’ve just never felt so nervous and unsure about anything in my entire life, and because I’m a bloody hypocrite who runs from her problems.”

I felt Fred’s other arm slide around my back, pulling me in closer to him. I didn’t stop him, nor did I want to. We were very close to each other now and I could easily count his freckles. “Fred,” I said barely above a whisper, “I can’t remember the last time I kissed anyone.”

“Me neither,” he said truthfully, and we both laughed, the nerves in my stomach going on a rampage. I don’t know what’d come over me. Perhaps Fred had slipped a love potion into my drink at the Leaky Cauldron, but I knew that wasn’t the case because I’d been wondering what it’d feel like to kiss Fred for months, despite myself. Without thinking about it anymore I wrapped my arms around his neck and my lips collided with his.

I thought my heart was going to explode because it was pounding so hard, but god did it feel good. I didn’t care about anything in that moment, not a single fucking thing. I’d never felt so free, and with my arms around his neck and his hand on the back of my head I’d never wanted to be so close to another human being. His lips danced with mine feverishly; they were soft and he tasted like cinnamon and chocolate. He moved his hands so they were on either side of my face, and when I slowly pulled my lips away from his I felt my face turn a burning scarlet. His cheeks went hot too, a stupid grin plastered on his face.

“Did we really just do that?” I laughed nervously, playing with the end of my hair.

“I think we did,” he smirked, running his thumb across my cheek, “bloody hell.”

“Yeah,” I said faintly. I was beginning to come to my senses and I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself. My instincts started to kick in. “If you’ll, um, excuse me I need to get something to drink,” I said awkwardly, slipping past him and opening my bedroom door, hurrying down the hall to the kitchen.

Rae and George were sitting at the oak table, delving into bowls of soup. “Rae,” I said with a note of panic in my voice, “I need to talk to you. Now.”

She and George exchanged glances and George got out of his seat, taking his bowl of soup with him and excusing himself as he walked past me to the sitting room. I sat down next to Rae, hoping my face wasn’t as bright red as I imagined it. Judging by the look on her face, I knew it was.

“Alright, what’s going on?” she asked once George was out of earshot.

I took a deep breath, continuing to fiddle with the ends of my hair. “I, um, I kissed Fred,” I choked out, keeping my voice low.

There was a ‘plop’ as Rae dropped her spoon right into her bowl of soup. “What?” she hissed, her voice full of shock and excitement. “Well, it’s about damn time. When did this happen?”

“Just now,” I squeaked, finding I was having a hard time breathing. Rae got me a glass and filled it with water, passing it to me. I gulped it down.

“And…what? What happened after that?” she asked.

“Nothing, I ran out of the room,” I said in embarrassment, resting my head on the table.

“You just left? Cassie,” she groaned, fishing her spoon out of her soup, “you are quite the enigma, I’ll give you that.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” I said with a roll of my eyes.

The next month was spent avoiding Fred as much as physically possible. You could imagine that would be quite difficult, working and living in the same place and all, and it was. I was embarrassed and confused, though I had enjoyed the kiss to be perfectly honest. As the holidays grew closer, business at the shop picked up more than ever before, and it was a welcome distraction. Items flew off the shelves at record speed, Rae and I were working ourselves to exhaustion and had to avoid being trampled by herds of witches and wizards.

On Christmas Eve morning the shop was closed, and the four of us put on warm sweaters and traveled to the Burrow. When we got there, about a foot of snow was on the ground and once we’d tramped through it to the front door Mrs. Weasley ushered us inside. The Burrow was already fairly packed with people; with the four of us, there were Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Harry, Ron, Ginny, Hermione, Remus and Tonks, along with Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour, who were happily engaged, much to Mrs. Weasley’s displeasure. We spent the night there, and on Christmas morning I woke up to find my parents waiting for me downstairs. The entire day was spent exchanging gifts, eating our weight in delicious food and catching up with our loved ones.

At one point I overheard a conversation Mrs. Weasley was having with Mr. Weasley about Fleur, and how she wished Bill would marry someone like Tonks instead. There was even a visit from Percy, which almost caused his mother to faint from shock. Fred and George were not happy to see him, and the visit ended in Mrs. Weasley crying and begging for Percy to stay while he bitterly stormed out the front door. Overall it’d been an interesting holiday, and Mrs. Weasley was nearly in tears again when we had to go back home the next day, stuffing our arms with leftovers and kissing our cheeks repeatedly.

December soon turned into January, and I was surprised to see how fast the time was going. Business at the shop started to slow down again as students went back to school. Rae went away for about a week to visit her parents, who were actually home for once and they wanted to see their only child. Her absence left me with not much to do, and I ended up spending much of my time with George, as I was still keeping my distance from Fred.

“I hope she’s having an alright time,” George commented one afternoon. We were both sitting on the roof of our flat that overlooked Diagon Alley, wrapped up tightly in our coats and scarves. It’d begun to snow lightly.

We'd been talking about Rae. “I do, too,” I sighed, crossing my legs. “I know how her relationship with her parents is, so I doubt she even really wanted to go.”

“She didn’t,” he laughed, “but speaking of relationships, if you don’t mind me asking, what the hell is going on between you and Freddie?”

I felt my heart sink into my stomach and I leaned back on my hands. “I don’t know,” I said truthfully.

“He really cares about you, y’know,” he said, turning to look at me. “I think he always did, deep down somewhere that he kept hidden away.”

“I know,” I said quietly. The wind picked up and ruffled my blonde hair, which had grown down past my chest. “I just – I don’t know if I have any room for it, I’m always thinking about my parents and Devon and how concerned I am that their safety might become compromised, and – and what I’d do if something happened to any of you or your family, because you know you’re all my family too. And for fuck’s sake, I want this war to just end already. I don’t wanna have to look through obituaries on a daily basis and hope, really hope that I don’t recognize any of the names. I want my family to be back together, I want to not have to worry about going out in public, I want the members of the Order to not have to basically live in hiding...I just want all this shit to end, George. When the opportunity presents itself again, I’m going to kill as many Death Eaters as I possibly can, even if I don’t make it – I’ll take them all down with me.” I’d practically exploded, the words flying out of my mouth before I could stop myself.

George didn't say anything right away, but I knew he felt similarly. I took a moment to catch my breath, looking above us to watch the flurries float gracefully downward.

"I'm sorry," I said sincerely, "I don't mean to throw all of that on you, but all of this has been building up and I haven't allowed myself to let it out."

George gave me a half smile, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Cass, do you know why Fred and I opened the joke shop?”

I felt like this was a strange question to be asking me, but I answered it anyway. “Because you and Fred find great pleasure in wreaking havoc and wish to share that joy with other people?”

He laughed. “Almost, but not quite. During times of war, there tend to be fewer laughs and nobody really sees the joy in anything anymore. Fred and I really steamrolled the idea to have a shop forward when You-Know-Who returned, because people really need laughs and smiles nowadays.”

“Alright,” I said slowly,” but what’s that got to do with any of this?”

George cleared his throat. “Well, the same thing could be said about my relationship with Rae. She’s…sort of like the light coming through the fog for me. I could try to deny myself the happiness, I could tell myself she’d be safer away from me and the Order, but I know that wouldn’t stop the war, nor would it stop how I feel about her. So we have to make the best of the situation, and even though there are all these horrible things happening around us, at the end of the day we have each other, and that’s all that really matters.” He took a deep breath. “What I’m trying to say is, don’t deny yourself joy, not when you deserve to be happy and especially not when you need that joy the most. Yes, your family isn’t here, we’re all in constant danger and the enemy has an army of growing numbers, but my brother really cares about you and it’s times such as these that we need that love the most.”

I looked at George incredulously, the warm feeling I felt in my heart outweighing the icy cold I felt outside my body. I rested my head on his shoulder, letting out a thick sigh; my breath appeared as a cloud in front of me. “George, when did you grow up?”

He let out a light laugh. “I dunno, probably around the time Rae kissed me senseless in the Room of Requirement."

"You know, as cute as that was, it was also pretty damn hilarious," I commented offhandedly. "I've never seen you look so surprised about anything before. She might as well have punched you in the face and I'm pretty sure you would've reacted the same."

"Oi," he shot back, slightly offended, "give me some more credit than that. You make it sound as though I have the reactions of a houseplant."

The image of George as a shrub came to mind and I snorted with laughter, clutching my sides.

"I'm glad you think that's funny," he said, feigning bitterness, "at least I didn't run away when someone kissed me, unlike another person I know."

I stared at him with my mouth wide open, a noise of shock emitting from my throat. "George Weasley, if we weren't perched on a sketchy rooftop I would fight you right now."